26
Monalisa, Happy Wife of a Gay Man
Entry Feed TrackbackNot all who write to me are readers carrying crosses, problems, and issues. This one in particular, a woman who calls herself Monalisa, is a happy reader, a happy writer, who testifies how happy she is that her husband is a gay man. Read on.
dear migs,
i’ve been longing to send you this mail but time really does not permit me to do so until now.
i hope you can withhold my identity as well as my husband’s … he comes from a well off family in leyte and he’s gay — but not the open type — the best term could be CLOSET GAY.
we’ve been married for six years already. i knew in the very first place that he’s gay coz he happens to be my boss. i worked in his company when i was 21 years of age and he’s 29. when i first saw him… it was a jaw dropping reaction.. he looks like robin da rosa plus the gym toned body. it’s just a small company and everyone noticed his secret identity due to the number of good looking guys that would frequently visit him. i saw thrice an actor went into his office after working hours. but still i was still convinced that he’s handsome and hot!!!
our relationship started when his model boyfriend broke up with him. ako lang ang mag isa sa office at that time when he’s into his emotional problem. he invited me for some dinner and late night party just for the purpose of having someone to talk to. he shared his problem, told me that he’s tired of his life of being a closet gay/discreet and always the one who is left behind. he wanted to have a partner that’s for a lifetime…in my craziness i offered myself to become his wife; though it’s just a joke but kinagat niya! ako naman sa sobrang lasing din ay parang naulol sa kaguwapuhan ng bakla and that was it – he’s the man who took my virginity while i’m the first woman who embraced and kissed his gorgeous body.
he proposed marriage na di ko tinanggihan – but everyone in my family opposed. mag aasawa lang daw ako sa bakla pa. so what? if ever he will commit adultery at least sa lalaki di sa kapwa ko babae at least walang sabit! but the real truth is i love him and i want him. on his side… not so sure if he has the same feeling but at least he did such thing to attain what he wanted – an eternal partner and a family that will not leave him. everyone around us totally opposed to our relationship, i was disowned by my family and him also by his circle of friends and family for marrying a hooker daw.
but for the six years that we’re together and being blessed with four children – i have no complaints about him as a husband – a good provider, responsible father and most of all very understanding -and i realized that it’s all because he’s gay. he wants to prove that despite of his being gay, he can be a foundation of the family and he knows the feeling of a woman when she get hurts, if she suffers and if she needs someone to lean on coz he has the same feeling also – and he does not want such fate to happen to me.
now i’m 27 and he’s 35 but still we enjoy each other’s company. we always look forward of seeing each other at the end of the day. i must be thankful of his being gay automatic his being vain also coz he’s took care of his body and lead me to do the same thing also. that might be the very reason why i can’t sleep when he’s not in my side and without having him as my human blanket.
and i should say that gays are better than real men……
monalisa
Possibly Related Posts:
- Woman Writes MGG For Advice: “My husband has a rich gay lover.” Dearest Migs, I hope everything’s fine on your end. I...
- The Gay Pinoy as Family Man I’ve seen just too many gay “family men” that I...
- On being an honorable gay man (Puerto Galera, 22 March 2008.) Whiling away the time before...
- Is there a Happy Ever After for us? Gays and Happy Ever After — is there such a...
- Gay Man – Straight Man Friendship Hello gay men populace, do you have a close friend...
It might first seem like your typical fag hag scenario gone chained to marriage (Oh, Grace…), But come to think of it — I find this story quite remarkable. It is a positive standout from the heartaches & usual doldrums that comes in our gay lives. I admire the lady on whom wrote this, she made that leap and has been understanding enough to see both sides of how gay life & her marriage works. Imagine her sense of extreme patience & understanding even if her hubby may enjoy a period of same-sex rendezvous….Others may see this as a marriage of convenience, but I agree it is still a lifetime of partnership — and how compromisingly good can it be considering the circumstances. Kudos to both of them as a couple.
The only thing that may seem a bit sad is that — it may prove again a point that gay men would never find a long lasting same sex partner for life…… I have long dread that thought since i after breaking from my partner of 4 years, am still hanging on to Hope that somehow someday, the guy that is meant for me is just around the corner, waiting for our paths to crossed…. And reading & witnessing gay relationships crumble upon another, Is there still hope out there that gay relationship could be a life-lasting partnership?…
Andrian at Feb 26, 08 at 2:49 am
winner!
Fran at Feb 26, 08 at 8:30 am
*sobs* Ok darn. So is this a friggin sign that I should go back to the other side?
*insert twilight soundtrack* nuni nuni nuni nuni
And I have to second Adrian’s comment: this is a refreshing ray of light from all those dark stories about gay gone straight stories or at least gay gone married. But also a realisation of the dark corner of being gay, that lifetime relationships are still found within straight marriages. A bleak one for Adam’s to love another Adam and not an Eve.
For me, this is extra difficult as I am one of those closeted ones who have recently came into terms with ones sexuality but has not had courage to leave the life once led (the straght one). Thus, I have a bf, who knows that I still have a gf. And its becoming difficult by the minute. And towards the horizon, I see that I have to choose… soon, before closets unravel and major damages done.
To monalisa, I have this question: Does your monalisa smile have a hidden pain? Don’t you, not even for once, think that your husband might be sleeping with another man. Is he loyal but never faithful? Do you smile always, pray do tell monalisa?
—-FBITC
fratboyinthecloset at Feb 26, 08 at 10:10 am
this is sooo baloney. everytime i read a letter from a reader or a mom, it is always the same style of writing…really, who are you joking??
taylor at Feb 26, 08 at 10:19 am
Interesting. I found it strange that she said gay men are better than “real men” as if gay men weren’t “real men” to begin with. I personally don’t think my being gay makes me any less of a a “real man” than a hetereosexual male. I still have a penis, I still wear men’s clothing and I still consider myself very much a man. Sexuality doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with gender.
That said, I found the letter to be a bit disturbing. I agree with Andrian’s comment — although this is a story of a lifetime partnership, it is sad thinking that gay men struggle to find long lasting same sex partners. The toughest part is envisioning a life where you’re alone.
Nick at Feb 26, 08 at 11:32 am
totoo ba ito? at in 6 years naka-apat na anak ang bading, taray!
Angel at Feb 26, 08 at 2:09 pm
i think it is HONESTY and COMMITMENT that make a relationship lasting.
dusky at Feb 26, 08 at 2:20 pm
grabe. cnt believe ok lang sayo na bading sya. and hey, for kids?!?! congrats.
jh at Feb 26, 08 at 2:57 pm
mga bakla nag-oopose,
wag ng mag-emote mga ate..
if ur questioning the credibility of the letter, ask migs na lang..
tapos, i do believe na sexual preference is temporary.. kung bading ka, meaning ba nun bading ka na forever!!!???
i guess, we ignore the emaning of change..
(SIRA ang Pledge of Loyalty ko mga kapatid!!lol)
let’s just be happy and gay for the couple y’all!!!
mikel at Feb 26, 08 at 5:00 pm
Still wondering why monalisa had a very mysterious smile? Oh Leonardo ever so nurturing and gay! Bless art thou!
jimg29 at Feb 26, 08 at 5:45 pm
mga kontrabida!!
hayaan niyo na si monalisa! obvious naman na may smile pa sa mukha niya dahil sa saya na naidulot ng bading sa kanya..
kung di man kayo maniwala na totoo to…diyos ko sino bg loka2x n mga aaksaya ng oras na magpadala ng knyg karanasan dito…
eh kung sumisiping pa rin ng lalaki yung asawa nya…bshin niyo nga ulit yung sulat …tanggao na nga niya eh!!!! analyzed nyo rin!!! satisified s knya si bading kAsi nka apat na anak sila!
TAYLOR AT FRATBOYSINTHECLOSET – wag nyo ng kwestiyonin ang sitwasyong ito..dapat masaya tayo dahil nakikita natin kung ano ang kakayahan n puedeng gawin ng mga gays…
OBVIOUSLY HINDI KAYO MASAYA SA PAGIGING BUHAY BAKLA NIYO!!!
keyman at Feb 26, 08 at 6:13 pm
i agree wd u keyman!one thing is for sure in this life, na ginawa ng Diyos na ang lalake ay para sa babae at ang babae ay para sa lalake.it just so sad that we gays cant accept that fact.nothing more nothing less!
PAUL at Feb 26, 08 at 11:14 pm
i still want to believe that the story of monalisa is true…i still want to believe that she smiles without a tinge of pain inside…pero sana totoo talga…magulo talaga ang pag-ibig…magulo lalo ang umibig.
mario at Feb 26, 08 at 11:52 pm
Well, true or not, it’s a fairly interesting arrangement and one that might appeal to some of the sawi gays. But I have to agree with Andrian’s comment, it seems to show that a lifetime relationship between two men is sadly far from the norm. But hey, heterosexual relationships are catching up with us! The divorce rate in America is more than 50%!
Vince at Feb 27, 08 at 12:43 am
marami akong kilalang bading na nag asawa ng oppsite sex, yung ex ko nga 2 anak..actuaally lahat ng naka relasyon ko puro mga married
tobby at Feb 27, 08 at 1:10 am
wonderful!
wrestler at Feb 27, 08 at 1:45 am
@keyman: Di naman po sa kinukwestyon ko ang sitwasyon nila. Just trying to get some questions bogging my head cleared out, more of trying to learn and be inspired from their experience.
Wag po mangaway. Binasa ko na lahat, and my question was not more of knowing the truth of her husband’s gay life while married, but more of what she feels towards it. Kahit tanggap na nya, I’d still think na minsan nasasaktan parin sya. Un lang nmn po.
fratboyinthecloset at Feb 27, 08 at 8:42 am
hmmm may something ito. if she sent this mail to be posted and read by readers of this blog i think it is significant to mention how she found out about this blog in the first place.
on a different note, sa palagay ko gay men are real men. and kung sa pagiging responsible, sincere at kung ano pang eklavu sa palagay ko ang difference ng straight guy sa gay ay breeding at hindi sexual orientation.
chuchucaracas at Feb 27, 08 at 4:02 pm
Astig!!
Joms at Feb 27, 08 at 5:28 pm
I love this story. Thanks for sharing.
peppoi at Feb 27, 08 at 5:45 pm
Migs,
How can I be a subscriber to blog if you call this blog. Can I get your contact number, both landline and cellphone, please. I want to know you more and be a close acquaintance to you. Thanks.
Carmelo L. Fabella at Feb 28, 08 at 1:43 pm
ganda ni ate
trebs72 at Feb 29, 08 at 8:25 pm
Just go for it Monalisa, be the happy wife to a husband who’s trying to change his real personality by being a family man and a big credit for him for doing this in which very few gays like me want to gamble with this kind of situations nevertheless, that gays will be gays and there will come a time that he will go back to the old habits of being in the closet and i wish you strength to forgive and courage to move on inspite of this and continue life with him and your kids till the two of you grows old…..:-)God bless
Rene at Mar 13, 08 at 7:49 pm
OMG!!what a beautiful story!!I admit that I’m a gay and everyone thinks that I am but I’m not into that “lad-lad” thing.It disgusts me. I’m gay but I never had a personal relationship with a guy,instead, to a girl I already had 4 ex-gf’s. I love them but I don’t know why. I love guys more but how can I fall in love with a girl???am I really a gay or straight???….haaaaahh..i’m tired
jmarc_blueboy@yahoo.com at Mar 15, 08 at 6:18 pm
@jmarc_blueboy…..the fact that you like guyz makes you gay but you like girls as well that makes you straight but awful…lol u don’t know what you want, are you the so-called bisexual? but ur not fair, u want to hook up with two genders, does it mean ur a winner? ur confused coz u don’t know what u really like, it will be unfair if u gonna have two relations from both sexes, so straighten urself up and ask who and where i am happy with…that will gonna answer all ur questions…..take care
Reneboy at Mar 20, 08 at 7:14 pm
“i should say that gays are better than real men……” Ibig sabihin ni Monalisa mabuti nakapag asawa sya kahit gay responsable at maalaga naman sa pamilya, kesa nag asawa sya ng maton at lalaking lalaki pero ginagawa naman syang punching bag at wala pang trabaho kundi babae ang magbubuhay sa pamilya. Ang masasabi ko lang Monalisa, pag minahal mo na ang isang tao, kahit ano pa sya, dadating ang time na ikaw na lang ang tititigan nya sa buong araw at sasabihin sayo ng buong giliw “I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH”. Napakalaking bagay sa mag asawa ang understanding, Acceptance, care, minsan pag wala pang love nadedevelope yon, lahat ng bagay napag uusapan, maliit man o malaki. Sa mga napag daanan kong sitwasyon katulad nina fratboyinthecloset at jmarc_blueboy, masasabi kong tama ang naging desisyon ko. Mas masaya ako ngayon at kumpleto, and soon, few months na lang daddy na rin ako. Sobrang love ko ang wife ko (my GF for 10 yrs) at wala akong pinagsisisihan although nandon pa rin yong guilty feelings dahil naging unfaithful ako sa kanya noon.
Kaunting pang unawa pa at haba ng pasensya Monalisa, pasasaan bat magiging 100% iyong iyo husband mo kung may doubt man ang iba dito and I pray for that. Email address ko dvoice1225@yahoo.com kung may gusto kang itanong o e share pa. Mabuhay ka at sana dumami pa mga tulad mo. God Bless Your Family.
dvoice at Apr 8, 08 at 11:16 pm
i really hope that my girlfriend would think the same way as the author.
locomotor at Jun 29, 08 at 11:34 pm
hi! i’ve been maried for five years and we have a 2 years old boy. after i gave birth we stop having sex, when i wan’t to show my affection to him i noticed that my husband wast’n enterested. how many time i found out on the computer history that hes into a gay website, a lot of naked guys and both guys having sex. i think my husband is a homosexual. can pls. someone tell me why hes doing this.
duff at Feb 16, 09 at 11:11 am
Duff,your husband is gay. That’s not good since you have a child. I don’t think women should commit to married relationships with gay or bi men. It leads to unhappiness for both parties. Even a bi man is usually more physically attracted to other men. They may not stray or cheat but they will be able to sustain a satisfying sexual relationship with a female partner. So she may end up being sad and unfulfilled.
Mimosa at Mar 25, 09 at 1:58 am
This lady surely has a good head in her shoulder. That is why their relationship works! Ang problema kasi sa atin eh masyado tayong de kahon ang utak. Our thought patterns are so much dictated by social norms. We are always thinking na dapat ganito, dapat ganon, kasi yun yong nakikita natin sa karamihan. So we pattern our lives and decisions to this sets of standards and rules. Katulad na lang ni Mimosa na nagconclude na kaagad na women who marries gay me will end up being sad and unfulfilled.
I think kaya nag-work yung relationship nila is 1st because they did not hide any secrets from each other from the very start. 2nd, they have learned to love and respect and understand each other to the point na they are so secure with the relationship that occasional flings are no big deals. They’ve come to a point in their relationship that they understand their partner’s other needs that they can’t provide. So bakit kelangan sirain ang maayos at magandang relationship dahil lang don? Kung kinakailangan paminsanminsan e ipakamot sa iba, e di ipakamot sa iba.
Sa totoo lang. The biggest treat sa isang relationship is the feeling that you’ve been cheated. Yun yung laging problema. I’ve seen and heard so many good relationship destroyed by just a single incident where they felt they were cheated. When that happens, the common reaction would be to feel betrayed and mag-dialog ng “niloko mo ako!”. Yun kasi yung nabaon sa consciousness natin na dapat na maging reaction natin. So since cliche yung reaction and decision natin sa situation, we end up being cliche sad and unfulfilled individuals.
I don’t claim to be an expert in human psyche and relationships. Observation ko lang ito through the years of living in this planet. Ilang libong taon na ba ang human civilization and but the way we think and react to situations are still stuck in the middle ages. We should be more progressive in our thinking and be more creative in dealing and responding to these situations and problems in our lives.
Hats off ako kay Monalisa and her Gay husband! These world could be a better place if we can be more like them. Masyado kasi tayong uptight!
Klaatu at Jun 29, 09 at 6:36 pm
I guess my suspicion that the key to a lasting relationship is making a choice/decision is true. That’ s why I don’t believe in what they say that there has to be a “spark”. I think you can choose the person you can love and then from there build positive feelings.
pamintangdurog at Jan 11, 10 at 7:54 am
@pamintangdurog: i totally and completely agree. if we went out with every person that we felt a ’spark’ or connection with, we’d be forever playing the field and at some point, mananawa din tayo sa ganun. i chose the person i’m with now and though we’ve been together for almost 4 years na, i never felt the ‘kilig to the bones’ (boners..?
) thrill. but i can definitely see an entire lifetime with him.
anon at Feb 1, 10 at 12:25 pm