All points and comments considered before doing this comment.

I’m all with you guys/gals, I was almost to burst in tears when i was reading your comments to this blog. because here’s the thing.

I have this guy bestfriend for almost 8 years now, we’ve met way back in high school when i was a senior then. At first we don’t speak that much but I’ve had this biggest crush on him. We started great and we became friends. Day after day we meet and after school he usually go to my house and usually talk endlessly and jam with music till midnight with me. I thought it was okay at first for him to be that close to me, I was hesitant at first because I think he knew so much about me that I have to be on guard on every action i will take. Our friendship never ceases to amaze, we enabled ourselves to be with each other almost every hour of the day without even having conflicts in our opinions and beliefs. He was a best friend of my cousin, they were very close to each other and they are classmates. At first my cousin intimidated me because I think he was diverting his time to him. And as time goes by as we became closer my feeling became stronger, I thought it was impossible for me to fall for Him but sadly and unknowingly I DID, I did what was wrong in the first place but in the end proved my heart right. I fell in love with that guy, of course he doesn’t knew it at first but as we traverse on our journey with life I think he noticed some changes on the way I acted towards him. I stopped calling Him on the phone I started going out with other friends and I didn’t talk to him that much and all. That resulted from me being so bitter about my feelings I thought that I could suppress what I felt inside and just forget about Him and all the things we’ve shared with each other and all the happy times we mingled and shared with. I was wrong and I was really wrong for what I did, he questioned me every time he sees me at school or at the park. He was so confused and I really know what I did was wrong and I am guilty of being punished with that. I am guilty of not having to inform him on the situation, but if I do it may destroy our companionship moreover our relationship as close friends. And as months has gone by I started asking myself why am I making it really hard for me to love Him? I made a covenant with the Lord that I will love Him in secret, I will love him in the shades without him noticing anything about it. It was painful on my side; my heart is crushed having to see him with my girl best friend. I thought I could deal with it finally but the more I suppressed the feeling of love the more my heart speaks for itself. It nearly exploded the amount of pain and depression I am experiencing just by knowing in the back of my mind that he loves someone else. And take note it’s my girl best friend. I know it’s wrong for me to be jealous about anything because we don’t even have a relationship we’re just plain old friends and it was a sad part on my side because I wanted him for so much more than just a simple friend I wanted to be with him and put a smile on his face every waking day that God has made, though it was wrong I knew it in my mind that it keeps telling me not to love him but my heart keeps insisting to love him more and more. The jealousy inside my mind speculated that they do have a relationship that has lasted for a month and I didn’t even saw it coming. The day that a friend of mine told me that they do have a formal romantic relationship, my heart was crushed and I don’t want to shed any tear in my eyes because I think he is not worth my emotions. But something came rolling down my cheeks and I was surprised it was a heavy teardrop it fell down the ground and I felt the sudden gush of blood in my head and I’ve even heard my own heartbeat. This strong feeling of despair lead onto a sudden depression and it made me feel more insignificant, unloved, outcast, alone, and a trash. I wanted to get out of that spider’s web, that stingy and sticky web that has trapped my in misery and bitterness. I couldn’t resist his boastful wittiness and charm. He was the first guy that I have fallen in love with and I do believe that when you love someone if he/she first that has caught your heart, you’ll be coming back for more and more. Even if it cost you anything, in my case I still love him even If I hated him to death. He has this something like a charisma that keeps pulling me back even if it hurts me so badly, even if my heart explodes, even if nothing is left for me, even if everyone turned their back on me I would still love him. After six months of me not talking to them and ignoring them the pain is still there, it still lingers and brew some anger and stirs my emotions so rapidly.
I don’t know what to do with it, but then came one day my girl best friend started to show some kind of weird behaviors at school and I am not used to seeing her doing that. After a couple of days I found out that she already dropped out at school and also dropped off out of His life. Wow it came as a surprise for me I didn’t know what to expect and even doesn’t really knew how to react in that certain moment I really have what you called mixed emotions. I didn’t know if I was happy or sad or just bitter about the circumstances their going through and after they broke up He came back onto me and we started all over again.

Here I am yet again falling for this guy who has made it possible for me to fall in love with the same sex, I didn’t expect that we could get a hang of it going back to where we started. It wasn’t the same way around it’s true to say that love is sweeter the second time around. It’s safe to say that I fell in love with him so much more that I wanted to get the hang out of it but the more I break out the more I fell in. they say that opposites attract but not with me I don’t believe in that, but in some parts I do, we are the most opposite on all aspects of our personalities that’s why we stick to each other like hard glue that bond that we’ve shared something that is special I did something with him, I didn’t to others. In that way I kept him close and more importantly special to my heart. I knew all along that he has some place inside my heart that is yearning for someone who could fill in that gap inside of me. That big gap that only he could fill in that gap that never cease to satisfy that gap that kept me from going and moving on forward that gap which made me realize the true meaning of love and the word speaks for itself LOVE and nothing else. If you love you do not think of anything else you just focus on the two of you and how to make each other happy. But we never really came into a point where we two have spoken openly about our relationship with each other. We may find it strange but I know someday we will find a way to figure things and sort it out, I know it is hard for me and easy for him to ignore me that way. But I tell you honestly I noticed as we being so close I managed to see the way he felt about me. Just by the song WHY? It made me realize that he liked me all along. He sang it to me one time and he sang these verses out loud and repeatedly on my face, “I don’t want to be like your brother, I don’t want to be your best friend, I only want to be your lover when will you listen, if I told you that I want to be in your life…”
Oh my God, that phrases melted my heart away as I hear it coming out from his heartfelt voice. I wanted to hide what I feel but it keeps coming out I embraced him so tight and after that I kissed him on the forehead, I know it was wrong for me to do that but I am happy I did that one step of courage being open with him.

After that the days has gone by and he had me going on circles doesn’t know where to go or where should I lead, I called him up and asked him to stay and sleep over he then goes over to my room and laid down beside me. As the raindrops and tears have fallen at the same time I felt that rushing love again inside of my heart. And as I embrace him to sleep I noticed him coming closer and closer to me, we embraced each other tightly and I really don’t know what to think in that certain moment. That moment where I felt a love that is passionate a love that is without pretensions I really liked the moment that we’ve shared something like that. After that morning he went home without even saying goodbye and it’s really okay
with me having to know him, he is the most insensitive guy I’ve ever known. I knew I’m gonna be pushed to the curve when he doesn’t want to see me anymore I really knew it the first day I’ve known his character. But that’s not the thing that will keep me from holding back my feelings for him. He was the first guy I fell in love with and he was the first person in my entire life to make me feel Goosebumps every single time I see him. I never regret anything I did, At present we are still Best Friends and hanging in there…

Sorry for a very lengthy post. But I hope you’ve enjoyed a part of my love story.

The lesson here is that Love knows no boundaries and if you genuinely love a person you won’t hold back. Just do it. LIVE LIFE, LOVE MORE…

-jay

And I’ve proven them to be wrong.

Nasabi kong mahirap kasi una, yung straight married guy ba ay willing na makipag-kaibigan sa iyo, knowing you are, a bi? Even kaibigan lang, a straight married guy would often and immediately keep his distance from you upon learning of your persona.
Pero meron. Though napakahirap makahanap, the point is MERON.
And I’ll assure Rico, may makikita siyang ganung guy katulad ng natagpuan ko.
Very much married, straight and yet naroon iyong hinahanap mo, not sexually though.
Mahirap ipaliwanag, halos 1 and a half years kami na common friends, pero alam niya na especial ang tingin ko sa kanya. Walang ano mang set-up.
Basta I let him feel na especial siya sa akin. And I made him feel na bahagi ako ng life niya. Mga pagke-care, mga paalala at kung anu-ano pa na magpapalambot sa damdamin niya para sa iyo. Sa ganung mga pagkakataon nahuhulog ang loob ng straight married guy dahil napupunan mo ang emotional needs nila na kulang sa binibigay ng wife nila.
Rico, pare, meron. Meron kang makikitang straight married men na pwede kang mahalin
but it’ll take a lot of patience and sacrifices that would blossom into a real and wonderful relationship wherein sex is, yes, your spice of life…….even once in a while.

notes: (Notes daw o!)

hindi lahat ng str8 guys, pera pera lang, pwede ding sex sex lang hahaha

hindi porket pumatol sa gay ang str8 bading na..sabi nga, kung pumatol ka sa vibrator, vibrator ka na rin??! lol..