[...] – from “Lovely, Loveless Christmas“ [...]

“Each day, each day I play the role
Of someone always in control
But at night I come home and turn the key
Theres nobody there, no one cares for me
Whats the sense of trying hard to find your dreams
Without someone to share it with
Tell me what does it mean? ”

migs, if u feel good about what you’ve told chinoy, i think thats what you really want.
although i understand what the other reader’s are saying about telling chinoy that you like him too, i also understand the fear.

hay buhay…

“Dear XXXXXX,

It’s a new year. A time to cherish the memories of the past and a time to look forward what lies ahead. I want to start my year right and I want to start it by doing the right things. I suppose that one will not live life to the fullest if one lives in sheer pretension, for lying to oneself is the pretense of it all. I never want to be in bondage of what I feel. I always hold true to myself but not this time.

It’s never wrong to look at life through rose-colored glasses. It’s been a while since I gave myself a chance to be happy. What kept me from doing so is the fear to let the other person down. I never wanted him to feel I took advantage of the friendship and look beyond the meaning of the words that were never in between. I never wanted him to feel betrayed. I forced myself to oblivion, believing that what I felt never existed. It’s like a gnawing feeling of swimming in the vast sea, every kick seems to be a futile effort to move against the current.

Never in my life I felt so sure of myself. Never did I meet someone who sees life exactly the way I do. I was in grand illusion of a Utopia I created for myself not even knowing if the other could simply exist in the world I created. I always like his drive, his passion for life, his ambitions that fit exactly into mine like a fine velvet glove. The way he put God in the center of his life is what I found truly remarkable in him. It’s one thing that I value the most when I look at a person. He simply made me happy. I never felt so appreciated and trusted, because of this I never wanted to break his faith in me. However, I could never continue to lie and keep convincing myself that what I truly felt does not exist. How can I be honest to others if I am not to myself?

It has been said, that if you truly love someone, you have to let him go. That’s exactly what I’m doing right now. Letting go and fighting for something I consider that is worth fighting for. I will be honest before it’s too late. I will be true to myself, I will be true especially to you.”

From then on, I never heard a word from him.