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Here’s Seth second email, with my response at the bottom. Don’t attempt to read this without going through the first email exchange. Here, Seth further details his confusion, and somehow highlights his strong preference for women, and then again saying, “ang gulo talaga.” Towards the end of his letter he reveals an event in his childhood, and asks if it may be the cause of his confusion. Read on, and feel free to share your thoughts, dear MGG readers!

– o –

Hello Migs,

thank you so much for replying..

salamat ng marami sa advice…
and yes… i will be strong..
i still have two small mouth to feed.. 🙂

opo.. i’m grateful sa kaibigan kong ito…
he’s always been there to answer my questions…
kahit medyo malabao mga sagot nya…
at wala din cya’ng idea how to describe me…
it feels good na meron ka nakakausap about it…

kaya laki pasasalamat ko rin po that i found another one to talk too…

actually… my barkada knows about this.. pero hindi lahat ng detail..
all they know is that i’ve done it with other guys..
i thought things would change pag nalaman nila.. pero instead..
they treated me more of like thier alpha male..
i somehow stand out as the leader of the pack kasi…
tingin ko nga iba sa kanila takot sakin na i might do something to them… haha.. pero ok nman cla… bilib ako sa respeto nila sakin…

you said na there’s different types of gay.. sabi nyo rin po na you think i am…
anong type ako ng gay kung ganon?

sabi nyo rin po ang sagot ko mas importante…
ewan ko pero i think im not… kasi i never fall for guys..
no offense pero i feel disgusted nga sometimes just thinking of it….
pero sabi ng gay friend ko maybe its just me trying to deny it…
sabi ko sa kanya … i don’t think so.. pero sometimes it really is confusing..
pano kung totoo.. pero parang hindi nman… haaay.. gulo talaga isip ko…

my friend tested me a lot of times… like sending me gay porn…
and honestly… wala po epekto sakin.. that’s why pati friend ko gulong gulo na din…enjoy ko pa FHM collections ko… ang gulo talaga..

i would like to share this experience i have when i was small…
wala pa po akong ibang sinasabihan nito…. hope you can keep this between us..
i’m just desperately lookin’ for an answer…. 🙁
(Note from Migs: Seth has given permission to publish this series of emails)

i was somehow abused when i was small.. di ko maalala kung ilang taon ako non…i think i was grade 1 or 2… it was my uncle…na ngaun nasa rehab na… he would kiss me vigorously.. then make me touch him… that happened a couple of times…

think this affected me psychologically…?

i know you don’t have all the answers… pero would love to hear what you think…

thank you ulit…..
was finally able to tell someone about that very bad experience….
feels really good.. feels light on the chest….

– o –

And here is my response:

Hi Seth,

Alam mo, that thing with your uncle? That happened to me too. And you know what else? Several other gay friends of mine had similar experiences too. Something in common among us (but I would say not to all gays.)

Masaya ako that you feel lighter after opening up. That’s great!

Regarding your being gay or not — alam mo, if you really think you are straight, that is no problem at all. Don’t worry about what I or others think… if you really prefer women, then that’s it. You actually do not need to label yourself.

Bottomline is, if you are not hurting anyone, then you’re OK.

Migs

– o –

Now dear MGG readers, comment away! (There is a 3rd and last installment of this email exchange which I will publish tomorrow.)

Comments (34)

  1. ivan said on 03-04-2009

    i myself had that experience when i was young. i was forced by my older cousin to give him a bj everyday!

  2. pj said on 27-03-2009

    Tama naman di naman talaga mahalaga ang sasabihin ng iba tungkol sa pagkatao mo, ang importante wala kang naagrabyado☺

  3. clemence said on 10-03-2009

    i was also sexually abused when i was in grade two by distant uncle. he asked to me to do it for him. it has come to the point when he threatened me to tell it to my family, i admit i was stupid then of not having the told it to my parents what he did. it happened 4 times. i think that’s the greatest baggage i have now.

  4. Dread said on 28-12-2008

    And yeah, ang kailangan mo is hindi lang friend kundi totoong friend na pwede mo ipagsabi yang nararamdaman mo… ONE GUY, ONE GIRL, and ONE GAY… Humingi ka ng tulong sa mga yan and I assure you na mahahanap mo ang answer sa kanila. Get there opinions, ask what is normal and what is abnormal.

  5. Dread said on 28-12-2008

    I thinks that was abnormal… 21 ka na diba? Sexual Identity Crisis is abnormal in that age… Well, that was according to some theories. Naguguluhan ka diba? You both love men and women… then youre Bisexual… and bisexuals are considered gay… There’s nothing wrong about being BI. As long as hindi ka nakakasakit ng both sexes… I think you should rest up a bit sa relationship and sex and let the time and personal experience do the talking… And siguro na nakapagtrrigger pa nyan is your peers when youre in teenager stage… kung mas gusto mo kasama ang babae and gays kaysa sa lalake, you are definitely a gay.

    Tama na only you ang makakasagot niyang question na yan… hindi kailangan pang i share ang kwento kasi dahil na coconfuse ka? Baka naman nasa DENIAL stage ka pa?

  6. Vavaboom said on 29-03-2008

    I used to lived with my BF who is now married to my female friend.He had a similar dilemna as yours and was in a confused state until we encouraged him to see a shrink. He was an abused kid and has been molested by his step Dad. It took a awhile but now he is happily married with a wonderful kid. Seek professional help it will help you find yourself and address issues that you have in the past.

  7. junell said on 10-06-2007

    i guess people should accept individualities…right?

  8. Jayson said on 26-01-2007

    omg what yellowshirt says,what has god something do with his confusion and how u to forgive the person for the sexual abuse that happen, why u have to feel sorry for that dumbass, honey sexual abuse serious shit. dont all of sudden take side of the person that did sexual abuse to him. give me a break, why has god have anything do with this anyway.if wanted to hear the bible i would rather be at church not the internet no offense. just keepin it real in here.

  9. pol said on 25-01-2007

    Hey,

    Just wanted to share something I unscrambbled inside my head. I think you are straight. I believe there is a thin line between sexuality and preference. Sexuality-wise Seth, you are straight. Sexual preference is not limited to one single preference or overdoing a single type of sexual activity. A great psychologist, Jung said about archetypes. These are our past experiences that tend to affect our present lives in one way or another. Like, habits, we do them sometimes unconsciously. Or, our opinions, we come up different opinions from one another, because we are coming from different pasts.

    Unless, wanting male most of the time and most of what you want to do than wanting females… that is a different story.

  10. teddy bear said on 25-01-2007

    WHOAAAAAAAA… the choice of the town is ALJUR…..go go go ALJUR……MABUHAY ANG MGA CHINITO, MABUHAY MGA KAPAMPANGAN, MABUHAY ANG MGA MAGAGALING KUMANTA AT SUMAYAW……GOD BLESS, ALJUR….Keep supporting aljur pls……… Go to starstruck.tv and click on his name…..thanks…muahh

  11. my yellow shirt said on 25-01-2007

    Dear Migs and Seth (though you’re not a couple hahahahaha)

    I don’t pretend to know how to answer Seth. He’s done the deed to both men and women. In our culture once a man does another man, he’s gay.

    Yet in some other cultures, a man can have sex with another man like he was having sex with sheep.

    The question is, what value does it have to you when you have sex with a man? Does it define you? To do is to be? I think therefore I am? Shobedobedo scooby doo?

    I’d like to believe I was special because I am loved (though it took a lot out of me to do so because it meant coming to terms with it with my mom, my siblings and my father most of all) and I am still part of the people I love. Besides that I feel God’s love even more. Not because I am gay, but because he looks past that.

    If as you say, you belittle gays in porn or men who come your way, what does that say about you having sex with men?

    I wish we were in the best of possible worlds, or the worst. At least then we could argue. But we aren’t, we make the best of what we’re given and sometimes make the worst of it too.

    So Seth (and Miggy!!!), you’re given a chance to love a man. Wasn’t it Jesus himself who said love one another? Love your enemy?

    So if Seth thinks that his gay uncle confused him, then forgive him. Then forgive yourself. He did this to you, and now you’re given a chance at love and peace. So you’ve got two kids, it doesn’t make any less of a man if you have kids and have men to sleep with.

    As long as there is love, we will stand.

    (Whew I think that God is great too.)

  12. Jayson said on 25-01-2007

    seth’s email really weighted both sides of issues he hes gay or bi, well thats not point i m trying to make, the point is is really realizing he attracted to men and enjoys have sex with men, and of course traumatic sexualy abuse that happen may trigger something, but trying to DENY ur own happiness for someone else’s u shouldnt do that. BElive in the UNited States , there’s gay guys who are married to a wife and eventually gets divorced because the wife find out he is gay all along, even thogh they had kids, point is they lived a doubled life. Gosh he should watched that moive “Manay Po”, Polo Ravales was asking to get married to his 6yr GF, when he has having a male relationship on the same time as his GF. and well just watch the movie u learn important lesson in life. Anyway, I used to date aguy who was married and now says hes totally Gay, okay, too ku 10 yrs to realize that u were attracted to guys, nope he said was living a double life, lies, deceit, and selfishiness, it will catch up eventually down the road. So , before seth starts making decisions, ASk yourself do u want to be happy or miserable inside that u cant live ur life? Dont let anybody answer that for u, u got to ask that yourself, and whose going to be affected with ur decisions and what consequences will happen. if u going to keep ur str8 life thats fine, but this issues with ur confusion and if ur gay or not starts melting away ur decision making and gets in a way with ur happiness, then u know u made the wrong decisions and figure out what to do , good luck takes guts to come and realize who u are , regardless u need to impress, just remember to LIVe ur LIFE!

  13. Little Fish said on 25-01-2007

    Very amusing!
    Seth, I guess, you think too much and you are making a mountain out of a mole hill.
    All I could say, Love life and embrace life, and Life will love you.

    lil fish

  14. Homie said on 25-01-2007

    Thank you kay ANTON MATON for that straightforward response…

    If I had Seth’s attention-I would tell him this “Own your body and it’s urges – you allow no one to tell you when you are hungry or thirsty or craving for something in particular to eat, right?” It’s your body, Seth – walang makakapagsabi sa iyo na “Ito si Seth – ito ang kanyang pagkatao” – ikaw lang ang makakapag-define sa sarili mo. As far as labeling is concerned – first and foremost – lalaki ka (don’t forget that) at hindi nababawasan ang pagkalalaki mo kahit na may urges kang dumarating na makipag-sex sa kapwa mo lalaki. Tanong ko – so what? Wala ka bang karapatan tumikim ng ibang “putahe”? You just have to see things in their proper perspective, Seth – sex is fun, it’s a tension reliever, it can be meaningful if you want it to be – but it’s not sacred.

  15. dude said on 25-01-2007

    i forgot my email is famericandude@yahoo.com only because we are both curios about sexuality and i have no one to talk abou it

  16. dude said on 25-01-2007

    wow and im only 15 and still feel that im straight even i also like guys damm. and i fell horny when you talk about the contest your in. if you have yahoo messenger lets chat ok.

  17. rOckY said on 25-01-2007

    I’ll never get why people get so sensitive when it comes to labels. They are what they are – a way for people to begin to understand a thing, a starting point form which one can make certain decisions but it does not fully define that thing.

    At the very least, it’s clear Seth is not straight / heterosexual. his interest in other guys (if only for the physical act) clearly shows this. I’ve never been a big believer in “straight trippers” or whatever you want to call people unwilling to give up the straight “label”

    His case generally seems bisexual to me – meaning potential interest in either gender. this is not to be confused with the common misuse of the term for discreet or straight-acting gay guys (which inevitably implies the other misnomer where gay = effeminate)

    all labels aside, it doesn’t really matter in terms of defining him entirely. he is what he is. as long as he’s happy in what he’s doing, i see no harm. the only problem here is not telling any potential girlfriends of this interest in men and keeping it a secret. the “crime” so to speak, is not his interest in homosexual activities but the mere fact he’s lying and keeping the truth from someone he may be trying to build a relationship with.

  18. euges said on 25-01-2007

    Seth,
    You are not confused . I believe you are on the last stage of your DENIAL stage as gay. If you may call it so. Most friends I met had one time in the younger days had sexual encounters, Believe me most of them said sa una nagtataka ang reaction but finally after being touch nag enjoy din naman. Karamihan sa kanila or i should say all those who claim to had been abused by their Uncle, Teacher, cousin, priest, pastor, IIsa ang napansin ko. Mga photos nila as kids,guapo as in guapo na parang babae, at ng akin hawakan ang mga kamay malambot na parang babae. Ewan ko if Migs had same observation. Malimit kasi pag nag enjoy ka sa claim mo na abused ka eh di yon na nga pinanganak ka talaga na kapuso. Basta Enjoy lang Seth. You are opening so many minds. Dami nga sa mga politiko natin sa ngayon, mga pari, artista at pastor, mga lalaki umasta, iba babaero pa image pero saan ka. Mga kapuso kapamilya mo sila. If you can make a woman and a man happy so be it. No need to find out if you are gay, Enjoy ka nalang.
    Migs and mga kapuso sino sino ba alam nyo na politiko kapuso na dapat out na ng maiboto?

  19. zizou said on 25-01-2007

    i can say i have to agree with that “abuse” thing….. happened to me too when i was small…… honestly.. i think it is a primary cause…

  20. anton maton said on 24-01-2007

    ganito kasi yon … the more you analyze yourself the more you get confused. kaya sige .. just follow ur sexual urge .. kung today feel mo hada ng mhin! GO! tapos kung tomorrow feel mo hada ng kepyas! GO ka rin! wag ka nang makinig sa mga nagmamagaling na mga bading! ma-eepal lang sila! di naman nila ginagawa ang mga ipinapayo nila! likas na ma-epal lang sila! promise!

    at the end of the day … ikaw pa rin an mag-dedecide kung nota or kepyas! basta wag mo lang kakalimutan ang mag reciprocate no! as in … i he suck you .. you need to suck him too! yun lang!

    tama ba ako migs?

    ever the mataray at walang kakupaskupas,
    anton maton!

  21. bryce said on 24-01-2007

    i sorta have a simmilar experience when i was about 5 or 6. It was with a 6 year old friend and i ddnt have any idea but feeling good when he poked my ass with his pepe inside our old cr. Now, im in the same degree of confusion and it caused me to never have any romantic relationship with anyone since birth- I’m twenty and not bad looking, if i say so myself…hehehe.i think i am gay and that caused me to be afraid of what people might think if i delve into loving situations…

  22. themanwashere said on 24-01-2007

    i never had the same experience as seth. but yup, i do think that might have affected him. freud had like this psychoanalyctic eklavoo about repressed childhood. maybe you not telling anyone bout the xprience made yiu gay/straight or whatever position you are now in.

  23. drklght said on 24-01-2007

    that alpha male is scared … scared of embracing that side of him … maybe because of his children … just maybe =) go Seth! go go go!!! =)

  24. andrew said on 24-01-2007

    In an ideal world, I agree that we don’t need labels. But we’re not in an ideal world and we all know that. Let’s stop being hypocrites here and open our eyes and just try to help out this “confused” individual.

    You know labeling DOES exist. And it would be a big help to Seth to know this so-called label for him to accept himself better.

  25. pogi said on 24-01-2007

    i agree with that “label thing”… Most people would describe as a straight “acting” gay, but i totally disagree… I am not even “acting” it. This is just the way I am, a regular guy, doing what a regular guy does. It just so happens that I suck d*cks instead of licking c*nts and fu*k assess instead of p*ssies… Peace…

  26. mcvie said on 24-01-2007

    Know thyself. It is very important for a person to know who he is and to have a sense of identity. This helps a person become more mature, more adjusted and more secure.

    We must aslo accept the reality that people use labels to make sense of the world. As kids we were taught to label: an apple is a “fruit”, narra is a “tree”, Bantay is a “dog”, etc. Therefore it is not surprising that we grow up labeling and organizing and ranking and listing and classifying. When the label is positive or non-threatening, no one complains. Only when the label is negative or threatening do people howl in protest.

    In the end Seth needs to wrap his head around this particular idea: that he can be sexually attracted to guys as well as to girls. HOW he does this will be up to him; that is his journey towards knowing himself more and accepting himself. Whether he will rely on existing labels, or create a new label just for himself, or like Leo just junk labels altogether… that will be up to him. Also, part of his journey is to make peace with the sexual abuse in his past.

    Hopefully after going through this journey (a process which doesn’t happen overnight, so he should be patient with himself), he will end up a stronger, more adjusted person.

  27. khentutz said on 24-01-2007

    I certainly adhere that what had happened in the past with Seth and his uncle caused some confusion and trauma to him. A similar incident happened to me too and it opened my maturity and better understanding on myself especially on why do i do things this way and that way. Seth should move on with the incident, some straight guys do prefer doing it with another guy but doesn’t make them gay, on my perspective, straight guys see sex with same sex as having adult toys involved in a heterosexual love making. i think Seth got confused of himself because of the circumstances and saying around him, na kapag pumatol ka sa kapwa mo e bading ka na… it was the mentality going around but there are in fact in reality people who would want to explore their sexuality and try weird things just to know what they really want. In Seth’s case, knowing what he wants is enough. Just don’t let yourself be affected too much on what others think. Cheer up Seth, not all people get to realize they are confused and know what they want… Cheers to all..

  28. hmpff said on 24-01-2007

    first, i just want to emphasize that whatever seth is experiencing or doing ryt now (having sex with men/women) Is what he is… We cannot define everything that is happening to every people since we cannot compare one’s unique personality.

    I’m happy that he was able to share this feeling to someone, and that makes him aware of what he is rather thatn ignoring the situation he is in.

    Congrats to Seth and more power!
    Always remember, things you do is something you own… it is what makes YOU.

  29. Erick said on 24-01-2007

    Hey Seth! I just want to let you know that you are not the only person that is experiencing this stage of discovery. I, myself, is currently in this stage of my life. I agree with most of the other comments. There are so many levels of sexuality. It’s not just black or white. I think you’re just a very sexual person. I myself consider myself “Bisexual” (at this point of my life). I fall in love with the person and not the gender. Unfortunately, I get a lot of discriminations from my own friends and it hurts. A lot of people do not agree that there is such thing as bisexuality. That’s why there are GLBT orgs(Gay,Lesbian,Bisexual,Transgender/Sexual).They normally say that we are just in denial, just like what u said. I, on the other hand, believe that Bisexuality is valid. I think for now, just like what everyone is commenting, you shouldn’t worry about labeling yourself. If anything consider yourself “Bi”. Don’t worry about what everyone else is telling you..coz at the end its your own life and your own decision to make. Figure out what will truly make you happy. Sexuality is like a fluid..you just have to go with the flow (for now). However, eventually you will have to make a decision on the lifestyle that you want to live and I wish you luck.

  30. leo said on 24-01-2007

    labels, labels, labels… why bother with them anyway? i am not even sure what to call myself, i used to be very confused myself, but then I realized it doesn’t matter if i couldn’t actually determine what to call myself because of my sexual preference, what matters is i know who i am, what i want. Though i am still in the closet, i feel like a big burden was lifted off my shoulders when i accepted the fact that i am a guy who gets attracted to and sometimes falls for both men and women. The most important thing is that you accept yourself…

  31. Ares of UAE said on 24-01-2007

    Hi Migs, and Seth,
    Una sa lahat, Thanks Migs for this wonderful website!!! I am living in the UAE for some time now, and its good to get news (and photos) of yummy Pinoy guys!
    Brutal na kung brutal. Bakla itong si Seth, mga kabayan! Sa ngayon, nasa isang stage lang sya na nararanasan ng napakaraming bading at closet queers sa mundo – DENIAL. And let me tell you Seth, that not all people can get over this stage, hanggang sa tumanda sila. Napakaraming fear na pumapasok sa isip nila – especially fear of rejection.
    Sa akin, nung natanngap ko na kung ano ako, coming out of that stinky, and dark closet is the hardest thing to do, ever. I saw my family and some of my friends being disappointed and pulling away. But you know what? Things are kinda better now, and yes, Im happier.
    Sa tingin ko naman, Im not an expert or something, pero lahat naman ng tao, dumadaan sa identity crisis na ganito. Bata ka pa, and there’s a lot more to discover about your self.
    Sana wag ka lang mahuli sa byahe. Kasi madami rin akong kilala na kung kelan nasa late stages na sila ng life nila, tsaka pa sila bumibigay sa tawag ng kabadingan. When its a little too late. Ang dami pa namang bagay na maeenjoy ka better, when you know and when you have accepted what you are – gay, boy, bakla or tomboy.
    I didnt have any unfortunate molestation experience that a lot of gay people have, pero somehow, i still ended up liking men.
    Ingat ka lang lagi (and use protection), aight?!

  32. jo said on 24-01-2007

    Seth, somehow, with this second installment, things become clear to us readers. However, one thing missing here was your reaction during the time you were molested. This is vital in analyzing your current state of mind. It borders in whether the molestation was either traumatic or confusing. We need not elaborate on the traumatic side but would focus on the confusing side. During that age, if the child was not physically hurt during the molestation, the child simply goes to the process of what the adult wanted him to do. Otherwise this would now be traumatic. Simply stated, the child does not usually give meaning to the things they do. It was just a game to them. This is what you should focus with. What was your frame of mind during the time your were molested? By this, you may be able to answer the questions bugging you. This may be the reason why you indulged yourself sexually with the same sex.
    But again, as previously stated, you alone can answer your question. I suggest you forget about labelling gays because that is not an issue. Contemplate and focus on the experiences you’ve encountered. There and only there can you find the real meaning of what you really are?
    Smile, a whole new experience in life awaits you.

  33. andrew said on 24-01-2007

    For me, more likely than not Seth IS gay. It’s not about branding per se. That’s beside the point. (Although that’s what he’s asking for, I mean, kung ano ba s’ya talaga. I hope you’re getting me.)

    What’s your take on this: He enjoys having sex with men and even gets attracted to them? Sabihin man n’yang hindi n’ya gusto yung pakiramdam, sabihin man n’yang gusto n’yang bugbugin yung mga naikama n’ya, pero bakit naulit nang naulit yung pakikipag-sex n’ya sa kapawa n’ya lalake? Now, if that’s not gay, I don’t know what is.

    Seth’s friend may have a point there. Maybe somewhere in his subconscious there’s this denial going on. But facts are already laid on the table. Now it’s up to Seth whether he’ll acknowledge them or not.

    I also had my fair share of this unfortunate, common-among-us event that Migs is talking about when I was in my early teens. I’m now in my late 20’s and sometimes I still experience bitterness in accepting the fact that I’m a member of this “federation.” However, my mind is fully aware that I am. I guess it’s just a matter of digging deeper into yourself, knowing who you really are, and finally accepting it.

  34. Ace said on 24-01-2007

    I think at this time Seth doesn’t need to label himself. All of his previous relationships (with both sexes) were short-term. He needs to relax and let his true sexuality come at in the context of finding real love and be in a committed relationship with someone (either male or female). If he falls in love with a woman then he will have to be happy with that and try to forget about his confusion. If he falls for a man, he will need to do the same. Sometimes, it is not clear cut as to where our preference lies so we do need to make a choice based on the love we feel for another person (male or female). Good luck, Seth.

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