Hay lovelife. Ayan na naman, I feel the pangs of loneliness na naman. Even after that grand epiphany on singlehood, sad na naman. Parang di naman yata maaalis ito. It is less felt at times, but paminsan-minsan, tumitingkad pa rin. But you know, it’s Christmas time at ang dami-daming puwede pagka-abalahan more than just the feeling of lovelessness. Andiyan ang sangkatutak na Christmas parties at barkada get-togethers. Araw-araw the past week, and yes this coming week din, may party akong naka-schedule. Araw-araw, as in Janvier Daily. Grabe. But ganyan naman talaga this time of year. Eh bakit nga ba sa dami ng mga nangyayari, in the midst of all these action eh sumisingit pa rin yang si lovelessness factor? Bakit ba ang national anthem ko ngayon ay this particular stanza ni Whitney Houston:
Each day, each day I play the role
Of someone always in control
But at night I come home and turn the key
Theres nobody there, no one cares for me
Whats the sense of trying hard to find your dreams
Without someone to share it with
Tell me what does it mean?
Hay. Ka-drama.
Heto may chika ako sa inyo. One December evening last week, I was about to retire to my bed nang biglang tumawag si Chinoy, my Amboy, sosi friend. “Hey Migs, I’m on my way to your unit. You ok with that?” Siyempre pumayag ako. First visit niya yun sa place ko. During that brief phone call I wasn’t able to ask him why he wanted to come. And because ours is really a 100% pure unadulterated friendship (no sex involved) I thought he just had something to confide, and he wanted to do it personally. No hanky-panky. And I was right. After he admired the simple beauty of my self-designed pad, we sat down and he started to talk about how he had a crush on me. The guy’s pretty straightforward. Diretsuhan talaga. Ako mismo ang nagulat. My response? Sabi ko, bakit ngayon lang niya sinabi. Then I ended with, “it’s much better we stay this way.” Yan. Nagpa-Maria Clara ang lola ninyo. Recited the poem of everlasting friendship eklavu vs. the ode to the fleetingness of romance. Even if, admittedly, I like Chinoy. Yup, I like him. Sige na, cast the first stone. Ang tanga-tanga ko. Ang excuse ko lang, I think I was too proud to admit it to him in his face. I was caught unaware. Pero regardless, tanga talaga ako. Tanga nga ba?
Chinoy is one of the smartest guys I’ve dated. He graduated magna cum laude from one of the top schools in the country, and finished his Masters in an Ivy League school in the US East Coast. He comes from a really good family, which explains his prim and proper ways, may breeding talaga. But what amazes me is, he’s cool too — in a jologs kind of way, and I find that so cute, hahaha! (Imagine, in one of our dinner dates, he brought me to a Pares place!) We pretty much love to do the same things, like hang out lang and talk — for hours on end, listen to the same type of music, read pretty much the same books, etc. I can go on and on substantiating my attraction to this guy. But why continue? Bottomline is, I like the guy na nga.
And the sad part is, I told him pointblank that I want us to be just friends. He seems to be the perfect fit for me, pero I said what I said. Interestingly, I have this feeling that I actually meant what I said. Parang tama lang na we should remain friends. And I thought long and hard about it. The drama queen inside me triumphed with a justification. Keber na sa lovelessness, loneliness and everything. Basta, I never want to lose this kind of guy. I never want to lose Chinoy. Not even for love.
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