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Upwards of 80% newly-diagnosed PLHIVs (People Living With HIV) are males who have sex with males (MSMs). People Like Us. Simply, us. Why?

Is it because we are having too much sex? Because we are going against nature, and nature’s way of telling us to back off is to terminate our kind by spraying us off with HIV?

Some give more rational reasons, the most plausible I’ve heard of is about stigma. But is this it, really? I have a different view.

I think many of us, because we were born this way, as were gradually gaining consciousness through our formative years, build on a sense of innate brokenness — we grow up and as we look within our families, we see we are different. We are not like ate, kuya, we are not like mom, much less like dad. We grow up alone, detached, and yet we learned how to adjust somehow, to normalize things externally. We do good in school, and many of us even finish with flying, scintillating colors. We do many, many good, if not great, things, and we are accepted, we get to belong, somehow.

But deep inside, we have left that innate brokenness unaddressed — hidden behind the shadows of bright accomplishments (or in some cases, the exact opposite). This innate brokenness eventually expresses itself in our carelessness with ourselves, our thirst for things despite the high risks involved. The gym became the sanctuary of many to achieve bodily perfection, something that somehow–but not quite–replaces the innate brokenness. Every trick, every “take-home” is a trophy to be offered to that internal god that constantly demands for external approval. “I had sex with that good looking guy, therefore I am desirable and attractive, right?” Splurging on high-ticket expenses– that red sports car, that penthouse loft, that Php13M piece of furniture–all to appease that sneaky feeling that one is not enough, so such expense, or the status symbol it actually buys, would compensate.

The reason for the concentrated HIV epidemic among MSMs is not too much sex — it is in the why of that sex. It is in the reasons why it seems okay not to take care of one’s self.

We will not solve HIV with just condoms, lubes, and testing till kingdom come. We need to start digging into ourselves, and ask difficult questions. Those that would cause us to reexamine how we really look at ourselves, how really have we embraced and accepted who we are as a human being with no innate crack or brokenness, just because we’re different. Dig deeper and you will meet a child–perhaps your 5-year-old self–and when you finally do, ask him what would make things better today. This is the HIV silver bullet.

milk-sexyMigz,

Natuklasan ko lang ang blog mo Migz by accident.. At simula noon isa na ako sa mga loyal fans mo… hahahaha..

Itago mo na lang ako sa pangalang “Chokie” 32 years old. Nagtatrabaho dito sa isa mga US Military base dito sa Afghanistan.. Nagsimula ang storyang ito just recently..

Tulad ng karamihan dinanas ko rin ang pangungutya dahil sa aking kasarian. Bata pa lang ako nakikitaan na ako ng aking magulang, kapatid at mga pinsan na kakaiba ako. Noong una naging mahigpit sila hanggan sa ako’y nagtapos sa kolehiyo. At sa pagkakataong iyon, pinayuhan ako ng aking tiyahin na kung talagang di na mababago ang aking pagkatao sinabi na lang niya na dapat kaya kong panindigan ang aking piniling buhay basta nandiyan lang sila na handang gumabay at sumuporta sa akin. Oo masasabi kung open ako sa lahat na bakla ako at di ko kinakahiya sa harap ng karamihan pero hindi naman ako yung naglalandi sa publiko, simple lang akong kumilos.

Sa edad kong ito di ko pa naranasang magkaroon ng BF o serious relationship sa lalaki, kahit halos ipagnovena ko na para lang mapagbigyan ang aking hiling… hahahahah :)

Marami na akong napupusuan na lalaki at sa panahon na feeling ko ay mapupunta na sa pagiging OK ang lahat meron nangyayaring di maganda kaya ending NGANGA ako palagi puro hanging ang ending di natutuloy.

At ito na naman ako I’ve meet this guy here in my workplace, magka opisina kami dito. Itago natin sa pangalang MR, 28 years old.

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Sweet pa rin ang peg kahit sizzling shirtless na! Hi, Tom!

Hey Migs,

I stumbled on your blog a few minutes ago and read some of the stories. Seems like everybody’s really nice and all. Anyways, I’m J and i was kinda wanting to talk about stuff. I’m seeing someone now but somehow I always end up watching a movie alone or spending the more the usual “me time” at the mall. He’s almost always busy and truth be told, I’ve given up on trying to spend my extra time looking for ways to see him. Yeah, the relationship is dying, dead to be exact (it has been for a long time) and I know we ought to move on. But how do i do that? I don’t have a lot of friends that i can talk to about this and i dont want to spend my days sulking at the corner while everybody else is happy and all very well to do.

Help.

- J

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Paulo Avelino

 And sleep
Perchance to dream
So I can see the face I long to touch
To kiss
But only dreams can bring me this

So let the moon
Shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams
He’ll dream of me

[Dream of Me, Kirsten Dunst]

Hello MGG! I really like your blog, especially the stories shared by other PLUs. I’d like to share my story as well. Please leave some comments or advice please. :)

I’m Vince (not my real name), ngayon i’m on my third year sa civil engineering, in one of the big 4 universities in the country. I’m a discreet bisexual, I like girls, but I like boys as well. So June of last year, namili na kami ng bagong sections para sa junior year namin. And since majoring year na, mas focused na sa civil eng’g yung courses and may mga bago nanaman akong naging classmates. So after encoding of sections, uso yung sasali ka sa groups ng section mo, and yun na nga, I ended up in the first section and nakita ko sa facebook group yung mga bago naming kaklase.
There is this one guy who captured my attention. He’s cute sa DP niya, medyo naging crush at first sight ko siya. Let’s call him Chris. I stalked his profile right away kaso protected yung profile dahil hindi pa kami friends. I thought about sending a friend request kaso nahiya ako and baka mag-mukha akong feeling close. Kaya inantay ko na lang yung first day, para maconfirm kung cute nga ba siya sa personal (ang landi).
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First day of classes came and nagcheck na ng attendance ang first period professor namin. Unfortunately, absent siya. Pumasok siya after 1 week, and medyo di ko siya gaanong napapansin kasi I have my own set friends, and he has his own. Fast forward to August, merong event yung civil engineering department, and bawat sections kelangan mag perform sa program na iyon. 2 weeks of practice, pareho kaming kasali sa dancers, and there dun na kami nagsimula mag-usap, small chats lang naman. Inaasar siya sa isa naming classmate, kasi balita na crush daw siya non, and pati ako actually iniissue din dun sa girl. Pareho lang kaming naaasar na natatawa sa mga iniissue samin, because to tell you the truth, nakakainis yung babae and napaka epal.
Late part na ng sem ko siya talaga naging kaclose and eventually naging part na siya ng barkada ko. Fast forward again to this sem, dito na kami naging super as in super close. And sa totoo lang crush na crush ko na talaga siya. 

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discreet

Would you like to meet discreet guys like yourself, this sizzling summer of 2014? A gathering is currently brewing. If you want to be invited, register by clicking here.

*definition above provided by Google. Do you agree?

In the yonder days of past, people salivated on good looking movie celebrities; then came the age of “models”; now, people hanker after a new breed of individuals: the ordinary townsfolk! (In Tagalog, mga taumbayan.)

Proof:
townsfolk

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I have this friend, hes’ a priest. And still is a priest.

Recently, he shared with me that on the day of his ordination, he had a boyfriend, a then-fellow seminarian. He continued to relate how they were, as lovers, and as brothers in the faith, as future leaders of their Catholic community, and as gay men loving each other. While many others may raise their eyebrows, I felt nothing but–how should I call it?–love for them.

Months after his ordination, the boyfriend just vanished, not literally, but he just disappeared from his life. Did not answer calls, no messages, no nothing. Perhaps the guy was thinking that since my friend has been ordained, it would serve them best not to continue on with their relationship. And maybe the guy is right. Now, my friend is a very good and upright priest. He knows he is gay, and he is open about it. He says he has been practicing his vows (most notably celibacy) and has not broken any of them since his ordination.

Gay, celibate, priest, and a good human being. Those words can mix in one sentence, as it can be in one person. I bless you, Father.

beki boxerMore Alwyn Uytingco.