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candle to perfidy A week ago, sometime around midnight, I was driving along Roxas Boulevard with my friends, and while I forget the topic of our animated, energetic conversation that time, I remember I was searching for this word in my mind. Nasa dulo ng dila ko. It escaped me at that moment, and I thought it was the most appropriate word to use for whatever my friends and I were talking about. Now I remember it: Perfidy.

Perfidy [pur-fi-dee]: (noun) deliberate breach of faith or trust; faithlessness; treachery.

Today it suddenly struck me again, and this time, I remembered the word. Not only do I remember the word but I remember the concept. I lived it several years ago. That time I had a partner and he was my first. It started out pretty well, until I did some naughty things.

I started sneaking to my computer and chatted away in user-created chatrooms of Yahoo Messenger. I started staying late at night, glued on that local cable TV chat channel that showed personal ads — mostly bi/discreet men looking for the same. I was successful in hooking up with, not one, but several guys who I really liked — all while I was still “on” with my partner then. I did almost every imaginable act of infidelity — I went on EBs (meet ups), SEBs (sexual meetups), even SOPs. One other thing, and I think this tops all else, I did his straight bestfriend — ehem, I botto**d his “straight” bestfriend. My partner trusted me, but behind his back I did what I did. Everything I did was deliberate, even cold-blooded. Perfidy in its purest form. We did split up eventually.

male_sketch.jpg Now, with the benefit of hindsight I analyze why I did those abominable acts. A major reason I would suppose is a natural playfulness in me, and a certain phase in my life that made me want to explore what the gay landscape had to offer. No, this is not justifying those acts — those acts were wrong, I totally admit it — but with this, I’m really just trying to understand and analyze where I was coming from at that time.

Tonight, consistent with the Filipino tradition of lighting a candle in honor of their departed ones, I light a candle to Perfidy. I believe that even gay men can be faithful. That even we, mostly depicted as sex-hungry creatures, who would suck on a straight cock any time of the day, any chance we get even while in relationships, are capable of being faithful to our partners. I light a candle to Perfidy, because while I have already buried him many feet underground some years ago, I honor the lessons I have learned from him.

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Comments (6)

  1. Migs said on 02-11-2006

    mcvie – that’s a good topic when we finally get to meet for coffee conversation! i’ll bring along a friend G., he is also a prolific blogger.

  2. mcvie said on 02-11-2006

    I did his straight bestfriend รขโ‚ฌโ€ ehem, I botto**d his “straight” bestfriend. This, for me, tops this post–pun intended.

    So, er, how were you able to accomplish that? So this “straight” friend was just curious at that time? Oooh, do tell! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  3. Vince said on 01-11-2006

    “I believe that even gay men can be faithful. That even we, mostly depicted as sex-hungry creatures, who would suck on a straight cock any time of the day, any chance we get even while in relationships, are capable of being faithful to our partners”.

    — indeed, be faithful. being gay is not the total identity; the act of being one, that as u said, were wrong… ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. jase said on 01-11-2006

    I love this post ! Yes, a candle for PERFIDY – wherever he is !!! ๐Ÿ™‚

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