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Ria Replies
Entry Feed TrackbackRia, the woman letter sender of that previous post “My husband has a rich gay lover” responds after the overwhelming deluge of advice from our dear MGG readers. Let us all wish Ria the best, may she be blessed with strength to get through her current situation. (And for all of us who are privileged with knowing Ria’s story, gay men or straight men and women readers of MGG, may this be a reminder that the choices we make, the actions we take, impact other people and the world around us. Keep world peace in our hearts!)
Hello Migs,
I never expected that my letter will be published that fast. Thank you for your kind words and from your readers. Please, please, extend my heartfelt gratitude for their thoughts and for the advice that they gave. I just read their comments and I must say that I am overwhelmed.
Also, I would like to apologize for stereotyping gay men. I think I have offended some people that I was expecting that they will say I must give up Ram to Andy. I’m sorry, I never knew that not all gay men were cynical about relationships. I feel that saying sorry is not
enough to cover all the words of encouragement your readers contribute. I’m sorry.
The truth is, other than soliciting advice, writing to you was my last resort to know what might Andy or Ram is thinking, from other people who do not know us. I thought, your readers can give me an idea what Andy or Ram is thinking right now.
The sad thing is, I’ve already asked Ram to choose between the two of us. My heart was broken when he said, that I should not make him choose because he will not choose any of us. That was over a year ago. I am preparing to ask this again and building up my strength on whatever his answer might be.
All these years, I thought I was just a strong woman for being able to handle all of these. Now I start to realize that being a martyr doesn’t mean being strong. I guess, it took over 50 people to say this on my face.
Thank you, thank you. I know that I have two wonderful kids and there’s a better life waiting for me. And I pray hard that I still have Ram to be with me. No matter what happens, I believe that I can get through this.
Even we don’t know each other personally, I think you are great guy. You are all wonderful! (And for those I have offended, I am so sorry).
Wishing for the best,
Ria
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wow.
amazing.
randulf at Nov 26, 07 at 11:03 am
ganda!
Baklang AJ at Nov 26, 07 at 11:41 am
ria, all the best. whatever happens, i think things will eventually turn out all right for you and your kids. what’s that old line from rabindranath tagore–about setting the ones you love free, and if they’re really meant to be yours, then they will return to you? (i’m tempted to say ram’s a bit spineless, but then again, i’m not ram, so i don’t know if he truly has any feelings for andy. if he does, maybe that’s why he can’t seem to let go of him.)
vince at Nov 26, 07 at 12:27 pm
Best of luck, Ria! There are lots in life to be happy about, like your little angels there
yddaj at Nov 26, 07 at 12:35 pm
hello ria. i guess you already know that the choice will not be made by ram but by you. he will not choose because he can’t. i totally understand that, not belittling him at all. i just believe that he feels that he should not have to choose, that he could have it all. the choice is really yours. as in all matters of the heart, we should be brave enough to realize that it really is up to us to say either i could deal with this or i want out.
ultimately, what do you really, really want? a life with ram & andy or a life on your own with your beautiful children? either way could work, again depending on what you really want.
make a choice then be at peace…
closet case at Nov 26, 07 at 12:40 pm
leave ram. demand child support and get a job of your own. you deserve a man who will choose you over everything else. your kids deserve a father they can look up to (it’s not because he has a gay lover but because he will not make hard choices).
jay at Nov 26, 07 at 1:09 pm
ria…. puntahan mo yung dalawa mong anak ngayon at yakapin mo sila…. yan ang pinakamasarap…. gift ni Lord yan sayo…
cast at Nov 26, 07 at 1:22 pm
heto ang mga hindi mo nasabi?
guwapo ba si andy?
mabait ba si andy?
maskulado ba si andy?
dinadala ba ni andy si ram sa mga family events niya?
lumalabas ba sila nang hindi patago?
inday, kung lahat yes o kihit tatlo lang ang yes, bakla ang asawa mo. para mo nang awa sa kanya, pakawalan mo na. Nasasaktan din ang mga bakla dahil sa pagkababae mo na dala pa ang dalawang batang babae. daot ka lang sa kanila. lubayan mo na. ang matsing bigyan mo man ng mansanas saging pa rin ang hanap-hanap.
kaya, ate, demand child support, work, and find a husband who will love you and who will only suck nips and clits.
I hope hindi mga taga-lonsi itong sina ram at andy. mga mapagkunwari at mapanggamit- hindi sila virtues ng mga taga-peyups.
miyako at Nov 26, 07 at 2:39 pm
hay naku ria… you need to make a choice! and i suggest leave ram! now na! wala syang bayag! im a gay but i symphatize with you. sometimes kasi ang mga bading dont know their limitations. girl… leave ram now! tama si jay, demand child support, get a job of your own and MOVE ON…
silinglabuyo at Nov 26, 07 at 2:45 pm
dear ria,,,
these are so lame,,,agreeing on this kind of set up,,,having a second child and still in this set up,,,having ram choose between you and andy,,,wanting to know whats in the minds of ram and andy…
your silence is eating you up,,,worst ur dying…then its time for you to speak up…and address issues…
here is my little list…
1. tell andy up and in-front of ram that kiss marks are a no no…unless ram needs that
2. two nyts with andy is way too much…cut it to one…reason:children are asking…unless ram wants your children to think that dady has a boifrend…or maybe ram is enjoying the sex dats y he extends the stay…
stop sending the ball back to ram or andy…u decide end up the game or play with it…
its all up to you if you stay on with this relationship but for me happiness at the expense of others most especially my happiness is not happiness at all!!!
for the children,,,whatever you choose they will understand clearly if both of you will explain thoroughly…
YAJNAT at Nov 26, 07 at 3:00 pm
I wish you the best, weigh everything carefully…God Bless!
peppoi at Nov 26, 07 at 4:21 pm
how big is this guy’s dick ba na hindi mo maiwan iwanan ? If he did not choose you, it means you are free. Wag mo nang ipagsiksikan ang sarili mo sa person that does not like you … at least leave with your dignity intact
steve at Nov 26, 07 at 4:38 pm
Go girl. kaya mo yan!
sapphire at Nov 26, 07 at 5:03 pm
oh and by the way, his being gay is a solid ground for annulment. Goodluck sa iyo.
Nokturna at Nov 26, 07 at 5:09 pm
You can earn enough to bail your husband out of the situation. Some men are weak kasi wa sila datung. if the woman is stronger in a marriage, she works for the family while the man becomes a househusband. There are plenty such cases. Or both can work to keep the whole family free and independent.
von tito at Nov 26, 07 at 5:34 pm
kahit ano mangyari family, always comes first. basic unit of every society, remember. wala na ibang tao, or common friends, pero family lasts. tapos na panahon ng paglipad para makalaya. ang pakpak ngayon should be used to protect the young as parent. maybe u can also used ur wings to protect ur husband kahit sandali sa ngayon. kasi ang hero naman e di namimili ng gender.
von tito at Nov 26, 07 at 6:15 pm
i agree with Nokturna that homosexual relationship within a marriage is a very good ground for annulment. tell that to ram and then leave him. he doesn’t deserve you and you definitely don’t deserve to be treated like the querida in this set-up. tama na ang pagbibigay. lumaban ka na!
cainam at Nov 26, 07 at 7:05 pm
to those of you who are insensitive to ria’s feelings, stop posting. she would not have married ram in the first place if she didnot love him, second there are the children to consider, yes she can ask for annulment but what about the kids,
ria my advice for you is to pray and listen to your heart. God knows no boundaries.
God bless and don’t lose faith
daisuke at Nov 26, 07 at 8:03 pm
i am amazed, at times, w/ the deluge of chatters here who can really give good pieces of advice. this what sets mgg apart from ordinary gay blogs. may puso d2…d lng kalibugan. hehehe. keep it up, fellows!
mark erik at Nov 26, 07 at 10:02 pm
Hello Ria,
I symphatize with you and it is really sad that you are in this situation. Please ask yourself – is it more hurting if you leave Ram than to be in this “threesome” kind of arrangement. Follow your instincts. Sometimes love makes us blind but if it makes us happier then go for it. Whatever would be your decision please be firm with it and move on with your life.
If I am in your shoe, if I really love a person more than anything else, I believe I will do the same thing which is to agree in a threesome kind of arrangement…but it’s really really hurting. God bless!
Duncan101 at Nov 26, 07 at 10:26 pm
You are doing the right thing Ria. You are a smart woman with a good heart and head.
If Ram does not choose you (or his lover) it’s his loss and definitely not yours.
I’m sure you’ll be fine. God bless.
wrestler at Nov 26, 07 at 11:20 pm
magandang storyline for a movie especially for filipino audience. parang pelikula ang estorya mo ria…but ang sa akin lang naman ay ang kapakanan ng iyong mga anak….paano na cla kung makikipaghiwalay ka kay ram? naisip mo ba na maaaring magkaroon ng stigma sa damdamin ng mga bata ang inyong separation? nakapagtiis ka na ng ilang panahon at kaya mo pa yan…at least alam mo ang pinasok mo bago ka nagpakasal kay ram.ituloy mo ang pagiging martyr mo at sinasabi ko sa iyo malapit nang dumating ang tunay na ligaya sa buhay ninyo ng buo mong pamilya mag kakasawaan na sina ram at andy sa kanilang relasyon nakikita ko yan…pag nangyari yon cguraduhin mong solong solo mo na si ram wag ka nang papayag na magkaroon pa uli ng karibal maging babae man o bakla…gandahan mo ang performance mo n bed kung maari higitan mo pa ang ginagawa ng mga bakla may edge ka nga sa mga bading dahil may tunay na armas ka…good luck!!! dagdagan mo pa ang pasensiyamo mahal mo naman ang asawa mo di ba? maniwala ka sa akin…maghihiwalay na ang dalawa…tutulungan kita gagamitan ko nga aking special powers!!!!
antonella at Nov 26, 07 at 11:33 pm
…its ssso obvious relationship that are based on “Deceit” and false pretense don’t actually work, whether its Gay or Straight! haller pipol? Unfortunately Ria got blinded by it! tsk tsk tsk
…If I were you Ria, “never look back unless you want to turn to a pillar of salt!” said the Angel to Lot warning her the destruction of Sodom and Gomorah, to say it naively! Oops!
…you might want to consider moving to America where you can start your life fresh and free!
…
Blonde_skinny_bitch at Nov 26, 07 at 11:57 pm
…btw to my neanderthal homosapien sssSistahs,
Blonde_skinny_bitch don’t scare that easily! I have larger balls than you think, coz this bitch wears PRADA! Oops!
Blonde_skinny_bitch at Nov 27, 07 at 12:07 am
Dali lang sana umalis sa bahay nila at iwanan ang asawa niya pero ito ang isa sa manifestations ng battered wife syndrome. Emotionally (and most of the time, physically battered na) pero hindi pa rin maiwan-iwan ang asawa dahil sa maraming bagay — kasama na rito ang financial security.
Sa tono ng huling sulat ni Ria, mukhang may disisyon na siya pero hindi pa rin niya magawang final kasi nga umaasa pa rin siya na siya ang pipiliin ni Ram sa huli. In other words, mukhang tatagal pa rin ang pagdurusa niya sa loob ng relasyon kung hindi siya kikilos nang decisive.
Battered wife syndrome is most common when the woman is so dependent upon the man for all her needs — financial, psychological, emotional, etc. Whether Ria can finally leave her past will be her own doing because what she’s going to do AFTER seems easier said than done, especially that her life equation becomes skewed because of the children. (“What will happen to me and my children?” “Shall I be able to make it on my own without my husband by my side?” “How will I face society?”) These and other tons of questions — and factoring the children in the equation — just drag the battered wife into the quagmire, which is sadly, of her own doing.
But this should not be the case. Ria should be able to find happiness — with her in the picture. (Whether or not Ram will be in that picture is really up to her.)
Ria, do what do you think is best. Once you’re through weighing the pros and cons of your decision, go for it. Don’t turn back. At the end of the day, remember that life is too short for you to be miserable. And always remember, happiness is, first and foremost, of your own making. You can’t find happiness if you look for it elsewhere.
Good luck!
tagosadilim at Nov 27, 07 at 12:33 am
ria dear…ok lang yan. Whatever happens, just bear in mind that God is with you, and since He wants you to have JUST the BEST, even if its not having Ram, prepare yourself to take on anything that’s gonna happen.
Kaya mo yan.
jh at Nov 27, 07 at 12:37 am
…”battered-wife-syndrome” is a sorry-ass-excuse for Stupidity! What? at this day and age! impossible! Why? coz the person running your country is a Woman! …her excellency Gloria Macapagal Arroyo …”hear her mighty roar, sssSistah!” Oops!
…and to US Democratic Presidential candidate Hilary Clinton! …you got my vote, oh yeah!
Blonde_skinny_bitch at Nov 27, 07 at 1:06 am
its ironic Hilary stand by her man after Monica brouhaha…what then are u saying bitch that Ria stayed with Ram?… make-up your mind!
jimg29 at Nov 27, 07 at 4:22 am
All the best, Ria. Kaya mo yan.
If you falter in your conviction, kantahin mo lang yung song na “I Am Woman”.
Actually, kantahin mo yon sa harap ng dalawang hitad na itu, para masaya!
Anyway, goodluck and ika nga ni Migs, World Peace!
Mikey_Liling at Nov 27, 07 at 4:24 am
Ria, if you don’t make a decision now, your life will go on downhill…sinisigurado ko sa yo yan. How can your current life (your husband sleeps with another man three nights a week) be better? I can NEVER be better. Now that you still have some sanity left, get out. Hindi na yan utang na loob. Gusto na rin ni Ram si Andy. tatlo ang best friends ko and they own a lot to me as well — financially and emotionally. Pero hello — I don’t see them sleeping with me just to say thank you for what I’ve done to them. In the same way, I don’t see myself (never did!) asking them to do it to me just because meron silang utang na loob sa akin. It is not just right. Your husband is married to you. Remember that.
It will be very tough for you, and I can only pray that you will overcome this “emotional tragedy”. But you have to cut your relationship with Andy as soon as possible if you love your kids AND yourself.
george at Nov 27, 07 at 8:16 am
has anyone mentioned professional help , as in therapy? this is a most dysfunctional relationship that will continue to no good end. do not go to a nunnery, go to psychiatry.
Raul at Nov 27, 07 at 8:51 am
ria, i know what ur going thru right now,i was once in that situation, but i was sensitive enough to know what to do that time and that was to let go the love of my life.til now we’re all good friends.and i think that was the best decision ive ever made so far in my life.i know naman sooner or later magkakahiwalay din kami. sa una lang nman masakit pro nasanay din ako.i always believe kc in my motto that there are lots of fishes in the ocean dba?i know somewhere,somehow there is someone meant for me,no matter how long it will takes.what u can do for now is focus ur attention to ur 2 beutiful children,be the best mom u could ever be to them, as for ram, just be there for him,give ur best service you could ever give him,don’t nag, kill him with kindness!hang on girl and keep on praying!Miracles do still happen!
paul at Nov 27, 07 at 9:17 am
Just a thought Ria:
If i were in your shoes, I would rather leave Ram and take my kids with me than letting him choose. If he comes after you, then he’s yours. And if he comes back, he should come back alone.
Letting go is not a sign of weakness but of srength.
Sa relasyon ng mag-asawa, wala kang dapat na kahati kundi ang iyong mga anak.
burned at Nov 27, 07 at 11:02 am
Stand up to those men and say what you want, you’ll feel relived afterwards. You just need the courage to do it.
Wilberchie at Nov 27, 07 at 12:25 pm
ganyang lalaki ang karibal mo, o cge, bakla , pano pa kaya kung babae yan at nabuntis ng asawa mo, d lalong kang nagtatarang dyan!
von at Nov 27, 07 at 12:33 pm
Dear Ria,
I guess it is already you call. When you said in your previous post that Ram cannot choose between you and Andy, then I guess you have to be brave enough to face all the consequences.
Have you ever asked Ram if he could live without your children? Or Any comes first before your children?
Let’s face it. You alredy know the situation before you go married but the only consideration now are your children.
Ram’s wanting to go and work abroad could be a move that he wants to reflect about your situation. The work abroad could be an alibi but I guess he also needs this time away from both of you, even with you children.
At times going away from home helps because it is only then that he would feel whom he longs for, whom he would like to stay with.
It is also a fact that Ram is already used to the lifestyle he has with Andy but can he survive without Andy/s support.
The best thing is encourage Ram to stay away and reflect and think of the future.
If he is ready to make sacrifices for the family without Andy’s support, well and good. But if he decides otherwise, then you must take all the courage and raise your children without their father, but let him give support.
You don’t have to fight over it or nag him about it, talk about it calmly, with respect.
But what can help you most, pray to Jesus and Mamma Mary to guide you in every step of the way. Let Mamma Mary be your source of strength, She being a mother and wife too, the prototype of every Christian.
Wish you all the best. Pray.
la bella italia at Nov 27, 07 at 1:23 pm
ria good luck!!!!!! gogogogogogogo!!!!
mouthworxz at Nov 27, 07 at 2:13 pm
inday ria,
alam mo, matalino ka..at alam ko magagamit mo yan sa panibago mong buhay. sige day, pray ka lagi at mahalin mo ang mga anak mo… masakit man sabihin pero, hindi kasi iyong-iyo ang asawa mo from the start pa eh.dun pa lang mistake na.. makakahanap ka rin ng taong magmamahal sa yo. promise!!!
laurel at Nov 27, 07 at 3:14 pm
i wish you the best miss ria. : )
even if i belong to the gay community i cant help but think of the welfare of your family. ram should be yours and yours only.
jet at Nov 27, 07 at 4:54 pm
dapat si andy talaga ang maggive up kasi ang relationship nila ang bawal. kung ako si andy i will give ram to ria. ok lang kahit na masaktan. im thinking about the children.
rodier at Nov 27, 07 at 6:16 pm
may mga nabasa ako na paano ang anak nila kung maghihiwalay sila…and my reaction is this..
sooner or later, malalaman din ng mga bata ang tungkol sa gay lover ng father nila.. and for me that is more painful than having a broken family.. if i am one of their daughters, it would kill me to see my mother amost killimg herself for a man that cannot even stand up for her..
kokey at Nov 28, 07 at 1:38 am
consistent sa galing ng pagkakasulat ng script….award winner sa future
tobby at Nov 28, 07 at 3:31 am
See, i told you. RAM is using either you or Andy or BOTH. Andy for the material things and you for the image. That guy does NOT love any of the 2 of you. Sorry but this what I feel on your situation.
Ria, I wish you all the best and the strength to face the truth.
Ssyoki at Nov 28, 07 at 3:49 am
I’m kinda wondering why sunset is a lot colorful than sunrise…
I guess it’s the irony of life…
There is good in goodbyes.
Isaribi at Nov 28, 07 at 10:29 am
honestly, sweetie…there are so many things that you can do about it and its a matter of choice…letting your husband decide is not one of them! you should be the the one to decide if you’ll leave him or not. i know what im telling you is not at all easy but this is the first step and its up to you if you want to take it. know your value. if you believe you are worth more than how he treats you…then move on girl!=D
fratboi02 at Nov 28, 07 at 11:50 am
i am gay and even if i am happy cohabitating with my bf for more than three years now, i always expected that this kind of relationship will last, i can’t give him the kids he want and i know that he deserves a woman in his life, i am a gay and that is my destiny, to be with him in such a short span, to have him share with me his love is already something i am happy about, it’s funny that i even prod him to get married now, we both know ours is temporal happiness…that is the bitter fact and i have learned to accept that, i just hope ANDY is thinking about the same thing or might have thought about it but isn’t ready yet…you might need more time to be a martyr ria…just my thoughts…^^
lordmanilastone at Nov 28, 07 at 12:48 pm
ria,
we had the same exact story. My lover Charles is RAM on your story, me is the andy. Before, I thought that our relationship will last forever we’ve been together for 7 years before he married LEA. I realized that this gay relationship will not last even if we love each other so much, because a man needs a family that will give him genuine happiness which i cannot give. So Ria… one thing!!! FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT!!! Andy should give up RAM… dont let him take ram away from… kung kaya mong ipaglaban ng patayan do it… Am gay and I condemn those gay selfish…
jaye at Nov 29, 07 at 2:44 am
Ria,
I just feel that your problem is really just how to accept the reality of your situation. I think deep down inside you is the fact that you can’t LEARN to accept it. You feel DEFEATED. But by letting RAM choose between you or Choosing to leave RAM will end up in vain. Whoever has who? in this case is NOT really the issue. Even if you all parted ways, you will wind up empty and scarred for the rest of your life. When you all grow old, it is how you have managed to live with your husband and his lover in the end. You all become an extension of each other. Your kids will find it comic but it will work. Stick with it, I say.
livwitit at Nov 29, 07 at 10:43 am
… i still dont get why a woman with two kids would read this site.. i dont buy the “to ask for help” response.. you’d have to go through several other posts and regularly too to figure that out.. something is still fishy..
alexander madrigal at Dec 1, 07 at 11:17 am
hhmmm…
regardless if this story is true or not, as some reactions suggested, i think it was a good show off of how we think. That even if one of our kind is involved, we still side with what we think and feel is just.
hope ria finds clarity in all these suggestions…and formulates her own course of action and conclusion, one that she will be able to stand by with, no matter what the consequence might be.
gudlak!
lands at Dec 5, 07 at 6:46 am
Ria,
First let me greet you merry Christmas.
You have been through a lot, I should say. You may have felt wounded – defeated even. However, you are blessed with two beautful darlings, which alone can give you endless happiness. Andy, however, will never have kids – he will be left with nothing if Ram decides to leave him (which unfortunately, was not Ram’s choice).
Based on what Ram said before, he will not choose any of you. That means he does not want to lose you or Andy. In any case, he is weak and he cannot live without the security of a family, which you and your kids provide and, should I say the love of the man he also loved before you.
The predicament here is that Andy cannot choose for himself because he simply wants both of you to stay. It’s his dilemma not yours or Andy’s. I sympathize with you totally, but I think I hadn’t seen anyone who was interested in what Ram feels. I think seven years is enough for him to know what he himself needs. If he’s happy with Andy (na mashadong maganda), then leave him and live a happy life with your kids. I hope Ram has the balls to support you and your kids through this. It will be hard, there will be a lot of changes but you are a strong woman. You will pull through.
I hope your kids become as strong as you and may you find another relationship where you will feel cherished and loved. Thank you for the inspiration.
PS: No matter what happens, don’t forget to pray. Secure the future of yout kids first. Whatever God has planned for you, time will reveal. There is a bright future ahead.
Sinned Angel at Dec 21, 07 at 7:49 pm
If you love him, then set him free.
Bakla ang asawa mo.
I don’t think your kids will respect you once they know about the set-up that you made yourself a party to.
dr magsasaka at Jan 10, 08 at 9:57 pm
that is exactly the reason why we exist… exactly the reason why there are fag hags.. i just hope that you now has respect for gay guys.. i hope that you’ll be happier.. my mom has the same case.. and my dad left us a long long time ago.. i have great respect for single moms.. they tend to raise good people.. just never forget to give your kids all the love you can give them.. i don’t know where i heard this… maybe on a tv ad.. ang batang minahal ay taong marunong magmahal…
joshua at Feb 6, 08 at 7:48 pm
Seven years is way too long. And Ram had a very generous time to end his relationship with Andy.It is time that you received the undivided attention and love that a supportive wife deserved.If Ram can not give it to you, then you have to give yourself and your kids the chance to find the husband and father that will give your family the 100%. Shame on you RAM, you do not deserved Ria’s love and understanding. You are such an understanding wife and an amazing mother!
Vavaboom at Mar 29, 08 at 6:05 pm
To Andy, bakla, iwan mo na si Ram. Putek ka! Magdusa ka na lang gurl kasi kawawa naman family ni Ram. To Ram, pag wala na si Andy, hwag ka maghanap ng lalake. Mahalin mo pamilya mo. Di po kasi pwede pumili ng dalawa. Dapat isa lang. Dapat kontrolin and sarili sa kapwa lalake kasi may asawa ka na gurl. To Rhia, gurl, stand for your rights! Asawa ka, legal yan sa mata ng diyos at tao. Dapat sayo si Ram. Pero sa tingin ko and ending, lumayas ka, mag negosyo ka, magpakayaman ka. yun lang.
pepe at Sep 14, 08 at 1:02 pm
I’m sorry this reply is almost 1 year late but I’m new to this site.
As you may know from my code name, I am a lawyer. I shall try to dispense advise — both personal with a sprinkling of legal, as emotionally detached as I can.
WHO SHOULD MAKE THE CHOICE?
I understand that you have made your husband, Ram, choose between you and Andy and that every time you ask him to, he always has this stock answer that you “should not make him choose because he will not choose any (of you).”
This clearly means that Ram will NEVER make a choice. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Ria, this is your life — and that of your daughters. YOU will have to make the choice. YOU! Not Ram. Not Andy. Your happiness should based on YOUR OWN CHOICE and NOT the choice of others.
THE CHOICE
The question is simple: Are you willing to share your husband with Andy? You alone are to answer this question. Do NOT be swayed by the advice of other “well-meaning” people. In fact, do NOT even share this problem with friends, and especially, family. Go see a (non-religious) counselor if you want.
Make a choice, Ria BUT once you make your decision, PANINDIGAN MO.
IF YOU CHOOSE YES
If you are willing to share Ram with Andy, you have to be aware that RAM IS NOT YOURS ALONE. Like a children’s toy, YOU WILL SHARE RAM WITH ANDY. ANDY WILL HAVE AS MUCH RIGHT TO RAM AS YOU HAVE.
Upon making this decision, have a heart-to-heart talk with Andy and Ram. When you meet, keep all emotions in check (i.e., bawal manumbat, bawal magsalita ng masasakit, bawal mag-taas ng boses).
During this meeting, be sure to set all the parameters of this relationship. ERASE the Old Rules and make NEW Rules. Make sure that both of you can give in to “special days” like anniversaries and birthdays.
IF YOU CHOOSE NO
If you can no longer stomach the situation, tell Ram and set a meeting with the 3 of you. Tell them that you cannot live on like this. Tell both of them that you want an annulment and that you want support for your daughters.
Again, when you meet, keep all emotions in check (i.e., bawal manumbat, bawal magsalita ng masasakit, bawal mag-taas ng boses).
THE CHILDREN
Whatever your choice will be, NEVER, I repeat, NEVER divulge to your children about RAM and ANDY. Give Ram the respect to inform your children at the time he so pleases (your daughters should be of the right age). Your daughters must know that whatever Ram entered into with Andy, he loves them — this is needed for your daughters’ emotional security.
Never use your children as pawns. If you do choose to leave Ram, never withhold your children from Ram.
CONCLUSION
Ria, the choice is yours. I will not try to convince you what to do. You and you alone can decide what is best for yourself.
I wish you all the best.
Attorney at Nov 6, 08 at 1:49 pm
i wonder what happened to ria now? ria are u there? update us girl…
komiks at Apr 7, 09 at 12:18 pm
I too am wondering what happened to Ria. Hope she will share with us the moral story of her experience.
Ria, you are a strong woman, carrying on the heavy burden alone!
Seeking to hear the PLUs is a privilege. Beacuse not all of us side with the bad intentions. Personally, I still wish you the best. I am one to include you in my prayers for your peace of mind (so please let mus know if you are now okay).
Your husband deserves a lesson of being sure who he is and what he wants in life. What she wants your little angels to be.
Sana’y di siya namangka sa dalawang ilog. He should have thought once, twice the consequences and avoided hurting other people.
Utang na loob has been abused too much. And should not be the way of life.
Luvkou at Jan 20, 10 at 3:57 pm