Manila Gay Guy
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[Here’s a letter / contribution of Coffee Boy]

“Hey, just wanted to ask, are you gay, bisexual or something?” then I replied, “that… I’m not particularly sure of… I have a gf, but to be honest, I enjoy ‘it’ with men. No labels. Ikaw?” – then I got cold silence as a reply.

* * *

It was the 30th day of my birthday month, though still in the middle of the week, the following day was the end of Ramadan and thus was declared a holiday. I got nothing to do that payday afternoon and so I decided to just hang around. Walking along Timog / Tomas Morato area with no one and with literally nothing to do, I decided to go to one of my favorite spa places and pamper myself with an hour and a half long massage.

So I went inside, had a short talk with the receptionist. I asked her if there were not too many people inside, and was delighted to hear her say “di naman matao sir, tama lang.” at least I’m not alone, and neither is it too crowded…

Well I went in, and saw a bunch of decent looking blokes (Though it pissed me that a number of them are drooling over those who just came in, and even went to as far as following you to the shower. But nevertheless it was an okay crowd.)

Just as any ordinary spa guy would do, I took off my clothes placed the towel around my waist and went straight to the shower area. There were a few gays staring but I couldn’t care less. Had a nice warm shower facing the wall / dividers; I was indeed having a nice time. After that, I went in the dry sauna area. After a few minutes I decided to give the massage a “go”. None of my favorite masseurs were available at the time, but then the newbie (at least for me) didn’t fail me. He has a good warm pair of hands, and it was a definite relief from all the stress I had from work this past week.

After the massage, I decided to take a shower again to wash off the oil. After that, I was planning to leave the place for coffee, but then, when I checked my phone, it was then too early. So I stayed… went back to the shower area, then to the sauna room. On my way to the sauna, I saw a few guys on the Jacuzzi but did not pay much attention. I went inside and alienated myself from the rest of the group by wearing a silly slightly frowning face. It was as if I had a “F*** OFF” sign tattooed in my forehead. Nobody dared talk to me, and so I was relieved.

Fifteen to thirty minutes have passed and so I decided to shower off the sweat… This is when I saw “him” in the Jacuzzi. It was a familiar face, and so I thought. But then the “straight guy” ruled over me and didn’t give a damn. I went straight to the shower area, and, well… showered.

But after a while, this occurred to me, “he was the same guy from two Saturdays ago…” I had a silly sort of “attraction” with this almost bald guy, a slight scar on his cheek, with a decent built. And it was my second time seeing him in the same spa. Little did I care about the other guys, I just wanted to know for sure if he was that same guy I once saw and was attracted to… So I went in the tub with him and seated at the far end of the corner. I was trying to glance at him every once in a while to validate if it was really him, so by then, I was sure he was. I’m sure he was also glancing back, but then we wouldn’t let each other catch that we were…

And so it went on, we were taking a quick look at each other if chance permits. I went in the sauna, after a while he was there too. When I shower, he’s there at times… but nothing really happened besides that.

After a few while, I noticed that the crowd was getting a bit thick, and so I decided to leave. I went out of the wet area to change clothes. He followed… sat at one corner of the waiting lounge, got his phone as if sending a text message. It’s as if he was saying “hey, can I get your number?” I didn’t know what to do… none of this sort has happened to me yet. And so I did not change at once… and lingered for quite a bit. Teasingly, I put on only my boxer briefs with a towel almost wrapped around my shoulder, went in front of the mirror and put gel on my hair. I thought… “hey, I’m sending all the right signals, when will you make a move?” after quite a while, there were already number of guys staring at me, so I felt a bit conscious… so I went on putting on my pants and shirt and prepared to leave. I was in front of my locker (it was 222) when he sat beside me. I thought he was finally making a move, but then again, I assumed too much. He was there because his locker was just right next to me, his was 223.

I didn’t know what got into me, but I could have sworn, I wanted so much to get his number, but then I can’t just simply ask. He was still there lingering, and so am I, as if we were waiting for each other to step forward. So I did… I took a piece of paper, wrote down my first name and my number, and thought that it would be simpler if I just handed it to him. But then, I can’t. So I took my chances, and just left the paper inside my locker beside his. But I made sure that he knew that I left something there.

I went on my way hoping he would indeed get in touch. There was a coffee shop at the same building, I stayed there and met up with my boss, she also is a good friend of mine… and she had something bothering her that night… so we decided to talk it over a cup of coffee. While we were chatting, I received a text message “****?” – (my first name, sorry, I refuse to divulge that info) it was from an unfamiliar number. So I replied: “yes? I’m sorry but may I know who this is?” he replied “Why did you leave early?” I texted back “are you 223? I met up with a friend down here at GJ…” To cut it short, the conversation went on… it was brief and concise… “parang nagpapakiramdaman…” so to say. I learned from that short exchange that he is a senior student from one of the top university, and I’m 1 or 2 years older… just the same, he knew that I was a marketing guy at some establishment near the place… It was somewhat a relief that he made contact.

An hour have probably passed, my boss and I were at the height of her story… when I noticed “him” walking out of the building… he saw me too… it was a cold stare that we gave each other. He walked towards my direction, passed by our side, and went down the stairs behind me. After a while, I texted him again, “ei, you on your way home?” “yep, am a bit sleepy already… why?” he replied. I said. “wala, just thought you might want to hang out still, but then, sige, go ahead sleepyhead!” and the conversation went on again until the time I got home and was about to sleep… well, we talked about basic things, like my girlfriend, my job, his school, his likes… sort of stuff like that. But believe you me, it was a very few exchange of text messages… and I mean literally few. When it got a bit intimate, he asked “Hey, just wanted to ask, are you gay, bisexual or something, you know?” then I replied, “that… I’m not particularly sure of… I have a gf, but to be honest, I enjoy ‘it’ with men. No labels. Ikaw?” – then I got cold silence as a reply.

That was the last text I got from him. That night, and the following day… nothing.

I don’t know if I scared him away… or had I been too straight forward, or too intrusive. I really don’t know. So I had to let it pass… so much for my first actual attempt to get to know a complete stranger, with him knowing what I actually am.

* * *

Dear Migs,

Sorry for having to tell you this long of a story… just wanted to tell you exactly what happened… in detail. You probably are the only person who might actually understand and be able to give me a straight forward comment. Tell me pls., what happened there? Am I just being extra sensitive about the whole thing? Should I act on it?

This, I’m sure of; I didn’t do that just so to hook up or anything. It was an authentic effort to make friends with someone interesting. After all, he might be the only person who actually knows who I am, and knows about the whole “no labels” thing. Is that wrong?

I know you and your readers are way too tired of these kinds of stories, so if you won’t publish it or something, it would absolutely be fine. Just hoping you’ll give me sound advices on what to do. You may send it through this e-mail if you opt to J thanks so much migs. You’ve always been a big help.

kape (a.k.a. Coffee Boy)

Comments (26)

  1. Jeffrey said on 16-10-2010

    some gay guys just do have that perennial hang ups with labels, so in order to retain even the slightest tinge of their macho image, i announce to the world that i am bisexual. but truth be told, i don’t have a girlfriend, or even if i do have a girlfriend, i am looking for a possible boyfriend to have. i say i am bi, and yet, again, the truth is, the last time i tasted pussy was when my mom gave birth to me and i passed through hers. i supposed mawawala lang ang issue ng labelings pag handa na lahat tayo to accept what and who we are without compromises. but till then, it will have to remain.

  2. Ynetten said on 15-10-2010

    Sorry, years past na pala before I got into this thread! Anyway, it makes sense reflecting what to say when asked about one’s sexuality.
    And as far as I know, it is still the best thing to be honest with one’s feeling.
    Or else you will be trapped in a game of saying what others wittingly or unwittingly wanted to exact from their “prey”.
    There’s nothing wrong if they leave you alone after a chance encounter. Don’t you think so? In short, that could be a good feedback mechanism to really get what you want to know or unexpected responses to your playing a game of sort in a spa or otherwise.

  3. linus said on 10-12-2009

    OMG, this thread is DEAD, methinks…

  4. Restituto said on 03-11-2008

    Darn, and I thot im alone at this game hehehe. I got this ‘str8’ front act. Ewan ko ba, i would go to the gym wetfloors, show off bulges (body and towel bulge), and at the same time also put some “f*ck off, I’m straight” signs on my forehead. Exhibitionism? hehe I duno.  i want others to drool LOL. Or maybe just like you, also waiting for someone i like to make the first move.
    Ok hehe. my 2 cents as a ‘str8’ guy?  1st, altho i would be texting you, i would be partly turned off by your leaving your contact number act in the locker. 2nd, the ‘gf’ part is cool, but ur text ‘ i enjoy doing it with men’ is kinda eww, (your answer further confirms that youve been handing out ur numbers and have been doing it frequently with men).  the best answer would have been ‘ewan ko pare’.. 
    sorry po, honest opinion ko lang naman.  this is what you call the Peppered Art, or Sining ng mga Paminta. hahahahahaha.  – dragun_katol @ yc

  5. rob said on 22-10-2008

    hahahaha. of all the comments here, this one seemed to be the most logical and simply stated with or without the word “HALIPAROT”. True, its a big turn off to know that a guy has a partner (man or woman) and still trying to hook up. COme on be happy and contented with who you are with!

    “he got turned off coz u were “taken”. HALIPAROT.”

    btw, saw this blog by accident and this is a great blog. i particularly like reading the personal stories shared by many as i can pretty much relate with them.

  6. mike said on 13-10-2008

    Sayang! yun na lang ang puwedeng sabihin ng takot magrisk. Life is to short-sin a little!

  7. Dita said on 13-10-2008

    he got turned off coz u were “taken”. HALIPAROT.

  8. dr3amca@tcher said on 12-10-2008

    I think he prefers a straight tripper or should i say a bisexual guy. And your blank response about the question if you’re “gay, bisexual or something..” made him assume na gay since hindi ka makasagot. 🙂 im single.. message nyoko ah hehehe.. friendster  igetdirty2learn@yahoo.com

  9. mell gudez said on 12-10-2008

    ….well…i think the reason why you received a cold response because of what you said  about the “no label”….who knows?…that guy wanted someone straight…..STRAIGHT GAY OR STRAIGHT GUY…para naman may basehan siya divah???……well…..i still believe in your powers migs….keep it up next time….
    …prayers from me……mwahhhhhh

  10. brndn grn said on 11-10-2008

    altho i prefer outed gay men, this preference is not usually reciprocal in nature. such is the reality in our third world country. it is not ready to confront the vagaries of gay life. gay men who are out of the closet have a higher chance of meeting partners outside the country. try america or europe if you really want marriage or at at least a relationship that goes beyond sex. i will. magunaw na ang mundo, i will have it that way no matter what.

  11. cris said on 09-10-2008

    Can someone tell this man to be fair!

  12. Tony said on 09-10-2008

    Not knowing yourself and what you want at 30 while sounding slightly defensive about it? Definitely a turn off. It basically projects that it will take too much effort for what should have been a simple hook up/ booty call.

    He lost interest. Don’t dwell over it, it happens.

  13. Hey! said on 08-10-2008

    para sa kin… ayaw nya lang masira ang relationship mo with ur GF.
    raou_05@yahoo.com

  14. McFries said on 08-10-2008

    yea.

    why do we have to have labels pa.

  15. Jeff said on 08-10-2008

    baka naman kasi mabait lang siya na he doesn’t want to ruin your relationship with your girlfriend. the fact that you are already taken, ayaw na niyang makisawsaw o makigulo. gusto lang niyang maging fair sa gf mo. mahirap na ang “karma”. 

  16. darkly said on 08-10-2008

    you may label yourself bi or something else but the fact is, you are gay. if you are gay and out then you don’t have to play with labels. you don’t need to worry about anyone misinterpreting your intentions. those who don’t like you because of who you are will move on and those who are interested in knowing you better will show their intent. by being open about yourself, you don’t need to guess or play games and mind-trip with anyone.

  17. Oliver said on 08-10-2008

    having the “no labels” policy is actually two-pronged:

    On one hand, it makes one seem/feel open-minded. Understanding that PLU are diverse and that no single word (whose basis is even more vague) can actually properly describe a person. Defying the box of semiology is really, rather notable .

    However, at some point in time, for the sake of simplicity and necessity, one may just assume a label despite the stereotypes and the implications of the word. Failure to do so usually means one thing: issues. And who wants that, right? I mean, it’s hard enough to be a gay man and face being ostracized but to get involved with someone so complicated is just… well, a burden.

  18. Woodstock said on 08-10-2008

    Hay.

  19. vince said on 07-10-2008

    PLUs are fascinating–they come in all shapes, sizes, persuasions and convictions! So it’s kinda difficult to “classify”  Coffee Boy’s textmate or to explain his sudden icy silence.  Well certainly the textmate’s PLU– why would a genuinely straight guy pick up a piece of paper with a male stranger’s number on it and actually get in touch with the stranger?  The mere fact that he did just that tells even the most clueless of clueless people that he ain’t straight…and that he’s searching, experimenting, hunting!  Perhaps he’s a “still-confused-don’t-know-what-i-really-want” PLU?
    That would explain the sudden icy silence.   Recently, as I was leaving the gym, someone (another gym member) came up to me ostensibly to ask directions…then he started making small talk and wouldn’t leave me alone. I was polite enough to acknowledge his presence.  He didn’t interest me, however. But it really takes ALL KINDS to make this world interesting. If someone isn’t meant for you, just move on.  You’ll meet your match one day. (Unless, Coffee Boy, you’ve become totally obsessed with this textmate of yours?!!? That’s a different story.)

  20. Rommel said on 07-10-2008

    Bakla I think I know exactly what happened, I have been in love with this guy Duane, he was my officemate and we were inseperable, I can sense hes attracted to me too. We were always together for 2 years, pero ala nangyari hanggang tingin o tabi lang kami. until one night may nangyari. I touched him and he touched back with his legs (yes legs lang nya tinapat sa jetits ko). After that night he became distant until konti konti nawala na. Another experience with a very cute “Straight” guy. alam ko rin gusto nya ko, until one time i texted him na i might be bi. After that goodbye hindi na sya nakikisama. I think they dislike men who admit they are gay or admit they like men. I dont know nakakalito tlga. Ang hirap kasi sitwasyon natin.. pag naman bading din masyadong pa girl o usually marami na experience. Kaya heto lola mo single pa rin kahit may hitsura naman ako. Saka usually friendship na lang nangyayari sa mga type kong cute na mukhang type din ako. Ewan! Ang gulo. Forever na lang isikreto para malapit ang boys. Dapat sinabi mo  straight ka hahahaha. oh well taray ng story telling mo. Sorry ang gulo ko alas dose na kasi dito, at sinasapian nako ni st. catherine.

  21. marco jordan said on 07-10-2008

    i had a similar experience. this guy and i kept staring at each other in the gym. i got brave and gave him a card. we texted each other and later in the week he came over to my place to drink.  when i told him i was gay, he was SHOCKED!  and i’m like, HELLO! do you get a lot of stares from straight men?!

    what i’m saying is, some straight guys are just clueless.  maybe he thought you were just being friendly.  and when you said you like sex with men, he got threatened and decided to cut loose.

  22. gus said on 07-10-2008

    why would a straight guy be in a gay place like that? you may have a girlfriend but if you enjoy it with men then you are gay, gay, gay!!! you are still both strangers to each other, you did not have a relationship by any means, no explaination required from iether one of you and something did no not click. let it go.

  23. Dave said on 07-10-2008

    My 2 cents:

    Showering AFTER a massage to remove the sweat…….so not healthy!
    A guy loitering on the wet floor and “getting pissed at others for drooling and following to the shower”…. so hypocritical!
    Wearing a frown face while walking along the the wet floor / comfort room area may …..look so constipated!
    Lingering for quite a bit, while slowly putting boxer briefs with the towel draped on the shoulder, and then proceeded on in front of a mirror to put on HAIR GEL …so hilarious!
    Writing on a piece of paper your cellphone number and leaving it inside your locker where there are many gay guys who “drool and follow you to the shower”….. so pathetic!
    Getting a cold silence after all the efforts…..PRICELESS. =)

    Readers getting tired of these stories……Finally!   You are right.  =)

    PEACE.

  24. Meri said on 07-10-2008

    Like most gays in the Philippines, he’s looking for a “straight” guy. I think he did not like your answer that you enjoy “it” with men…

  25. berserkerzcrit said on 07-10-2008

    Some people, like me, just do not like to be in situations where you find a guy who is not sure of what he is. It may be boxing one’s self or others but some people find relief or comfort in straight out classifications, and you saying No labels might have seemed to him that you weren’t sure of who you were and he didn’t want to deal with that kind of thing. Some people are titillated by bisexuals but some people just don’t want the drama. Maybe he wanted to know you more beyond just having sex. We wouldn’t know for sure.

    Maybe his phone got lost or broken, and he doesn’t have your number anymore. A lot of maybes. Just go back to the spa, and do it.

    • funny_boner said on 12-02-2009

      This one’s rather a question than a comment to the letter sender. About the bi-sexual thingy: are bi-sexual men gay? Does it make one bi-sexual if he doesn’t have qualms having sex with gay or another guy? How do we classify guys who enjoy being blow-jobbed (no kisses), especially those who we think are really straight ones but enjoy being blow-jobbed? Does that make them bi-sexuals?

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