Manila Gay Guy
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Hello Migs,

How are you? I’m an avid reader of This blog helps a lot of gay people to share information and stories. This really makes you one of the best things that happened to the Filipino gay community.

Anyway I’m writing to you to share my own story and I wish to seek for your personal advice as I know that you are a very reasonable person with sound judgment. My story started when I was 13 years old. During that time I already knew that I was gay. Nobody knows within my family and circle of friends. I was invited by one of my cousins to attend a birthday party in their house. He was 21 years old that time. After the party, I told my cousin that I needed to go home since my curfew was 10pm. He told me that it was better that I stayed overnight as it was not safe anymore to go home. In short I spent the night in their house.

I slept on my cousin’s bed. He had a queen size bed so we just shared although we had our own kumot. Around 2am, I notice that he placed his leg on my tummy. My reaction was to remove his leg which I felt was a bit heavy. By the way, he was half drunk that time. My cousin is 5’10” tall, dark and has a very lean and nice body. His face is cute, a typical Filipino type. Back to the story, I removed his leg and then I also put aside my own kumot. I knew that time that he was still not sleeping so I ask him if I can share his kumot. He did not reply so I took his kumot. He embraced me and he put back again his leg but this time not in my tummy but on top of my di**. Of course I had a hard on and I took his hand and ask him to play with my toy. He did not do it, rather he turned away from me. When he did that, I embraced him instead. After I noticed that it was okay with him, I started to touch his di**. He had an instant hard on. I played with it until my hand became tired. When I stopped playing with his di**, he grabbed my hand and asked me to continue what I was doing to him. To cut the story short, he came…

The following morning, my cousin did not talk to me. From then on, every time we meet he would avoid me. He never talked to me again. My cousin is now married and he has already 2 children. I saw him again last week after 20 years in our family reunion. I thought that he had forgotten already the incident that took place in the past. Until now he does not talk to me and every time I tried to open a conversaion, he would avoid me.

I’m wondering why he has such an attitude. Do you think that he feels guilty about the said incident? Does any of your reader have the same experience? What do you think is the best way to open up a conversation with my cousin? Or is it the best way that I should stop communicating with him because he wants to avoid me? I don’t know why I don’t feel guilty about it. I just thought during those time that I am still young and maybe I was just curious.

Please let me have your opinion about my situation.

Thank you and more power to you.

* * *

Dearest D.K.

Your cousin is obviously carrying the baggages of guilt feelings from that fateful night. You do not have to carry the same burden. Whatever his reasons are in avoiding you — just let go and perhaps accept the fact that it is not your issue anymore. You’ve tried to reach out, and as they say, it takes two to tango. Besides, when the incident happened, you were 13 and he was 21. Anong ina-arte-arte niya ha! Maybe this is one major factor why his guilt is eating him up.

Pero naman, if you really want to talk to him, sige na, go try one last time. Make it short and sweet: tell him it’s okay, and you want to put everything behind. Now if he still is adamant about avoiding you then, go, dust off your sandals and walk away. Let him be. There are many more things in life to experience, appreciate, and enjoy. Go out, and smell the flowers! Having learned how it was to feel avoided and not spoken to, try to appreciate the people around you more. Be a shining example of cheerfulness in the middle of a crazy world. And while you’re at it, regularly say a little prayer for dear tall, dark, and “lean body” cousin — may he find peace despite that one playful, fateful taboo night.


Comments (33)

  1. Ynetten said on 02-12-2010

    I had a different experience. It was my favorite teacher’s husband. It all started inside a movie house. Of course, that was as old as the story at hand.
    Being a student then, my free time was Sunday after mass. And I always look forward to watching movies. No cruising then yet for me.
    All of a sudden, just after sitting down in one of the last rows, I felt a hand moving in the groin area. Sure enough, because, still dark after getting in, I sideswept the hand.
    He didn’t move out of the area. Instead, he continued to make advances. Ultimately, I gave in.
    Only to find out, it was my fav teacher’s husband. In fact, crush niya raw ako when he saw me first sinundo asawa niya. Naulit pa yon several times. but very civil kaming dalawa.
    What I mean, the guilty feeling should not linger especially after 20 or more years.
    My feeling, as a devil’s advocate,your coz is also a closet, a most guarded one. Kaya he can’t take off the experience. Anyway, be consistent, discreet and decent, in dealing with him.

  2. Ernest said on 05-09-2008

    Hey, bro, let go of it tutal matagal na ring nangyari ‘yun. The best thing is that you do not see him regularly. You have tried talking to him at ayaw pa niya. Wala ka ng problema dun nasa kanya na. Pag kasi hindi mo inalis sa isipan mo ang burden mo ngayon, that will still continue to haunt you and you would have hard time moving on, magi-guilty ka lamang. Mas marami pang mabigat ang problema sa iyo but they were able to survive. Bakit siya lamang ba ang pinsan at tao sa mundo. Ayaw niya eh ‘di wag!

  3. MAXIMO said on 13-04-2008

    i am still looking forward of having the pics of Tony antonio (vinatage hunk). its been 20 years, but he is my fantasy untill now… please gave some update.

  4. blink said on 26-02-2008

    i dont know. i’ve had a lot of incest experiences with my 3 cousins. different periods. different scenes. i dont know. you might not believe this but i had my first taste of a real wang when i was in grade2. ofcourse i dont know what was happening then. 2 of my cousins were doing this to me at the same time. i felt abused. but thats so ages ago. one more thing, the husband of my cousin almost i dont know ‘raped’ me. he was the first to go and explore my down there.

    again that was ages ago. im now 18. haha.

  5. nars said on 15-12-2007

    forget it. for sure malilimutan nya rin un kung magkakaron xa ng alzheimers..hehe.. malapit na un coz he’s getting old na, susceptible na xa for that… haha

  6. pepe said on 09-12-2007

    ay naku, avoid him. Bakit? yung cousin mo lang ba ang may titi sa mundo? yun lang po.

  7. ernesto said on 03-12-2007

    I think natatakot lang yung cousin mo na baka ipagsabi mo yung nangyari sa inyo

  8. aaron said on 03-12-2007

    you just need to talk.
    it also happened to me when i was 10, my cousin was 13. we also had the very same gap as with you. i was trying to overcome the guilty feeling by trying to talk to him but it wont work. perhaps because we were so young by then.
    after 10 years, we just talked. that’s it. we talked as if nothing happened.

  9. Fernando IX said on 02-12-2007

    my straight cousin and I held each others cocks several times and jerked. he has four children now. we still talk, but just civilly.

    i dont give much thought to what happened in the past. its just part of this so-called gaylife.

  10. ethan said on 02-12-2007

    Why are stories about a sexual encounter with a cousin so common in the gay world?

  11. p said on 01-12-2007

    incest, move on. stop dreaming to be together. one time i felt my sleeping cousins dick, it was fun at the time but now parang kadiri. parang form of rape.

  12. chuchucaracas said on 01-12-2007

    my goodness 20 years ago hindi ka pa nakaka-move on girl! balak mo ba jowain yang pinsan mo? girl kaya wit ka pinapansin ng pinsan mo kasi hindi naman big deal sa kanya yun pero malamang dun umikot ang pagiging bading mo. ang tanong lahat ba ng pinsan kailangang kausapin? lahat ba ng nahada kailangang kamustahin?

  13. milo said on 30-11-2007

    i thought that you should move on, feeling so concern about what had happened will make things worse. its your life and feeling you should protect not your insensitive cousin, i guess.. ??

  14. hotguy said on 30-11-2007

    ako, wala pang experience…huhuhu

  15. laurel said on 30-11-2007

    migs actually said it all…tadaaaaah!!!

  16. chickoo said on 30-11-2007

    Problema ba ‘to?!? Kung ayaw n’yang makipag-usap, EH ‘DI H’WAG! LOL Seriously though, to the writer: There are far worse problems in this world than an a**hole relative who won’t talk to you. Mr. Moderator Migs, I love your site and I visit it regularly. My week isn’t over ’til I’ve checked my Pinoy male blogs, incl. yours. It’s nice and healthy to share and share opinions when someone has a problem but OA na IMHO. We’re not qualified to give expert advice and, c’mon, let’s put this in perspective, 99% of people here go to this site for d**, not Ate Helen. Just IMHO lang ‘to ha. Salamat.

  17. tagosadilim said on 30-11-2007

    Much ado about nothing. Is it him or you that can’t get over it? It’s been 20 years ago so why bother. If he doesn’t want to see you or talk to you, it’s not your problem. Get over it. Move on.

  18. radical hard on said on 30-11-2007

    just let go. you’ve taken all the punches already, and it’s now time for you to move on. if you’re cousin’s really difficult to deal with then it isn’t your problem anymore. he came that night, and that’s the salt of the story. just don’t carry the crap and complexities anymore. your cousin’s getting old already. what’s he gonna do, keep on avoiding you? duh! like he’s gonna die with that burden at heart? he enjoyed it. he wouldn’t come if he didn’t, to begin with.

  19. fish said on 30-11-2007

    had a same experience with my cuz when we were so, so young. he went to the states. we saw each other after 14 years. me asawa na sya. we were civil but never awkward. thank God di naman nya ako iniiwasan or something. i guess we simply shrugged off everything that had happened and moved on.
    So Dk, let him be na lang. Ikaw na lang mag move on.

  20. jang chul soo said on 30-11-2007

    really nice stories! am getting turned on by these first time experiences! hehehe

  21. Jedd said on 30-11-2007

    Oh my.. The deluge of letters this week! They’re relentless! Waaahuhuh! Can we a have separate forum for this kind of thing? A real discussion board for the where anyone can just post their letters directly and members can give their advice? I realize these are pressing isssues for many people out there, and I do find them interesting at times but they are interfering with our regular broadcast! I MISS our damn BOYS dammnit!!!!

  22. ewan said on 29-11-2007

    dear ate migs na naman ulit…hihihi…nauuso na talaga to…

    i think naguiguilty sya, he felt he had a hand in turning you gay…btw, are you openly gay now? because if you are, then the above assumption would be true pero kung hindi marahil me nacreate na tension within him yung experience and the more he gets close to you, the more it will surface…

    let him be nlng…

  23. leo said on 29-11-2007

    Live and let live.

  24. maniaxxx said on 29-11-2007

    if he doesn’t want to talk to you then so be it. just be civil with him if you happen to be in the same family gathering. mahirap nang ma-involve ang buong family ninyo kung bigla siyang magwala or something pag pinilit mong chumika sa kanya.

  25. julian said on 29-11-2007

    ako i saw my cousin masturbating when i was 12-13,nagulat kami pareho kasi bigla ako pumasok sa kwarto nya,eh medyo nahiya ako kaya lumabas agad ako,he was 17-18 siguro that time. pero mula nun palagi ko siyang sinisilipan pag naliligo siya hehe. daks talaga at makapal ang hair down there pero di naman siya balbon,ganun lang hanggang silip lang ko,ilan beses ko din nasilipan habang nagmamasturbate siya,during that time mahilig akong bumili ng mga bold magazines,SUPER HOT ang name nun magazine,mostly for straight guys ang laman nun pero later medyo nag-cater na di sa bi-gay crowd,dun ko nakita pictures nina gino antonio,mark joseph,greggy liwag,tony martinez,michael alfers,meron pa nga si ronaldo valdez-he had a nice butt,anyway,ipinapain ko yun mga magazin sa pinsan ko at pag nagmasturbate na siya eh di silip nako sa butas na ginawa ko. hehe.

  26. Ssyoki said on 29-11-2007

    leave it behind. if hes avoiding you so be it. is that bothering you? it should not.

  27. kiko said on 29-11-2007

    I always believe that people can be stucked up with a past experience. You’re cousin have choose to be stucked up while I think you have decided to move on. We are all products of our past but we need not be victims of it. You can only control yourself, not others. Be happy with what you are and have now. We can’t just live hoping people will like us. We all have a beautiful life to live. Smile!
    By the way, that also happened to me with a cousin and two distant uncles. hehehe! Part of my naughty childhood…

    dr nelson

  28. Wilberchie said on 29-11-2007

    Don’t mind him. I have the same experience with my cousin. Although, we do it whenever we want. Like migs said, you tried reaching out. You did your part, let him do his.

  29. fratboi02 said on 29-11-2007

    you were 13??? wow…when that was my age…i did not even know what masturbating was! hahaha.
    just let it be…he has his reasons for not talking to you…and the beauty of it all is that you really do not have to talk to him either…talking about it will only take out the thrill of having a dirty little secret with him!=D

  30. jimg29 said on 29-11-2007

    D.K. your 41 yrs old cousin is ashamed of what he had done in the past. Let it go, just put the experience in the back burner. You are 33 yrs old now and gay enough not to repeat the same mistake.Maybe he hasn’t forgiven himself for what he had done to u in such a young tender age.

  31. peppoi said on 29-11-2007

    Yup, I had similar. Mine was with a distant uncle…Anyway, smile lang pag nakita mo sya tapos sabay talikod na mauunahan mo syang umiwas; you need to show him that you’re not into him. Kasi baka isipin nya gusto mo na naman kaya siguro nag-aavoid…Goodluck.

  32. andree said on 29-11-2007

    ako naman dk,
    hindi lang sa pinsan ko nagnyari..
    pati sa uncle ko..
    dalawang cousin ko ang naging mejo FF ko..
    pero hanggang dun lang.. kung kelan lang namin gusto, eh di go..
    sa uncle ko naman.. i was exploring, eh game pala ang lolo po.. well, once lang naman nangyari.. pero nung married na siya, hindi na naulit(umaasa ba?hehekidding..)
    butr we still talk, ndi na nga lang about dun..
    ung isang couz ko naman, natigil lang ung pagiging ff namin nung umalis na siya for US..
    ung isa naman, actually i was exploited or raped even.. kasi i was very young pa nun.. as in YOUNG..
    he wants me to eat him up, eh hindi ko naman alam kung ano ung ginagawa ko.. to make the story short, he opened the door for me..
    sad! pero totoo…
    but now, wala na..
    we don’t talk about it but i can still remember it as if i was just yesterday.

  33. cast said on 29-11-2007

    hayaan mo na lang…. 20 years na pala at parang galit pa siya (?)…. at medyo nakainom siya nun di ba? … and ginusto din nya un…and now at least nag try ka na kausapin siya… sweet smile ka na lang palagi pag me reunion kau… at tama si Migs, ipagdasal mo din…

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