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How do you rekindle a slowly dying flame? Read on and share your thoughts on Baz’s predicament below.

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hi migs,

i’ve just been recently hooked on your site.. i am online most of the time and one night when i was bored i came across your site.. i think destiny brought me here. you see. i’m not out to anyone… maybe forever.. i’ve got my family, career, and reputation to protect.. not that i don’t respect anyone who has been out, but i just can’t deny the fact that we are still living in a very narrow-minded world.

i have a husband… we’ve been together for so long now. for me he is perfect, the kind of person who would compliment me in every way.. i am so, in my most simple term ‘maldito’ , in more ways than one, he can talk sense out of me. we are each other’s rock.. we love each other dearly and our trust for each other was never broken or threatened in any way.. when we are together, we have our own world, it coexists with the ones around us..which i think is great knowing that we are growing as a couple and as individuals.. we have hot sex all the time.. he’s my ultimate hunk.. very goodlooking. tall and most of all intelligent.. not boasting, but i am too, i just want to say it straight to be able to gain answers clearly which brings me to my predicament…

recently we have just been apart, because of work.. i am supportive of it because i know it has been his dream and i could never have the heart to hinder his career growth. it is the first time we’ve been apart for so long.. though text call and online chat was there in every single day that we’re apart, except when i’m out of the country and all, but to put it shortly, communication was never bad for both of us.. but the physical thing is out.. i am a very sex-minded person, i think about him and making love all the time.. but more than 1 week ago i noticed that it’s always been I who would initiate it.. we do it online to make it clear, though i’m addicted to it. but i think it would be nice to be lusted for sometimes.. which kind of got me worried.. not for him but for me.. i would say he wouldn’t initiate it because his got something bad going on out there.. but i know for a fact he is busy adjusting and getting it good in his career… i understand that.. but inside me,, deep inside me, i just got so confused.. i coudn’t find a spark to this relationship anymore.. it feels like the flame is going out..and i’m so afraid it would happen.. i don’t want it to be.. i need help on this.. instructions on how to avoid it.. i want the flame rekindled.. i want to want to have great hot loving with him even online.. soon he’ll be back home.. and i want when that day arrives, to be the same person he left behind.. pls give me advice.. got no one to talk to about it..

sincerely
baz

Comments (28)

  1. baz said on 15-06-2008

    @ ron, here in hawaii.. everything is perfect its like paradise vacation.. i wudnt want to end.. i know after this its gona be hell without him again.. but i thnk iv come to understand that where ever he will be he’s always gona be mine.. as i am his.. with that security for me, in my mind, heart and soul is enough to somehow lessen the pain.. still having sex with anyone else is out of the picture.. i dont think i can handle the guilt id b feeling afterwards.. harsh words as they are.. they made me realize how special my hubby is.. good luck on ur journey.. try to look for sumthing u can hold on to to lessen the pain.. if ur meant to be for each other.. ul end up together..

  2. RonTab said on 13-06-2008

    Baz,

    After Hawaii, do you think it will be back to the same longing, lonely-filled night?

    I am now going in the same direction and aniticipate the very same experience you just had; us being apart and me staying positive and loving, but wretched that I am not getting any sex at all.

    From previous posts, the others just want to bitch about but the sudden lack of physical closeness does create a void that is sometimes painful.

    But from other posts here, someone said that the person who left has more to adjust to. He’s not only missing your intimate moments, he also misses his friends and family, while you here only miss him. That’s much tougher for him than for you.

    So being cerebral about it, hang on, hold steadfast. Having sex with others is not the same thing. Though it could be a relief, it’s still not the same.

    Hope you can still update us with your journey. In anticipation, i need to prepare myself as well.

    Thanks for sharing.

    And Migs, this is such a great site.

  3. fratboi02 said on 11-06-2008

    Hi migs! missed your blogs. =D

  4. baz said on 09-06-2008

    its kind of amazing how a simple advice be said in many different ways.. mostly hurtful, and unwanted, but surely an eye opener.. with the some of u guys have written, i kind of understand fully my situation already.. made me realize how lucky me and my partner are to have each other. well.. .. the absence of sex is kind of brain damaging but nonetheless, its nice to know that iv got no guilt for choosing to be loyal.. thanks guys for telling me there are alot of other options.. a lot of other gay men.. a lot of other choices.. but mostly, just walking dicks with ugly faces.. like the ones who tried to give shit and stuff.. nyway.. he’s back.. we are off to hawaii this weekend.. wooohoo..

    to migs.. thanks for the help

  5. invertedrose said on 08-06-2008

    not out but you have a husband…(thinking)

    dumgo ilong ko. di ko getz.

    anyway, u hav two hands, da left n da ryt. gamitin mo!

  6. dazedblu said on 07-06-2008

    I dunno but this is another wreck story.. the author’s sex is so vague. I really don’ get it.

    Obviously you just miss your hubby, find someone to have sex with… simply I agree with Rod. if tht makes you out and ease you urge.. and one thing it’s really weird, u can’t come out to your family then ur very addicted with tht three letter word?

    wht wuz tht? insanity.

    I’m givin’ you a shit dear… u know the answers to your probs. I kinda rekindle on this one thought, droppin’ by here will caught you on anothr sex drive.

    Aba maraming readers dito ang gusto ng mga gnyan. Hmmm… think abt it.

  7. bon said on 07-06-2008

    @ ROD… i like ur sense of humour. Neng, natawa me talaga promise!

    To the author,
    y don’t u try other recipes. If u don’t like it then don’t. Ur in a predicament were almost of us (gaymen) are in this kind of situation. It’s up to u to decide and where u stand.

  8. chuchucaracas said on 06-06-2008

    ok lang yan dahil ang imahinasyon ay pwede mo baguhin depende sa mood mo.

  9. musclehunk said on 06-06-2008

    i think the author of the story is gay because when u have a relationship with the same sex ur a gay or a lesbian,isnt it?

  10. dnangel said on 06-06-2008

    @Rod…
    Hala, taksil ka!! at parang proud ka pa sa payo mo ha.

  11. Rod said on 06-06-2008

    Hi, I found out that having sex with others helped me realize how much I loved my long distance lover!

  12. my yellow shirt pressed said on 06-06-2008

    what to do? well, honestly, some say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but in your case, physical closeness seems mandatory. I am not for long distance relationships. Straight people can’t do it, just watch Milan. (ay plug)

    anyhoot, falling out of love and being out of touch ( pun intended) as the case may be would require you to search yourself, not another person how come it worked before and it isn’t working now. Look at your pictures, look at your thoughts, there must be a reason in who you are, how you were in the relationship before and yes, how you are now that makes this distance so unbearable.

    Harking back to mig’s previous post, the vacuum that the other creates should not usher in another party, find out what you had and what you have, then find a way.

    Have a support group, like us. Ahem!!!

    migs if you’d let me just say I belong to a yahoo group. I’ll ask my moderator if we can share it here. Otherwise….

    make your own group baz?

    yun na yun from me and my shirt

  13. Tony said on 05-06-2008

    I can fully relate to your situation but in this case i am in your hubby’s shoes. Try to build up your self-confidence please, this situation is usually nothing to be worried about (as long as there is no other underlying problems). Not everyone can be into cyber/ phone sex. For some people, myself included, it just feels wierd when you are used to the physical intimacy to be doing it online.
    If its really a big problem for you, tell your partner about it. I’m sure he can give you a better response than any of us here. He is your partner and you are suppose to be able to talk to him about
    these things right?

  14. Red said on 05-06-2008

    Just because you can no longer find a “spark” in your relationship doesn’t mean you’re having a problem. Just because the flame is dying doesn’t mean the relationship is in danger of dying as well.

    Dude, what’s happening to you is actually a good thing. It’s a chance for you to prove your love. Welcome it!

    Falling in love, romance, passion, hot sex, etc.–all of these are pleasurable things, but they do not constitute real love; they’re just some small ingredients. Real love exists when all the romantic chorvas are gone and yet a couple remains committed to each other.

    This means that, even of your feelings are subsiding, you have no problem as long as you remain faithful and committed to your partner. You have every reason to be proud if you know that you truly love him.

    Our lolos and lolas most certainly do not have sex anymore. Most certainly the passion has long gone. Hindi na sila kinikilig o nililibog sa isa’t isa. But you’ll be amazed to know that they’ve been together for ages. What kept their relationship alive, I believe, is not just romance, but the decision to commit and to love even without the romance.

    Feelings/emotions/romance always fade. But the decision to commit, to be faithful, to hold on no matter what, to love genuinely–all these last, as long as one is willing to keep them and work hard in doing so.

    Your ultimate goal as a couple, then, should be to see each other not merely as passionate lovers, but as best friends and life partners.

    Good luck. I’m sure you two can make it! 😀

  15. pepino said on 05-06-2008

    ano ba talaga lola… you’re not out pero you’ve got a husband. akala ko naman bad plot for a gay movie eto. ay ewan. o baka naman, online husband lang yan… ang kati, dali kamutin. 😉

  16. ares in uae said on 05-06-2008

    Hay and sad ng life mo, tapos ang landi landi mo pa (im a very sex-minded person), wow kalokah!

    Lumalabas na naman pagka-pathetic ng mga baklang Pinoy.

    There is nothing wrong with being gay. Put that in your mind. Things would have been a lot easier if you are just out of your hiding place. “Communication was never bad for both of you” ba kamo? How come you cant tell him how you feel? is that good communication.

    Isa na naman itong case ng mga lolang baklita na feeling eh lahat ng tao umiikot sa mundo nya. Im sorry, but I can’t emphatize with what youre feeling. Just be fucking happy with what you have, stop complaining.

    Malapit na maubos ang pisi ko.

  17. Anakaris said on 05-06-2008

    sex is a big aspect in a relationship, but not everything for you to assume that your relationship’s fading its spark.

    doesn’t matter who’s initiating, as long as there’s connection somehow… in the Internet.

  18. sharlot said on 05-06-2008

    define yourself

  19. justonce said on 05-06-2008

    Hey, don’t feel so bad. What you are going through is just normal in all relationships whether straight or not. This thing happen. You may have passed the overly rated sexual attraction stage and comes to see the person as a real person. According to most couples this is the stage wherein you come to really love the person and go beyond just being in-love.

  20. locomotor said on 05-06-2008

    i believe that if you love him, youll be willing to sacrifice stuff. and i also think that youll just have to learn enjoying over the net or over the phone sex.. its hard.. i know but wouldnt it be better for the both of you.. im just soo excited for you when he gets back. i think sex will be hotter.. enjoy!!

  21. bluedove said on 05-06-2008

    (STILL IN MY OFFICE DESK)

    hi baz,

    i guess i could relate to you.i never tried to unravel my own story online.i still wont but i guess i would just give the gist of it just for the benefit of letting you know that your’e not alone with such situation…

    im running 25, i work as a technical director of a certain school of hospitality management here in mindanao.i have a partner, he is a registered nurse from northern luzon, running 22.yes we are very far from each other indeed…

    our long distance relationship is running for 3 years now.guess what? we’ve met twice only.our 1st meeting was last oct.2006 just for 7 days.then the recent was last april 2008 just for 7 days too.hehehe!

    BUT…

    we love each other.truly by heart.yes long distant but yet lasting for years now.same with you, stable communication i.e calls, text, and chat. but its really hard coz no touch.without it, now matter how u say ur faithful,u will really struggle.specially now that he will be flying abroad u know greener pasteur for family, of course i support too for his dreams,and our dreams.and we just cling to that, that someday we will be together everyday coz he will be getting me here 4 abroad, after all his family responsibilities…

    BUT then again…

    im not saying its easy for us both, im not saying that our story and the upcoming is perfect.of course, we had storms, lots of it actually,and what would you expect in the future right?yes struggle pa rin but that’s what LOVE is all about “JOY AMIDST SACRIFICE”

    lastly…

    were against all odds, coz both of our family hates our relationship.so after all, its all in our hands, we just have to level off and work out things in accordance with and to our dreams…

    so whats the next step? TALK,TALK,TALK with your partner or husband as u call him.

    TIL NEXT TIME (STILL IN MY DESK…)

  22. kangkangans_sa_talahiban said on 05-06-2008

    Malandi ka!!! try to focus yourself with much more significant things….Katrina halili ka!!! Makati!!! Sana iwanan ka na ng dyowa mo kasi malibog ka!

  23. will said on 05-06-2008

    Some people are just not into online sex. Just wait till he gets back. You said it’s soon, right? If things go back to normal, then good for you. If not, at least you two would be face to face talking about how to proceed – whether to try counseling, break up, open relationship, etc. In any case, wait till he comes home.

  24. mightymikee said on 05-06-2008

    Nangangati ka lang…Itchiness…

  25. gloriaLabandera said on 05-06-2008

    you are just hopeless romantic dear… there’s not much that we can do about that.

    next topic please.

  26. F6P6S6 said on 05-06-2008

    you still love him but you are not IN-LOVE with him anymore, change your world please…help yourself

  27. yeboi said on 05-06-2008

    i once read to have a long lasting relationship, you need to be in-love with the person and be in-love with the person everyday..find smaller details that you just cant get enough of..from there, you will, somehow have the passion going on..

    i hope this helps..

  28. lonelygayboy said on 05-06-2008

    i don’t get it. you’re not out yet you have a husband? i’m confused with the author’s sex.

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