Jan
10

Attorney

Issues, Love and Dating Entry Feed Trackback

I felt good. No, I felt great. He, Attorney, motioned with his eyes, and I knew he wanted me to lay my head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around me. We were in my hotel suite that night, the room light was dim and yellow, but his handsome moreno face — sometimes sweet, sometimes fierce — stood out, amidst the man-made luxury around us. See, I had this huge suite all for myself when I attended a corporate function, so I texted him — join me, and he did. We were supposed to just hang out that night. But as the cliche goes, one thing led to another, thus I found myself naked, kissing, embracing a likewise naked attorney. And he kissed me too, embraced me, tenderly, as if he loved me.

Out of the blue, he told me, “please don’t fall in love with me.”

Like a jolt of reflex I replied, “no, don’t worry. I can control my heart.”

A puzzled look, then he said, “Can, or can’t?”

I repeated myself, “I can… CAN… I can control my heart. I will NOT fall in love with you.”

A pregnant silence, then he replied with an almost inaudible “good.”

Suddenly the images of his two kids popped in my head.

* * *

We made love, errr… had sex, wild sex that night in my hotel suite. Afterwards, he showered. When he finished, I showered too. I came out of the shower and saw him all dressed up, as if leaving, but he was lying on the bed. I was in my sleeping attire, ready to retire for the night. I laid down beside him, and said, “stay for the night.”

With eyes still closed he replied, “I can’t.”

“Why?”

“My girlfriend is going to my pad to stay the night. 3 AM.”

Silence.

Then he embraced me. Kissed me on the lips, very lightly, his eyes still closed.

I whispered very lightly, “stay.”

Silence.

* * *

I woke up from a light slumber, my arms around him. I felt him move, as if waking up too. Half asleep, and half panicking he asked, “hey what time is it?”

“4:28 AM,” I answered.

“Shit.”

Silence.

He wrapped his arms around me, then a light peck on my cheek. Next thing I knew he was again in sleeplandia.

* * *

At 6 AM, we were both awake. He checked his phone.

“Kaye’s mad at me, I’m going to her house now,” he said, referring to the girlfriend.

“OK,” I said.

Before he walked out of the suite door, Attorney kissed me on the lips. As the door closed, I wondered, wouldn’t Kaye smell my perfume on her boyfriend’s clothes? Wouldn’t she taste my saliva on her boyfriend’s lips? Wouldn’t she get silently mad when Attorney turns down her advances because he just had one hell of a wild bed experience with me?

I snuggled back to bed, asking myself — what’s happening to me? And suddenly I didn’t feel that good anymore.

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78 Comments So Far

  1. oh my! naging marupok ka…subalit enjoy naman…kaya lang nakakakonsensya, pero ok lang. sometimes u get to live life without hurting others but there will come a time you that u will, but who cares, ganyan talaga….kaya lang di ko rin alam kung ano ba talaga importante, yung hindi ka makasakit o ikaw na lang masaktan. sacrifice kaba o hwag na. basta kayong dalawa napagkasunduan nyong ipaglaban then it is worth pursuing, pag hindi hwag na lang….kung urong sulong just go with the flow until such time na alam na nya where to stand and whom to really love…

    jj at Jan 10, 08 at 11:32 pm

  2. oh my god.. you write very beautifully, migs. it’s as if the very words show your emotions. i felt the an entire gamut of human emotions while reading your story. it’s the kind that speaks out to a reader and makes him think about things in his own life. thank you migs. i hope you find the answers you seek.

    dicktonite at Jan 10, 08 at 11:34 pm

  3. nice work of fiction. you should collect your stories & publish them.

    Dr. Laura at Jan 10, 08 at 11:43 pm

  4. First! haha I’m not sure what you’re doing Migs, but it looks like it would not end up good, no matter what happens.

    Josh at Jan 10, 08 at 11:43 pm

  5. I really hope that you won’t fall Migs… Co’z this could be one hell of a heartache. Your situation has a foreboding bitterness written all over it…

    Guard your heart.

    Better yet, stop. Before things get too deep.

    concerned guy at Jan 10, 08 at 11:58 pm

  6. hmmmm….im interested to meet an attorney like yours.

    hehehe :-) anyone?

    supermanix at Jan 11, 08 at 12:34 am

  7. Better pull out before you get in too deep. Habang lumalalim, there’s going to be a whole lot more reconstruction of self-worth that you’ll have to deal with when you do get out of this later.
    –
    Damnit, to the guys with relationships out there pwede bang tigilan niyo na ang mga singles@%$#@ Tangena. And to the single men, get the fukc off our boyfriends&^%$@

    Jedd at Jan 11, 08 at 12:47 am

  8. Congratulations! Your blog has been nominated for Pinoy Blog Superstar December 2007! Check out my latest entry for details!

    empress maruja at Jan 11, 08 at 12:49 am

  9. we’re two very straight acting top guys who are together and we do threeways all the time. we had a young lawyer for a boy toy, he’s such a hunk and handsome moreno looks. sometimes he does it in his locked office when he feels the need, but no one suspects he is one of us. no one know about us too. this world we live in, different strokes for different folks. if effeminate guys demand respect for their choice, closeted guys like me, my partner and that one hot lawyer boy, among many others deserve the same kind of respect too. many out and proud and loud dudes, just go ballistic everytime they find out about people in hiding like us. but it’s a choice and a way of life. live and let live.

    two guys at Jan 11, 08 at 1:52 am

  10. migs,
    if this is really just pure harmless, emotion-free sex. go for it. screw everyone else.
    but KUNG HINDE MO KAYA PANINDIGAN ang sinabi mo,
    leave now or forever hold your peace when the fall out comes.
    trust me, either way there will be a fallout. question is when, and how.
    hmm. si attorney pala ang dahilan kaya absentee friend ka lately ha. (insert sinister laughter)

    raymund gerard at Jan 11, 08 at 2:10 am

  11. how and where did u meet him?

    larrygp at Jan 11, 08 at 3:43 am

  12. Nice story hahaha pretty complicated but very interesting

    Maru Beni Jamraru at Jan 11, 08 at 4:15 am

  13. Are you happy?

    It’s not your responsibility to make everyone happy. But it’s your responsibility to make yourself happy.

    Anyway, is Kaye gay? (Rhyme?)

    “Kaye smell my perfume on his boyfriend’s clothes? Wouldn’t she taste my saliva on his boyfriend’s lips?”

    Isaribi at Jan 11, 08 at 7:49 am

  14. Oh well! Life is indeed exciting.

    dennis at Jan 11, 08 at 7:58 am

  15. It seems Mr. Migs had been dating prized-catch guys – basketball player, actor, and lately a lawyer. Hahahaha! How come some guys get so lucky?

    God bless, Mr. Migs. May you find happiness with your Attorney.

    leo at Jan 11, 08 at 8:21 am

  16. girl na girl ang lola

    mariah curry at Jan 11, 08 at 9:31 am

  17. ^ If they are prized-catch indeed, Migs will be immensely happy and wouldn’t feel guilty, depressed, heartbroken in his blog entries.

    Matteo at Jan 11, 08 at 9:45 am

  18. I hope the lawyer is not making a lawsuit from this affair.

    Cheers! =)

    Jp at Jan 11, 08 at 10:45 am

  19. You’re in fatuated now…be careful…it leads to something deeper later on…

    ;-)

    peppoi at Jan 11, 08 at 10:58 am

  20. Ang landi mo! Kerengkeng ka!
    Cge lang at pa-lafangin mo ng Lily’s Peanut Butter yung Bilat. :)

    Ang dami na namang matronang kumarir!
    Go ka lang, follow your puso/puson…

    MsNinja at Jan 11, 08 at 11:20 am

  21. ang taray mo Migs!

    girling , girlie ka~

    sharlot at Jan 11, 08 at 11:52 am

  22. PUKE MO! SLUT!

    jimg29 at Jan 11, 08 at 12:10 pm

  23. Dream on…it’s FREE!!!

    Kiro at Jan 11, 08 at 1:43 pm

  24. i got caught somewhere in between the reality and illusion. Alin po ba ang tama? he he he

    Regardles of, the story Migs had shared to us was indeed charming. I recall a play i saw years ago in Intramuros. It is entitled “The Bomb” and a trilogy. The second story lasted for 30 minutes and it is very much similar to the one above . . .

    Hope I can have a chance to meet you Migs. . . somewhere where the rainbow always meet. . . he he he

    silent expectator at Jan 11, 08 at 2:02 pm

  25. is this what we want to do with our lives?
    does this define our life’s purpose?
    meaningless….
    empty….

    harry at Jan 11, 08 at 2:13 pm

  26. Prized-catch ang mga yun. Migs only feels guilty, depressed or heartbroken because those guys won’t be his permanently, no matter what.

    Just the same, I always wish Migs would find his happiness – soonest.

    leo at Jan 11, 08 at 2:52 pm

  27. kinikilig ako kaso mejo sad yung ending eh. i like the part when you whispered “stay”. grabe ang sakit sa puso. =(

    jhong at Jan 11, 08 at 3:05 pm

  28. What’s wrong with doing it with Mr. RightNow while waiting for Mr. Right?

    Quentin X at Jan 11, 08 at 5:13 pm

  29. whats wrong w/ my idol (migs)? are you that confused as many of the bloggers here? u seem to fall in love easily…hayyy

    mark erik at Jan 11, 08 at 9:47 pm

  30. Sabi nga nya, don’t fall inlove (sa kanya). Sabagay, di mo talaga matuturuan ang puso mo. Too bad for attorney, he will deny himself one real good “love” and he will be lying to his girlfriend about his sexuality . At siyempre, he lies to himself.
    For you, good luck. The “one good love” will come along.

    Ang Lagalag at Jan 11, 08 at 9:48 pm

  31. nice story migs.

    wish i had a lawyer-boy-toy too.things like that do happen to some people while most can just be bitter.

    life just isnt fair for everyone. one gets to taste celebrities, basketball players, lawyers while majority feast on call boys and construction workers.

    sisters of the kapisanan ng mga bakla ng pilipinas, hwag mainggit. let’s be happy for migs.

    Fernando IX at Jan 11, 08 at 10:19 pm

  32. im sorry to have to say this to you migs — love kita, at love ko ang blog mo — but that was one hell of a slutty, shitty thing to do.

    alam mo nang may girlfriend, pinatulan mo pa.

    what you wrote is a lovely story, but whatever patina of romance you imbue on what happened doesn’t change the fact that what you did is wrong. and you KNOW that what you did is wrong. matanda ka na, ate.

    miguel at Jan 11, 08 at 10:57 pm

  33. why do people, particularly gay guys get into no strings attached forms of sex? cant gay guys wait to be in a relationship before they just hit it off with some stranger from the bar? or are gay relationships just that?

    xoxo at Jan 11, 08 at 11:57 pm

  34. “but whatever patina of romance you imbue on what happened doesn’t change the fact that what you did is wrong.”- miguel commented
    -
    Exactly. It’s like migs is trying to romanticize dramatize this whole thing. I kinda expected a plain, honest, more reflective, and thoughtful blog entry.
    -
    This isn’t really any of my business. But since you put it out there for everyone to comment. I’m one of those guys who feel strongly against ‘cheating’. You’re free to seek happiness and satisfaction only to the point that you’re not stepping on someone else’s. Going with the flow, kung kaya mo panindigan, enjoying mr rightnow etc. is just selfish.
    -
    Ugh, migs, c’mon. Will the single, gay men please standup? If I were single I’d ask you on a date already

    Jedd at Jan 12, 08 at 12:03 am

  35. well writ, migs!

    Marco Jordan at Jan 12, 08 at 12:20 am

  36. i admire you for your sexual conquest of high profile men. who’s gonna be next? a congressman? why not try a policeman….or a military man? wouldn’t it be more exciting?

    franz francisco at Jan 12, 08 at 2:01 am

  37. love the story….sad..pero basta..the way u put it into words..galing!feel na feel….

    kel at Jan 12, 08 at 2:16 am

  38. sus,gumawa na naman ng istorya,writer talaga. feeling. hmmm.

    julian at Jan 12, 08 at 3:20 am

  39. i felt the same as you migs. only that mine was worst. i went out with a married guy. in the end, you get that feeling not so good. oh well, at least we wake up from that slumber.

    eponine at Jan 12, 08 at 3:53 am

  40. Oh Honey! DUMP him! Get out NOW! This is going to turn out badly! It’s just fucking. No Love. Repeat that over and over again.

    JHVRothschild at Jan 12, 08 at 9:54 am

  41. naging marupok ka ngunit nasiyahan ka naman…basta ingat lang kuya migs, ayaw nating lumusong o magtampisaw man lang sa kumunoy ng tiyak na pighati, pait at pagdurusa…ryt?
    all the best para sayo!

    ewan at Jan 12, 08 at 12:08 pm

  42. i guess it’s really a lose-lose situation for gay guys when they fall in love….

    jake at Jan 12, 08 at 12:35 pm

  43. WHAT A LOT OF HORSE MANURE!!!!!

    johnny at Jan 12, 08 at 12:55 pm

  44. Madami naman nakapila sa yo, Migs. Kunin mo na lang yung walang sabit..

    sam143 at Jan 12, 08 at 1:51 pm

  45. Haaay migs. Kung ako sayo umalis ka na. Bago ka pa masaktan.

    Somehow I can relate to your story, difference is, I’m the one with a gf. I wrote to you before that I’ll try to straighten things out. Get my self out of my gay lifestyle. But I just can’t. Neither can I leave my gf for anyone. Its my comfort zone. A thought that someday, I won’t grow old alone, without a family to call my own.

    But as I said, nature took its reign on my life. I now have a boyfriend who recently discovered that he is the “kabit”. I saw him cry out of frustration. I cried with him because I coudn’t do anything. I never intended to hurt anyone. But I ended up hurting others and even myself.

    Up till now, half my time I’m with my gf, the other with my bf. He told me that not until the day that I get to choose, he wouldn’t let me go… not just yet. But he is hoping that come that day, I’d choose him…

    But I see too much incertainties… and I guess somehow he knows who I’ll choose in the end…

    Thus I suggest to you… leave before you fall deep. The feeling might be good at first. Bliss is just a around the corner when you’re together. But till when? Sooner you’ll wish for more… dream for more… want for more…

    Trust me… the hurt it’ll cost surpases anything…

    You’re Migs the Manila Gay Guy, madaming magmamahal sayo. Without any complications… trust me.

    ken's bitch at Jan 12, 08 at 2:04 pm

  46. *uncertainties

    ken's bitch at Jan 12, 08 at 2:07 pm

  47. migs ikaw na din ang nagsabi.. mind-over-heart. wag ka magpaka escabeche.. lalo na to a guy with a girlfriend. hmm.. kinda reminds me of Ram’s story..

    jet at Jan 12, 08 at 6:21 pm

  48. It’s a really nice story.
    I pity those who can’t be themselves just so they can please other people who discriminate against us. I had three girlfriends during HS already before having a boyfriend in college and I must say, it’s incomparable. I was fooling myself and the girls.
    In medicine, Homosexuality is normal and is categorized as a sexual variation in preference. Dishomophilia is to have anxieties and stresses from keeping your true sexuality and it may even lead to psychosis. That is abnormal.

    itsonsms at Jan 12, 08 at 7:25 pm

  49. [...] manila gay guy “the national gay blog of the philippines!” « Attorney [...]

    Allan Dyquiangco | manila gay guy at Jan 12, 08 at 11:04 pm

  50. Take all the romanticisms and flowery words out of this and, sorry to say, it’s cheating, plain and simple. It’s a situation that promotes the gay predator stereotype, ang baklang ready to pounce on your straight BF when you’re not looking. JMHO.

    chickoo at Jan 12, 08 at 11:46 pm

  51. mga badettes..matanda na yan si migz, alam na nya ang mali at tama..hayaan na natin sya mag-enjoy.

    pinoyhivplus at Jan 13, 08 at 4:38 am

  52. sus! ang drama! feeling! un mga tao naman d2 reply to death!

    julian at Jan 13, 08 at 6:24 am

  53. julian said it right… wahahaha! galing makipaglokohan ng mga bakla

    Fernando IX at Jan 13, 08 at 12:33 pm

  54. ….and you wonder why you are not attracting anybody with substance? you are just repeating the same old, sad story.

    jedd at Jan 13, 08 at 12:39 pm

  55. i’ll post my comment after reading your story

    luckyclover12 at Jan 13, 08 at 3:13 pm

  56. Beautifully written migs. It seems like you put your heart into this entry.

    Joms at Jan 13, 08 at 9:50 pm

  57. sad how people who read this blog can be so gullible.eto na ang pinaka etchoserang gay blog na na sight ko.

    julian at Jan 14, 08 at 12:28 am

  58. …this is either a work of fiction or you are exactly like other pretentious, needy, desperate, shallow, pathetic, ageing gay men without principles.

    alfonso at Jan 14, 08 at 2:52 am

  59. So True, ang putang kaek-ekang ito ay malabnaw pa sa uhog ng bata. Sinong maniniwalang ang Abogago sa takot sa kanyang gerlfreng ay inumaga pa sa bisig ng bakla. Wild sex pa daw kuno pero naka-pag shower pa afterwards, tulog-tulogan sa loob ng hotel? at kelan natutong makunsiyensiya ang lolang manhid na sa kapakanan ng iba? Kung paniwalan mo ito’y ‘TANG-NA BALIW KA!

    jimg29 at Jan 14, 08 at 3:11 am

  60. Daming bitter sa mundo ah!

    Joms at Jan 14, 08 at 3:43 am

  61. Bitterness are borne of insecurities.

    leo at Jan 14, 08 at 9:16 am

  62. kung ayaw maniwala di wag…

    cast at Jan 14, 08 at 2:52 pm

  63. intresting how’d people react to this story. I must admit this gave another perspective nevertheless i enjoyed your story. more power migsü

    luckyclover12 at Jan 14, 08 at 4:43 pm

  64. para sa mga bitter . . .

    the hardest part of growing up is to appreciate the imagery of your life, and admitting to yourself that others are just wiser than you are.

    If you can’t swallow the intelligence of others, why bother. You have the option to quit . . . that is, if you are a born loser.

    I agree with you Leo, this is just another round of insecurity thing. And worst, they keep on hanging around to show us how garbage they are…

    World Peace!!!!

    silent expectator at Jan 14, 08 at 8:07 pm

  65. [...] nega comments were flying bullets, then that Attorney post has pretty much riddled me to death. But no worries, dear loyal MGG readers, Migs is still alive [...]

    Bitterness and Lies | manila gay guy at Jan 15, 08 at 12:03 am

  66. am amused reading all the comments regarding migs and the attorney. whats the heck having sex with a lawyer??? the latest date from the bar confidants office show that there are just more than 51,000 lawyers in the philippines, dead or alive. if we count those who are still alive and sexually active, about 10,000 to 15,000 only since many are already old and sickly. of that number, only a fraction are actually gays, that make them around 200-500 in the entire archipelago. indeed having a lawyer for a lover is exciting by the fact that there are very few of them. and added to that is the fact that only a very small minority of them are gays. screwing one of them is indeed an exciting experience. but the reality is, as many bloggers insinuate, is migs just dreaming…nmmm

    michaela at Jan 15, 08 at 12:36 pm

  67. I can’t put my finger on what people have more of a problem on, the fact that Migs had sex with a guy who has girlfriend or the fact that Migs had sex with a lawyer.

    Basketball Player, Actor, Attorney….does it matter what their professions are?

    I’ve had hook ups with policemen, waiters, theater actors, fitness trainers, doctors etc….. I have gay friends who are CEOs, lawyers, doctors, pilots, a dive master and even a race car driver. Does it matter? No. Not really, because gay men are everywhere and in every profession.

    Have I done it with men with girlfriends or wives? Yes. I didn’t force them to have sex with me, rather it was their choice.

    People usually blame the “kerida” for being a slut and tempting their husbands or partners. I have always found this unfair and basically flawed. Blame the sinner and not the object of his affection.

    Tony at Jan 15, 08 at 4:21 pm

  68. Panalo, Mahreng Tony! AMEN! (klapeypey, klapeypey, kapeypey!!!) :P

    Joel Pierre at Jan 15, 08 at 5:50 pm

  69. poor migs,fantasya to death,galing mang-echos,un mga people naman d2 react to death.

    julian at Jan 15, 08 at 6:58 pm

  70. I guest your just dreaming… but think of it? baka magkatotoo…. wake up your pregnant na???? hehehe

    leon at Jan 16, 08 at 12:15 pm

  71. una un kay janvier,feeling close sila,ngaun eto naman,walang katapusang etchos at drama!

    julian at Jan 16, 08 at 5:53 pm

  72. goodness gracious! i never knew a post like this could illicit so much reaction from so many people. (and i am the last in line again in reading these posts.)

    i could never understand why people react so vehemently or approvingly and put their moral compasses towards either pole with regards to the story above.

    methinks, the author has already riddled himself with the guilt of his actions and it should have ended there. i think there is no need to either persecute him or make him a saint.

    we are all humans. we all make the same mistakes and rejoice in the same successes like the person beside us in the bus does.

    one thing is quite clear though. it is that, at least vicariously, one can learn from the author’s experience. whether one does the same thing as the author did OR not, everyone here who read his story can have something to think about and learn from.

    palma tayona at Jan 17, 08 at 9:59 am

  73. Dear Mr. Manila Gay Guy

    Been reading your blog for the longest time. I am shocked – but other people’s reactions or views on what happened should be the least of your concerns.

    I wondered if the script was changed a bit after the lawyer said “Please don’t fall in love with me.” – instead of a meek, tentative “…no, don’t worry. I can control my heart.”, what if you replied as follows:

    AKALA MO LANG
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlLDI8ksNa0
    Pagyakap sa’yo ng mainit,
    at pagkapit ng mahigpit.
    Pagsama sa’yong mga gimik
    at pag-amin ng aking pag-ibig.

    Refrain
    Masaya sayo’ng piling at sa’yong
    pag-ibig.

    Chorus
    Pero di kita mahal, akala mo lang
    Hindi kita mahal, hindi mo ba alam.
    Pagpanggap ng aking pag-ibig,
    at pangakong walang patid.
    Iiwan ka ring sawi,
    at aasa kang magbabalik

    Repeat Refrain

    Repeat Chorus
    Bridge

    Eh bakit anjan ka pa?
    H’wag ka ng umasa pa

    chorus:
    Hindi kita mahal,akala mo lang.
    Hindi kita mahal,hindi mo ba alam

    DuncanRance at Jan 19, 08 at 11:19 pm

  74. oooh, I am crrently dating a lawyer, but he’s single (sa pagkakaalam ko!) hehehe. with a nice bubbly pair of ass.

    Migs, its about time you follow our heart. di ba? kung sakaling magkamali ka, it should be okay since you just followed how you feel. matapos man ang lahat, maluwag sa dibdib. you should be now matured enough to be prepared for whatever may happen. but don’t forget, “go for the gold!”

    sorry ha, labo ng message ko groggy pa ako sa pagkain ng sili…

    Chris at Jan 21, 08 at 12:53 am

  75. [...] — “Attorney,” my emotion-laden tryst with a committed guy was my notable post for the first month of [...]

    Manila Gay Guy’s Best of 2008 | Manila Gay Guy at Dec 31, 08 at 12:02 am

  76. I love how you describe the carpe diem hehehe. and you did gurl you literally did it. Im happy for you

    Winterking at Sep 8, 09 at 9:12 pm

  77. oh god, this is so my life right now

    Ian at Sep 10, 09 at 8:21 pm

  78. [...] that was Attorney I was talking to over [...]

    A Kiss Is Still A Kiss, A Sigh Is Just A Sigh | Manila Gay Guy at Sep 14, 09 at 6:15 pm

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