I’m Charlie, turning 27 in a couple of months. I’ve been visiting your site regularly to read on stuffs that I could relate to. I’m also fond of writing, more so when I’m having mood swings. I’d like to share my story with your readers not to gain sympathy or for people to pity me but to have someone I can openly have a conversation with. I found out about my condition when I underwent a routine medical checkup in Singapore for a possible employment last year.
I’m HIV positive.
It’s been over a year since I’ve learned about my condition and I’m still trying to live a normal life. My perspective of life drastically changed from being the optimistic type to being paranoid and pessimistic at all times. I used to hang out with friends and socialize before but I gave up on life and now “a living dead” is how I picture myself. I ceased to engage in any relationship for fear of rejection and criticism because of my condition. I used to be stronger than this but all apprehensions come flooding my way everytime someone shows intentions of having a serious relationship with me. I’m at my most pathetic state and the sad part of it is I have no one to run to when I seek comfort or just want to have someone to talk to. I blame no one but myself for being irresponsible and carefree in the past. I wish not to live a life of regrets but just lesson learned. A lesson that caused me my whole life ahead of me. More often, thoughts of taking my own life cross my mind only to put an end to my miserable, pathetic existence. Despite valiant efforts to conquer these challenges, I always end up crying by myself and losing hope that tomorrow promises a brighter day.
If only I knew then what I know now, life would have been a lot better. I wish I could turn back the hands of time and re-write history the way I wanted the future to be. Life is challenging as it is and even more difficult to take on the journey with HIV on your baggage and enduring life’s blow all by yourself.
This mail may not even be worthy to be posted on your site, but in case you have a niche for my story I’m hoping that carefree people would realize that they should take extra caution. HIV is one serious matter and there’s no turning back when you have it.