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Hi Migs,

I’m Charlie, turning 27 in a couple of months. I’ve been visiting your site regularly to read on stuffs that I could relate to. I’m also fond of writing, more so when I’m having mood swings. I’d like to share my story with your readers not to gain sympathy or for people to pity me but to have someone I can openly have a conversation with. I found out about my condition when I underwent a routine medical checkup in Singapore for a possible employment last year.

I’m HIV positive.

It’s been over a year since I’ve learned about my condition and I’m still trying to live a normal life. My perspective of life drastically changed from being the optimistic type to being paranoid and pessimistic at all times. I used to hang out with friends and socialize before but I gave up on life and now “a living dead” is how I picture myself. I ceased to engage in any relationship for fear of rejection and criticism because of my condition. I used to be stronger than this but all apprehensions come flooding my way everytime someone shows intentions of having a serious relationship with me. I’m at my most pathetic state and the sad part of it is I have no one to run to when I seek comfort or just want to have someone to talk to. I blame no one but myself for being irresponsible and carefree in the past. I wish not to live a life of regrets but just lesson learned. A lesson that caused me my whole life ahead of me. More often, thoughts of taking my own life cross my mind only to put an end to my miserable, pathetic existence. Despite valiant efforts to conquer these challenges, I always end up crying by myself and losing hope that tomorrow promises a brighter day.

If only I knew then what I know now, life would have been a lot better. I wish I could turn back the hands of time and re-write history the way I wanted the future to be. Life is challenging as it is and even more difficult to take on the journey with HIV on your baggage and enduring life’s blow all by yourself.

This mail may not even be worthy to be posted on your site, but in case you have a niche for my story I’m hoping that carefree people would realize that they should take extra caution. HIV is one serious matter and there’s no turning back when you have it.

Thanks.
Charlie

Comments (69)

  1. NONO said on 10-12-2010

    Life is a bitch and it is more compounded when you have AIDS. Let me say this, it is NOT the end of the world. One of my friend died of AIDS ten years ago, he was one. . of the most vivacious person I have ever known. When he learned that he was HIV positive it seems like all of a sudden all the lights went out. Ten years ago or so this illness was still a an enigma to medical researchers so not much was known about this disease so I was at a lost on how to help him. To ease his pain and anxieties I made it a point to bring him to places he hasn’t been, and when he was dying he told me that his only consolation in life is that my friendship with him was unconditional. That hit my gut because I thought I did not do much to ease his pain. So with that experience it is imperative that when a friend is sick please make time for them they don’t need anything except treat them like the way it was when they are still HIV negative. Charlie I’ve seen that pain in your heart before, I just wish I could be with you at least this time I am well informed and knows ways to at least alleviate your senses and and how to face reality with this kind of situation you are in. Don’t give up. fight back, it is not a death sentence. Don’t push away your friends, they might not know to deal with your situation, I was clueless that time but I had the best intentions to help and it broke my heart because I was helpless.

  2. maeren said on 07-12-2010

    Good day.

    I am Maeren Marie Sanoria, a feature writer of the official school publication of Cebu Normal University. For our magazine issue this semester, I am assigned to cover a story about HIV/AIDS. Part of my coverage is to interview a person living HIV/AIDS.

    With all due respect, I would like request for an interview with you at your earliest convenience. Thank you for you consideration and I hope to be hearing from you soon.

    Please contact me at maironas@yahoo.com

  3. alvin morecho said on 06-11-2010

    ask ko lang kung anu yung initial symptoms mo nag ka tonsilitis ka ba na parang hika then trangkaso? salamat

  4. Ptng said on 30-08-2010

    Hi Charlie,

    Let me share to you my story. Actually it not about me but about my partner. He learn about his status after a routine check up for the renewal of the E Pass. We were not yet officially a couple on the day that we learn about his status. I accepted him of who he is regardless he is Positive or Negative. Being a positive is not a reason not be in a meaningful relationship.

    What I’m saying Charlie – I’m sure there are other people out there who is willing to share their lives with you. Do not hinder yourself from exploring relationships with other guys.

    Enjoy life Charlie. God have a purpose why we still exist in this world. Seek that purpose. Do not dwell about HIV. As we always say, HIV is not a death penalty. You have to power to enjoy life. HIV can be managed.

    Lastly, do not forget to pray to Him. He will give you strength.

    I wish all the best and happiness in your life. I will pray for you.

    Kind regards,
    Chris

  5. bernard said on 24-07-2010

    hindi naman rapid blood test kinunan lang ako ng kunti. tpos ayu. pero healty parin ako at walang pagbabago sa buong katawan ko.. lumalake pa ako kaka gym ko..

  6. joben said on 17-07-2010

    Bernard ano ung mga test na ginwa nila sayo. HIV Rapid Blood Test ba yun?

  7. Vhince said on 08-07-2010

    Recently I was in this dilemma, just recently my employer here in Dubai is going to renew my visa, which like you I went under the medical testing that primarily include HIV testing.
    I was so afraid coz I know that I have been indulging in unprotected sex with men of different nationality.
    Alone and scared of what will be the result, i had sleepless nights thinking of what will the test shows, i have been searching and reading the internet for the symptoms of HIV and keep on checking myself if I have already these symptoms.
    Luckily, the test showed that I don’t have any sickness but this became my waking point, I am so sadden that its to late for you to realize this, though I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, you just need to find yours.
    Now I don’t take sex as a casual action and needs to be taken seriously. I don’t want to go to the same ordeal that I went through.
    I will include you on my prayers and all other people who are affected with HIV/AIDS.

  8. silverkyle said on 24-06-2010

    hotboid and bernard.. please feel free to contact me… let’s help each other out….. i need someone to talk to…

  9. bernard said on 11-05-2010

    Hi Charlie just like other people here giving u a god comment or bad comment its ok that your and u choose it.. diba naging masaya kanaman so bakit ka mag sisi sa buhay kong sa palagay mo sarili mo eh nagawa mo yung mga bagay na pwedeng maranasan ng tao sa mundo.. hindi sa nagbibigay ako sayo ng pangit na comment gaya mo at ng iba.. im HIV+ and its been a 2week palang ng nalaman ko ito.. hay!…. sakit eh no.. pero im not loosing hope to be cure my self.. how hindi ko din alam basta ang gingawa ko lang eh eh every day ng coconut sabe diba nakakaalis daw ng STD un.. any way try ko din para magkaraon pa ako ng chenged na kahit kunti eh tumagal pa ang buhay ko…

    halos hindi naman ako gumawa ng masama sa kapwa at lahat ng purpose ko in life is only to help my to love person my mom and my dad, kahit anong work pinapahintutan ko sa sarili ko para sa kanila kahit sa tingin ng iba eh masama ok lang hindi nman nila katawan yun akin naman.. jejejejemo kitam nakakatawa pa ako nyan… just be positive try kong hindi kaya ng mang medical treatment try mo ung nature treatment … ako sa buhay ko at age 24 masasabe ko na masaya na ako dito kahit nagulat ako sa result ng medical ko pa alis pa naman ako ng bansa sana ngayon buwan or next month pero mukang pangarap nalang talaga lahat ng parangarap ko at kahit kailan hindi na matutupad.. sabe nga diba nasa huli ang pag sisi kaya nag sisidin tayo sa huli ngayon.. pasamat nalang din tayo sa DIYOS eh hindi nya tayo kinuha agad ng mabilisan oo para nga tayong buhay na patay na. pero may magagawa pa tayo… sa sarili natin ang payo ko ikalat natin ang HIV/AIDS sa buong pilipinas jejejejmon Joke! lang guys.. and girls charls. in short may damay tayo ano sila sineswete jejejejmon….

    sorry po sa kong hindi nyo nagustuhan ung post ko eh wala na po HIV+ na ako eh so bakit ako mag momok sa tabe ng kame ko at magpapakamatay sa isip eh di lalo kong pinadali ung buhay ko… i know that GOD is a good reason kong bakit kame nagkaganito.. imagine po nalang yung mga masasamang tao matagal ang buhay dahil siguro pinaparusahan pa sila Totoo naman po ah karamihan sa kinukuha ni GOD is yung mababait at marunong makaramdam sa damdamin ang iba at marunong mag pahalaga, mapagmahal at kadalasan down to earth yung ugali nya para sa iba.. sana charlzz wag kanang malungkot kong gusto mo ng kausap regarding dyan feel free to contact me.

    ang masasabe ko sa mundo habang andito pa ako sa lamat. salamat dahil binigyan ako ng karapatan na makatungtong dito sa lupa at maranasan ang buhay dito… salamat dahil marame rin ang pinagdaan na pag subok.. dito salamat dahil marame akong nakilala tao at naging mga kaibigan at maraming nag mahal sakin.. salamat sa huli dahil hindi nya na ako masyadong papahirapan masyado at kong my totoong langit at impyerno mas gusto kong pumunta sa impyerno dahil baka dun bigyan ako ng karapatan na gawin ko yung mga bagay na gusto kong gawin pa.. hay! buhay

    Nakaupo sa terrace,
    pinapanu0d ang bAwat patak ng ulan,
    nag-uunahan, sing dami ng patak ang napakaraming hiling na
    sana… Sana… Sana…

    Sana ulan nalang ako para malinis ko ang mga taong marameng dumi sa katawan

    sana maibalik ko yung araw na normal pa ang aking kalusugan..

    sana hindi ako humaba pa ang buhay ko

    sana maibigay ko pa yung gusto ng aking mga magulang.

    sana isa nalang akong damit para pag nadumihan eh agad nalalabahan.

    sana pinanganak ako ng mayaman para kahit papaano eh. magawa ko pa yung mga gusto kong gawin..

    sana sa buhay ko makapag ipon pa ako ng magagandang ala-ala.

    sana magkaron din ako ng sarili kong family

    sana magkarodin ako ng mga anak

    sana makita ko pang magdalaga at mag binata yung mga anak ko..

    sana maging maayos ang buhay nila.

    sana marame pa akong matikman dito sa muna.

    sana sana at sana

    napakarami ko pong gustong sabihin kong ano man yun “SANA”

    grabe sarap din pala ng ganito ngayong feeling ko huli narin para sakin saka ko pa gustong sabihin lahat… at mga bagay na gusto ko pang gawin sa mundo at matupad pero hangang dun nalang ata talaga at hindi na mababago un… kahit anong gawin ko

    Sa huling sana ko eh sana masaya ko at nakangiti bago ako kunin na ni GOD.

  10. hotboi said on 02-04-2010

    YES CHARLIE YOUR NOT ALONE INFACT I HAD ALSO THIS FEELING THAT I have HIV, iam very active in sex since i was in high school way back 10 yrs ago… my clasm8ts and neighbors just grab me to have sex with them and they are many. till i reach in college that i make sex as job to fulfill my needs.. “callboy” i often met people with difference sexual preference, gays, bisexual males, old and young.. some of them keep coming back because of the best service i rendered… until now,, i used protection if availability has. but most of the time i don’t use. i also had sex with fil am call boy doing orgies because we get paid by our client… i get paid by a priest to have sex, i had this bad health problem of mine i am suffering for an allergies in my hand that almost a year wasn’t able to cure, i used many medication but nothings works, the allergies get worst when i eat chicken meat, seafood’s and some veggies and most of the time when i had sex…thats why i came to realized that maybe i am already sick… guys help me on my problem… thank you iam just praying that i dont have… or how can i get examined for free….

  11. mig herrera said on 30-01-2010

    lahat naman tao mamatay, that’s is certain, accept it as part of life, and live you’re life to the fullest, kung ano man naexperience natin na pain in life, don’t forget remember you are always in control, be strong.

  12. loloy said on 10-12-2009

    dito sa davao, may case na din and a teacher from a sectarian school died few months ago. most gay men here are not cautious of matter. guys4men is one social network they use to have good times and little they know, one user there who is HIV positive keeps on changing profile to keep himself recognition. i don’t know. this thing is likely to spread to people who don’t know the risks of acquiring such virus.

  13. sam said on 01-12-2009

    Ask forgiveness, dont think of it as a karma im sure God loves you and he wont allow you to suffer, see until now you can still breath and still alive. Keep on praying and eat a lot. Jesus loves you. What happened to you is only a wake up call or a turning point yah? I know as much as possible you dont want it right? but then jan na yan accept it and thank God kc inspite of what we have done he is still there. Alam mo pano mawala yan? pray, ask forgiveness, live a righteous life then serve God and be transformed. God bless

  14. Ryan said on 02-11-2009

    charlie…marami kang mababasang articles about hiv and cure d2… i find one topic there interesting….you should read nalang…well recommended forum for health topics.

    http://www.greenbodytalk.com/forums/hiv-and-aids-b71.0/

  15. edward said on 08-09-2009

    charlie, saludo ako sa tapang mo na i-share sa lahat ang mga pinagdanan mo at pinagdadaanan pa lamang as an HIV positive. I also have a friend bofore na HIV positive. officemates din kami before pero nung umalis sya ng ibang bansa they found out na positive sya. di ko lubos maisip na hindi dito sa Pilipinas nalaman na may sakit syang ganun kahit may medical exam syang pinagdaanan. maaari daw na nung second check up pa lang nag-appear na positive sya.

    natakot kami lahat sa office hindi dahil nag-sex kame kundi dahil isang kakilala namen ang biktima. from other country pinauwi sya ng pinas. nagkita kami isang beses sa isang bar sa manila pro hindi ko alam kung paano ko sya kakausapin lalo na kung tungkol dun.

    tulad ng pinagdaanan nya, ako ngaun ay kinakabahan at maaaring POSITIVE DIN sa HIV. natatakot ako magpa-check up. hindi ko alam kung tatanggapin pa ako ng aking pamilya, kamag-anak at mga malalapit na mga kaibigan kung malaman nila na may aids ako. kailangan ko ng tulong nyong lahat tulad ni charlie. ngaun nagsisisi ako sa dami ng mga kasalanan ko. i hope i have a boyfriend na nakahanda tumanggap sa akin kung sino ako. yun lang yata ang kulang sa akin talaga kung bakit ako nakipag-sex kung kani-kanino.

    sana tulad ni charlie ay matulungan nyo din ako. email: karl_guezz@yahoo.com

  16. lex edward said on 08-09-2009

    i need your support also.

  17. Henry said on 03-08-2009

    kelangan talaga mag ingat na ngayon sa hiv….

    share ko po itong site para maview din nung iba..

    http://www.greenbodytalk.com/forums/personal-experiences-on-hiv-and-hiv-testing-t625.0.html

  18. JAMES said on 01-08-2009

    Charlie, im an HIV positive, when i first knew about it, we had the same feeling, i thought my world’s going to stop and im going to live a life waiting for my death to come. but i realize that there is more to life than thinking about this disease. We will die sooner if we keep on thinking about this disease. So let us just take our meds religiously, and monitor our CD4 counts. healthy living is our most priority. Take care charlie!

  19. JIgz from Bahrain said on 19-06-2009

    kaya ako, self sex nalang muna ….. mahirap na. besides mahirap makahanap ng kasex sa bahrain.

  20. amino_uae said on 17-06-2009

    I have a partner (pinoy), we are having sex for almost 8 months now, but not basicaly that everyday we are doing it. when we first meet and make love, we didnt use condom, later on, occassionally we are using by instances, most of the time we didnt, coz i believe he fucked no one except me. one time i’ve got a bruise on my entrada, everytime i used to moved my bowel, it really painful and there was blood, he then fucked me and i couldnt help but whisper of agony coz it really kills me when it pains, i just want to make sure or just want to get some scientific advices/infos if those incidental will lead me to be HIV victim? i got a bruise but no fluids entered into my entradas. im really scared when i used to think of it…

  21. jay said on 22-05-2009

    tol kayang kaya mo yan!… aq nman nd eko lng alam kung my HIV aq.. nde kc aq mkhnap ng chance pra mkpg pa check,,, tska nde ko lam kung san aq pupnta pra mgpa HIV test… huhuhu!

  22. Mattie said on 24-02-2009

    I know a testing center in Manila that costs free and additional tests like plasma testing and Syphilis detection for only less than a hundred bucks. This is where I got tested and I am hoping more people would want to get tested too. drop me a note at my e-mail sirmattie@gmail.com if you’re interested. don’t worry, everything will be confidential. I have passed that road of anxiety too. No, I am not HIV+ but I sworn to help people get tested and be aware of it once mine come out negative. This is my own way of giving back to the society.

    God bless everyone and God bless you Charlie. :)

  23. ron said on 07-10-2008

    Yup, agree ako, sakit ng mga baklang paminta ang HIV at AIDS, kayo ang nagkakalat, maglaadlad n kaya kayo para hindi kayo paminta, bumabaho lng kayo eh, mga wasak nmn n ang wetpaks nyo, kapwa bading din nag titirahan, kadiri ata yun ah, kung bading at straight, mas matino pa… mag inagt mga may mga AIDA!!!!!

  24. valentina said on 26-09-2008

    i really really find it hard to digest when i read the article charlie wrote. i was taken aback. kahit yung mga comments are really surprising. pero ganyan talaga ang life. we make choices and whether we have foreseen the possibility of the bout of the disease or not, we make choices and we risk everything with our choices. pero tao lang tayo at nakakaramdam lang din ng lust but sometimes we have to limit ourselves para di tayo maka-contract ng any disease. pero, ang dapat mo sigurong gawin ngayon ay make the most of the realizations sa buhay mo di dahil may sakit ka na kundi dahil sa gusto mong magbukas ng bagong chapter ng buhay mo kung saan mas tatanggapin mo ang state mo of being a HIV-virus carrier at mayu-utilize mo ang means to your acceptance to your other present conditions. the key to living your life is having those small disappointments and little laughters until you get the biggest blow in your life when all you have to do next is to find the best form of happiness there could still be. God bless, charlie! the whole gay community is just right here beside you. we love you, God loves you… :)

  25. Mike said on 25-09-2008

    When I learned that one of the guys I know in Cebu died of AIDS I was saddened. He was a good guy, intelligent, good looking, have a great job and  a promising future.  Later on I was informed that 2 more guys that I know has the virus and one has an active case. I was horrified. Cebu is such a small place and these people are above average looking, smart with good careers. These guys may have practiced unsafe sex in the past but they’re beyond reproach. They paid more than what they asked for. Cebu before was a “clean” ground to play and that’s what they thought. During the time they got the virus and the time it was discovered that they have it (window period) how many guys do you think they slept with?  Plenty maybe?  My purpose for this is to inform people and not to scare guys there unecessarily but action needs to be taken to stop the virus from spreading.  HIV screening is advised to gay guys who are sexually active more so to those who are in a habit of not practicing safe sex. It is available in the City Health Center and diagnostic laboratories.  If you are already HIV positive please be responsible enough to be super cautious in your “encounters”.  Don’t spread your hate, stop the virus.

  26. Charlie said on 04-09-2008

    Guys,

    I appreciate your encouraging words and for sharing your thoughts, at some point I realized that life is still worth living whether HIV positive or not. It is gradually sinking in to me that several windows may have closed on me but I can still live as normal as I can possibly do. More than the physical challenges, it’s the emotional aspect and mood swings that I find far more difficult to bear with. Upon calling it a battle I’m bound to lose, a friend who knows about my condition offered to introduce me to this NGO who supports people with HIV and it somehow flashed a glimmer of hope. I may have been derailed in the past but I’m taking control of the wheel. And as a self fulfilling prophecy, “I will have my life back” with GOD’s mercy.

  27. the yellow shirt re invented said on 31-08-2008

    sorry but honestly we all face the prospect of death right? HIV isn’t the only way to die.
    I had a friend, he was gay all right. And closetted too. He had a gay lover who was a fellow in training.
    He started losing weight.
    And when he finally got the ultrasound, (no he wasn’t pregnant), he had pancreatic cancer.
    In two months he was gone, and none of us of his circle of friends got to even see him in the hospital, or even at his wake.
    HIV or not, the loneliness in dying is something I do not wish even to my worst enemies.
    So, I have two friends, one of whom I had sex with, who after two years of knowing them became HIV positive. One of them was outed in G4M. And he’s in San Lazaro as far as I know.
    The other friend, he is taking his life in full. He has been safe. He still has check ups. GEts the meds.
    And he has me to share his secret and his life. (obviously we don’t have sex, he has a boyfriend who knows his hiv status).
    So Friend, keep on living. That’s all I can say, either in the light of the sun or in the blaze of starlight. The darkness has nothing on that light.

  28. ef said on 27-08-2008

    ahh ..Charlie…d pa tayo napapanganak e..God has reasons why were and he planned u to be here n this Earth for a purpose.., evrything has a reasons…i know one day u found a solution to ur problem., remmber that God is our Perfect Healer nothing is impossible with Him…God bless U and i hope when one of Doctor reads ur letter it will u help n ur situation ryt now…..even in tht case stay happy…and try to live in a natural life like b4…Jesus Christ is in U.mwahhhhh i know u can make it…God is Good all the Time, All the time God is Good.

  29. rustcell said on 27-08-2008

    Charlie, my best wishes to you! Aren’t there any AIDS/HIV support groups in Metro Manila (assuming you live in the area)? Not to give you false hope pero different people have different reactions to the virus. Maybe you can still fight it–or at least live a full life while accepting it. Sorry, I know it’s way easier said than done but just trying my best.

    To the bible thumpers, just my opinion: Science, not God, has more to do with AIDS/HIV. How can your god explain the fact that a few people seem to be genetically predisposed to have immunity against HIV? Yes, that’s been documented. How can Rommel, one of the posters here, have 150+ sexual partners, be a bottom, AND typically do bareback sex and still be HIV-negative? No offense to anyone, esp. Rommel, pero hindi kaya there’s something in his gene that’s naturally protecting him against HIV? I think they’re studying that now for a cure. The very same reason AIDS/HIV is stigmatized in the Philippines is because religion has polluted rational minds into thinking that AIDS/HIV is a ‘punishment’ from God, wrongly assuming in the first place that being gay is a ‘sin’.

    If it makes people feel better to pray, to practice religion, to take comfort in God, esp. Charlie, who am I to take that away from them? I’m just stating my opinion. Sorry, didn’t mean to steer this towards a heated religious debate.

  30. rustcell said on 27-08-2008

    Ryan, how accurate is your info? No offense but tumaas ang kilay ko when you said na there’s a big decline of AIDS cases in the U.S. so I double checked. I think that’s false. Paki-cite ang sources mo pls. According to the New York Times in an article dated June 27,2008 HIV cases among gay men is RISING, not declining: “Diagnoses of H.I.V. and AIDS in MEN WHO HAVE SEX WITH MEN rose significantly between 2001 and 2006 while declining in other demographic groups, the federal Centers for Disease Control reported Thursday. The increase in diagnoses was especially high among males between the ages of 13 and 24, with an annual increase of 12.4 percent, compared to 1.5 percent for men overall.”

    I don’t know why they only looked at data until 2006 pero it’s a recent article. The ‘other’ group there btw is straight men. Maybe you’re referring to cases AFTER 2006? I still think rising pa rin. I know the problem now is more complex because people have the mistaken notion that AIDS is on its way out, so they engage in irresponsible behavior.

    Anyway, heere’s the link to the complete article:

    http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/27/health/research/27hiv.html?scp=5&sq=hiv%20rates&st=cse

  31. grill said on 27-08-2008

    Hello charlie, I hope this will help…download “Just Stand Up” and listen to it, at least it will lift up your spirits. It is a Cancer charity single by all our favorite female singers: Mariah, Beyonce, Mary J., Rihanna, Fergie, Sheryl Crow, Melissa Etheridge, Natasha Bedingfield, Miley Cyrus, Leona Lewis, Carrie, Keyshia Cole, LeAnn, Ashanti and Ciara. di ba bongga? wala lang si Christina. Anyway… although the song speaks of battling the cancer disease in particular , it can pretty much be a joyous anthem against all of life’s trials. Sept 2 pa daw available for official download pero available na ‘unofficial’ download hehehehe. Sige lang just be happy. I know you are. Alam ko ginagawa mo palagi so patuloy lang ang pagdadasal sa ating Panginuon.

  32. ryan said on 26-08-2008

    Im sorry Charlie but life goes on. You can’t kill yourself either. It’s just sad to have AIDS in a third world country like the Philippines because of the poor or lack of government and private org support. There are so many in the US living with AIDS like normal everyday people because there is just huge help from the government. There are all being monitored, counseled and treated. There’s now a big decline of AIDS cases among Americans.

    What you have revealed here has open the eyes of so many gay Filipinos who are just careless and irresponsible with their sexual encounters. Filipino gays in America have the highest cases of AIDS among minorities in recent study. They come home to the Philippines and spread the disease like crazy. Magising na kayo!! Be responsible and always practice SAFE sex. An ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure.

    Charlie don’t get depressed, instead why don’t you use your present situation into your own redemption by being an AIDS advocate? Dont’ lose hope, cure can be found in the near future, in your lifetime. FYI, AIDS vaccine is now being tested in the US.

  33. marlonvincent said on 26-08-2008

    Charlie, i hope you’ve watched Queer as Folk already, if not, please do. The series shows that an HIV positive and negative can still have a great relationship. What happened to you should only make you more responsible, specially to the ones you love, mostly – yourself, so maintain a healthly lifestyle.

  34. yco said on 26-08-2008

    at first sobrang loko2 ako, pero nung dumating yung time na nagserioso ako bigla2 may dumating na problem saken. c bf nagka sy sa sobrang takot namen kala din namen na may hiv na kame bute nlng nagpatest ako at sa awa ng dyos wala naman. kaya ngaun sobrang laking lesson ung natutunan ko at ngaun mas naging close kme ni god.. basta pray lang! anjan lang lage c god 4 us!

    kaya sa mga lokoloko jan.. pkatino na kau! d pa nmn huli ang lahat! ciao!

  35. fratboi02 said on 25-08-2008

    May Chrlie’s case be a lesson to all of us. Sex is great and once you’ve awaken your sexuality, you should always be responsible about when and where to get it and especially who to give it to. Self control and safe sex should be practised ALWAYS. And to those who are in a relationship already, please do not cheat on your partners with the next cute guy who walks by…if you want to explore your sexual prowess, explore it with him.
    Im sad that you have a death sentence on an early stage in your life Charlie. I really hope that you make out of the most with what time you have left.

  36. Art said on 25-08-2008

    Charlie,

    Having HIV is no longer a death sentence. I know it is hard for you to be in this situation. Seek out counseling, find an HIV support group, keep yourself busy! I know it’s hard but you don’t have to wallow in self pity. You just need the medication and the right kind of disposition. Live life to its fullest.

    Art

  37. carlito said on 25-08-2008

    U can survive bro. Evertyhing has purpose in this world. Look up! Why not talk to God..He cares for all of us. Each one of us is special to HIM. Just ask for repentance from HIM and turn away from your sinful lifestyle. I know all of us are imperfect and sinful. But what God requires is total surrender to HIM. I used to be a bimale. Through GOD’s grace I was able to overcome it. I knew the truth through GOD’s words in the BIBLE. Gay thinking is just a lie that Satan is trying to put in our mind so that we will turn away from GOD. Im thanking the LORD. I found my freedom, my life. I got peace, joy, strenght. GOD is really great and good. GOD cares and understands u. Talk to HIM. He is just waiting for you. Miralces happen if we just believe. JESUS can even heal you. Why not aski HIM. He is waiting for you.

  38. shikamaru914 said on 25-08-2008

    Hi Charlie….

    Sad to hear about what happened to you, but dont put any more hurt and pain to yourself.i think its time that you turn things around and help out others to have a different path than yours…

    you are right that we need to learn from life and that regrets are just not really going to do anygood, that is why we need to always think of the actions that we do.

    i still hope that everything works out for the best for you….love yourself more…

  39. positibo007 said on 25-08-2008

    Hi Charlie,
    I am an HIV positive myself. I found out my condition last year. When I learned that I am HIV positive my world crumbled upon me. I had to put up with so much emotions. Pinaghalong takot and pangamba. I asked myself what lies ahead of me? What’s my future like?
    Luckily, there is a support group here in the States for HIV positive people. They opened a lot of things to me. I learned that having HIV/AIDS is no longer a deadly thing. Yes, your lifestyle will change but your life will still continue. Iba na nga lang and yes you could still live a normal life. One of the studies here said that Cancer is in fact deadlier than HIV. There are meds that will help you arrest the virus. Before when a person is infected they are given at least 5 years to live now, that’s out of the question already..you can live as long as you want provided you take care of yourself. Madami ng advancement sa HIV research and they are even more advanced that research sa Cancer.
    There’s a support group there in the Philippines, and if you want you can visit my blog the contact info is written there. Dont lose hope..this is not the end.

    positibo007

  40. maroon.guy said on 24-08-2008

    hi charlie. don’t give up. don’t make your condition affect your life. i know this advice might be stupid. but just don’t think about it. don’t cease to live. be happy. and always pray. =)

  41. ethan said on 24-08-2008

    Charlie’s is the third case of HIV/AIDS that I’ve heard and/or read about in the past month. Looks like its spreading in the Philippines.

    Any act that involves bodily fluids puts you at risk of many virus, not just HIV. Kissing, sucking, blow jobs, and anal sex. Condoms are only 95% effective.

    Let’s be careful out there.

  42. darkly said on 24-08-2008

    there is no such thing as “safe” sex unless you are in a monogamous relationship with someone who is also monoganous with you, and both of you are HIV free. using protection and other precautions can be called “safer” sex because it is not 100% safe. abstinance is also 100% safe.

  43. Isaac said on 24-08-2008

    Been reading this post and it’s interesting to note that some are keen to provide support, information, and even make some intelligent judgement.

    The uncertainty of contracting HIV is probably true at some point. If you have many sex partners at some point, even safe sex can be put at risk. So it’s agreeable to abstain (if we can). Secondly, be monogamous and continue to practice safe sex. I think if you’ve been polygamous and been practicing safe sex, there’s still a risk not to be spared from ever contracting HIV or any disease like Herpes, Hepatitis etc. So bottomline, as Rommel said let’s abstain if we can. If not, still practice safe sex. But remember, that can still put you at risk.

    For Charlie, Justin and Chronicle, just continue to live. Now, be more conscious. Get the best treatment you can get to keep you better, seek guidance from your health care provider. Stay strong. Pray.

    For other readers of this blog, it’s high time we learn more about this condition. We’re all at risk in any case. It’s better that we’re informed rather than be ignorant. Sometimes, we fear so much because we’re so innocent and misguided by hearsay, old beliefs and traditions. But there’s nothing more powerful than guided knowledge as they say. It pays to know and learn for this can help us decide and make us think of how we are gonna react if we face this type of problem/challenge.

    Rommel says:
    August 24th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
    “I am uncertain how I got this since I’ve always been practicing safe sex” – Justin

    I just would like to say that it is VERY unlikely for you to contact it if you always practice safe sex. Maybe you got it from shared needle use or blood transfusion or something. Please dont confuse others. Safe sex and abstinence is still the best protection from this virus. God Bless you both and thanks for sharing

  44. ROMMEL said on 24-08-2008

    “I am uncertain how I got this since I’ve always been practicing safe sex” – Justin

    I just would like to say that it is VERY unlikely for you to contact it if you always practice safe sex. Maybe you got it from shared needle use or blood transfusion or something. Please dont confuse others. Safe sex and abstinence is still the best protection from this virus. God Bless you both and thanks for sharing

  45. Royet said on 24-08-2008

    Its True , Prayer greatly helps , it’s so POWERFUL just BELEIVE and accept “JESUS” with all your heart and all your worries will be gone.Offer to Jesus everything including your Joys and Pains.Think that you are doing a noble sacrifice in helping Jesus in carrying his cross.Stay very close to “HIM” and you will be guided .

  46. Royet said on 24-08-2008

    You Know what, By just telling your true story ,you were able to help already in making us all understand our bad actions and ill sexapades . THANK YOU!! and we hope and pray that you may have more faith and strength in your everyday life. You can still help other people and be their GUIDING LIGHT,YOU STILL HAVE A PURPOSE IN THIS WORLD !! BE STRONG!!there are still a lot of worst happenings around us much graver than what you had experienced. and before you know it ,someday a cure for HIV will already be available.From what i’ve heard there are countries already that has found a cure for it.For the mean time a positive outlook in life can do a lot of good prognosis on your part rather than be pessimistic ,it will just make things worst on you.Look always on the brighter side of life,coz your life doesn’t really end there,while you still have your breath ,you can always find a purpose in your life .

  47. Justin said on 24-08-2008

    Charlie,

    Just want to share this site. I hope this helps you to learn more about your condition or rather our condition.

    http://askthepozguy.blogspot.com/

    I can relate to what you’re feeling. I am HIV positive too. Just 3 months ago, I got tested and run some confirmation test to see if I am really positive. Sad to say I am and perhaps to myself a harsh stupidity.

    It’s so hard to deduce and accept this fact. However, I’ve come to learn and slowly accept this. I’ve started to read about HIV, what alternative steps can be done to boost and keep the immune system stronger and better each day.

    I’ve consulted counselors and they’ve shared to me that in the last years of endless pursuit to HIV cure, the scientific research had made progress. Not really sure how strong is the health assistance in the Philippines right now. I am here in the US now and they seem to have tagged HIV condition as something that can be controlled and with the proper guidance from your personal doctor you can live longer and be normal. Of course, having the virus would keep you from doing other stuffs but if you get the right help you are surely to aim more successes in your life. Don’t lose hope. I guess that’s what I am also telling myself each day. It’s not easy though but we have to fight and perhaps learn to inspire others too.

    I am uncertain how I got this since I’ve always been practicing safe sex. Out of the many men and the act, it got me. So I guess what I am saying at this point, even for most of the guys practicing safe sex, you can’t be sure if you have not really contracted the virus. So be tested each 3 months or 6 months.

    Of course, gettingn HIV isn’t a gay centered condition. So let’s not think so much of this as a gay virus.

    Charlie, I hope you get some insight from this. And also the other readers reading this comment.

    Justin

  48. Mavin Lark said on 24-08-2008

    At the point, it’s better to seek companionship rather than alienate yourself. Solitude is dangerous because it gives you time to think about stuff that you wouldn’t normally think about. Just having someone to talk to can do wonders, you know.

  49. ROMMEL said on 24-08-2008

    Do you know or have an idea how you got the virus?

  50. Little Fish said on 23-08-2008

    “an awful day at a time…”

    we are all God’s children…Charlie.
    we are all here to listen…need a friend?
    I’m just a text away….

  51. bar said on 23-08-2008

    ive had std before ang got treated na, pero til now andun pa rin yung paranoia at regrets. may takot din what if people found out about it…how i wish i could undo things.

    akin std pa lang hirap na ako kahit na i’ve been treated na. what more pa kaya kung may hiv?

    stay strong po!

  52. carl said on 23-08-2008

    I just hope God will give you more strength to face your current situation and I can only imagine what you go through. I would say to still hang on to life, don’t end it, who knows, a few years from now, humans may find the cure for aids and it will no longer be fatal. Have faith and be positive, easy for me to say, but know what, it helps, try to give yourself to others by doing volunteer work and charity, make sure that you show people you love, how much you care for them. Try to make the most out of life, I guess that’s how it should be, in sickness or in health live life to the fullest. Its never really too late to start living.

  53. mightymikee said on 23-08-2008

    Pray hard.Ask God’s forgiveness…

  54. Dan Mihaliak said on 23-08-2008

    All the emotions you are feeling are normal for someone in your situation. Just remember that there are people who care for you. Send me an email if you ever want to talk.

  55. ROMMEL said on 23-08-2008

    Charlie are you in the Philippines? I had my first HIV test (rapid anonymous 20 minutes) in San Francisco last year. I was 28 and it was my first time to get tested. I would say I had about 100-150 sexual partners (mostly from the Philippines) and I was bottom and usually I do it bareback. I told the counselor I wouldn’t be surprised if I was HIV positive. It turned out negative and I was relieved and thanked God. I found out people living with HIV now live longer with the medicine available but they are quite expensive and usually only available to developed countries. I now always do protected sex especially with anal. I can’t imagine dealing with this sickness but I think what you should do is be positive and talk to people with the same condition. Kudos to you for trying to live a normal life. Just be safe and be positive.

  56. lordmanilastone said on 23-08-2008

    I wouldn’t know what to do if I were in your shoes…Thanks for the courage to share this with all of us..this a very timely reminder for all of us to take extra precautions when doing ‘it’…kudos and I hope someone out there could finally give the cure….

  57. kyokushin said on 23-08-2008

    Id like to be Charlie’s friend.. most likely he will read this.. id really like to meet him..

  58. baklamancutedin@yahoo.co.uk said on 23-08-2008

    tryi to live normally as possible, HIV is hard to deal with, but if you try to boost your immune system by being more positive about life, it will help you live longer. You have no choice but to live life, dont get depress, go to the gym work out, eat healthy foods, try to live a healthy and safe lifestyle. There is more to life than waiting for your death, coz you sound as cold as a dead man to me. Come on dude life is still worth living no matter what. If you want to know about living life email me, I have so many things to share.

  59. nelson said on 23-08-2008

    Charlie,

    I am based here in San Francisco and have worked in the healthcare industry for a few years. I have worked with a lot of HIV positive patients, social workers, nurses and doctors specifically treat HIV patients. There is a lot of developments in HIV arena. HIV might sound really, really bad but it is not a death sentence. Cancer patients have a higher mortality rate. Talking care of your health physically, mentally and emotionally will definitely help. It sounds easier said than done but it is not the end of the world. It feels like it sometimes but it is not.

    This is the first time I ever responded to any message in this site but I hope my two cents helps. I know you might have a lot of questions, frustrations, anger but seek help and find your support system. And please e-mail me if you have any questions and in need of support.

  60. chris of Brunei said on 23-08-2008

    *migs sorry for misspelling ur name. I’m sorry.

  61. chris of Brunei said on 23-08-2008

    my first time to comment here sa tinagal tagal ko na d2. This serves as an alarm to me. At talagang kinilabutam ako. Thanks Charlie for sharing ur story. And also to mugs for posting it. God bless u Charlie. Just hang on.

  62. jake said on 23-08-2008

    this story kinda makes me feel a little bit queezy..wierd.. brrr..chills and shrills… i think i’m actually like you back then, and yep you cannot actually realize things as they are if you lose it.. in this case, you have it (hiv), and you lost it (time).. good thing i’m loyal to my love… i had many unsafe sex before too and now, yup you reminded me to be extra careful coz i have many dreams too, and to think i care for other people also (nurse)… medically, nothing can cure it but the heck.. i still believe miracles do happen sometimes.. :) winky winky..

  63. ton said on 23-08-2008

    Pray ka lang dude.. kaya mo yan ~

  64. yyyxxxyyyxx said on 22-08-2008

    God bless u charlie. be strong and just go on with life. i cannot even imagine what you’re going through. but you have to go on living and doing the best you can. Keep praying and hoping.

    Thanks migs for posting.

  65. Jedd said on 22-08-2008

    Bro, i’m pretty positive that in 5-7 years time, they will have discovered something that will significantly treat if not cure HIV. In the meantime, take care of your health, work as hard but not stressed as you can (that treatment years from now might cost a bit), and bring joy to the people around you. Remember, you are still full of life ‘now’. Forget ‘ahead’. No day but today.

  66. chroniclesofE said on 22-08-2008

    Hi Charlie!

    Like you, I am HIV+ too, I only found out recently that I am HIV+..Like you, I wanted to work abroad not just for me but for my family as well-I can relate since we are on the same boat..

    You see the the truth is, there are only 2 choices a) Do you want to live? b) Do you want to die?

    If you choose to live, it’s going to take alot of work! It won’t be easy & you have to help yourself 1st. Support will always be there for you but you have to want to be better…There are anonymous support groups you can go to or phone numbers if you want to talk to someone..

    If you choose to die, i suggest you don’t spread the virus…

    It’s you choice! I hope you make the right one

    E

  67. allensanjuan said on 22-08-2008

    charlie thanks for your courage to tell your story. this would help me to do the right thing.

    god bless!

    migs thanks for posting this.

  68. Myk2ts said on 22-08-2008

    pray. nothing is impossible with GOD. God Bless

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