09
I love you, straight friend
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Here’s another true-to-life story I read in a forum. So heart-wrenching. Another gay man falling in love with a straight guy. The thing with this story is, the straight guy apparently loved the gay man back. Thanks to Bucky23 (in the pic above) for the story.
Way back in college, ka-group ko siya sa subject namin na Systems Analysis and Design. Yes I do admit that I’m attracted to him since he’s the one of the lesser few sa school na drop-dead gorgeous. We were four in the group na all-male, ako ang leader, I do the technical stuff as in magbaklas ng PC, mag-construct ng software, basta halos lahat ng technical ako gumagawa. Siya naman, tinuturuan ko. Lahat ng alam ko itinuturo ko sa kanya. During that time, wala akong inaaksayang panahon sa pag-aaral ng bagong technology because I hated my ex-girlfriend so much dahil pinalaglag niya anak namin, parang deviation ko ang pag-aaral that time. Siya naman nun, meron girlfriend, after a year they broke up. Sobrang bait nitong guy na sinasabi ko, madalas noon walang wala ako siya sumasagot ng lahat kahit pati pamasahe ko. Sinasabi ko nga “diyahe naman pare pati pamasahe ko sagot mo pa”. He just replies back with a smile at sinasabi “ok lang yan.” We seldom talk talaga. Tahimik kasi kami pareho.
I didn’t notice that time passes by so quickly na isang taon na rin pala kami magkakilala, parati kami magkasama sa lahat ng lakad sa school, madalas kami uminom at mag-videoke with the other two sa group kapag may overnight sa bahay nila. Kilala na ako ng pamilya niya, at yung nanay niya gusto talaga ako kasi nga daw naiiwas sa masamang bisyo ang anak niya. He even liked me more kapag kumakanta ako…honestly, yes I do sing well, kaya siguro nagustuhan niya ako mahilig kasi siya sa mga songs eh, nasabi ko na nagustuhan niya because while I’m singing, he looks straight at me in the eyes — hindi man lang kumukurap.
Yung isa ko namang bestfriend na straight, began to notice na close kami nitong sinasabi ko. Nagduda pa sya na may relasyon kami, one time kasi nagkasakit ako, dinalhan niya ako ng donuts. I remember pa dati, I bought coke na malamig eh madalas ako magkasakit sa tonsils, pinalitan niya ng hindi malamig…nagtabi pala siya sa bag niya. Sobrang sweet niya kaya unti unti nahuhulog ang loob ko sa kanya.. it was different…God I swear the feeling was so different…like there are butterflies in your stomach. Still I can’t entertain the fact that I’m falling in love with a guy…
One night, sa overnight namin, kaming dalawa lang ang magkasama..nagkatamaran, uminom, nag-videoke, nagkalasingan. Shared the same bed. mga 3am na yata we both woke up na magkaharap pala kami facing each other’s faces at nakayakap pala ako sa kanya. Sh!t talaga, that was my most memorable night, it was so embarassing yet so exciting. I tried to kiss him, he resisted a little pero dumating rin sa punto na gumaganti na rin siya. We kissed till the morning light. After this incident, nasundan pa ng maraming beses, at may aktwal na sexual activity which I will not mention here because I thnk that would be too much sana maintindihan ng iba dito.
So nanatili ang “sekreto” namin for 3 years, hindi namin pinagusapan na kami or whatever…just enjoyed every moment that were together. we never exchanged “I love you”s neither. Until one day her gf got pregnant and he has to take responsibility by marrying the girl. The night before his wedding, he called me up, inuman daw, sabi ko okay pupunta ako. But I never went to him para makipaginuman. So he called me sa cell, and it was the most disastrous phone conversation I ever had. I said “You have wife and kids, i don’t want to meddle with your family affairs, just let us be like this na lang. I’ll be ok dont worry about me.” He asked “Paano tayo?” And I answered back “Wala namang ‘tayo’ eh. Wala tayong pinag-usapang ganyan. Malinaw na dapat magkanya-kanya na tayo.” Dun nag-end ang usapan namin. Ang ikli lang ng paguusap namin pero parang ang tagal….i can’t describe it guys…i was so torn apart pero hnd tumulo ang luha ko kahit isang patak. During his wedding I was lying on the floor and keep on cursing him and myself, while punching the glass door sa opisina namin (stay in ako noon sa opisina kasi may kuwarto ako sarili dun eh). I dont know how much tears I’ve spent for him because of rage, despair, frustration, pati panghihinayang na kaya pa namin ituloy kung tutuusin…pero ayoko lang because of my pride, because I’M A MAN because of fear! I quit school after this incident, for eight months, I was single, and focused on work. I am extremely devastated, I felt betrayed by my own self, i felt like a hypocrite.
So you can understand siguro if I cry over some movie like Brokeback Mountain. One of my bi friends find it silly kasi ng sinabi ko sa kanya na umiyak ako because of that movie. One thing that hurted me most sa movie kasi is, until the very end..they never got the chance to say “I love you”…
(Story and photo by Bucky23)
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this is soooo true
jase at Oct 9, 06 at 1:47 pm
i was crying while reading this post. Im in a very simillar situation though it hasn’t come to the part where we have to separate ways. It is so difficult…. we love each other so much and his parents are forcing him to get married. Im a pinoy living in Sri lanka btw, and my boyfriend is a straight sri lanka guy. anyways hope things work out. Great blog by the way, keep up the good job!
saidomar at Oct 10, 06 at 10:39 am
i feel for you, saidomar. haaaay. hang in there, friend. my wish is that you get through this phase, and come out a victor.
Migs at Oct 10, 06 at 10:54 am
i would be lying kung sabihin ko hindi ako naiyak. I’m in the same situation right now and pakiramdam ko para akong basag na baso, durog durog.
howard at Oct 17, 06 at 10:56 pm
that’s a teary story… i hope you will find the man in your life soon…
eds at Oct 25, 06 at 3:05 pm
im sorry to hear that bucky23..wish you well dude..sana maging happy ka uli..hinde pa tapos ang laban theres a lot of good things ahead of you..youre future is so bright..be happy ok
mark at Dec 28, 06 at 7:10 am
tears…..
johnny at Jan 23, 07 at 3:09 pm
Do you really have to say or hear “I love you” when you two have been showing that to each other?
Actions speak louder than words.
But nga, may nagmahal sa ‘yo. Hehe mas mahirap ang magmahal at hindi masuklian iyon. Pero ibang kwento na yun.
john_aspen at Apr 7, 07 at 2:03 am
huhuhuhuhuhu! manong padeliver ng towel di keri ang hanky!
mouthworxz at Aug 25, 07 at 3:33 pm
this got me thinking, do we rili have to say and hear, “i love you” to the one we love? i hate it when i ask my bf if he loves me. i mean, we’re in this relationship since 5 years ago. we did have our own rough times in the past, pero, kmi pa rin ngayon.
mark erik at Nov 30, 07 at 2:17 am
awww…..that is so heart-wrenching!
i fell inlove with a guy before who was married because aside from the fact that we shared intimate moments, he was really nice and sweet to me but i eventually let go because i kinda knew that i will always be talo on this sitch!
anyhoo…im happy nanaman now with my partner so i suggest you just go and look for a single guy who can make the pain go away.=D
fratboi02 at Dec 1, 07 at 11:09 am
I am very touched with this story. wow may ganito pala na story,, parang pang brokeback mountain.. ganda naman… so sweet…i love brokeback mountain.. I used to watch it every time i feel boring and emo. cos i feel the content and the script so amazing. and i love ur story dude.. sana magkaroon din ako ng ganyan na story kakaingit naman oh
JRE of cebu at Dec 15, 07 at 10:46 am
i read the story and i’m glad na nacliclick ko ung mga links na ganito.
thanks migz!
anyways,
medyo nalungkot ako sa story niya.
how was the other guy doing na kaya? @_@
SantaMonica at Dec 19, 07 at 8:33 am
oh my,, naka iyak ako… I had a story also… please read…
way back.. there is this officemate, straight one, at first we weren’t that close but one day he had an accident.. broken a leg and been resting for 6 months. Upon recovery, just so happen we slowly got close.. When he was already working i was the one who continuously orient him about the work change and updates and his constant company when he felt like going to the malls or functions.
We became best of friends, he wasn’t hesitant about me though i am gay and very out. I never see myself got attracted to him because what we had were like brotherly love…
Our closeness brought us to different places, we both like going out of town and every after work we spend dinner together..
It comes to a point that his girlfriend got jealous.. I didnt mind that because i thought i knew i had no feelings for him..
Months passed…. he got married and had a child.. I was happy for him and never really though of missing him because i am certain that he’ll be spending much more time with me than his wife because of our work.. I am a very happy person and i like to flirt jokingly with our office mates.. its ok for me to kiss them and hug them specially this guy. Then one day… i got my visa from UAE…
There and then… everything came to me like a bomb…
During my last days with that company all i could think of was him.. there i realized that he was very handsome, moreno, well toned body, complete set of glittering teeth, i already miss smelling him, hugging him, kissing him on the cheeks…. ON MY NOW I KNOW IM IN LOVE>>>..
I was too blind to see that the one I truly love was sitting between my eyes…
I hated myself for being to late to realized it… When i arrived at UAE… i had a txt from him… and it says… Jun, if only you look at me differently….. I love you very much…
I almost committed suicide.. I called him and said I love you too… but to be with him means destroying his family and betraying my kumare ( his wife )..
….
ranma at Dec 20, 07 at 8:20 pm
shiit naman….bakit sadyang kay lupit ng mundong ito sa mga katulad natin?…hindi naman natin hangad na saktan ang kahit na sinuman, ngunit, bakit tayo ang lubusang nasasaktan higit sa lahat?….bakit hindi man lang tayo pagbigyan ng tadhana?…ganoon na ba tayo kababa sa tingin ng tao?….bakit hindi tayo lubusang makalaya mula sa hawla ng katotohanan?…:(
serge at Dec 20, 07 at 10:09 pm
Serge, I love your comment it is very rhetorical.
Very artistic!!! Chat mode ako I’m sorry
baklamancutedin@yahoo.co.uk at Jan 4, 08 at 10:25 am
hehehe….salamat sa iyong tugon…nyahaay, kinareer kaagad…hehehe…. salamat sa comment baklamancutedin!…:)
serge at Jan 5, 08 at 10:07 pm
hayyyy…….!!!! sarap na sana ng love story mo kaso naiwan pa sa ere. Don’t worry dude maybe he’s not the right one 4 u just go out and have fun! Life must go on and who knows you will find someone even more than the one u love before…
mtguy_94 at Jan 6, 08 at 5:01 pm
so who’s bucky23 and what’s his connection to the story? hmmm.
fred at Jan 20, 08 at 9:42 am
do we really need to say”i love you”? ok lang sana kung totoo.Well we have similar stories.Needless to say,life must go on…pick up the pieces…move on.Mas masarap pa rin ang patuloy na magmahal.Ganyan kasi tayo…we never stop loving.
einstein at Jan 21, 08 at 4:20 am
ai…im too sad…
NARUTO at Jan 21, 08 at 4:18 pm
hope i could have that courage to fight
NARUTO at Jan 21, 08 at 4:19 pm
It was said that in a lifetime you will experience two great love. If it is just your first, don’t worry, another one is still to come.
chinitoboy at Jan 21, 08 at 6:56 pm
chinitoboy, bakit “two” great love lang…..wla man lng bang 3, or 4, or maybe multiple….mas maligaya kaya yun….
…
…
…harharhar…..joke lng poh!!! hehehe….:)
serge at Feb 3, 08 at 6:11 pm
ganda! Pwamis! hehehehe.. Ang sarap ng feeling! ang ganda ng story pang maalaala mo kaya! Ehehehehe.. Ok lang yun. Madami pa dyan!
Rain",) at Feb 4, 08 at 5:12 pm
you did the right thing bro, it hurt a lot but you thought first of his family, his child. may mga what ifs? but the point is you loved fairly and that’s all that matters
paolo at Mar 17, 08 at 7:48 pm
hmmmmmmm…. aba teka eh kakatapos ko lang mag defense nung monday with the same subject na nabanggit… “systems analysis and design” sysdes for short… at parang may similarities yan sa mga nangyari sakin while making the thesis…. ano to dejavu?!?!? wahahaha!!! kakaloka!!! promise i’m telling the truth!!!
jazzie1906 at Mar 26, 08 at 2:33 am
sad…
chorva queen at Mar 30, 08 at 4:47 am
Bucky23
Too bad you werent able to tell him how you feel
But its never too late
Try to find him. Baka naman all this time (kahit 2 years na) he still is waiting for you
Pareho kayo nasaktan sa nangyari. It would be best to look for him and talk out the situation. Para nde masakit on both ur part!
fatboyslim at Apr 4, 08 at 6:53 pm
Parang kwento ko!
Drin at Apr 10, 08 at 1:48 pm
wow….i’m speechless… dapat at least naging friends man lang kayo para mas bongga… sayang naman yung sekreto nyo kung di na kayo friends.. may chance ka pa naman… unlike sa B.Mountain, tigok… sya buhay pa… go neng… dahil it will haunt you everyday…
kalachuchi at Apr 11, 08 at 11:39 am
Shet its so brokeback mountain!!! napa ka heart wrenching nung sinabi nung guy na “paano tayo?” anu ber
rommel at May 8, 08 at 2:40 am
wow man! dat was really somethin1 you made the ryt choice though! dont worry time heal all wounds they say.
nash at May 9, 08 at 11:26 pm
there are a lot more stories, so heart wrenching such as this…..i agree u dont have to say i luv u to luv. actions are loudest banter that anyone can pick up, especially the heart. ive been in a very similar situation but i guess its heaven’s call. to this day, i am a close friend to this straight guy….and seen him pass chapters in his life…best man in his wedding and godfather to not one but all 3 kids of him. i still luv him…but silently in my heart. will continue to do so till this heart expires.tnx for reading on…god bless us !
markey1427 at May 13, 08 at 7:44 am
i hate this part…
Paano tayo? And I answered back Wala namang tayo eh. Wala tayong pinag-usapang ganyan. Malinaw na dapat magkanya-kanya na tayo.
soulseeker at Jun 8, 08 at 2:25 pm
so sad… its so hard to let go of someone who became part of our life… make it in an unexpected relationship or not…
checwaaddict at Jul 11, 08 at 8:59 pm
all I can say is, hugs man. Hope you find yourself again, and in that instant find him in your eyes again smiling and loving you as well
my yellow shirt questioned at Aug 11, 08 at 4:46 pm
ai so nice ng story and so touching as in…ai un ung maskit na fall ka na pla and u ddnt even know what lies ahead of it..cguro kung sa kin nangyari un i dunno….ai naku love nga tlaga….well hope frnd..nakarecover kana dstym…well better luck next tym….im here for u….
ef at Aug 28, 08 at 10:58 am
I feel for you.. ako rin naranasan ko rin yan… I never had a chance to say mahal ko sya kahit andaming pagkakataon na pwede ko sabihin. Sabi nila duwag ako, sabi ko naman, ayaw ko lng masira yung friendship namin. Pero sana nagtake ako ng risk. Ngayon nasa US na sya. Wala na talaga..
bishonen at Sep 2, 08 at 8:59 am
Alam mo Bucky, I can understand the feeling. I have this straight bestfriend of mine na close talaga kami, he already married and with one daughter. Alam ng bestfriend ko na may feelings ako sa kanya dahil I let him know. we still see each other at close pa rin kami. Nothing still happened dahil I don’t insist myself pero ang hirap dahil habang lao kaming nagkakasama sa gimikan lalo ko siyang minamahal. Sabi ko sa kanya, “Bestfriend, ang hirap pala pag in love ka sa bestfriend mo.” Hindi ka nag-iisa Bro. Keep it up and enjoy – Life is beautiful still and it has a lot of good things to offer.
Ernest at Sep 4, 08 at 8:58 am
i was so touched with this story…just live life to the fullest dude…love u!
hanss at Nov 4, 08 at 4:16 pm
naiyak naman ako sa story mo…parang na feel ko yon ha!!! ok lang yon at least naging part ka sa chapter ng buhay nya…life must go on..malay mo baka may next time uli…
Yul at Dec 26, 08 at 8:23 pm
wow… i never realized that this things can really happen… how i wish i had the strength to kiss a man… how i wish it could also happen to me… but then again, i am really scared… scared of what i might become… damn…
ArdeN at Jan 8, 09 at 1:24 am
I guess IT/CS Student (when he was in college) ang author..
Well just to share,
Parang ganun din ata ako. I do all technical works during CS/IT subjects namin pag grouping.
Sa akin naman ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ako
I am attacted with girls also with guys..
Hay, I experienced this “kalibugan” thing.
When my classmate ask me about the code (Programming class kasi namin) lumapit siya sa akin then masyadong lapit na lapit sa akin eh. Nakaupo ako tapos naramdaman ko yung ano d**k niya. Buti nalang he is the hottest guy around in the room.
louise at Feb 15, 09 at 6:33 pm
sad bucky…. and dude, i feel your sadness and pain but you know what? your story made me change the love aspect of my life. (can’t go further details) but believed me and thank you for making me lived my life full of faith, hope, and LOVE. I’ve got so much love to give but no one or I’ve never experience/feel being love by anyone…(now that’s sad). Thanks MGG and Bucky, i wish you all the best in life.
ROGER from
Los Angeles, CA. USA
ROGER SISON at Mar 16, 09 at 10:49 am
outch..mdyo nakakrelate ako.
bhadz823 at Apr 21, 09 at 3:19 pm
swerte ka pa rin. you were given the chance to experience life’s most intimate moments you would never forget.
jiles at May 19, 09 at 2:33 pm
u know what,maswerte ka parin bcoz u experienced dat “thing”.ako nga eh, di nakaranas ng love but di na ako aasa pa…….IMPOSIBLE talaga ang lahat
therdy_flyongcolors at Aug 9, 09 at 1:07 am
I had the same experience dati… i was involved in 3 straight guys (xempre sa magkakaibang panahon ito hehehe)… it started with friendship then it got deeper…ung isa, love at 1st sight pero un 2 nadevelop lang din… pero sad to say ung mga katulad natin, in the end, laging nagsusuffer… Straight is straight.. they will always pick the girl sa huli… xempre he’ll think of his future and what others might say din…i completely understand that. I’ll do the same if I were on their position. Life is unfair, let’s face it.. but it’s the unfairness that makes us whole, wiser and stronger…
I was hurt when we broke up ofcourse, but now, when I look back, may mga regrets pa din, pero when looking at all the good things I have now, it’s worth it naman… at xempre nakakaloka pa din kapag nakakachat at nakakatext ko sila every once in a while..
i remember ung isa nagkita kami nung birthday ko, he hugged me so tight super talaga akong nagmelt ng todong todo pero xempre di ko pinahalata.. di na kasi pwede.. i think he still feels the same way pero ako ang dumidistansya.. ayoko makasakit ng iba..
Ang sinasabi ko nalang parati ay atleast, yung mga minahal ko, minahal din ako ng bonggang bongga.. As in crazy inlove sila saken ever! We had alot of memories at masaya na ako doon.. If someone comes in the future, i’ll just cherish it and i’m always open to the possibility mapa sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare man yan! Kalerki! hehehe!
Carlo at Aug 29, 09 at 6:02 pm
great story..so true..i just hope in the future..happy endings will not only for heterosexual couples..pati n din satin..
ian at Nov 1, 09 at 1:45 am
i felt mixed emotions while reading it- sad because of how it ended, thrilled- of how they got involved on things like that (I could recount some things that happened to me too), frustrated-thinking if I were in the same situation, I’d never give it up.
mikee21 at Nov 2, 09 at 11:01 pm
tseeh!!!!
ian zandro at Nov 6, 09 at 5:30 am
sounds familiar. haha. I feel your pain.
Jek at Nov 13, 09 at 12:55 pm
haaay..mga P.N.A.N.M.O.A hahahahaha
James at Dec 28, 09 at 11:14 am
better quit,….
bob27 at Dec 28, 09 at 12:39 pm
nakakalungkot. . . ang sakit naman nun. . .
â˘alchemist⢠at Dec 28, 09 at 1:47 pm
tga INFORMATICS ka diba dati? my ganyang subjct din aq ngaun eh
mat-mat at Jan 15, 10 at 9:45 am
37.Very seldom I comment on subjects here at MGG. But I really can relate on the topic and to those who commented because this happened to me twice already. The first was was around 2 years ago to a barkada where we work in the same company. We were so close and we hang out all the time dahil pinagkakatiwalaan niya talaga ako at hingahan ng sama ng loob. Itâs really hard to tell him how I feel for him, until one day he asked me to download song to his hard disk, that gave me a chance to compose a letter to tell how I feel so he can read it. Though he became aware of how I feel about him, he still became nice to me. Until he resigned and we lost communication dahil âyung work place namin eh nasa ibang bansa because we were working in a cruise ship. Currently, I met a straight a 27 year old guy November 2009, who works in an international firm in Global City, couple of weeks of friendship, I never thought that he would allow me into his heart. We go out together, go to beach overnight, watch movie, even I sleep in his house. Mag-isa lang siya sa house dahil sa may kanya-kanya na silang pamilya magkakapatid. Two hours would not be enough for us the phone. The trouble of having straight BF, he cannot do what PLUs can do to a guy in bed, hahaha. Anyway, at the end of the day, masarap na may nag-a-Iove you sa iyo sa phone at nagsasabing,âI miss you dad, where can I see again?,âCan we go out this weekendâ. Hay, kakaloka talaga pag puso na ang tumibok, hahamakin lahat masunod ka lamang.
Cruiser Dude at Mar 1, 10 at 12:50 am