Manila Gay Guy
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Reader Kiko who has just recently come to terms with his homosexuality writes Migs, asking for possible people whom he can “share views and find some kind of support, (…) those who have maintained this kind of lifestyle in the closet.” You may want to play Ate Charo or Mel Tiangco to our dear reader, ka-MGG, Kiko.

* * *

Hi Migs,

Happy new year to you! Thanks for doing podcasts and enlightening us on different issues. I was moved by your podcast on coming into terms with the fact that one isn’t straight – that one is gay. I recently turned 25 and also recently ‘came in’…

I’m very discreet and I keep people guessing about my true colors. I have a close gay friend who is comfortable touching my body and attests to his friends that I don’t have a single gay bone in my body (quoting “HE’s sooo straight” – akala lang niya). I chose not to come out to him; due to my personal preference of non-scene people and trust issues.

I have another gay friend who’s my support and quite protective of me – ayaw niya na mag-out ako based on his assessment of my situation (family situation, career/potential, think Rob the investment banker of Avenue Q) and on my personal assessment, I agree with him .

Thing is, I want to meet people in the same predicament but I know it’s like finding a needle in a haystack… I just want to try and share views and find some kind of support from those who have maintained this kind of lifestyle in the closet. I’ve tried looking online but it’s been very difficult… or maybe I’ve been looking in the wrong direction.

Just wanted to hear your views and maybe if you have any leads on any jedi knights who’d want to have a paduwan…

Thanks much!
– Kiko

Comments (78)

  1. Ken said on 20-01-2011

    I recently came around to reading this blog, and i’ve found it very interesting and comforting to see people like this. I went through this for quite a long time in high school. I eventually came out, although situations at home have forced me to leave a double life. With my friends, I’m the life of the party, the funniest guy, the easiest to talk to, the most open, and of course, quite gay. I keep my fashion on the masculine side, though, and i dont really care about cross dressing or looking feminine. after all, at 6 feet tall, not many people with a bulky frame will fit into women’s clothing and look good, but thats beside the point. (haha)

    at home however, I act like there is not a single gay bone in my body. I really don’t know until when i can or will keep this up, but its comforting to know that some people know what i’m going through.

    I like talking to people and listening to others’ stories. I also enjoy meeting new people, so if anyone wants or needs to talk, just drop me a line. kip0327@yahoo.com

  2. Justin G said on 27-11-2010

    I’m the same with most of us here… I felt up my streight super hot best friend when we were in highschool who is now merried and was outed by one guy I was fooling around with to some of my frineds, and my friends still think and say Im streight. Well, 1. because I deny being gay and, 2. beause I really act and behave streight. If anyone here wants to share or talk about anything, drop me a line through sidepocketme@yahoo.com or 09279267006. I wonder if we were in Europe or somewhere in SF, if the issue would be the same…? Is it religion, social status, population size, practise? Cause everyone around us knows this isnt our choice right? Its like looking down at someone cuase they’re blace or creppled… I wonder when the day will come when GAY is just who you are and not a choice.

  3. mario said on 27-11-2010

    @ jiminycricket : we are exactly at the same situation. pls e-mail me: mario_lopez27@yahoo.com

  4. kiko said on 27-11-2010

    hi kiko! my online name is kiko too! haha

    matagal na pala tong post na ito. at dahil minsan lang ako makabisita ng mga ganitong uri ng sites eh ngaun ko lang nabasa.

    naastigan lang ako sa kumento ni Father Buenocello. May iba pa bang post kung saan nagbigay siya ng payo? Magandang kunin din ang usapin ng sekswalidad sa ispiritwal na aspeto nito. Marami pa sa mga nagbabasa nito ang maiiwas natin sa maling pananaw ukol sa ganitong mga paksa.

  5. mathiue said on 16-09-2009

    @kiko, why don’t you try joining MGGFF-a sort of a gay friend finder thing, there’s a lot of straight acting gay guy who are in the same situation as yours.

  6. teeguzzin said on 13-09-2009

    Kiko, Aren’t you tired yet? The CLOSET is so small that it cannot even contain your floral flannel bikini… don’t you get suffocated in there?

  7. tyler said on 17-06-2009

    Are you confident and handsome and rich enough to not give a sh*t? I dont think so. wanna look back when you’re old and realize how much time you wasted deciding if you should “out” yourself or not? bet’cha youll be hitting your head with your pink floral crane! life is too short dude! those who love you will love you all the same, those who dont but is part of your life, well they’l just have to suckit up and deal with it! 🙂 the rest, who cares!

  8. Brad said on 14-02-2009

    I am Bisexual too but never been touched with men, I am very straight looking guy, filipino words say”barako”. I am 35 years and never been happy.I wish to keep in touch with you kiko or other guys whose my situation the same with them.

  9. jiminycricket said on 17-03-2008

    Hello Cave! I already replied to you. But my mails seem to be bouncing. Kindly check it. Thanks.

  10. jiminycricket said on 31-01-2008

    @palma tayona, you might be interested in emailing me. please do. Mine is cricketyjiminy@yahoo.com 🙂

  11. Knight Geronimo said on 29-01-2008

    Ey Kiko,

    Way to go…
    Someone who sounds intelligent like you(I read your replies to all points raised and I must say I’m impressed,) should know what to do. Feel it from your heart. I know, I know. It sounds corny an all but it’s true. You, above all, will know what, when and how things are done your way.

    I am struggling too.
    But I take hope as my confidante, thinking that one of these days I’ll find what (or who) I am looking for.

    Way to go, buddy.

  12. JT said on 24-01-2008

    To kiko,

    Just want to ask how are you doing now? Hope everything is fine on your side.

    Take care pal.

    P.S. May I ask everybody reading this blog,
    Im very interested in making a survey about gays, closet gays and such, open nor not, how they revealed themselves, the reaction and such. I think if I can make a compilation of experiences from different people, I can derived into some sort of conclusion that might help people like us, now and in the future. Hope you guys can join me. Thanks again. I also ask the permission of Migs if I can use your blog in this endeavor. Thanks again.

  13. White Queen said on 23-01-2008

    I think having a confidant is a healthy way to communicate your internal state.
    You know who you are at siguro you learn from others about gay bashing and how hurtful it is. me, well I know I am gay but I keep my head up high and project a professional attitude, always smiling and simply being happy.

    its hard talaga to find someone na you feel comfortable with, Parati lang tayong magtiwala sa tao and eventually yung foundation yung gradually na mabubuo.

  14. Skiroid said on 23-01-2008

    Hello Kiko!

    What’s your email add?

  15. Cave Igan said on 23-01-2008

    Hi Kiko,
    How enlightening it is to read your article and the comments received … your responses to other bloggers as well were informative, helpful, insightful and provide an optimistic or encouraging awareness na hindi lang pala ako … na there are other people din pala in this world like you who seems to be genuine, sincere, honest, who simply wants to be understood, accepted and loved … and desires not just to get support from people but find someone as well whom you could eventually trust or love na nasa same situation mo rin na wala pang balak to be ‘out and loud’ pero makakaintindi at makaka-relate to be open (with how you feel)pero will keep it low and not someone whose sole intention is to play games/sex with you at mababaw ang purpose especially kung online ang contact. I could emphatize with you having some difficulty when you are about to lose your #1 confidante and finding one to fill soon the gap. Alam ko feeling mo mag-iisa ka na naman – no one to share your interests, likes, fears and hopes etc…

    If it’s ok with you, I would love to hear and learn more from you … to be updated how much support this blog by KuyaMigs could offer and most of all to sincerely help as well kung may maitutulong. You may ask KuyaMigs for my email addr…

    Take care, Cave

    PS … wat’s a ‘paduwan’ by the way.

  16. JT said on 21-01-2008

    My apology for some wrong grammars and spelling. Like;

    I also agree with you “taking a different path”.
    No offense
    I think you are the one who knows the “kiliti” of your parents.

    please feel free to correct me. I know there are a lot of readers here who are good in English.

    Thanks again

  17. JT said on 21-01-2008

    Hi Kiko, Hi Migs and to everybody.

    Kiko, I agree with you and eponine that we don’t have to shout to the world or rock the boat and tell them we are gay. I also agree with you that in taking a different path, that is not to the stereotype “loud and proud”. ( No offence to those who are). Just like kiko, its not really being me.

    About the web, yes, please be very careful on who to write or meet, there are a lot of “traps”. I think I don’t have to elaborate on this.

    I just “came out” to a female friend of mine. She told me that they have (my barkadas for 20 years) insight but they just don’t really care. Its me being a friend that they really care about. I was so touched and cried in front of her.

    About the topic of “caring what other will say”, my sentiments are same as yours. Yes, before when I was younger, I do care about what people will say, especially my relatives. But as I grow older, my insights just naturally change. Now “to hell” with all those who talk at my back. Sorry for the rude term. I know my relatives and some friends as well as acquaintances feel something fishy, but now I don’t really care. As long as my family and myself are doing fine, I care less to those who doesn’t want to respect me. It is just really fortunate ( thanks to God, really) that im successful now with my chosen career, and it also comes naturally that they respect you because you have an achievement. Im not like my “STRAIGHT AS A ROD cousins and uncles” but “A TRASH OF THE SOCIETY”. So everyone seems to like me, whether true or not, I don’t care either.

    About coming out to the family, this is pretty hard. Especially if you are one of those “ALta de sociedad”. But for me, on my experience, it just comes naturally. But probably my case is a bit different, that is, Im the one supporting the whole family. I know that at the back of their mind, the “nakakahiya” word is there. But they have accepted it compared to my 3 staight brother but can’t even call them in times of their needs. So kiko, I think who are the one who really knows the “kiliti” of your parents.

    My apology for a very ling comment but I hope it does help.

    Yours truly,
    Bong

  18. jake said on 21-01-2008

    kiko – i’m with u on minding what ppl may think – ako din i don’t really care what people think and say behind my back – i don’t owe them anything, hence i don’t need their inputs in my life. Most of the time though, i do encounter ppl asking – “oh kailan ka mag aasawa?? wala kpa rin bang GF til now?” – ayus, dun mababadtrip na ko..i’m so tired of hearing that!
    (greenarcher88@gmail.com)

  19. MsNinja said on 21-01-2008

    2 ang kilala kong baklang pari, ung isa nag AWOL sa US matapos nakawin lahat ng abuloy sa simbahan. Kaya pala fabulous sa mga sakristan nia ang potah! scholar pati mga kapatid nito. Yung isa, maagang kinuha ni Lord, para cguro hindi na mag-kasala … hay buhay …

  20. Kiko said on 21-01-2008

    From the culprit…

    Tony, chismoso, Marko, Fr. Buenocello, Dave, eponine, JT, franz Francisco, jh, Joshua, rabbit, jhepy, joshred, palma tayona, will, donald, dennis, from1fagtoanother, jy, seph, durrty, chuchucaracas, milo, dawn, Joms, joshMe&Doves, sijiro_05, pcda, jet, anotherfratboyinthecloset, jiminycricket, drigo, chris, dusky, edward, MsNinya, darkside, not-so-discreet, Kylie, sebastien, vuqluh, ray, Michael, bam, peppoi, jake, genxcop, ian, John, jhong, ryan, and son2008 – THANK YOU! I’ll get in touch with some of you guys in the near future…

    Migs! Thank you for publishing my email in your blog! This has paved the way for all of the comments which are greatly appreciated. I’m overwhelmed by the diversity of the insights and am sure that am not the only one who has found them helpful. You have helped me accomplish meeting/linking with people who I can banter with on how to go about creating my own mode of the gay lifestyle…

    I chose to take a different path – not to the stereotyped ‘loud and proud’ (I have nothing against this but it’s not me). I chose to continue on to be who I am to date and not radically change things to fit archetypes but rather build my own mode of this lifestyle. It may not be as fabulous or as loud; but in my mindset an equally interesting (and may I say exciting) lifestyle, nonetheless.

    I know that inevitably, changes will take place but I’ll just cross the bridge when I get there. Kudos to all of you who have emphasized this more than enough – that it’s one’s choice on how to go about this continual process of coming in/out.

    Special mention…

    chismoso:
    Thank you for your warning on searching online; I’ve come across a few sticky spots where sex has only been the offered exchange and these guys’ blood have drained out to somewhere else instead of circulating in their brains… hence their temporary inability to carry out a conversation.
    My friend will be leaving the country soon and this has been difficult to me – losing my #1 confidante. His circle are all out and proud and he’s keen on introducing ‘me’ to them. Buti na lang nandito kayo.

    Fr. Buenocello: It has certainly been a liberating feeling, accepting one’s nature. Now, am just at a crossroads on how to share this new facet of myself with others… whether it be known to them or not.

    eponine: I share your sentiments on being in the closet – that it doesn’t mean that we’re hiding in the dark but rather a mode by which we express ourselves as gay people. In my case, I also agree that we don’t need to rock the boat by screaming that we’re pink to the whole world.

    JT: In the past, I’ve always felt guilty of living a ‘lie’ to certain sets of friends by not sharing to them this other facet of myself. But thinking more about it, it’s only ourselves who give power to this ‘lie’. I believe that I still genuinely share Kiko to these sets of friends (sans some aspects i.e. my sexuality), even though it’s only a ‘part’ of myself.

    from1fagtoanother: I particularly like your insight on how one’s age will catch up and how time can actually be the one who’ll put one OUT there. However, I tend to disagree with your insight that it’s nakakahiya to be talked about behind one’s back – the hell do I care with what others would gossip about as long as I know what’s true and am at peace with myself. Mamatay silang lahat sa kaka-chika at kaka-figure out ng kung ano-ano. I’m pretty sure a lot of people would envy your outlook on coming out as not a big deal. But I guess reality bites and it is an issue to some others who don’t share your outlook. [QUOTE]take hold of the situation and come out in your own terms.[UNQUOTE]Amen to this.

    FBITC: Thanks on your points on who to come out to! I just noticed that most of them are to friends. Would you care to share your insights on coming out to family? I’d really appreciate your thoughts as this is something I’ve been pondering on…

    And last, but certainly not the least… not-so-discreet: Again, something that may be a non-issue to one may be a big issue to another, no matter how trivial it may seem. Funny how it comes across that red carpets need to be rolled ‘OUT’ by people for myself (must be the stereotype gay being the Queen). Nakakatuwa ka at inokray mo pa ako at tinawag ng ilusyonada! Ang anik-anik na not a single gay bone in my body ay di nanggaling sa akin kundi sa badet na mahilig kapa-kapain ang katawan ko… ate, read and comprehend first before you make okray, ok? O, peace tayo, nauna ka kasi. Borrowing from Migs – World Peace!

    – – –
    Postscript. Migs, sorry for flooding your comment box. =P

  21. son2008 said on 20-01-2008

    its been a while since i came out and accepted whats really the reality. i am considering it as one of the toughest decision ive ever done in my entire life( to date).. i cannot say that i am really out now because i have considered (only) my job as one of the main reason.

  22. ryan said on 19-01-2008

    hi there kiko, i understand how you feel about this because i am in the same… should i say predicament… i’m looking forward to hear from you.

    xxxxxxx.a@gmail.com

  23. jhong said on 19-01-2008

    i’m kinda surprised there’s a gay priest here. galing!

    to kiko naman, ur not alone. though i’m not on the same page as you are..pero hindi ka nag-iisa. there will always be people who are willing to help.

  24. peppoi said on 19-01-2008

    For all you know half of the haystack are actually brown colored needles…Arayyyyy!
    =)

  25. John said on 19-01-2008

    It looks like there’s a lot of needles in the haystack…and I’m another one you’ll find. But, how does everyone intend to converse about this topic?

  26. ian said on 19-01-2008

    i am in the same boat. i have a very small circle of friends back in pinas (we were around 7) and they were the ones who give me support. i am also not out but i enjoyed just being out with this small group. however i got a great opportunity with my work so i was sent abroad. mahirap makakita ng support group dito na tulad ng mga kaibigan ko back there. dito kasi, ang tendency ng karamihan sa atin ay maging loud. although friends ko naman yung iba pero di talaga ako comfortable at di pareho yung hilig namin. kaya namimiss ko yung mga kaibigan ko sa pinas.

  27. genxcop said on 19-01-2008

    same here..

    email mo ako: bish0unen69@yahoo.com

  28. jake said on 19-01-2008

    wow..we have the same predicament…i have very close friends, 4 of them who know that i am gay, and they tell me, if ever they start a rumor that i am gay, people will tell them they are crazy. I talk and act real straight, heck pag naglakad pa ako, sobrang porma, mabubogbog ako.
    Gusto ko na ring magka boyfriend..I just dont want to go online or meet up with guys sa gym..it scares me…

  29. peppoi said on 19-01-2008

    we can talk about it personally…what’re your digits? =)

  30. bam said on 19-01-2008

    hi. im a straight-acting/effeminate/bisexual–call it CONFUSED guy. i need someone (of course a guy) to talk to. someone of the same boat as mine. you know what i’m talkin bout. text me. 09279624517.

  31. Michael said on 19-01-2008

    Ive long been a reader of your blog. But chose to stay quiet. Thank you so much for all the post.

    Would you allow me to have kiko’s e-mail. I would like to communicate with him. We are in the same boat. Thanks

  32. jiminycricket said on 19-01-2008

    @palma tayona baka nga magkakilala tayo but I doubt it kasi your blog doesn’t belong to my sphere. But if you want we can introduce ourselves and for me to out to you. 🙂

  33. ray said on 18-01-2008

    yeah, same here ‘pre… i just wish that i can meet someone like you …

    all the best////

  34. vuqluh said on 18-01-2008

    to kiko and ‘colleagues’, i respect and understand your quandary. at least you are aware of the situation and not in denial like some people i know.
    hay! the stuff soap operas are made of. nagkataon kasi isang melodramatic sitcom musical ang life ko.but i digress.
    i wish you all a quiet resolution to all this and pray that your situation and lifestyle be accepted by your families, friends,loved ones, and yes, ‘colleagues’. : D
    mahirap na ang buhay bading as it is. mas pabigat pa ang nabubuhay sa dilim. remember, baka masilaw sa pagsabog ng liwanag.
    just trust in yourself.BE BRAVE.Things always work for the best.
    O, may mas me- mel tiangco pa ba dun? chos!!
    CHEERS ALL!!!

  35. sebastien said on 18-01-2008

    there are myriad reasons why PLUS choose to be entrenched in the closet and most of them are heartrending.

    if not for man’s inherent inhumanity to man, things would be very, very different for us indeed. but it is what is.

    i say live your life to the fullest and let the chips fall where they may.

  36. Kylie said on 18-01-2008

    isa lang po ang masasabi ko diyan…a dialogue from the movie “Manay Po”…

    “UMINOM KA NG SOFTDRINK, YUNG NAGSASABING “MAGPAKATOTOO KA!”

    yun lang po. hope it helps.

  37. not-so-discreet said on 18-01-2008

    i think you’re giving yourself too much attention on the issue of your coming out. At 25, you are old enough to try and take some risks in your life. Better now than later. You can’t expect everyone to roll out the red carpet now that you are almost ready to ‘out’ yourself. Begging your pardon really, but in the colloquial gay linggo…masyado ka atang illusyunada ateng, may kung anik anik kpang not a gay single bone in your vahdee! peace.

  38. darkside said on 18-01-2008

    same situation dude..
    hehehe..
    i’m currently a college stud and it’s been very difficult for me to come out for personal reason…
    i was reallyso “out” way back when i was in highschool but things do change..
    when i encountered college, i started to the so called guy…although there are few people on my school whom who knows my real identity i was able to conceal with others…
    and now, sobrang hirap mag-pretend, as in maloloka nko…
    some are askin’ of my real identity but then again i denied the fact that i’m a member of the federation…hehehe….
    sobrang hirap lalo na when pupunta ko sa isang place which is exclusive for the gay people, i was really scared…what if someone caught me there, hangin’ with other gay guy?hehehe…sobrang paranoia to the max….

    and now, i’m still thinking kung dapat ko nbang sabhin sa mga “real” friends ko sa college batch….

  39. from1fagtoanother said on 18-01-2008

    migs,

    feature the gay priest naman or better yet invite him for an interview on ur podcast. He should be a good subject. And if you do decide to do this, baka your readers can ask questions din.. like we can post our questions before-hand

  40. MsNinja said on 18-01-2008

    Aba! May baklang pari na rin sa blog. May baklang madre din ba?!

  41. edward said on 18-01-2008

    Kiko,

    Pareho lang tyo tol! Di naman sa pagyayabang, gwapo akong di hamak especially nung medyo bagets pako. Habulin ng mga bading hanggang ngayon. When I was in college madami akong naging girlfriends at marami din akong natikmang babae. May isang gay classmate ko na sobrang bait skin at talagang nagtyagang lumigaw. Bumigay ako sa kanya at siya ang first gay experience ko. Suffice it to say, nag enjoy ako sa ligayang binibigay nya sa kama. Lagi kong hinahanap. Nagkaron kame ng tagong relationship but it was the sex that I truly enjoyed. He was the one who exposed me to anything and everything gay, sinama nya ako sa mga music bars frequented by gays, sinama nya ako sa mga gay massage parlors, and to puerto galera. There I got my second gay experience that led to our separation. Sobrang love nya ako and he coudn’t take it. But along the way, I have met people who are gays. Lahat sila pinagnasaan ako but I only gave in to those who where not gay acting. I prefer gays who are not obvious. From there, I never looked back especially when I first tried giving fellatio to someone. (swerte nya!) I believe I have become gay too, a closeted gay that is. Nobody knows and no none has a clue. My family and friends are clueless. In fact, I even got married but eventually separated when I realized mas masaya ako sa kapwa ko mahal ko! (hehehe)It’s a long story which I can share with you if you decide to communicate with me.

    Because of the pressure to have a girlfriend after a failed marriage from my friends and family, I decided to move to another country. You have no idea how pressured I was. Five years nako dito sa abroad and will go home late this year. I believe I have matured at mas matapang ko ng mahaharap what I have become. Walang nabago, I still like men. My only problem is, I only want Filipino men. I am not really attracted to white guys where there is a lot in this country.

    Isang lang advice ko, no one can pressure you not even yourself to come out and tell the world. It is your choice and you owe no one an explanation. Enjoy mo lang buhay mo like what I am doing for life is short. You are a closeted gay so be it. I wish you peace.

    You can reach me thru my email, edwardnunez79@yahoo.com. Anyone who share to same views is also welcome. Many thanks.

  42. palma tayona said on 18-01-2008

    @ JIMINYCRICKET… do we know each other? your story seems so oddly familiar. or is it simply pure coincidence?

  43. dusky said on 18-01-2008

    i’m interested with Fr. Pietro Buenocello’s opinions. i would like to know more about what the church view about homosexuality, what are the limitations, is it a sin to ooogle at naked bodies of men, am i cheating on my wife by just surfing on gay sites, etc?

  44. chris said on 18-01-2008

    hey kiko!!!! i symphatize with you… we’re also in same situation… i want to be out but a lot of things to be considered…. its really hard… huh!… i dont know what to do… some might probably notice me but ill let them think what ever they want to think… wahhh!!! point of denial but obvious.. i neither confirm nor deny if somebody ask…its really difficult… so sad… to hide who you are you feel really empty… if you wanna talk… we could email and exchange some outlooks… get my email… heres my cp number 09282441467!!! hope to hear from you soon…

  45. drigo said on 18-01-2008

    baz luhrman says:

    ‘The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
    on some idle Tuesday’

    its cool NOT to be out. may the force be with ya.

  46. jiminycricket said on 18-01-2008

    I believe I’m one of the oldest readers of your blog. I will turn 42 a few months from now and yet I am still not out. I don’t have ‘close’ friends where I can tell about what my preference is. I have not told anyone about my true self. I can’t come out because it’s too risky. I have a reputation to protect and religion to consider.

    However, I am happy with what I am now. I head a non-government organization responsible in helping the disabled community. This is my niche.

    I can’t lie that I am lonely most of the time. In many ocassions, I was tempted and almost did something really bad, that is, taking advantage of one of my wards. But I was able to control myself.

    Oftentimes I cry and pray to God to remove these feelings of lust for men and loneliness. Afterwards, I’m back to sick reality.

    Anyone near my age care to chat with me? I would gladly appreciate it, consider him a close friend and come out to him. I will authorize Migs to give you my email add. Cheers!

  47. JT said on 18-01-2008

    Hi everyone,

    I’ve been tracking the article of kiko. Frankly speaking, I was so amazed with the comments being posted here. I can feel the sincerity of everyone. I would like to thank you guys coz aside from kiko, you have also helped me. To tony, chismoso, fr. pietro buenocello, eponine, joshua, rabbit, jhepy, donald, dennis, jsohred, palma tayona, will, from1fagtoanother, durrty, milo, dawn, joms, sijiro_05. Thanks guys. If in case you want to have chat mates, please feel free to write to me. My email add is bongchua21@yahoo.com. Thanks and good day.

  48. anotherfratboyinthecloset said on 17-01-2008

    Have a strong resolve first of what you want…
    Then carefully pick the good guys to whom you will let them see your true you…
    Who?
    a. a person or two from your own circle (original friends)if you have the guts to increase this number, then you’re lucky
    b. someone totally not connected to you i.e. people online, etc. but beware, be careful on choosing, pick someone who is intelligent and someone who can understand (kung cute, bonus lola, baka maging bf mo pa). The secret of meeting people online: never insinuate that you are in it for sex (madali lang makahanap nyan promise so don’t rush), people whom you’d encounter who can make a good conversation, are mostly the safe bet (madaming cute na ganyan don’t worry, tapos mga discreet din, and not all without a face in their profiles are ugly, trust me)
    c. Bars: e.g. Bed/ Government: pero go lang if you have someone/ a friend who goes there para di ka tatanga tanga.
    .
    I’m not out to anyone, just to those people I met online (selectively picked 4), two of them became my bf, one became my best friend, the other… hmmm friend muna(chos!)(then carefully increased my circle as those 4 adds in their own friends)
    .
    I’ve been to Bed once, Gov twice or thrice, pero good thing is, my bf is one of the VIPs, so I get to go there quietly, protected, and I’d easily tell him if I spotted someone I know, and we’ll quietly exit afterwards. Thus I still maintain a secret identity, yet free to have fun and love someone.
    .
    Try starting now so that you can experience loving and being loved by the gender you prefer… hindi lang puro one night stands, magsasawa ka rin.
    .
    Love lots,
    FBITC

  49. jet said on 17-01-2008

    you have 2 close gay friends and yet di nila masense un sa gaydar nila? it does really take one to know one.
    its either something’s wrong with their gaydar.. or ganun ka kagaling magtago.
    .
    wag mo na lang muna iclaim na ganun ka unless youve come in terms with yourself at malaman mo talaga kung ano ka.
    .
    i dont see anything wrong kung mag come out ka to the closest and most trusted of your friends.. para naman dba.. hnd ka palaging nagtatago. at least you’ll have some “comfort zone” till youre ready to decide on who/what you really want to be.

  50. pcda said on 17-01-2008

    its really hard. sometimes its not about yourself, but also about your family, especially when you have a reputation to take care of. imagine that load on my shoulders but to others as well. anyway i hope that we cross paths sometime. life goes in circles. hehe

  51. sijiro_05 said on 17-01-2008

    the best advice i can give you is that if you’re not ready then don’t do it. if you are really intent on coming out then do it gradually. Little by little will do at least giving people a hint. Coming out takes a lot of responsibility and once you’ve done this you can never go back. You really have to be 110% gutsy of taking this action and matured enough to handle the consequences. I know you have to make a lot of sacrifices but remember you can be gay and at the same time respectful. It’s actually more of how you handle yourself and how you deal with people regarding your true sexuality.

  52. joshMe&Doves said on 17-01-2008

    Kiko! Eureeka! u just found the ryt place, here in MGG w/ migs and a lot more caboodle of PLU blogs. tRy to visit these blogs and i can definitely assure u, like me, i found a home with co PLU, esp those who r not out in this side of the world! cheers and have faith! BTW,enjoy life! 🙂

  53. Joms said on 17-01-2008

    Met a lot of people like him. Some are so straight, it wouldn’t even register in my “radar”

    Suffice to say, being a non-straight is an evolutionary process. The more you open yourself, the more you meet people. Some would be jerks, others sensible, some are very manly, while most are effeminates. Nevertheless, you learn from these people and their impact on your life gradually changes you.

    He has a choice. He can remain in the closet so long as he wants, or he can mingle with the people who shares the same interests with him. Being a non-straight for six years, I think I can sense who are the non-straights from the effeminates. (note: there’s nothing wrong being an effeminate, it’s ones nature.)

    Anyway if the letter sender really wants to reach out, I think he should reach out first with the people who shares the same passion with him. G4M, Downelink or Manjam is teeming with a lot of gay/bi guys with different backgrounds, nature and attitude. Maybe he could find what he’s looking for in those places.

  54. dawn said on 17-01-2008

    i have a friend who i think is very much like you… i’m a gay and had this very special friend for almost 7 years now. I keep on defending him to people who think he’s gay…but i really don’t know if he’s like you, kiko…

  55. milo said on 17-01-2008

    hi kiko,

    i’m out already to some people that i know and i come to know as i go along but not to some people closest to me. it’s difficult. i understand your situation

  56. chuchucaracas said on 17-01-2008

    anyone in makati? echos!

  57. durrty said on 17-01-2008

    Hey y’all! I’ve been looking for someone to talk to for the same situation that y’all have. But I don’t have the chance to bcoz there are no other gay people my age here. I just recently moved here in the States. I’m 21, & I recently went back to school. I am planning on outing myself for months na to my 2 friends who’s in school with me. One is a lady and one is a gay guy. They’re both twice my age. I chose them because I felt that they would understand me once I came out to them because they’re older and that him, being gay can relate to my situation. What is ur advice on that? Is that a good idea?

    I also have a guy friend who I’m starting to like. He’s into sports (soccer, baseball etc.). He’s white (caucasian). He looks good. From under that shirt is a young hot papa, I know! He’s like the opposite of me though. But I think he’s cool. If u could only see him!!! Damn! And he calls me “dude”. Dude daw o?LOL Well, that’s because he thinks I’m straight. And he is sooo straight! I can’t bend him! I just wish he’s gay so I can out myself to him. People, what should I do? If anyone wants to talk to me through e-mail or whatever, or u can just post your comments…Thanks!

  58. seph said on 17-01-2008

    Ate, mami-mick up ka lang may ganitong arte pa…

    Diosko, pinatulan naman.

  59. jy said on 17-01-2008

    the longer you stay in the closet, the more suspect you will become. the marriage issue always crops up, and really, your friends and family may not let on that they know, but they do.

    i have been in the closet all my life. it is lonely at times, but this i guess is the price for the choice that i made for myself.

    finding a support group is a good first step, but in the end, it will be you who will define the terms of your choice.

    good luck on your quest!

  60. from1fagtoanother said on 17-01-2008

    Kiko,

    At the end of the day, you will be outed by circumstance so why not take hold of the situation and come out in your own terms? All of us will get old. You are now 25 in ten years, 35, and another 10 years 45. If you’re not married by 35, people will definitely gossip already that you’re gay. Come 45, they won’t even gossip anymore because they’d already see you as gay. It is more nakakahiya if you ask me to be talked about behind your back. No matter how str8 acting or guarded you are, your age will catch up and people will talk. Guaranteeed.

    My advice, head on to Bed or Govt and take a feel of the gay community. You’d be surprised, 95% of the people won’t even mind you, unless of course you have poster boy looks.

    Coming out is no big deal.. it just feels that way when you’re still in the closet. I came out at 21 to my family. Like you, nobody suspected, and everyone was shocked. I was the notorious tough guy chick magnet of our batch.

    It was just rough at first but pretty soon things went from good to great.

    Trust me, and this goes to everyone, you will be outed in time no matter what you do or say so take hold of the situation and come out in your own terms.

    Enjoy! xoxo

  61. dennis said on 17-01-2008

    Just don’t force the issue. Let the water take its own course.

    God bless.

  62. donald said on 17-01-2008

    im out to friends and work people but not family… although i think they know.. sometimes its good to have teh support of different people in different situations of gayness…

  63. will said on 17-01-2008

    Allow me to say that I truly understand that we all have had this fear of coming out at some point in our lives. I don’t believe in rushing it; come out when you’re ready. But I will say that most of us have a _perceived_ danger and use that as an excuse to remain in the closet. I think if you ask most guys who are out if things are as bad as they feared, most will say no. I came out late (when I was 30), so I can’t climb on the high horse, but I can say that life is a lot easier being out. Some great friendships are established with the least expected people. Anyhow, one other example is my partner of 7 years. We live in Alabama now and he is a fireman. Any new friend is always surprised to hear he’s totally out at the station. People immediately think the other firemen would treat him bad, but so far everyone has been very cool with it. They are comfortable enough to make jokes about it. I guess all I’m saying is, sometimes our fears limit our happiness. Just something to think about.

  64. palma tayona said on 17-01-2008

    “veritas liberabit vos, the truth shall set you free. i believe that by being honest with yourself you can by all means be happy and at peace with yourself. this needs discernment and transformation of the self takes time, because we cannot rush these things, it will always be wise to surround yourself with loving, understanding and open minded friends.”

    i have to quote this one comment above, Fr. Buentocello. what he said rings true.
    ___

    methinks Kiko is on the right path. he’s begun discerning himself and is slowly coming to terms as to who and what he is. regardless of how he approaches his predicament and how he solves it, i think the very first step has been taken and that is to be honest with one’s self as to his nature.

    if his choice is to “come in” or “come out”, it is solely his decision to make and no one else’s. at the end of the day, it is his own peace that he looks for and that only him can grant to himself.

  65. joshred said on 17-01-2008

    well u deserve to be in a closet but eventually u will realize that life in coming out is more exciting than hiding.. there such fullfilment in finding ur own niche in this society even it is unacceptable and or taboo.. its a personal freedom… but if you are bounded with personal norms and moral.. its better in closet rather hounded with quilt…

    I’m on closet I am just presumeably gay as percieve but eventually people realizes my true colors and quitely happy with my boyfriend now…

    it sacrifice and if your not coming out do it in quite moves…

  66. jhepy said on 17-01-2008

    i agree wag ka nang mag -out it may give you another conflicts ….. you should be thankful of your supportive friend around you …. btw …. if you want to share your true color be selective of that person …. 😀

  67. rabbit said on 17-01-2008

    gay asian male, residing in a closet in Quezon City due to family and work considerations, found good life balance and willing to share. Email at this address.

  68. Joshua said on 17-01-2008

    Hi Kiko,

    I can relate to your situation because it’s similar to mine (I also wrote Migs about it months ago). It would be cool to share thoughts with you through emails. If Migs may allow, I would be glad to forward my email addie to you, and exchange ideas with you. Peace and hope all goes well in your life.

  69. jh said on 17-01-2008

    effeminate gays have many problems and dilemma. but we closets have twice as much. uggghhh.

  70. jh said on 17-01-2008

    we couldn’t be more of in the same damn pit. being closet is as good as hell.

    i feel for you.

  71. franz francisco said on 17-01-2008

    count me in…so dalawa na tayo..im sure, marami pa dyan..

  72. JT said on 17-01-2008

    Hi Migs,

    This is my 1st time to make a comment even thou I’ve been reading your blog for quite sometime. I have to admit that there are lots of times that comments being posted here makes me really laugh. I also wanted to write a lot of things that are happening to my life which are quite similar to the stories being told here. But I didn’t had the courage to do it. But after reading Kiko’s article, I can pretty relate hence comes this writing.
    To kiko, I just want to tell you that you are not alone in your problem. I myself have been struggling for years keeping my true color and identity. Especially here in my workplace (I’ve been living abroad for more than 10 years). People in this country are quite narrow-minded. Im sure that if I “come out”, my career will be jeopardized. I tell you, life that we have is hard and calls for lots of pretention. But as Migs have once said “coming out is an option, its not an obligation” ( I hope I remembered it right). Hence if the situation calls for it, I think we have no option but to continue playing the biggest “lies” of our life. You have my support. If you need to talk to someone, you can email me. Thanks and good day.

  73. eponine said on 16-01-2008

    Kiko, there are many like you and me. Gays who chose to be in the closet. But for me, this does not equate to being in the dark. I treasure friends whom I have entrusted this secret and reveal this part of me. And although their circle have grown, I keep them to a select few. There are things that we dare not risk so as to maintain harmony in my environment (napaka-Libran ko talaga, ikaw anong sign mo? hehehe). Basta masaya ka at comfortable saan ka ngayon at walang ibang makakapagdikta kung maglaladlad ka or magpapakamisteryoso. Bow.

  74. Dave said on 16-01-2008

    Uncertainty could really be a killer. I, too, share the same sentiments 🙂

  75. Fr. Pietro Buenocello said on 16-01-2008

    cheers to kiko! i am a gay priest and that is my real name, i am not ashamed of being gay… when i read about young people who struggle with their sexual orientation i feel so sad and distressed that in this age of modern technology, there are still a lot we cannot reach or give important advice or counsel to help them come to terms with themselves and their sexuality. it is also sad how other gay men bash others when we in the same situation should be helping one another.

    kiko has every right to be afraid of coming out, there are serious repercussions if he public proclaims that he is gay. then again, veritas liberabit vos, the truth shall set you free. i believe that by being honest with yourself you can by all means be happy and at peace with yourself. this needs discernment and transformation of the self takes time, because we cannot rush these things, it will always be wise to surround yourself with loving, understanding and open minded friends.

  76. Marko said on 16-01-2008

    Very smooth Tony. wink wink

  77. chismoso said on 16-01-2008

    Hi Kiko,

    I was once in the same situation as you are. To date, I am slightly out to some people, but not to most. Just like you, I have career, family, and other personal issues to deal with.

    Let me just warn you: Searching online is quite risky.

    I would suggest an alternative, if you’re open to it. Do try to begin with a small circle of friends. Come out to women, it’s easier. Keep confiding in your friend, he’ll be your best friend for life. He might be able to introduce you to other guys in your situation, also.

    Getting to know someone outside your current circle entails a little bit of risk of being out-ed. My advice is to take it slow, prepare yourself financially, mentally, and spiritually for potential what-ifs in life.

    My parting words, learn to accept yourself and enjoy life.

  78. Tony said on 16-01-2008

    Im on the same boat as you. We can share sentiments/views or discuss about it through email.

    Thanks.

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