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Does gayness define you? (2)

2007/02/04Issues, Migs SpeaksTags: , , , , , ,

In Zaturnnah ze Muzical, one of the most touching, most poignant moments, was Didi’s dying scene (Didi is Ada/Zaturnnah’s sidekick). His song entitled “Nakikita Ko Na Ang Nakakasilaw Na Liwanag” (my favorite in the musical) goes:

Ada… bakit pati sila ay lumuluha?
Dahil ba ‘pag pumanaw ako
Ay wala na silang pagtatawanan?
Ni minsan hindi nila ako kinilala
Maliban sa pagiging bayot ko
Sa akin ay wala na silang nalalaman pa

In this song, it shows how a gay guy mourns the fact that people perceive him as just that: bading, bayot, bakla, and nothing more — sad, but it’s as if he accepts it as a matter of fact.

While it is fact too that we cannot control other people’s perception of us, the other side of the coin is, we can perhaps influence their perception. Thus one can clearly differentiate a “bading na patapon” and a “bading na walang itatapon.”

As I examine my life, I credit that “gay-induced” inferiority complex for my drive to succeed in everything I do. It’s as if I sought (and continue to seek) every opportunity to be the best that I can possibly be, just so I can be much more than just gay. Most of it unconscious, but hindsight tells me there is such a cause-and-effect relationship.

Now, does gayness define me? Absolutely not. And I enjoin all of you gays out there, be much more than just gay, and celebrate it! And much as other people box you as just “that gay guy” — it is more due to their blindness rather than our alleged incapacity to be whole, beautiful, valuable, productive, and unique members of society.

- o -

Question for comments: as a gay guy, can you say you are whole, beautiful, valuable, productive, and unique member of society? How?

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  1. #25  WhiteQueen

    why are you focusing sa sexual orientation ng tao if when you die God wont ask you what kind of person you are di ba? He would ask you what have you been as a person

    08/01/26 01:47

  2. #24  mike

    masasabi ko lang.. gay men are certainly proving themselves nowadays.. madami kang mkikita na gay na successful na..ga managers, designers, accountants.. e1 ko ba kahit saan ako magpunta mas mdmi ako nkikitang mga gay na nakamit na ang tagumpay pero inaalipusta pa din..

    07/09/13 14:11

  3. #23  Kaleena

    Juskupo, nalula ako sa mga comments. Ang gusto ko lang naman makipag-sex sa kapwa ko lalake, gay or straight. Pagbigyan nyo na akew!

    Thank you and good day. Good luck. Good speed. Bon voyage! Bon appetit!

    07/02/09 13:33

  4. #22  georgena oz

    Good thoughts on being gay….When I was still in the Philippines, I can’t help but be afraid to come out into the open. Now, I’ve realized just how good is it to be known, to flaunt and to let the whole world know that I am gay and I am beautiful and that i DESERve the gift of respect….

    07/02/09 13:07

  5. #21  Chris

    all i can say is that i would not be half as whole, beautiful, valuable, productive, and unique if not for the gay person that i am.

    your site really inspires me. i love it!

    07/02/08 04:45

  6. #20  RR

    Im not yet whole but im striving to become one. I am not what society’s definition of beautiful but my own definition of how can i be beautiful. I am valuable, in fact i got a life insurance. I am productive, i am the breadwinner. And i am unique, whose not? God created all of us unique having its own personality separate and distinct from one another.

    07/02/05 23:41

  7. #19  BR

    very well said…

    07/02/05 23:32

  8. #18  Blogie

    being gay, while it is a huge part of a person’s character, should not define him. being gay is something that one cannot avoid or hide, but it should not be the only thing that gives meaning to his life, his existence.

    07/02/05 14:29

  9. #17  riffraff2000

    very insightful, thought-provoking and well-put. I particularly like your stubbornness to succeed. I share that attribute and for that, you got my utmost respect…

    07/02/05 11:40

  10. #16  mcvie

    Benevolent judges,

    As a guy, I am whole, beautiful, valuable, productive, and unique member of society because I am what I am, including but not limited to being gay.

    And world peace. I thank you all!

    Bow.

    07/02/05 11:36

  11. #15  Mikee

    Galeng!
    Gaganda niyong magsulat!

    07/02/05 09:38

  12. #14  Ace

    I can write a thesis on this issue. Matteo’s professor made an astute observation about the stage of gay struggle in the Philippines. The responses of most readers here reflect a wider issue of societal perception of the gay population, especially the church and the government. In many countries the separation between the church and the state is not only written in their constitutions but actually being faithfully observed as reflected on their laws and legislations. The Catholic Church in the Philippines still wields a considerable power not only among the people but most especially among government legislators. How do you change the perception of mostly Catholic population toward a gay person when the Pope himself tells the devotees that being gay is wrong? According to the church doctrine, a person can be gay in the church but must remain closeted and celibate. One can argue that you don’t need to be validated by the church to exist. This is true but my point is that the influence of the church is what is holding back a more just and equitable treatment of gays in the Philippines. This is compounded by the fact that the separation between the church and the government in the Philippines is rather blurry. Having said that, it is encouraging to see that even Catholic countries like Mexico and Spain already allow legal gay union or civil marriage. Countries like Canada, England, Denmark and a few others also allow legal same-sex union. Matteo’s contention that gays don’t need to define themselves anymore is true, if you happen to live in one of the more progressive countries I mentioned above. These countries treat all their citizens equally and this is my main point. I’m sure there are still discriminations here and there in these countries as well but I’m looking at the big picture and the big picture involves the church and the government. The government has the responsibility to be a leader and not a follower when it comes to the issue of equality for all its citizens. So, where does this leave the gay population in Philippines at present? A gay person in the Philippines doesn’t need to define himself in the context of his gayness, it needs a strong, active and vigilant advocacy group or groups to correct all the wrongs perpetrated on this segment of the population. Changing unfair and discriminatory laws needs strong and active advocacy. I’m sure you have heard about the use of the “f….t” word that was uttered by a (Grey’s Anatomy) actor to a fellow actor and the backlash that it generated against the perpetrator. It shows how a great, vigilant gay advocacy can work to correct a wrong right there and then.

    On the issue of how we define ourselves – I think a more appropriate question is: How do we present ourselves to the outside world? This is a fairly complex issue because it involves personality (introvert vs. extrovert), childhood experiences and support of family and friends or lack thereof. All these factors will determine as to whether we subconsciously emulate feminine or masculine and flamboyant or simple persona when we present ourselves to the outside world. I’ve read a very interesting article a few years ago about the hyper-musculinization on gay men in America. The observation was that in response to the emaciated look of patients brought on by the advent AIDS, a lot of gay men started working-out furiously to appear healthy, muscular and “hyper-male”. This is actually quite accurate, compared to the general male population, disproportionate number of gay male appear more muscular, at least in North America.

    07/02/05 05:35

  13. #13  Matteo

    My professor told me that gays in the Phils. are still on the advocacy stage as compared to other countries wherein gays are already accepted. Sa ‘Pinas, tolerance pa lang but I think we’ll get there.

    I think I’m going out of topic already but I think gay Pinoys need not define themselves anymore. Mas lalo kasing nagiging issue kapag binibigyan ng malaking kahulugan ang pagiging bading. Lalake, babae, bading, lesbian, mga tao lahat ‘yan.

    07/02/05 01:42

  14. #12  euges

    To the world you may be one gay person, but to one person you may be the world.
    para que ? Be happy tapos

    07/02/04 23:37

  15. #11  Kris Aquino

    a gay with character walks his talk…(anu daw)? :)

    07/02/04 20:10

  16. #10  chismoso

    i guess the question is how gay men can project a more believeable persona. let’s face it, being male gay has always been associated with being promiscuous.

    sure, none of us are totally clean, but there are a select few individuals who manage to be extremely promiscuous and stand out. This has further been promulgated by QAF’s Brian Kinney.

    To be accepted, gay people have to be able to show people that we are to be respected. We have to overcome the negative stigma that people have about being gay. We have to slowly build from anything being negative associated to being gay to everything possitive associated with being gay.

    I know that this is difficult, but I guess the challenge is for us to show people that there are only few gay guys who are “bastusin”, that most of us are decent and funny.

    07/02/04 18:48

  17. #9  anton maton

    teka nga … feeling ko wala naman yatang issue ang kabadingan! on the contrary – ang mga bading lang naman yata ang mga gumagawa ng issue na keso ang mga bading patapon … ang mga bading immoral … ang mga bading mababang uri …

    it’s either ang mga bading o yung mga homophobic na bading ang gumagawa lang ng mga issue na yan … like that song in ZZZ … di ba bading ang nagsulat niyan?

    akech parin … walang kakupas-kupas,
    anton maton

    07/02/04 17:15

  18. #8  anton maton

    ganito kasi yon … bakit kailangan kang affected sa perception ng ibang tao? why do you need to prove yourself that you can do better because you are bading?

    bakit? yan bang mga ibang tao na yan eh feeling nila sila lang ang tunay na anak ng Diyos? haller??!!! wala silang karapatan humusga coz i dont owe them a living. i dont owe them anything! i dont need to prove that i am bading na di patapon.

    on the contrary … kaya siguro kailangan nilang mang-husga kasi na-iinggit sila! promise! mga inggitero sila!

    inggit sila sa mga fabuloush na sapatos at bag ko! …

    oh! oh! ..walang mag-co-comment jan na materialistic ako coz of my bags & shoes! di ko ninakaw yon! di ko inutang yon sa inyo. pinag-ipunan ko yon. galing sa malinis na trabaho ang pera ko!

    yun lang!

    ang walang kakupas-kupas!,
    anton maton

    07/02/04 17:04

  19. #7  Simon

    My being gay does not define but rather adds up to me being person. I know that other people percieves gayness as an illness but what I know, many gay men are better performing in terms of different fields, many are graduates with honors, some business tycons, others are tv personalities, some working with international companies around the globe. Gay people cant and will not be ignored, we perform what our contemporaries can do. At the end of the day, gay or not we are the same as others, we are people, breathing and living life like the rest of humanity, the only difference is that we carry the colours of the rainbow in our system… GONE ARE THE DAYS OF THE PARLORISTANG BAKLA, THE MANGHAHADA LABEL. IBA NA ANG TINGIN NG TAO SA MGA BAKLA, WALA NA ANG STIGMA NA PURO SEX ANG NASA UTAK NG MGA BAKLA…. DAHIL HINDI MAN AMININ NG MGA MAKIKITID ANG UTAK… KAYA NG ISANG BAKLA NA BAGUHIN ANG MUNDO….. GAY MEN ARE RESPECTED SAME AS HETEROS’ THE PLAYING FIELD HAD BEEN LEVELED.

    cliche but true:

    they laugh at us cause were different, we laugh at them cause they’re all the same!

    07/02/04 16:25

  20. #6  Little Fish

    Eh, ano kung bayot ako? Uulan ba ng apoy at gugunaw ba ang mundo?
    My being gay does not in any way defined me as a whole person. Bakit, tinatanong ba ‘yan ng karamihan ng lalaki, Being male define me as a whole person? Bullshit and lizardshit!
    Bakit ako galit? Hindi, naiinis lang ako kapag ang kabaklaan o kabayotan ay ginagawang “parallel to being a person”.
    Ito na lang ang masasabi ko,
    “Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”

    07/02/04 12:30

  21. #5  patrick

    quoting drew barrymore from Ever After:

    “..a gypsy for example is rarely painted as anything else, they are defined by their station as just your title defines you[the prince] but it is not who they are..”

    yes, being defined as a queer and is perceived in a general idea depends on how one has been exposed to gayness, from which interpretations are then formed.

    07/02/04 12:24

  22. #4  eric

    that is sooooo true…maybe because of the fact that we are always being looked down there is this feeling deep inside me that says “you have to be better than the next guy”
    so that leads me(sometimes without me knowing it)to having a great aka pang model na body, in excelling in school (now i’m a lawyer), in having lots of money hahahaha

    07/02/04 12:15

  23. #3  zizou

    I can say that I am.. I have dreams and aspirations and plan on reaching them.. more than you can say about some straight people there who settle for mediocrity and a sense of normalcy…

    kaw ba migs e feel mo nareach mo na aspirations mo o you’re still aiming for higher things?? :)

    07/02/04 10:15

  24. #2  pseudolus

    “It’s as if I sought (and continue to seek) every opportunity to be the best that I can possibly be, just so I can be much more than just gay.”

    I’ve done quite well in my life (good grades in school, acing the board exam, getting an incredible job, going on 4 years with a boyfriend) driven primarily by that way of thinking. The “fear” that people will look down and think “ah figures, he’s gay.” I’m glad I’ve outgrown it though. It’s tough to enjoy success accomplished through fear. I do wonder though, how successful I’d be today if I weren’t gay… hmmmm

    07/02/04 09:32

  25. #1  cliogoddess

    RIGHT ON!

    07/02/04 06:33

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