Late bloomer – that’s the term we usually use to describe those people who explored their homosexuality a little later than usual. This is the case of JC, our letter sender for today. JC is set to get married to his girlfriend of 4 years early next year, when he recently met the to-be-wife’s gorgeous hunky cousin Daryl. In short, Daryl turned JC’s world upside down, and the to-be-husband is naturally confused. The question: should he risk his wedding plans to give himself a chance to explore his dormant homosexual tendencies? Or should he shut the feelings up, and go straight on with his heterosexual plans?
I chance upon your site while surfing today. Wonderful site for gay people. I feel so comfortable with your site. I was able to read the letter of fatboyslim and some of the advices that were given to him by your readers (some are rude) that I decided to share to you my problem and hopefully I will be able to get some advice from you and your readers.
I am John, friends call me JC, 29 years old and currently connected with a call center here in Ortigas. I have a girlfriend for 4 years now, and we’re planning to get married early next year. I love her for God knows how long, (we’ve been together since high school) and I know she will be the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.
The problem started last December.
It was their annual Christmas party and since we’ve been bf/gf for so long, the parents invited me to the event. All the relatives were present. There were a lot of food, and drinks. I think this was the only time that I saw all kinds of drinks present, from gin, to beer, to rhum, to tequila, name it, it’s like an overflowing bar.
That was when I met Daryl. Daryl is the cousin of my girlfriend. He is 26 years old, stands 5′ 10″ weighs around 180 lbs and has a swimmers body everyone wants to die for. In short, even if you’re straight, you cant help but admire this good looking GOD! (that’s how I describe him) Since were almost the same age, we got along very fast. We have the same likes (movies, television, going to the gym) so we literally hang out together the whole night. My girlfriend even joked that “nagseselos na sya” kasi I spent more time with Daryl then her, but everyone around us just laugh off the comment.
The party finished around 2am. Since it’s already too dangerous for me to drive home (her parents didn’t allow me to go) I decided to sleep over their house. I was asked to sleep at the guest room with Daryl. Since there’s only one bed, we have no choice but to sleep beside each other. While in bed, Daryl started asking me questions, about me and my girlfriend, stuff like how long have we been together, then he started asking if we had sex already. Since were both a little tipsy, I gamely answered all his questions. Then he asked me if I had experience with gays, I didn’t answer, he then told me his first experience with his classmate and how good it feels to be sucked by a guy. This made me really horny, He then faced me and told me that I’m cute, then asked me if I wanted him to suck me. I didn’t say anything, so he proceeded to give me the best sex I ever had.
Morning came, everything went on as usual. We exchanged cell numbers and promised to keep in touch. I didn’t hear from him for several days, so I decided to text him. He called up after receiving my text and invited me to go to their house because he wanted to show me something. Since I kind of missed his company, I decided to go. When I arrived, he asked me to go up his room, when I entered, he gave me a hug and gave me a passionate kiss. He told me that he missed me so much, and he wanted to make love to me again. I did not say no, and we made love the whole night.
We now meet up every weekend. We would go to the gym, watch a movie, have dinner and I would sleep over their house. Now I am very, very, very much confused. I don’t know where this is leading me. I love to see him, be with him, enjoyed the sex that we had, am I falling in love with him? My girlfriend doesn’t mind us going out since it’s her cousin. But I’m very afraid of what’s happening. I love my girlfriend, and I don’t know what will happen if she knows this is happening. I need help!
John Charles (JC)
In assessing your situation, your girlfriend, your upcoming wedding, the hunky Daryl, and your secret rendezvous are not the only things to consider. They are important, I’m sure they are, but they are only, may I dare say, a minor part of a bigger picture. I would recommend that you also look at the other bigger element in the picture — yourself. Look inside yourself, not just outside. Daryl may just be the instrument used for you to discover yourself. Regardless whether your relationship with him will last or not, be thankful for having met him, be thankful that because of him you are asking these questions before, not after, your wedding.
Take as much time as available to know yourself, your orientation, your values, your deepest longings and desires. The exercise will definitely be confusing, exhausting, and many other possibly ugly things — what it can never be though is pointless. Knowledge of self is powerful. While the journey may wear you out, it will be for the best interest of all characters in your story, yes, including your own character.
I wish you all the best, JC. Your eventual decision will speak volumes about your character. It will also mold your future self and life. Be well.