I don’t know what made me send this letter to you. I can say that I’m a fan of your site- a regular visitor. I have read a lot of letters from your readers, and I must say I can pretty much relate to some of them.
My dilemma starts with me, being gay, in a “Christian” family. It’s hard; I grew-up attending Sunday school, I even became a Sunday-school teacher myself, and sometime in my life thought of becoming a pastor, but I know something is different with me.
Everything is extra-difficult for me. Until now, I still don’t want to admit to myself that I have a different perspective when it comes to sexual preferences. I don’t even entertain thoughts that will lead to admitting that I am gay. I would rather call myself a bisexual, but I know, bisexual or gay, a person like me is not accepted in the “Christian” world.
I have nothing against my religion, my belief, or the God I believe in, but a lot of things bother me. Sermons would criticize gays, some jokes are about gay people, even my father, I know, would kill me if he finds out that I am gay. These are some of the things that add locks to the closet I’m living in. I don’t even know if I will ever (or even CAN) come-out.
I never had any serious relationships with the same sex, I already had two girlfriends, and I already had sexual experiences with both genders (in different occasions of course). And I must admit, I feel more satisfied with my male partner(s). This confuses me, this also makes me think that I must be gay.
I don’t feel that it is necessary to come-out, I’m enjoying all the thrills and excitements my dark, little closet brings to my life. I don’t know if I’m even open to having a serious relationship with the same sex, I never had one, but whenever I have a partner I feel that I have to be loyal to him and must not entertain other guys. Eventually all the fun stops, and we’ll part ways. This is how my life has been, and it is still like this until now.
I don’t know where to go from here and how I will end up. I don’t even know what kind of help I need. I just want to share these things that bother me right now. Thanks migs!
You say that your dilemma starts with you being gay in a Christian family, and you end your letter saying when you attempt to be loyal to your male partner, “all the fun stops, and we’ll part ways.”
In between those two statements I feel there are many entangled issues. You seek guidance, asking “I don’t know where to go from here and how I will end up” — this is what I tell you: go for truth (which is very Christian) and however painful the consequences are, stick with it (also very Christian, right?). Don’t worry much about how you will end up, if you really believe in a Supreme Being, then count on His infinite mercy and charity. Do not misinterpret these statements as a push for you to come out in the open — although if you want to do that, then go have a blast. I am more concerned with you coming to terms with yourself. This is the most important thing. Be strong inside. Even if your Christian community, your society, or even your family disdains the thought of you being gay — all those are externals. If you are strong inside, you will know how to handle the seemingly broken externals.
And lastly, as long as you try your best to be a good person, you will never go wrong.
All the best,