Here’s a letter, a cry for help from one of our readers, asking for advise regarding his situation. In summary, he is an OFW Nurse in the United Kingdom, in love with a Philippine-based, soon-to-get-married bum back home. I think this is one good proof that when one is in a sticky situation, the circumstances seem to be much more complicated than they really are; and when we are the one watching someone else stuck in something, it seems the situation is so simple we wonder why he chooses to remain stuck. Read on, and feel free to share your thoughts.
i have read a lot of stories on the homo-confused section of the manila gay guy website. i know my story is quite common but i want an answer for my own problem.
i must admit that i am gay. i felt this feeling since i was in high school but never entertained it and even when i was in college. all my friends are straight and everybody in my community respects me. alam mo naman sa provinces mataas respect nila sayo if degree holder ka and you keep your feet on the ground so lahat ng friends ko and kumpares are either tricycle drivers, tambays and sunog-baga. i had 3 gf’s before, had sex with them but i enjoy more when im having sex with men. my first sexual encounter with a guy was when i was in saudi.i will not discuss the relationship into detail as he is not the subject of my problem.
i am an ofw nurse in uk, and 35 years old. i have this friend of mine, 27 years old (tambay nga) back home. he is one of my drinking buddies. we drink everywhere and go to beerhouses everytime im on my vacation. i have a crush on him but obviously i couldn’t let him know for the fear of rejection and humiliation. everytime we are drunk, i always put my hand on his shoulders or my head on his lap pretending that i’m very drunk and so at least my elbow could feel his cock. my friends sleep in my room from time to time including him.
one night, it was only him who slept in my room and we were not very drunk then. i slept beside him and hugged him as if i was drunk. i don’t know for some reason he said he loves me. i was very surprised and got very excited. he then kissed me in my chest down to my groin but he never sucked me. obviously i have to undress him as this was the oportunity i’ve been long waiting for. i kissed him and sucked his dick. i said i love him as well.but the feeling of love during that time was not in full bloom (that was 2005) as i thought that he just wants money from me. but everytime I’m on vacation he keeps telling me that he loves me and we always schedule it to have sex twice a week, until i felt deeply in love with him.
last may, i started giving him money. in our 2 1/2 years of being on, i know he had gf’s and we always argue with that. then he dumped one. the problem now is that his other gf is pregnant and he’s getting married in january but he told me that he still loves me. it’s just that he has to accept his responsibilty. he texts me even in front of his would-be wife. he said he will always love me till forever. walang iwanan laging txt nya at sinasabi sa akin. he had texted me countless ilove u’s. payag din siya na mag-hotel kami sa manila pag-uwi ko this december at pauuwiin nya muna asawa nya.
my question is… is he gay?? mahal daw nya ako at mahal din nya asawa nya kaya he doesn’t want any of us to let go. nung nag away kami i told him na gay din sya at maraming gay ang may anak but he vehemently denied it. pero ni katiting na “gayness” wala talagang makikita sa kanya. kahit na he keeps on insisting that he is straight, mahal na mahal pa rin daw niya ako. he promised that we will always be together once i get back home this december and carry on with our escapades. he even said that he will still sleep with me even if he’s about to be married. (by the way, when we sleep together, we sleep naked and he hugs me and put his legs on top of me. he hasn’t penetrated me yet though but he agreed when i asked him if we can try.he doesn’t like the idea of kissing lips to lips but agrees from time to time. in fact we kissed each other in a chowking restaurant toilet one morning when we took our breakfast and we were the only customers upstairs. do you think he really loves me? what about his wife? i told him not to get married unless his wife knows or else he will be hunted by his conscience.he said he will tell her but not soon.i don’t want people to discover our relationship but we agreed that just in case, we will tell them the truth that we both love each other.
shall i carry on with our relationship? mahal na mahal ko siya at sa sobrang lungkot ko at kaiiyak nung nakabuntis sya wala na akong nagawa but to call my bro and admit it with him that i’m not straight. it’s good he understands. initially nagalit bf ko nang sabihin ko na alam na ni kuya but we are ok now. he said he feels ashamed if he will see my bro but he really loves me so he said let us carry on.
do you think he really loves me or he only wants money form me now that i left him an ATM? please reply.i know you will be of help. im getting married next year by the way. my would be “wife” knows that im getting married for the purpose of keeping my relationship with my bf plus i look into possibility of having may own child/children.
i hope to receive a non-judgemental response. i’m afraid na pag hiniwalayan ko bf ko hindi na ako makakita ng straight(kung straight nga) na kagaya nya and ayoko manligaw ng lalaki kasi nga baka maupakan ako.i really love my bf.i really do.kung sex lang hanap ko maraming call boy sa manila at kahit dito sa uk.but i really really love him.even my work was affected.i feel ok now that we are exchanging i love u’s again.but until when are we going to hide it from his wife? he said sasabihin din nya in due time.marami pa syang sinabi about our rrelationship at makakaya nya hiwalayan asawa nya but not with his would-be child (obviously). i hope to receive a reply from you and your readers.
From: Kenny, the OFW Nurse in UK
Comment on guys, Kenny is reading. World Peace!