Hi migs, i must admit that i am thrilled how you and some of your readers have had so much encounters… at least with guys (if they are all authentic). well, here’s me also sharing some of my not-so-great adventures.
ABOUT ME
well, i’m 21, neat-looking, tall, white, mid way between medium built and thin, working at a so-so coffee shop doing brand communications stuff. grew up at a province but went back to manila for college. i was raised like a normal boy should be, only that i have lived only with my sister (at least for more than 6 years when i was in my puberty stage). i guess this was the reason why i act almost effeminate, but not quite. during my highschool and college days, i was the typical boy next door: kind, open, friendly, and smart (tends to be a geek at times). also, i was very active at extra-curriculars: top CAT officer, captain of the dance group, best actor for teatro, HS choir member, chorale president (in college), and a frequent contestant in bees and oratoricals. often admired by ladies, i am a hopeless romantic who would do so much just so the girl of his dreams would come to life. i don’t mind giving bouquets of roses, or gigantic bear gifts to girls, in fact i like it when others stare at me with these (dagdag pogi points din yun!). so that’s the typical me – a “good boy” often in and out of relationships with the campus cutties… that’s what i let them see.
I thought I should call myself as one who’s “in the closet”. but then, thanks to your site, i found a more appropriate term to use, the “dl”.
i sure have had it with women, and they say that i’m a gentle lover. i follow what they like in bed, i enjoyed seeing them gasp for their souls’ desire. but there’s more to me beyond just that.
FIRST ENCOUNTER
I was in my 2nd year of college when it first occurred to me. i was having a haircut at a parlor just around the block. it was already late and so the assistants had closed the parlor down and left. it was just the gay owner and me in that cold room. as s/he was doing my hair, s/he pretended to have dropped the comb in my lap. s/he picked it up but did a little extra, she brushed his way through my thighs, up to my bulge. at first i resisted, but s/he kept on doing it until i was turned on. jokingly, i said, “nahihirapan ka ata eh, bakit di mo na lang ipasok yung kamay mo”. he just laughed out loud. i thought he would stop right there because of my irritated joke. but to my surprise he didn’t. he even washed off the hair in his hands and literally reached down through my basketball shorts; he caught me hard on! again i resisted, but at the time, i couldn’t do anything. after feeling my entire thing, he went back at cutting my hair. after that, he offered to give me a hot-oil treatment. said i didn’t need it. but he insisted. i said i didn’t have the money to pay for it. he said, he’s willing to give it for free, plus a little extra if he could also get some. i was in dire need of money that night because i had a date the following day (in fact i was planning to borrow money from my sister just so the date would push through). and so, just as any man would say, “wala namang mawawala sa akin”… i agreed.
GIFT and the GIFTED
we went in the wash room, he showered my hair while i was sitting at that reclined thing with the neck holder and a sink at one end. when he was done, he kneeled in front of me and pulled down my shorts. he blushed when he saw my thing, so i asked what was wrong… i asked “bakit, masyado bang mabuhok? hahaha!. he said “hindi, nagulat lang ako, gifted ka pala.” i further asked “gifted?” then he replied, “ito yung pinaka-malaki kong magagawa, so far!” then we laughed out loud! He gave me my first gay blowjob; at that time, i thought, “gays do it a lot better than girls” (haha!). After i came, he dressed me up, and gave the money to me. after getting my cell number, he said that i should visit him more often, around that time again. i simply smiled.
on my way home, i counted the money he gave me… i was surprised… it sure was easy money for just that. it was in fact a good “raket”. i went home, went straight to my room to take a bath, then went to bed.
that night, i couldn’t sleep. i was thinking if i had been too cheap. or if i have sold my soul to the devil…
“and i don’t want the world to see me
coz i don’t think that they’ll understand”
it was like a night of terror for me. i thought of the many consequences my actions could actually have. my parents might know, or my friends, my entire family… everyone will be shocked. – and just for what? money – for a piece of flesh, and a piece of my soul.
days have passed, none of the terrors that occurred to me that night happened. and so i felt somewhat relieved. then weeks passed… and months. after a few while, the person sent me an sms message… if i was willing to do it again…
Was I?
YES.
i don’t know what got into me, but i did respond, and went to the place again. this time it was official, i went there to get laid and get paid. it happened several times thereafter. now, it has been almost three years since i first did it, and still no one knows. when we’re in bed, i do nothing. i simply lie on my back, and he does all the action. it kind of satisfies me though, that i can just bum around doing nothing until i get to the climax. with girls, it was usually me who works around, but with him i’m a total bummer. another upside is – i get paid well.
QUESTIONS
but then every time i do it, it makes me think, does that make me gay now? i refuse to be one, and so i’m not, at least this is what i want to believe so. this state of denial will and can never end.
did i enjoy the thing?… probably. i guess it must be the perks that come along with it that leaves me satisfied.
am i ashamed?… yes. i feel like a whore (which basically i am…) who does things just to receive the evil thing called money. and the more funny thing is, i’m not even poor or financially in need. i only use the money i get from him to support extra things in life… spa, movies, dates… just like any typical boy next door… only, i come with a certain twist.
so that’s me… if i need professional help, that i cannot really say. it’s just that i enjoy it, but would never want to let anyone know.
- Coffee Boy
* * *
Dear Coffee Boy,
Your question: “… does that make me gay now?”
My answer: Getting laid and getting paid does not make you gay. It makes you a prostitute.
Another question: are you gay?
My answer? My answer does not matter. Your answer is the one that matters. Be true to yourself and enjoy life. You’re young, use your youth well.
Migs
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