Sep
20

No sex for the first three dates? No way!

Issues, Love and Dating Entry Feed Trackback

Here’s a gay relationship advice from Jim Sullivan, well-known dating and relationship coach, with 25 years coaching/counseling experience, highly regarded advisor and mentor to the LGBT community:

The first key to be being a successful gay dater is: no sex for the first three dates. Cry. Scream. Curse me. But you’ll see it works. Wanting sex is as natural as wanting to eat, but intimacy cannot be rushed. It takes time to know someone. Too much fast food can be harmful to the body, and too much fast sex can be an impediment to intimacy.

What do you think? Do you agree or disagree?

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42 Comments So Far

  1. i agree.

    Kalachuchi at Sep 20, 08 at 3:02 pm

  2. basically it’s a test of patience. nakapaghihintay ang may malinis na hangarin. Otherwise known as “pa-hard-to-get”.

    ming meows at Sep 20, 08 at 3:32 pm

  3. he is absolutely right. many gays confuse dating with looking for sex. if you are looking for sex, then you are cruising – no need to know the person, just get it over with and satisfy your libido. if you, however, are looking for a possible partner in life, you will have to know the person first (and I mean really know the person) and not just his dick. not knowing the difference is the difference between gays who have found that special partner in life and those who are having sex but still end-up lonely and unhappy.

    darkly at Sep 20, 08 at 4:11 pm

  4. i absolutely agree…
    Sam, i still hesitant. i ask you to please bear with me and give me truth.
    he! raou_05@yahoo.com

    Hey! at Sep 20, 08 at 4:51 pm

  5. Too much fast food can be harmful to the body, and too much fast sex can be an impediment to intimacy.
    >>very well said lol i definitely agree. why rush things when you can wait and have it for a longer span of time. or it depends, if you feel like the guy is for keeps then wait. but if it’s more likely to be a one night stand then go do it; right then and there hahaha.

    skittles at Sep 20, 08 at 5:09 pm

  6. disagree!!!

    sayang ang oras, pera and effort!!!

    pag good in bed then that’s the time that i will try to know the guy better… ako ba to?

    matt at Sep 20, 08 at 5:44 pm

  7. I agree…. Iam a living testimony of it..Ü

    ALi at Sep 20, 08 at 6:38 pm

  8. Pray Hard it works….Joy of S.E.X is not only limited to just three days? It is only on the person’s mindset.

    Muchas Gracias at Sep 20, 08 at 8:31 pm

  9. i take it back… ur a fool sam… honestly i feel betrayed right now…

    Hey! at Sep 20, 08 at 8:46 pm

  10. Agree… with an ex-boyfriend of mine, we didn’t get to have sex until our first monthsary. (but that was mostly because we didn’t have much time on our hands… I think. LOL!)

    AngeLLoveR at Sep 20, 08 at 11:14 pm

  11. i agree

    zwyggy at Sep 20, 08 at 11:18 pm

  12. boyfriend ko xa ang ngsbi na no sex muna para pure love lng hehehe well maxado kong natuwa sa sinabi nya!

    Lyndon at Sep 21, 08 at 6:02 am

  13. i definitly agree :D whats three days compared to a life time right? oh.. and btw, you gotta be smart on the three days though… look for red flags :D those three days can either be a make or break :D

    MR_EX_SITE at Sep 21, 08 at 8:28 am

  14. sorry..”dates” pla yun and not “days”

    MR_EX_SITE at Sep 21, 08 at 8:30 am

  15. paano kung the other party want it as a one night only date?
    ok sana kung gusto mo nag intimacy…….but, if you want to lose control and get out of your comfort zone….go na! torjak na walang bayad…enjoy pa!
    it wud be a crazy fun night….ryt?

    Little Fish at Sep 21, 08 at 2:02 pm

  16. i agree. i had a few number of dates with my current partner and had 2 sleepovers until we agreed to have sex…

    well, you’ll realize that its not just about sex. its the love that you cherish.

    leocrap at Sep 21, 08 at 3:35 pm

  17. I agree with matt.  Sayang an panahon at pera sa tao na yan kung wala din naman magandang pupuntahan.

    Lester at Sep 21, 08 at 3:35 pm

  18. i totally agree. you date someone because you like him at mas gusto mo siya makilala. you don’t date someone because you lust him or anything. that’s insane. saka hindi lang sa sex umiikot ang isang relasyon, lalo na sa same-sex relationship. it can also be love, you know. pure love.

    chase at Sep 21, 08 at 4:04 pm

  19. I suppose it has some truth in it. I personally subscried to the idea. And I belive in an ideal situation, it should really work. hwever, it did not work for me.
    I tried dating guys, but they never seemed to work out… So I tried not being serious about the whole relationship thing and just play around. It was not what I wanted but in a utilitarian way of thinking, it was fast approach to temporarily address needs.
    I was getting real cynical about the whole relationship thing until i had this one night stand with this guy. and one became two, followed by other encounters of the same nature… until finally we decided to try dating for a change… and well, we lasted quite a while, we’ll be a year in a few weeks now. hopefully it lasts longer than that. :)

    Oliver at Sep 21, 08 at 5:54 pm

  20. i reccomendably yes..thats nice and wholesome idea hehehhe..thnks for that idea Migs…

    ef at Sep 21, 08 at 7:09 pm

  21. Maski nga three months of no sex okay lang sa akin. I really want to know the other person first before I go to bed with him.

    Kung possible I want to start off as friends muna para I really get to know him better kaysa naman when we are dating tapos I find out that it’s not gonna work out.

    Cris at Sep 21, 08 at 10:29 pm

  22. i used to agree but now I strongly DISAGREE….been out with several guys, several times and most times this guys (especially yung me mga linta) would get evrything they want from you the earliest time possible only for you to find out on later dates that they are not into you….

    psy7cat at Sep 21, 08 at 10:31 pm

  23. i would  agree… but it would depend if you’re dating just for sex (i knew and met a lot of them), but i date poeple intentionally for companionship and of course, for a possible relationship (i won’t say for “friendship” ‘coz i’m not into showbiz) thats why i wont put sex first…

    keeiko at Sep 21, 08 at 10:40 pm

  24. @keeiko: i strongly disagree. you can never date for sex. you have sex for sex, and not date for sex.

    you date for a possible relationship. well, that’s just my opinion.

    if you’re dating for sex, then it’s not called dating. dating is not the right word to describe it.

    i don’t know. but if you’re dating someone, that means na gusto mo siya makilala ng mas malalim. at hindi para isex lang siya.

    chase at Sep 22, 08 at 12:33 am

  25. but i experienced those people who dated just to have sex… getting to know types yet at the end of the night, it’s still sex. and nothing follows after that…

    keeiko at Sep 22, 08 at 2:42 am

  26. I agree, sex on the first or second date may give away the mystery………………….

    karpintero at Sep 22, 08 at 1:04 pm

  27. ayan naglabasan na rin. those who can’t wait: KATY DE LA CRUZ! those who can, well they end up choosing well. Kung di na tatagal ng 3rd date, dapat mo nang PATUSIN?! DESPERADA KA NING. 

    Ganito lang yan, kung relasyon ang hanap you date and date. Kung libog lang, you date and breed or just plain breed depende sa tindi ng NEED. 

    Jim you are so right. 

    Dita at Sep 22, 08 at 10:04 pm

  28. yep @ chase. let’s not call it dating if it’s the call of nature we’re addressing. i agree with darkly, it’s safe to call it cruising.

     

    Dita at Sep 22, 08 at 10:12 pm

  29. What a load of crap. sounds to me like a paulo coelho self-help-that-isnt-marketed-as-self help philosophy.mechanically dictating the flow between two people… what if both click on the 3 dates and when the sex happens,it doesnt work. is it fair to keep the relationship despite the sexual incompatibility just because the 3 prior dates have been successfull..???

    its so typical hetero, date the girl till you get booty. tell her everything she wants, make sure you inhibit your personality enough for her to shag you.  whats wrong with you people over there?

    europinoy at Sep 23, 08 at 5:45 pm

  30. naniniwala ako dito! =)

    rich-in-luv at Sep 24, 08 at 8:59 am

  31. Why compare fast-food with sex? Desire for food and desire for sex? TOTALLY DIFFERENT! BWISIT NA AUTHOR IMPOKRITO..hahahah

    moto_boy at Sep 24, 08 at 6:31 pm

  32. yes! i agree! 

    iloveCutest at Sep 25, 08 at 12:03 am

  33. I SO AGREE… i had sex with all the guys the first time we dated.  and all of them failed. :(

    Kit at Sep 25, 08 at 5:23 am

  34. sana makakita na ko ng ganun… hehe! raou_05@yahoo.com.. goodtimes!

    Hey! at Sep 27, 08 at 11:40 am

  35. we dated fourteen (14) times in a span of four months. i was actually expecting to get laid each and every date we had, but it seemed he was more interested in going through the getting-gto-know-you stage.  so i behaved.  after the fifth date, i was beginning to feel in love and so i went on the dating game.  the most that we had gone through was french kissing.  we finally became “US” on our 12th date.  I was not only very in love but very horny as well.  so i finally initiated the honey moon scene.  excuses were made so i got a bit disappointed.  finally, after my 3rd try, he gave in.  but then again, nothing happened.  he confessed he is impotent.  i was deeply in love but i have my needs.  i felt betrayed.  so i bid goodbye.

    joey at Oct 4, 08 at 1:37 pm

  36. i very much agree, and in my case, even for so many dates… it really works, i have got into a relationship with a straight boy five years ago and till now the relationship is still working and i bet getting more intimate, with us two, feeling more attached to each other as the years go by… like friendship getting too deep.. in the first year of our relationship , i haven’t touched him even though we, in many times, sleep together. i earned his respect… and till now we regard sex as sacred and not just a conduit to flush desires of the flesh.  there is something more deeper than sex, something more intimate, and love, i tell you everybody is very very much more than sex..

    dave at Oct 21, 08 at 3:30 pm

  37. Good for u Dave!

    Dita at Oct 21, 08 at 9:18 pm

  38. I agree…. pero u know wat…. this is applicable lang sa mga 28 – 30 yrs. old. just being honest

    Mike at Nov 23, 08 at 3:37 am

  39. yeah its hard, am trying to date a basketball hunk from of the universities here in cebu. my god, he’s really playing hard to get… i hope its worth waiting! he will soon become a police! hahhaa!!

    clemence at Apr 20, 09 at 11:55 am

  40. hi there am back, i am starting to feel disappointed with my basketball player…the last time we met was last saturday, he was with his friends. he was too tired i know that, we argued over petty things…privacy, chuva!! we end up somehow not in good terms….hhuhhuhhuh!!1

    clemence at Jun 30, 09 at 11:44 pm

  41. AGREE!!! i was only 16 back then,now im already 19. The first 4dates i had with my m0n0gam0us partner happened without sex-sex-sex thingies!!! Mahirap makahanap ng makakatapat m0ng magmamahal sayo ng totoo.hindi yung malibog lang na straight wannabee na straight rin ang gusto… Hay!karamihan na PLU e mga malilibog,puro sex ang alam at hindi marun0ng makuntento,thing that makes it hard for me to come out.. Ang sama kc ng reputation e,instant kadiri na ang tingin sayo when you come out because of the majority of the 3rd sex c0mmunity na sex addict to the point n nakakadiri na!ang babastos pa ng bibig.haay!

    handsome at Jul 8, 09 at 4:06 pm

  42. Tell y0u guys what,,ang mga effeminate kung makapagsalita about mga straight acting or bisexual or swingers eh talaga naman,tina-tag nila n bakla which str8 acting,bi,swingers hate because of the reputati0n or sh0uld i say image that the effems hav built over time…ang mga effeminate ang talagang dinidiscriminate so kapag si piolo,sam,etc.ang pinaguusapan,cnasabi na magladlad daw,,kung di ba naman mga nandadamay sa discriminati0n ng ta0ng bayan sa mga effems e.. Ayaw nga nila ma-tag na bakla e.. Hindi perfectly lahat ha pero majority ng effems ganun e,kung pwede,solohin nio nalang ang misery at discrimination or ung happy or free life niyo na deep inside e may percentage naman ng kalungkutan c0z of how the society views effems an0.. Straight acting,bi,swingers,inside the closet,like me,w0uld rather stay inside the closet than to share the looked down upon effems’ lives…well kung hindi ka effem like me,i kn0w u undrstand me but if u r effem,alam ko na sasabihin at reaction m0!id say go!mga malilibog…
    World peace! L0L

    handsome at Jul 8, 09 at 5:06 pm

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