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Would you, in the name of pure and pristine love, share your house with your lover, and his wife?

Erine, fellow ka-MGG, is a nurse based in London. His lover of 7 years, Nevin, also works as a nurse in London and shares the same house as Erine. Nevin has a wife and kid back in the Philippines. Trouble starts when one day, Nevine suggests to bring his wife and kid to London, and create a triumvirate union out of Erine, the wife, and him. What do you think? Read Erine’s letter to get his side.

* * *

hi migs

first of all i want to give credits sa blog mo for nice contents. im writing this letter bcoz lately medyo bothered ako and i think i need some sort of payo from u as well as for your avid readers.

im erine who works here in london as nurse and proud to be gay. my story starts when i met this guy who is my present ka-relasyon way back 7 yrs ago pa while i was on my holiday sa manila, lets just call him nevin. presently kasama ko na sya dto sa london works as nurse like me. i know i had a big part on his success sa buhay ksi the time na nkilala ko sya financially problematic sya kc ang lola nya lng nagpaparal sa knya that time, illegitimate child si nevin and wlang support tlga from his parents so ang lola nya ang nagpalaki sa knya. We start of being friends and sympre later on nagkaroon kmi ng relasyon more than friends. I know the fact na stop nga sya i offered him to continue pagaaral nya sa nursing course and willingly tinulungan ko sya kc he’s on 2nd year na nmn and syang. And alam ko din he has a bright future and sort of helping him pra maayos future nya. While i was abroad i supported him all the way sa studies nya till he graduated in 2004.

One day habang naguusap kmi sa fone he told me something na halos maiyak ako knowing na nbuntis nya gf nya which he luvs so much so nagpakasal cla sa judge. I know he had a girl nmn and ok nmn skin un kc napaguusapan nmin un. Although it hurts wla ko mgawa kc lalaki si nevin and for sure maghahanap sya tlga ng girl and build his own family. Despite that, we still good na prang wlang nangyari at ako pa nging ninong ng anak nya. I met his girl last 2005 holiday ko sa Manila and were ok nmn, openly pinakilala ako ni nevin sa wife nya and wla syang tinago sa girl bout us. So after gaining experience locally i asked nevin kng gusto nya work dto sa london and he say yes, i did my best to get him an employer pra mka work sa london. So lucky so un nga nkapnta sya dito last Feb 2007. We lived happy nmn kumbga abot langit na ang saya ko at least sa tgal ng pnahon nagkasama kmi sa isang bubong. Wla nmn nging problema for the first year nmin dito.

after nagbkasyon sya last xmas sa pinas dun nagsimula ang worries ko. while were hving our dinner last week he mentioned to me na he wants to bring his family dto sa london, as in his wife and kid. I know its possible to nmn to get his family and be his dependents while staying here in UK. Although nbigla ako bka isip ko lng bka homesick sya since kbabalik nya lng from pinas so i told him he can go for another holiday nxt month ako pa ang bibili ng plane ticket nya or if he wants mag european tour kmi just to ease his homesickness. Halos lht ng discouragement ginawa ko pra wag nya ituloy plan nya, but almost everyday ay binabangit nya if ok lng daw ba skin ung plan nya. i dont know kng ano ang isasagot ko sa knya migs. I dont know kng ano mangyayari skin, how to lived with my lover together with his wife, dhil for sure dto sa bhay tutuloy sila. Kasi nevin wants us to be together ayaw nya ko mwala din , gusto nya forever na daw kmi till tumanda, ayaw nya kmi mag say goodbye dont know is that bcoz he luvs me or bcoz of utang na loob. I love nevin migz but then i love my self and respect din myself. I just felt ksi im getting to my limits.

Cguro ito na pinakagrabe desicion i have to make pgdting smin kay nevin. Naiisip ko nga itanong kay nevin ung line ni claudine sa milan ‘Mahal mo ba ko dhil kailangan mko,,, or kailangan mko kya mahal mko’ but then ayoko mrinig ang isasagot nya. Hope u can give me some sort of advice gnon din mga readers mo. Thanks and more power….

– erine of London

* * *

Dear Erine,

You said it, “I love nevin migz but then i love my self and respect din myself. I just felt ksi im getting to my limits.”

Respect yourself. If you don’t, how can you expect others to respect, much less love, you?

Migs

Comments (66)

  1. Sweet said on 16-09-2011

    Hindi. Marapi pang masasarap na titi at bayag sa mundo, ‘no. Siguro naman mayroon diyan sa Inglatera kahit papaano. Kaya lang, wa ko type puwera na lang kung bumbayin. Basta balbon, type ko.

    Anyway, titi lang ‘yan. Madaling palitan.

  2. NONO said on 24-02-2011

    Naghahanap ka lang ng pamokpok sa sarili mong ulo. Wala ka na bang respeto sa sarili mo, at makikiapid ka. You had your time with him and you knew pretty well where will it lead. If you live with them you are putting yourself in a lifetime ridicule and heartaches. Stop it now while there’s still some self respect left. For sure it will hurt the wife and the kids. I believe in one’s pursuit of happiness you don’t hurt anybody along the way.

  3. tubero said on 24-02-2011

    hay buhay. komplikado. tell him that you don’t want the idea for some reasons. don’t put yourself in so much pain that the only resort is to kill yourself. imagine if ever nandyan na si girlalou kanino matutulog ang hubby mo, sayo, sa kanya, o tabi tabi kayong tatlo. If you want intimacy, imagine what his wife will feel. Pano pag yung wife nya gusto, imagine what you’ll feel. life is complicated enough. Don’t put so much complications if there is something you can do to avoid it. Mahirap kasi sa tao bara bara magdecide pero pag di kinaya wala na magawa kasi anjan na.

    If he insists, well… its time for you to take another path. maybe somewhere out there, there is someone who will love you more. someone who will take your feelings into consideration. someone who will RESPECT you. As far as I can see, your lover doesn’t love you that much for respect is probably gone. You always have a choice. Whatever it may be, just be strong. There are n tomorrows ahead with full of surprises.

  4. kenneth said on 27-08-2010

    hi erine! dito rin ako sa london. i have similar problem din pero baliktad. well not really same story pero naguguluhan din. if you want a shoulder dont hesitate to drop me a message. ako din kasi feel like im breaking down na rin..let’s help each other..kennethken05@yahoo.com

  5. jm said on 27-08-2010

    you are in a difficult time in your life erine, you have to make a choice, there is nothing easy about your situation, but you can either view it as a problem or as an opportunity, either way you have to decide what recourse you should make,

    migs is right by reiterating your own words, respect and love yourself first, i believe nevin will appreciate you more if you would sacrifice for him, you dont have to ask him yung line ni claudine, dont place him in a difficult position, you may be putting a hole in your relationship that you may not be able to repair,

    nevin is both a husband and a father, ikaw na rin nagsabi his an illegitimate son, take it as a que from him, he wants to be a husband to his wife and a father to his kids, simple as that,

    its good that you are aware you feel your nearing your limits, your still sane, be strong whatever decision you make, it may be painful and its part of it, choose that decision that will help both of you become better persons,

    i have a friend who once in your “cinderella” shoes, i have witnessed the drama, kaya mejo nakapagbigay ako ng pinakamahaba ko nang advice dito since i started giving unsolicited advices hehehe, be happy and smile always…love love love πŸ™‚ i hope i helped you in my little way…

  6. aeriol said on 16-02-2008

    β€˜Mahal mo ba ko dhil kailangan mko,,, or kailangan mko kya mahal mko’ kabog ung lines mo ateng!!!!!!!!!!!! hehehe joke!!!!!

  7. fritz said on 15-02-2008

    well, let it flow lang muna until you’ll realize that you wanna let go na!

  8. peppoi said on 12-02-2008

    Think it really thoroughly.

    If you think that you can still tolerate it out of love; then go for it! If your love is unconditional anyway; no limits; it should work. The good side about it is that you become part of his family and that could be a blessing. Let the your love die a natural death somehow, someday; then, that should be the right time to leave. If it grows more; meaning, if you fall in love with him more for being a responsible father; then, it’s a gift that you’re important or integral part in his life and being.

    If you think you can’t. Let go then.You just might suffer the consequences though; of thinking, what if it worked…just a thought.

    Goodluck.Hugs.

  9. winterking said on 10-02-2008

    napakadali ng sagot ko dyan :

    NO. why? why would I torture myself kahit na itanong mo sa akin how much I love the guy at if I am ready to accept everything sa kanya. Hay buhay bakla talaga. gustong tinotorture ang sarili sa ngalan ng pag-ibig. bakit kaya ganun ano? I cant see the logic why do we need to hurt ourselves just to prove an unconditional love still exist? pwede namang patunayan yan in other way like helping the person objectively.

    Analyze this

    I need you because I love you or I love you because I need you

  10. iloveboom said on 10-02-2008

    Dig deep..ask yourself what you really really want and start from there? Dont be too dramatic and emotional. We only have one life to live so enjoy….Cheers!

  11. mindy said on 09-02-2008

    first of all, sana erine wag kang mag email na pang text ang spelling mahirap basahin.

    second, Nevin needs to choose between his wife and you. no one can love two persons equally. imposible yun at kung meron mang nagsasabi na pwede they’re lying or don’t know what they’re talking about. kung ikaw ang piliin niya well and good. kung pinili niya ang asawa niya live with it. to love is to risk not be loved in return!

  12. njdinto said on 09-02-2008

    i hate when people write letters like they’re texting. hate it! hate it!

  13. marvz said on 09-02-2008

    woah…how sad naman..but i guess you should be the one to do the decision either it will hurts you both.as u have said mahal mo xa but then u think naman of the respect to the relationship that you had,maybe its being wiser now to leave while you can handle ur own heart…sbi nga sa kanta ni Will Young..”i think i better leave ryt now before i gonna fall any deeper…”
    mas mganda cguro to pull over to a good fulfilling relationship while you have still the respect for yourself…mas mahirap mahulog nang husto tpos madami lng masasaktan in the end…

    hope u the best still…

  14. will said on 09-02-2008

    I’m finding it real hard to be sympathetic to you. Sorry. I feel you’re being both selfish (for not letting go of him when he has a family) and stupid (for letting him use you). Of course, he’s even more selfish. But have some self-respect, get out of this mess!

  15. Raul said on 09-02-2008

    Do not make your life any more complicated as it is. Sharing equates to having half of everything. Please think with your entire brain and not with your dick. Move on and get a life.
    Love is letting go.

  16. bong said on 09-02-2008

    hi migs!
    ayoko nga! kawawa naman si erine unfair sa kanya iyon.

  17. someone said on 08-02-2008

    i forgot, if hes really into u, he’ll understand once u confront him….
    if not then it means he love u because he needs u….

    so go magpakaclaudine ka ha! w/ matching tears and on a bridge.

    “Mahal mo ba ko dhil kailangan m ko, or kailangan mko kya mahal m ko!?

    pang urian ang drama. remember.:-)

  18. someone said on 08-02-2008

    think about this, 1 day magmamaldita ung wife and papipiliin si nevin, its either u or her w/ kids. base on ur story nevin is a guy so most likely he’ll choose the latter. his name says it. NEVer mINd whatever he’ll answr on ur conmfrontation..

    it’ll best to talk it out with him and let him choose. when he chooses u it doesnt min that he is neglecting his responcblities as a father.

    girlash now or never na to. go!!!!!!!! ask him na. πŸ™‚

  19. jy said on 08-02-2008

    if you live together under one roof, there will come a time that someone’s/something’s gotta give. either ikaw ang maiirita and set an ultimatum, or it will be nevin’s wife.

    choice 1: if you’re willing to lose nevin: be tough on yourself and nevin and split up. clean break for both of you so you can have a clean start.

    choice 2: if you’re not willing to lose nevin: compromise and allow his wife and child to join nevin in london, but don’t live under the same roof. and give him the kahihiyan to bring over his own family on his own. then compromise further by setting an irrevocable living arrangement: who gets nevin on which nights and days, and on which holidays.

  20. jhong said on 08-02-2008

    definitely not!!!!!!!

  21. durrty said on 08-02-2008

    Ok. I might be younger than most people here. (I’m 21) And most people here have had experiences of their own. Therefore, they can give constructive and helpful advice already. I, on the other hand have no relationships yet. But Erine, I want you to take the advice from a non- experienced gay guy…

    I don’t think it was wise for you to accept a man in the first place, when you know he’s in a relationship and with a woman pa. It’s like you accepted him just so you can have a boy toy…
    And at the end, it’s like he’s taking advantage of what you got. One is your money… wala ba siyang kaunting hiya man lang because he knows you’ve provided everything for him. And now your Home! He’s bringing his wife and son there!? Kapal naman nun! Para ka lang sugar daddy niya…

    Have you ever thought na baka ginagamit ka lang niya!? Siyempre sasabihin niya na mahal ka niya just to get his affection and the thing that he’s asking which is almost impossible. Not to offend him or you even. I know that you love him… But that’s the f****** truth!

    I wan’t you to think of what will happen to you in the future… He has a family, and in the long run, you are out of the picture! You can’t live under one roof! That’s absurd!

    Find someone who is established. Who is independent. Who is emotionally and financially stable. You can’t just give and give! This is so cliche but, it has to be a give and take relationship…!

    Find some cute gay (bi, whatever) guy who is decidedly monogamous and only looks at one person, and that is you, and not any other random guy/girl out there! I assure you, if you’re with a guy who truly loves you and enjoys every moment with you. Who is sexually and emotionally satisfied with you… you’ll be 10 times happier than your current relationship!

    You have to let go if you love him! It’s hard to let go, but… think of what will happen in the future. Take my advice… Find that cute gay guy now… and fast!

  22. JT said on 08-02-2008

    I have similar situation in the sense na may wife and kids na and partner ko (pls. don’t crucify me on this matter). Im working abroad so they are far from me. But my partner insist that I should try everything for him to be able to come and live with me. If the case will be the same as erine’s case, it will be very difficult. In my own honest opinion, I will let them come but stay in different place (as a lot of the commentors have mentioned). I don’t think it will work living in one roof. We have differences, kung ang mag-asawa nag-aaway, what more ang ibang tao living with you especially lumalabas na querida ka and the wife knows about it. Magkakasumbatan kayo in the long run and for sure, talo ka because you are in the wrong position. And of course, some sort of “delikadesa”, I think the biggest and worst impact will be to the child. Magkakaroon siya ng false perceptions (remember, most if not all child are not dumb). Alam naman nating adults that this situation is definitely improper if not wrong, sana we try to lessen involving other people especially children, para mabawasan ang mga probable future delinquents.
    About leaving your BF and trying to find somebody else, its easier said than done. There are people who can’t bare this kind of consequences and result to unwanted endings. It depends on you erine, how strong do you think you are. For me, honestly, I don’t know if I can. I found everything to my partner what im looking for in a guy. So I think I will cross the bridge when im there(hopefully di naman mangyari). Well good luck to you.
    @pinkies07, I admire you for being strong and honest to your feeling.

  23. MsNinja said on 08-02-2008

    Nasa UK embassy ang sagot mo, mag email ka sa kanila at sabihing mong nag bebenta ng pirated DVDs and babaeng yon! Solve ang problem mo, BAN ni siya for life sa UK pati na rin sa US!

  24. [07707661011] said on 08-02-2008

    erine,

    PS. I love you … the movie states that sometimes in life we should live one letter at a time, thus two persons involved is not comparable . We all know that one of the most difficult part is moving on.

    a) i know that you have expected what will happen in ur relationship.Accept the reality/ acceptance is the real thing.

    by trying to respesct ur self and to others/ let him

    go.

  25. erriccastro said on 08-02-2008

    given the fact that u guys are in love and the wife accepts you guys for who you are, that’s fine with me. ur both civil adults, diba? but my point is how about the kid?
    How can you explain the situation where there’s a mom, a dad and the dad’s lover” to the kid?
    kids normally grow up knowing that there’s only 2 adults (parents).
    can we stop thinking of ourselves and focus more on what will happen to everyone, specially the kid.
    if you watch bird cage, the kid grew up where his mom was separated from him, the gay partner acted as the mom, acceptable, but knowing that there are three individuals involved, how can you place the third person in between?
    knowing that you love each other so much and i guess the mom has every respect between the both of you, it seems to me that even if this is the situation, i will push through with separating you guys to live not in the same roof that is if you plan to hide this relationship from the kid. i can’t just imagine what the kid would think if ever he catches his dad making love with his gay partner.
    there are extreme outcomes: the kid accepting the fact that there are gay people and he’d be close to gay people or, he will extremely hate gay people starting from his family all through out the society, or, he be gay or a confused person.
    let’s give the child a happy and memorable childhood to remember.
    remember: WORLD PEACE

  26. Teka Muna said on 08-02-2008

    Dapat baguhin ng Bading na Pinoy ang mentality ay ang mga diretsong lalaki nag hinahabol. Laos na ang panahon na nagbabayad sa mga lalaki para makahada. Asa ka pang mamahalin ka ng diretso, pera lang niyan ang habol mo. Kunsabagay, mga bading na kamukha lang naman ni Jobert Sukaldito ang dapat mag bayad sa mhin. Siguro naman maganda ka, humanap ka ng bading din, iyung macho bading hindi iyung diretso.

  27. jet said on 07-02-2008

    its already been 7 years.. i guess hindi talaga madaling sabihin at gawin na “iwan mo na siya”

    i agree with jimg29.. someone is going to suffer and although “ok” kayo nung wife nya.. well.. in the long run ba masasabi mo pa din ba yun.. e kung ngayon pa nga lang, alangan ka na.

    ang pinaka masasabi ko lang..
    you and nevin’s wife would repel to each other kahit na gaano pa kaganda yung pinagsamahan nyo because you’re both after the same thing, nevin. and at the back of your heads, ang iniisip nyo is “gusto ko siya masolo”

    one of you has to go dahil maski ngayon pa lang, obvious namang you wont work well together..

  28. erine said on 07-02-2008

    Thanks guys sa mga reply nyo, i really appreciate, cguro ill take some of ur advice and let u know kng ano mangyayari after.

    answers sa mga questions:

    >astroboi – No, we wont sleep in one bed if ever pmunta yung girl sa london, hve 3 bedrooms so cguro they will occupy the other room.

    >eponine – nevins wife is well aware of our relationship since 2005 and were ok nmn. We never get into the details kng pano mging set up if ever mtuloy plano ni nevin.

    >teka muna – yes, we do hve sex…plenty, and were both aware na were partners sexually, emotionally and financially.

  29. joey said on 07-02-2008

    You have done so much for him just to prove your love. It is time that you set him free – for him to learn to be man enough for his wife and kid/s or even for you; and for you to learn to love yourself more. Letting go of him would hurt you to death but it would be the most noble and right thing to do. In the end, you would realize that love also means letting go.

  30. dee said on 07-02-2008

    i agree with teka muna! to eponine: first time mag comment. matagal tagal na din akong napapadpad dito. g’luck ulit sayo, erine! πŸ˜€

  31. nick said on 07-02-2008

    Get rid of the bitch and have him all by yourself.

  32. Quentin X said on 07-02-2008

    Go watch ‘A Home at the End of the World’. Similar story.

  33. bj said on 07-02-2008

    Sobra kitang naiintindihan erine. In my case naman, ayaw akong mawala ng partner ko kahit ano daw mangyari, pero gusto niyang magkaroon ng sariling anak.

    Masakit para sa akin na gusto niya ng anak at hindi ko maibigay. Ganun pa man ako ang gusto niyang makasama at kami daw dalawa ang mag-aalaga sa magiging anak niya. Sabi ko naman mag-ampon na lang kami. Pero he still insists to have his own child.

    My decision was, if he wants a child he can marry the girl he loves and build a happy family. Mahirap gumawa ng decision na makapagpapalungkot sa atin pero sa umpisa lang yan.

    I really love him and all I want for him is to be happy. I cannot imagine myself loving someone, owning him myself, but he is never totally happy with me. Sometimes, we have to sacrifice our own happiness for our love ones to be happy. Mahirap namang maging selfish, pero mahirap din namang mag-isa at magsimulang muli.

    Pero that’s life erine, we have to set free to accomodate others. Malay mo, paglisan mo sa piling niya, you will meet your mr. right. Everything has the possibility naman di ba?

    Tsaka, sa case mo, hate to say, nagmumukha ka ng querida sa tatay ng inaanak mo. Hihihihihihihihihi!

    Basta God bless na lang sau!

  34. ako ito said on 07-02-2008

    I think it is better for Nevin to look for another lodging and keep his family there. Erine should maintain his dignity as person by letting Nevin do his job a family man and support his family by himself.
    If in case the wife and kid lives with Erine they would still to him for anything if not for everything.
    If you are ready to accept all the consequences, even the emotional one, of hearing what Nevin would respond to that question, then go ahead if you feel that it will set you free and clear everything that is in your mind.
    Sharing your house with the family of your lover should bea no no although we presume that the wife has accepted your relationship. You will not be free to move around your house if you know that there are other persons there. You can say but it is your house, yet, you have to take into consideration that there are other people staying there. You will not have your own privacy which is very important. REMEMBER PRIVACY IN YOUR HOME should be your utmost consideration.
    If Nevin nags it about you everyday then tell him to look for another place and in order not to offend him, help him to look for one.
    If you feel Nevin really loves you then he should be able to consider also your feelings and how you would be hurt to see them around, especially when the romantic aspect comes in.
    Good luck to you Erine!!!

  35. paul said on 07-02-2008

    its tym to move on friend, get a lyf, i think u’ve already done a lot to help him & thats enough,i think its tym for him to repay u whatever debt of gratitude he may have for u,u desrve to be happy.Believe me friend u will get over him,masakit pro mawawala din in tym,and remember maraming isda sa dagat!Gudluck!

  36. chuchucaracas said on 07-02-2008

    neng, it doesn’t seem like kung mahal ka niya dahil kailangan ka niya o kailangan ka niya dahil mahal ka niya. it’s more of mahal ka nga ba niya? o assumption mo lang yun dahil akala mo nabibili o naba-barter ng scholarship at pangkabuhayan showcase ang pagibig? pwede mo bang sabihin na mahal ka niya at ayaw ka niya mawala habang mahal niya rin yung asawa niyang naanakan niya at pinakasalan niya at gusto niya bigyan ng magandang buhay dyan sa london. baka naman he only sees you as a friend pero wag mo naman siyang biglang singilin dahil hindi mo nakuha yung ine-expect mong kapalit ng lahat ng effort mo para sa kanya. nako neng siguro it’s best to help him out na lang as a real friend and look for love somewhere else.

  37. Mark said on 07-02-2008

    Natatawa ako doon sa gumawa ng equation. Ala pong sense. He he he…

    Erine, you a cm away from the borderline for being stupid and naive.

  38. anton maton said on 07-02-2008

    una sa lahat – hindi ako maka-claudine. sharonian ako!

    pangalawa – nothing last forever. asa ka pa!

    yung lang …

    loveless forever (by choice),
    anton maton

  39. Markus said on 07-02-2008

    this is very hard… ask yourself this question and answer yourself honestly.. do you feel he really LOVES you? if you could answer this question, you know what to do.

    let me think this through….it is so easy when plans are verbalized, but when you are living the actual scenario when the three and a half of you guys are in one roof, believe me…life will be a living hell. i’d like to encourage you to fight for your love but for chrissake it is time for you to let go. keep all the good memories and build new ones with someone who will truly love and care for you. good luck. and i know you will find true happiness with someone else because i think you are a great guy with a good heart. let go of this guy, cry him a river, start a new beginning.

  40. Nokturna said on 07-02-2008

    hindi pwedeng 2 kayong mahal niya. kahit pa sabihing, babae yung isa at bakla ka. Magkaiba man kayo, iisang puso ang pinaghahatian ninyo. Its unfair. ikaw lang o yung girl. That bastard (sorry for the term) better make a decision. Goodluck, I hope you get what you truly deserve soon- a good person who will truly love you and you alone.

  41. dong said on 07-02-2008

    day, paano ka mag-luv sa iba kung sarili mo nga hindi mo ma-luv? bigyan mo naman ng konting respeto and sarili mo.

    haaay…eto ha, kung mahalin mo sarili mo, sigurado akong may magmamahal pa sa yo na higit pa sa nevin na yan.. na wala kang kaagaw…

  42. thesilentwatcher said on 07-02-2008

    If you can’t stand the fact that you’ll be living with the wife. Then don’t. You do not have to complicate things. I think you should do well to explain to him that things don’t go that way. Two loves cannot share the same space, the same as all other things do. The rule is, two things cannot occupy the same place. One has to be displaced in order for the other form to occupy the same space.

    And I think the wife won’t appreciate it also. Try to avoid future conflicts by doing something now. πŸ™‚

  43. punkies07 said on 07-02-2008

    This is not my first time reading posts here in mmg but this will be the first time that i’ll make a comment. I’m a BI, siguro, i don’t know, im still confused, but truly straight acting at may hitsura din naman..hehehe I once had the same scenario as what this Erine had with his guy Nevin. Although it’s just the other way around for me. When i was in college i wanted to prove to my parents that i can go on with my studies independently. I became part of the university student publication and various orgs and groups at school. During my 3 year stay in the publication, i had this relationship with my Editor. He was gay, known by all, and i was not basically gay or bi yet during those days. There was one night na nagkainoman at it so happened that he slept with me and i had given it to him for some reasons. The next day thereof, he was very caring and so attentive to me already. He would always ask me on what i want and would even provide me with the basic things that i need. I wasn’t asking for them but he was handling it. (I don’t know if that’s basically the common trick that gays do to attract men, sorry for being blant). Well it’s not truly all about those things that he was offering me, he was also a good person, always instructs me on what to do in life and what to avoid. He guided me all the way. I was accepted by his family members and i was even openly sleeping in his room almost 4-5 times a week. I will just go back sa pad ko if magbibihis. He was like my wife narin. I became too dependent on him until the time that he got a real good high paying job, then i was still at school by then. He was also close to my family. He was supporting me all the way until i got a job too. Then came a time that i have to go to another big city for promotional purposes on my job. He has to stay kc dun ang work and family niya. So we had a long distance relationship but it worked for only few months. After few months i switched back to my X girlfriend and we are still together right now. He knew it and he was hurt. He had to let go of me. I cried coz i can’t afford to loose him. Kahit right now na i can stand on my own na kc may trabaho na ako but i still feel na kailangan ko xa. Some guys are emotionally attached too. Polygamous lang siguro in nature but i can say na love ko parin xa kahit love ko din ang gf ko ngaun. We are still friends til now but he’s so much different compared nung kami lang talaga. He also won’t even just text me not if i’ll tell him that i was hospitalized kahit wala naman. Yeah, i owe him everything that i am right now. For once in my life i knew a person like him and that it would mark a longlife tattoo on my heart.
    Advice ko lang, nevin will really have to stay with his family, esp na he has a child already on that girl. He still needs you though, i guess. Just don’t change the way you treated him before. kahit hindi na sa financial support basta anjan kalang always for him and his family. It also hurt me much when that person i was talking earlier, had his new bf, it really pains me even until now. But i guess i have to move on din like what he did. It was never easy for him too. Im sure nevin will appreciate all those you’ve done to him. You can be happy without him, yes, but just don’t ignore him like you never knew him before.
    Right now, i always do the effort to get in touch with him kahit may new bf na xa. I was, i think, sexually attached na din to him kc we had so much experience with sex before, di ko na maimagine… nyahahaha but now sa gf ko naman ginagawa..heheh
    But it’s good to be part of both worlds! πŸ˜‰
    Cheers to everybody!

  44. fratboyinthecloset said on 07-02-2008

    Kuya migs… I can’t help but feel rather discouraged about gay relationships. I’ve been hearing a lot of bad things already. Like everyone is bound to get hurt.

    I’ve just added Erine to my list of “Proof of IT will not work”. I once contemplated on going back to being straight, just so I can have my happy ending, my grow-old-with-you moment (GOWY), my better-half-forever (BHF), and my wedding-bells-while-walking-with-a-big-grin-on-my-face (WBW3ABGOMF) event.

    To Erine, this is half a two cents worth of advise:
    1. You don’t need to cut your ties with Nevin, but impose a separate house. Either you leave or they get their own house. Unless you’re a martyr and a sadomasochist.
    2. Follow up on no. 1: You don’t need to cut your ties (aka fwendship) but please do end the relationship.
    3. Find someone else.
    4. You’ll have three long lonely months with I-so-pity-myself moments so I do suggest on enrolling now on (a) gym, (b) masters/ doctorate/ diploma nursing course, or stock your cabinets with (a) oreo, (b) tissue, (c) chocnut (ask your Filipino froends to send you some).
    5. Date
    6. Buy some condoms
    7. Adopt a kid (me)
    8. Send me to UK

    Ayt?????

    love lots,
    FBITC

  45. bennie said on 07-02-2008

    problema yan, living in one roof. Mas kakabuti sa inyong dalawa to live on different roof para hindi maging mahirap to both you and the wife.

  46. dman64 said on 07-02-2008

    A classic case of life (almost) imitating art. In the movies, an arrangement like this can work because everything is fiction and there is suspension of disbelief. In real life, there are no second takes, editing, and screenplay to help you weed out the numerous problems that come with it. Bottomline is…it simply won’t work.

    p.s. this is my first mgg post, although i’ve been a daily lurker for more than a year now.

  47. tagosadilim said on 07-02-2008

    Walang iniwan itong isyung ito dun sa isyu nung babaeng shini-share yung asawa nya sa gay benefactor, except that ang feeling aggrieved sa sitwasyon ngayon ay yung gay, hindi yung girl.

    Ewan ko lang ha kung ano ang major motivation mo sa pagkuha sa lalaking ito na sumama sa ‘yo abroad? I mean, what were you thinking? Did you honestly think that your relationship would work given that you know your guy has a wife and a kid?

    My take on this matter is this: Evaluate if your love for your guy is not selfish, that is, you just don’t want him for your self, if you know what I mean, because if this is the real reason why you think you love him, then things won’t just work out for you and for him and his family. But if your intentions were honest and sincere from the start, you know what to do. That’s it.

  48. Isaribi said on 07-02-2008

    There are things in life that no matter how hard to you try for things to work out for you, they just can’t.

  49. KittyQT said on 07-02-2008

    Sa totoo lang, the threesome set-up will not work. Sooner or later, the wife will insist to move out because there is a growing child seeing this ‘ano-bang-klaseng-set-up-yan!’.

    When reality bites, masakit talaga but you have to face it, he will give more importance to the family than you. So, kung mahal mo talaga siya, SET HIM FREE!

  50. bob said on 07-02-2008

    no way! phone calls pa nga lang are a source of irritation and fights, tapos expect me to live with the wench!
    dahil dun sa confrontation about phone calls at home- he’s been withholding ‘it’, sabi ko ‘f.u. it’s lent’.
    kung kaya mo(the gay party), take the plunge!

  51. Teka Muna said on 07-02-2008

    Please clarify naman ang extent ng relationship ninyo. Kayo ba as in nag sex/make out kayo, o feeling mo lang na more than friends kayo kasi ang bait bait niya sa iyo? Baka naman nag papagirl ka lang at feeling mahal ka ng lalaki, kasi maasikaso siya, meron akong friend na ganyan, mabait lang sa kanya ang lalaki, kasi may kailangan, pero nahada ba niya? HINDI!!! Kaya magsimula tayo sa paggiging totoo, then maybe may magandang advice na maibibigay sa iyo mga posters dito.

  52. cavalieron said on 07-02-2008

    sa case mo erine,hirap din akong magbigay ng advice.it is between heart and brain na kasi.sa case naman kasi natin,talagang mahirap makalimot at magparaya lalo na at mahal natin ang isang tao.if i were you,pagbigyan mo na syang kunin ang mag-ina nya.tanggap mo naman na syang may wife at kid,give and take na lang.mag-usap kayo na humanap na sya ng ibang house,that is for him also to start a new life as a married man.but definitely,kung ako lang naman ikaw,of course,ibaiba tayo ng opinion,di ko pa sya pakakawalan as long na nandun pa rin ang respeto at love or care.sabi mo nga,his wife knows the real score between you and nevin so walang dapat ikatakot.ang mahalaga,alam mong tunay na lalaki ang papa mo.

  53. Jedd said on 07-02-2008

    Oh, man, you should have ended the relationship right back in 2004 when you ‘found’ out he was straight. Everything that has happened the years after has been brought about by:

    1. your naive hope that your kindness will turn him gay/leave his wife

    2. your fears and insecurities (yes, you have them otherwise you wouldn’t be in this predicament)

    3. him taking advantage of your kindness and dependence

    4. him sticking around out of utter ‘delikadesa’.

    Your man doesn’t love you. Or else he wouldn’t let you suffer like that. Cut him off. Cry. Cheer up. Make yourself as ‘beautiful’ as you can be again and find a real gay man this time. Good luck, hope you find the strength

  54. Mikey_Liling said on 07-02-2008

    Lahat ng tao, sa lahat ng bagay, may limitation. Look into yourself, listen to your inner voice.

    Ikaw lang ang makakapagsabi kung hanggang saan ang kaya mo. Alam mo kung hanggang saan, others won’t know it.

    Then, accept your limits, the rest will follow.

  55. francis said on 07-02-2008

    haayy..leave him na..

  56. eponine said on 07-02-2008

    hello dee! first time mo dito sa mgg, so welcome (or baka frist tiem m lang magcomment). kaano-ano mo si enchong at si aj?

  57. eponine said on 07-02-2008

    erine did not clearly indicate of nevin told his wife that they are in a relationship. it is also not clear to me if you two have discussed the details of his plans (paano magiging ang setup if dyan sila titira, paano ang expenses, aasa ba sya na tutulong ka sa pagkuha lang sa kanila at hanapan ibang place, etc). but this is what’s clear to me: he needs your help.

    if i were in your shoes, this is what i might do: i will not and cannot live with his wife and child in one house. so i’ll ask him if he needs help getting his wife and child and i’ll help him look for a palce to rent. any family will have certain privacy. to be with his wife under one roof, baka mag-aagawan or magtatarayan lang kayo (either ikaw or siya ang magselos). it’s clear he’ll be choosing his family over you, sooner or later. it can mean taht you’ll have to end the relationship. but that does not mean ending a good friendship, right? he has already chosen his family over you and you’l lhave to give them the space they need.

    it’s not just about all the help you’ll extend and the cash you’ll shell out to support them. liek you said, it’s also about respect. self-respect. nevin has to respect your borders if he is chooses to bring his family there. and more improtnatly, you have to respect yourself. if i were in your shoes, i will not live with my lover and his wife under one roof.

  58. jimg29 said on 06-02-2008

    1 + 1 = two ~ correct?

    1 + 1 + (2) = four ~ correct?
    ————————————–
    (1+2)- 1 = ???? x or y (2 or 3)?

    (logic dictates that the given x or y variables are wrong therefore be forewarned that your problem is mathematically impossible…somebody is going to suffer)

  59. dee said on 06-02-2008

    eeennnkk! won’t work. (i don’t know really, i’m just a kid) hehe. this is gonna sound bad, pero i feel he’s just using you. (told you) kase u’ve been there for him before and everything. . so wat next? i agree with xoxo. . if he wants to bring his family in london, AND if he respects you mag-ipon muna xa enuf to hav a house of his own. it is very insensitive of him to try and even have that idea. kase if he really thought of it, maiisip niang masasaktan ka e. you deserve someone better, erine! (we all do!) to migs: first time here! πŸ˜€

  60. matt said on 06-02-2008

    it seems to me you’ve reached your limit. you may want to convince yourself it will work, but you can never predict how nevin or his wife will feel days, weeks or months after. this becomes a very worrisome scenario for you.

    give your blessings to nevin’s plan to bring his family over but they tell him to find his own place first. insist that you don’t think the living arrangement of all of you in one house will work. tell him you would like to continue seeing him but living together is out of the question.

    and stop all your financial support. it’s time for him to be independent and for you to ensure you have your pride and principles intact. it’s easy to be used in this situation.

    good luck.

  61. astroboi said on 06-02-2008

    i just wanna ask… like same bed kayo 3 if the wife goes there?

  62. xoxo said on 06-02-2008

    i’m dumbstruck… i guess you would be much better off alone. How dense could nevin get? i know he has marital repsonsibilities to his wife and but he just couldn’t have thought of bringing in his family to your house in London. What would be next? you’ll have to feed all of them and they can burn away your cash. it’s time to call it quits. it won’t work.

  63. perfida limpin said on 06-02-2008

    you’ve both gone a long way. napaka swerte mo that his wife accepted your relationship just like that. whatever her reasons, be thankful that you will still be together.

    personally i believe a gay – “bi” relationship is better than any other relationship any gay man can have. why? sa mga katulad ni nevin, makikita mo ang pagmature ng relationship. from the physical to the emotional until maging “friends” na lang kayo for life until you’re both old.

    mas maganda kesa yung nagpapalipat lipat ng ibang partners ang mahal mo. pag umasenso na yan si nevin, at maging financially independent, hindi na yan aasa syo. emotional na lang at yung companionship. at kapag he’s mature enough, i’m sure darating ang panahon he’ll give you some kind of freedom to enjoy yourself…look for another partner kung yan naman ang hanap ng katawan mo.

    you are one lucky guy to have nevin. and nevin is the luckiest guy to have you as lover and friend…

    minsan marami tayo gusto in life. hindi natin nare-realize that in fact, we almost have everything we need right in front of us…wag masyadong “matakaw” mga sisters.

  64. Little Fish said on 06-02-2008

    Can you survive one awful day at a time with his wife and kids?

    Dapat cguro itanong mo kay Nevin yung tanong ni Claudine sa Milan at dapat din na tanggap mo at handa ka s ano mang sagot ni Nevin.

    Love has nothing to do with it. Putchang pag-ibig naman yan. If you really love him, let him go…letting go means I Love you too.

    You deserve happiness and blissful joys Erine…

    • Dawei said on 27-12-2008

      I agree with Little Fish….

      LETTING GO means you really love the person because you do not want to be the reason for him not to have a family of his own (I am not saying yours with nevin is not a family…) but still, sabi mo nga, lalaki si nevin so he will really look for a girl to build his family…

      I am very proud of you kasi you really made your way to help Nevin… kung ano man sya ngaun, it’s partly because of your and his dreams of having a good future…

      On the other side, Nevin was honest enough to tell his GF, now his wife, that he has a relationship with you… your relationship with Nevin with his wife around is one of a kind kasi mahirap makatagpo ng tulad ninyo though meron naman…

      Again…it’s SELF-RESPECT as what you said, that matters… sabihin na nating tanggap na ng asawa ni nevin na meron syang kahati…but, can you accept it?..you are bothered now kasi alam no na parating na ung time na Nevin will have to live with his wife and kid and that you will be relegated to, sorry to say, “2nd”…if before, ok lang sa yo at sa wife nya, kasi, hindi pa kayo nagsasama together na tatlo…

      But still, I dont want to be judgmental kasi di ko din naman kilala ung babae at the same time, di ko din alam how you will cope up in such situation…

      However, sinabi ko nga at the start, LETTING YOU IS A WAY TO TELL YOUR SELF AND NEVIN NA MAHAL MO TALAGA SYA kaya you are letting go of him…kasi naman, I always believe na if you are really meant until the end, DESTINY WILL FIND ITS WAY para maging kayo ulit…

      pasensya na at napahaba nga comments ko…

      Wishing you the best,

      Dawei

  65. bhebhe said on 06-02-2008

    i Think were on the same boat :p I hate to be inlove….waaaahhhh i dont believe in love anymore…

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