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“No Man Is An Island.”

2008/06/29Love and DatingTags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

hi migs,

im bob and im 23 years old. i am working here in makati. i admit that i dont read your blog regularly because all blog sites are blocked in the office and we just recently had our internet connection back at home.

i always wanted to write you about my dilemma. i know that it is no longer unusual for you to hear stories about this but i believe you will be a big help. i’ve just heard your podcast about closet badet and i admire those three to tell those stories.

i know my sexual preference isn’t normal, as others may say. but im not pressured to come out, and shout and declare to the world that im gay, or should i say bisexual. whatever you call it. i have had 2 serious relationship with guys but im still open to have a girlfriend. i still keep on thinking of raising a family in the future but i think it will remain as a plan. i do believe that it would be unfair to the girl, and even unfair to myself considering my preference.

i am not active in the networking scene, like friendster, guys4men, or manjam, but i do keep an account. i visit those sites just to check out my status, messages and others. sometimes i fancy the pictures of those people linked with the said sites.

my last relationship with a guy was october of last year. we broke up because we didnt share quality time anymore. we often argue because of lack of time for each other. well, i do have time for him. but he didnt have time for me.

just this year, i dated someone who is almost perfect. he’s cute, has a great body, large member, and i do mean LARGE! hehehe. he always stimulates my mind, and he is very sweet. he keeps on giving me pleasant surprises. one time, i found out that he’s also dating another guy. and that ended everything. migs, im into exclusivity. im not into playing around, just-sex-thing.

im not having problems of coming out. i dont see any reason for it. im comfortable hiding my real self. besides, i dont want to be criticized by the society. no one would ever think im me being gay. i act, speak, and react so manly.

now i have moved on from my past. if i contemplate on the past for too long, i pas up the chance to change and grow. whether i like it or not, it takes extra effort to accommodate changes in my life. i have to make choices. i have to let things go. i have to let things change.

they say no man is an island. now im feeling that i need someone whom i could love and who would love me in return. i also set standards the he should be good-looking as i am, lol. he should be straight-acting. no trace of gayness. should have a direction in life. i dont want “bahala na.” my friend told me that in this world, it’s so easy to find someone to be your partner. he said im too picky. i said it’s normal. i dont want to settle for less.

by the way, i’m really looking forward to meeting you. but i am not expecting coz you’re a celebrity. joke! i know you have a busy schedule. but if time permits, i would love to spend time talking to you and hear your good words regarding my issues.

- bob

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  1. #48  lucky

    pls send me ung magaling mag advise. anung site un??  i love reading articles kasi and mauubos ko na ata ung sa mgg hehe. u can just txt me para straight. 0915 5418399

    08/09/21 16:11

  2. #47  lester

    Bob, take it from a 40 year old gay like me. Your attitude towards exclusivity is right, but you must open yourself to the eventuality that “partnership” between gay men rarely lasts forever.You are still young and I think you’ll be meeting a lot of guys along the way, and will be “moving on” frequently after each episode. The point is this: every relationship has a potential to last a long time (I did not say forever). Its up to both of you to make it work. If your partner is hesitant to make it work, drop him agad!! Find someone else. There must be someone out there for you. Good luck.

    08/08/03 08:38

  3. #46  Mickey

    Wish you the best, Bob.
    Hope na makamit mo ang minimithi mo at mahanap mo ang kaligayahang inaasam mo. ^^_

    08/07/10 01:32

  4. #45  bob

    migs, there are people pa pala na closed-minded at stereotypes.

    08/07/06 13:47

  5. #44  asdfg

    oh, and count me in the peter penducker fan club.

    08/07/04 13:32

  6. #43  asdfg

    This guy isn’t man enough to stand up for his sexual preference. Echosera.

    08/07/04 13:26

  7. #42  joaqui

    peter penducker, I definitely agree with your last point. :)

    More often than not, the discrimination does not come from the hetero society. It comes within the homo society; either the closeted ones or manly gays discriminate against those who are flambouyant/effeminate gays or vice versa because both sides think the way they express or hide homosexuality is better than the other. We should just respect the various forms of homosexuality. No matter how far left or right of the gay spectrum you are, bottomline, you are still part of that spectrum therefore we should be supporting each other. And if ever, just for argument sake someone discrimiates gays, chances are that someone is uneducated. Would you really care what an uneducated person thinks?

    I have been told to be picky too by my friends. And really, there’s nothing wrong with that. I am not searching for the perfect guy because chances are there’s no perfect one. What I am looking for is the perfect one for me. The one who is made for me, my soulmate. I’d rather wait for that person to come into my life, because when it will all fall into place, it will all be worth it. I know it’s too idealistic but then, I’m young. Aren’t I supposed to be idealistic? lol

    At the end of the day, we all just want to be happy and be loved. How we will acghieve these are all in our hands. If we choose to be picky or we choose to try-it-out-with-everybody-who-comes-along-hoping-he’s-the-one, we will just have to stick to that decision and deal with the consequences that goes with it.

    just my two cents, y’all.

    08/07/03 03:48

  8. #41  name me

    different day but same old shit!

    08/07/03 01:19

  9. #40  calvin

    same sentiments here. we can talk over coffee sometime. schizoid67@yahoo.com :)

    08/07/02 23:34

  10. #39  anthony

    I salute peter penducker for expressing his views with all honesty and autopsying the issue of Uncle Bob pragmaticallly and logically. Bob needs to wake up from his nightmare !!!

    08/07/02 22:08

  11. #38  anthony

    Bob is a typical gay who has an attention deficiency syndrome.Wake up baby, youre not playing around…after posting your profile at guys4men..? hehehehehehe…..JUST BE TRUE TO YOURSELF and the truth will set you FREE…(read: magpakatotoo ka Uncle BOb…)

    08/07/02 21:54

  12. #37  Bond

    Hi Migz!

    Finally, I would like to congratulate your blog for featuring the most realistic view of being a closeted gay. Just like others, I can totally relate to the sender 99% in everything he revealed about his personalities. One percent I am having a FULL doubt… is that of his age, which he said he’s only 23, but the way he related his personalities and experiences, he sounded to me like he’s in late 30’s… what do you think, Migz?

    Regards,
    Bond

    08/07/02 15:54

  13. #36  purplchink

    i always wanted to write you about my dilemma >>> honey, what exactly is your dilemma here?

    with all due respect to the sender of this letter, i really don’t feel for him. i just don’t

    since when did perfectly good-looking people start to become lousy? you see, it’s not bad to set standards. whether it be ridiculously high or set too low.

    i don’t get what you are ranting about..
    you seem to be contradicting yourself.

    the other thing i’ve realized, is that it’s funny how we set all these qualifications for that person we want to love, when in reality, that person will always be the exception. :)

    to each his own. i guess. anyway bob good luck. stop wearing those fancy glasses of yours and i’m sure you’ll find what you’re looking for.

    08/07/02 11:54

  14. #35  calvin

    same sentiments here. you could drop me an email and we can snag coffee sometime. schizoid67@yahoo.com :)

    08/07/01 23:49

  15. #34  rneeboy08

    Hi Bob, sarap mo sigurong maging bf the fact that you’re gwapo, young, manly and into exclusivity, i guess you can be a faithful bf too, but you have a high standards nga di ako qualified…lol though i’m trying to find one too but i don’t have the “bahala na attitude” i think of the future, one have to invest for the future, so that one will not grow old empty-handed, hirap lang ng good looking coz one goes with good looking too, di ba pwedeng ang good looking eh para sa di masyadong good looking para balance o kaya str8t acting para sa a little bit effem para balance coz ganun naman talaga ang gay there’s always a little hint of gayness di ba guyz. Anywayz, wala lang naman just trying to lower Bob’s standard….hehehe but good luck Bob hope you find what you’re looking for.

    08/07/01 19:35

  16. #33  hustlingmind

    Some guys cant’t really face the fact that setting high standards are what cause them miserable. It goes with the attitude dude.

    I am a 35 year old savoring a 4 year old relationship with a 26 year old john hall look alike and we’re having a time of our lives-and I’m not even guwapo (though he will disagree to that!).

    Hi baby. He google hustlingmind all the time. Seloso. Some guys have all the luck huh. See? no standards. Only pure, unadulterated fun!

    08/07/01 15:59

  17. #32  ako ito

    Hey, bob! I could share something with you. E-mail me at foco55@hotmail.com.

    08/07/01 14:49

  18. #31  peter penducker

    I have several comments regarding this post. I can’t hold it in any longer and I address this to each one of us:

    1. Why the hell (and this is directed to ALL gay men hiding in the closet as well) do we impose such ridiculously high and ideal standards that can bear the danger of being vacuous and naive, on those we’d like to meet, interact and be with? Why can’t people just simply appreciate others for who they are and not what they want them to be? Human beings are – wonderfully – different from one another. Enjoy this difference and don’t be stuck up in just being with people who can only and exclusively be like you. It seems, people in the closet want to propagate the idea that “it is only they and exclusively them who are right and should matter”. Dugh! This manner of thinking is no different from that of Adolf Hitler or Pol Pot.

    2. Stop dating if you can only date within your specifications. I mean now, really, many of us describe our ideal to be so-and-so, but if you look through the descriptions, you’ll find out that what was being described can either be of two people – himself and a demi-god from Mt. Olympus which he also wants to be like. Solution: Buy A Mirror. Get a big one you can take with you to dinner to a fancy restaurant and tell him of the niceties of eating foie gras. It seems too many gay men are only in love with themselves and confuse this to wanting to be with another.

    3. Bearing no malice nor offence to Migs – the person behind this blog – WHY THE HELL are many of the people here painting a different picture of this blogger? I totally agree with dr. phil. Not once has Migs posited the idea that he’s a walking braniac with the body of a living and breathing Olympian demi-god. He’s simply a gay man who posts online his thoughts and sexy pictures of well-endowed men. In short, magaling siyang mamili ng topic na napag-uusapan. That doesn’t mean na siya si Cesar Montano with a knack for writing well.

    4. “Im not having problems of coming out. I dont see any reason for it. I’m comfortable hiding my real self. Besides, I don’t want to be criticized by the society. No one would ever think I’m me being gay. I act, speak, and react so manly.” I figure John Lapus can say the same words above, either that or the writer needs to rewrite his admonitions

    Regardless of the agreement (or lack of it) of his statements with one another, it reeks so much of self-defense. One thing I learned through the years (and that any NBI agent/interrogator knows), people who start their statements with a defense are found to be lying.

    If you are not gay, say “I am not gay.” If you are gay, say “I am gay.” No ifs no buts. If you are a closet gay man, then say so, “I am a closet gay man.” When one over-qualifies his words and become defensive, people start believing that person less.

    5. “I know my sexual preference isn’t normal, as others may say.”

    Oh crap. STOP SAYING BEING GAY IS ABNORMAL!!! It’s been a long time since being gay has been dropped from the list of psychological illnesses.

    Saying something is more normal than the other is propagating the idea that one thing is better than the other. WHO THE HELL gave the right to anyone to say that so-and-so is better or more normal than the other? If I look better than you, dress better than you or speak and write BETTER than you, would that mean I am more NORMAL than you… or vice versa? This is a big wide wonderful world where nothing is the same as the other. And that’s where the beauty of life is – having and bearing cohesion in its plurality and varied forms. If this society starts behaving as if only this and that can be accepted, then as gay men – closeted, liberated, transsexual, transgender or whatever other form it takes – we’ll never have a place in it. If we think that being GAY IS ABNORMAL in the context of this Filipino society… por Dios por Santo, then ALL FILIPINO GAY MALE should pack their bags and migrate to Lesbos – an exclusive gay island in Greece where being gay is the norm and being straight is smirked at.

    Here’s a note to the young ones reading this. In the forty years that I’ve existed as a gay man in the mainstream, not once have I experienced discrimination from within my own community which is composed of generally liberal and/or educated people. Through the years of growing up I found out that discrimination, as far as the Filipino society is concerned, comes from: a. ignorance; b. people who fear for the different; and c. people who are closeted gay individuals. The biggest form of discrimination, surprisingly, doesn’t come from heterosexual Pinoys. It is from closeted gay men.

    Bow. :-)

    08/07/01 10:46

  19. #30  calvin

    We’re on the same shoes. Let’s hang out sometime
    and talk. We could share ideas bout the matter. schizoid67@yahoo.com

    08/07/01 09:27

  20. #29  vanyel

    darn, “standards” is the same reason that friends give me of not getting into a relationship. but i guess that was in the past.

    no such thing as perfect nor Mr. Right. I’m learning the hard way and will eventually find “MR. JUST RIGHT” coz i’m not perfect too.

    08/07/01 01:57

  21. #28  looker

    yeap! it seems like d whole community wants to date or meet bob lol..gudluck boy!

    08/06/30 20:35

  22. #27  MR_EX_FLORES

    hey bob… email me… i have something to share you… good decent things that we can share… my email is vongoingmug2000biz@yahoo.com just try reaching me and i’ll get back to you as soon as i can.. im a bit busy now but id be happy to share thoughts as soon as i find time.. we are all busy reaching our dreams so i hope your doing the same thing… you take care always…and im looking forward for that email… :D take care again..

    08/06/30 18:54

  23. #26  guadalajara

    neng hindi uso dito sa pinas yang exclusivity na hanap mo. ako nga dami ko nang nachupa hindi ko alam yang manjam na sinasabi mo. gaga ka pinalampas mo pa yung dakota. mamili ka manlolokong malaki tite o manlolokong dyutay! bwahahahaha…

    08/06/30 18:29

  24. #25  invertedrose

    hi bob, im 19(la lang trip ko lang i post age ko.lol)…
    for me, a bf doesnt hav to be handsome. my past bf’s wer not that gwapo accrdng to my frnds but bcoz they made me feel that i was more than average, they wer my adonises in da flesh. longest comment n i tink 5th ko toh.

    08/06/30 18:23

  25. #24  dr.phil, he's not

    Uhmm guys… why do yu guys feel like MIGS has the answers to your gay dilemmas? And his advice -the Gospel. Hes a gay blog owner/ moderator, not a therapist. Hes good at gathering sexy pics and posting em online.. he’s not Oprah, Dr. Phil, Marj Holmes… at best, maybe a Tyra.

    No offense migs..

    I visit the site almost regularly, and enjoy the posts.. Its just the Dear Ann Landers posts that bug me.

    peace out.

    08/06/30 17:43

  26. #23  mitsu

    reading the posts, it seems that almost everyone wants to date/meet you now! gudluk bob! sana nasa pinas ako para ma meet din kita. LOL. :)

    08/06/30 17:38

  27. #22  Hanna

    sayang si second noh?

    08/06/30 15:20

  28. #21  bob

    thanks everyone. i do appreciate your comments.
    by the way, mr ex flores got my point..
    “there are some people like us who are naturally like that. its not shallow to be picky… just like how a straight guy would pick his girl, we are also picky with our partners to be…”
    im not really after physical attributes. sometimes, being handsome creates infidelity. they have a lot of options, like the one that i’ve dated.
    “no one would ever think me being gay. i act, speak, and react so manly” – just like marco in closet badet.

    08/06/30 14:24

  29. #20  Johnars

    hi bob,

    I Love to meet you too. do take care always

    08/06/30 13:53

  30. #19  andrew

    hey bob, i think i lyk u. Lets exchange mms… 9105650911. Im,22,single

    08/06/30 12:40

  31. #18  efrain

    ask ur creator and im sure he will answer u….

    08/06/30 10:37

  32. #17  ef

    ask ur creator and im sure he will answer u….only ur creator know the best for u ok..god bless

    08/06/30 10:36

  33. #16  drew

    bob…almost exactly the same predicament…difference is,im not totally discreet…out to some…not to everyone of course…anyway im 5 years your senior and i can say that you’re still young. I’m not telling you to go out and fuck around, but i believe it’s okay to wait a little more. One more thing, waiting for the “ideal one” is like waiting for a miracle…it’s not likely to happen but when it does happen, be thankful na lang…i too am looking for a serious relationship…still awaiting, not for the ideal one, just for “the one”…drew_tyler01@yahoo.com

    08/06/30 08:07

  34. #15  lordmanilastone

    spongebob? joke, hopeful nanaman, wishing lang pala, ang hirap ng standard, ‘di ko mareach…

    08/06/30 08:02

  35. #14  MR_EX_FLORES

    to those who are crushing him up there…
    there are some people like us who are naturally like that..(”no one would ever think im me being gay. i act, speak, and react so manly”)… its not shallow to be picky… just like how a straight guy would pick his girl, we are also picky with our partners to be… i support his letter all the way…

    we are one of the few who are idealistic yet still very in touch with reality.. we just demand more than the standards set by the many, the standard lowered for not demanding quality from people…

    that’s just how i look at it…

    08/06/30 07:04

  36. #13  MR_EX_FLORES

    i have the exact same situation… my friends say im too picky… is it that most guys are no longer striving for the best in themselves (thats the best aphrodisiac), or nobody’s exclusive anymore…

    this bob guy >>> i wanna meet… he seems really like me… seriously!

    for bob:
    though the world may be a troubled place, you’ll always find comfort in those that listen. and people like me are always here to listen and help…

    08/06/30 06:57

  37. #12  tarot

    i think you need to grow up and get to know yourself better and get with what is real in this life as a gay man. from your letter, you sound like you are still full of yourself. mitsu above did a great job summarizing the essence of your letter. it is conflicted, confused,convuloted, fearful, shallow, superficial, and borders on homophobic (”no one would ever think im me being gay. i act, speak, and react so manly”).

    08/06/30 02:17

  38. #11  Mavinlark

    Sad thing about reality is that people often stereotype gays as lust-driven, cock-hungry beings who are totally incapable of being monogamous. We know this is not true, and that at some point we also wish to maintain ‘exclusivity’ to our partners. There’s nothing unusual about it. We can’t sleep around our whole lives now, can we?

    Now, regarding your search for the ideal partner, I kind of agree with what Flash said: maybe it’s better to loosen up a bit (your standards, that is). I mean, if you’re so dead-set in finding this ideal guy that you have in mind, you might just end up getting disappointed in the long run.

    08/06/30 01:46

  39. #10  Fred

    Hey Bob,

    Your words perfectly echoed my thoughts. weirdest of all, I feel my situation mimics yours but I haven’t had the experience of even dating another guy. And I’m wondering bigtime what I’m missing. I believe gayness has a wide spectrum. Some aspire to become women, some are effeminate, some strive to act manly, some are truly masculine. Would love to hear more of your thoughts. My email addy noviceclumsy@yahoo.com.

    08/06/30 00:34

  40. #9  Shawielove

    Either you be totally gay or pretend to be gay(with girlfriend) and that’s it. Pickiness has nothing to do with a relationship unless if you are so deserving to be that good looking guy,well built,good teeth,tall,gifted dick,rich,well educated and kind of good heart,smart,and with nice cars? then you can have that privilege coz people nowadays are just too material and at the same time want gorgeous body,too.Never mind if you are not smart,they couldn’t care less. Either it be straight,gay or bisexual!

    08/06/29 22:42

  41. #8  hinagata

    Hi bob, all i can say is, you are not alone, i can relate to what you said. Our stories & perspectives don’t differ much. In fact i think we are at the same point in our lives. Would love to exchange views with you, hinagata_yuumi@yahoo.com, hope you can contact me.

    08/06/29 19:52

  42. #7  my yellow shirt and what not besmirching it

    hay I would just be happy to get past the 6 month mark then the 1st year mark. Each day would be to building an us that like pooh said, “If we could live ten thousand years, I’d live it with you less one day. Because I don’t want to live one day with out you.” So to my pooh bear…. that’s how many months and days less ten thousand years?

    08/06/29 19:32

  43. #6  jasper

    whats yr email bob? i want to know more abt you.. take care

    08/06/29 19:08

  44. #5  mr. Hide

    Hello there Bob. May I know your email add? or any contacts.

    I guess we are on the same predicament and would love to share ideas with you.

    08/06/29 18:23

  45. #4  flash

    hi bob,

    what i can say is, lower your standards, especially if you’re the one looking.

    i am into exclusivity too. and was lucky enough to share 4 fruitful years and still happily counting with the one i can proudly say my hubby.

    setting standards is not a problem, but the level you are putting. been told that if ever you wanted mr. right, you gotta be mr. right too.

    i admire your honesty in admitting that you are in need of someone to share your life with. i am looking forward for your next relationship with the one who can turn your world upside down =)

    goodluck!

    08/06/29 17:59

  46. #3  mitsu

    bai, we’re on the same boat! can totally relate with you. being picky, open to both sexes for relationship, exclusivity, straight acting, comfortable with hiding, and thinking of raising a family in the future. bob, ikaw ba ako o ako ba ikaw? parang magkambal tayo ah. LOL. kaso lang im 5 years ahead of you. anyway, we can probably talk about it sometime. mail me at mitsurak@yahoo.com

    08/06/29 17:45

  47. #2  bob

    wow! thanks migs for posting my story.

    08/06/29 16:50

  48. #1  bukas

    go… tama ung decision mong hiwalayan ung guy noh….

    08/06/29 16:21

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