I’m Bashful, 27, and a reader of your blog for about two years now. I am writing to ask for your opinion about a taboo matter: exhibitionism.
I know, my nickname indicates otherwise, but aside from the risk of being exposed to the rest of the world–especially on the web–I have no problem showing my “baby anaconda” to other guys who are simply horny peeping toms. Blame it on today’s technology; in this decade almost everyone has a digicam, web cam, camera phone, etc. I am not a street flasher, but I have masturbated (or appeared with a hard-on) in internet chat rooms, and in public places such as school, public transport, malls, workplace, etc.
The very first time that I’ve tried close to “exposing” myself was when I was in high school in the late 90s, when my parents bought a handy video camera. I filmed myself a mini porn clip, pleasuring myself in the video. It was extremely titillating yet guilt-inducing experience. I was about 14 years old then, and I let the Video8 tape record till I came. I watched my amateur porn clip over and over, and found myself aroused by myself doing it on film. As a child, I’d realized that my dick size was above average because I’ve seen my classmates’ dicks during PhysEd classes. On video, I was quite pleased with my private part’s magnified image. However, since it was also strange for a kid to be doing that, I quickly deleted the clip after multiple playback.
When camera phones and digicams became standard, especially during this decade, I found myself taking photos of my hard dick. (I know a lot of people–straight or gay–have done that, too.) Most of my pictures were taken when I was extremely horny. I would save the images in my computer, and I’d exchange nude pics with other guys that I meet. When MMS became cheap, I also started swapping photos of my cock through mobile phones with other guys. The recipients would salivate at the my pictures, and it would please me to no end. The idea of other guys enjoying my cock’s photos or videos and using my images as masturbatory inspiration had made (and still makes) me super horny. I’ve taken photos of my jacking off in my bedroom, in the car, the bus, in a public restroom, etc. I’ve deleted the bulk of them, but kept some for myself, and to share with other guys later. Please know that I am not in-love with myself or my dick (God, I wish I had a better body, like Dennis Trillo’s), but it really excites me whenever I think I can be seen by other guys (especially the cute ones) with my hard-on or while masturbating.
Often, I have masturbated in cinemas (mostly in the Ortigas & QC areas, but never in those dingy theaters ha!), strategically positioning myself to hide from the film-goers/guards/cinema staff, but tactically allowing myself to be “accidentally exposed” to guys with cock on their minds. I’ve been given a blow job in the movie house as well, and Ive let other guys watch it being done for me, and/or they wait to participate in it later on. (I know, that’s a dangerous thing to do in the cinema, but thankfully, I’ve never been hurt by anyone nor caught by the roving guards). I’ve had a hard-on while changing clothes in the university gym, and let other students see it. I have jerked off in the bus, and taken pictures of myself. If there’s another horny guy riding the same bus, I probably have done it in his presence to “entertain” him. (Hey, I’m a people-pleaser, in a perverted kind of way.) Heck, back in college during ROTC, there were times that I chose not to wear underwear and went commando, and I remember that some of the guys had noticed my bulge, especially when “baby anaconda” got a little excited with all the rubbing.
A few years ago, I have once posted some photos of my hard cock in one of those “rate this dick” websites, just for kicks (I had them removed later). I also have experienced chatting on YM and on a popular sex chat room with web cam, and have performed sporadic “shows” there, receiving extremely “encouraging” comments to continue titillating the guys over and over (and many times, indecent proposals). Whenever I do “shows”, I feel obligated to entertain the horny gay population in a particular chat room. The bad thing is, sometimes I forget that people can also record those video feeds, and there’s a possibility that I may be exposed on The Buzz someday. (I actually have a friend who’d been videotaped and whose video had been uploaded to Xtube without his consent, which he later settled with the website administrators. Interestingly, I have uploaded a couple of my own triple-X videos on Xtube–again just for kicks–but those videos don’t show my face in order to protect my identity. Just the thought of hundreds of gay guys across the globe can view my dick still excites me to the bone. I’d give you the link, Migs, if you’re interested. Ha ha!)
Just recently, I came out to a new gay acquaintance who I knew has a crush on me, so that I could show him my hard cock pictures and jack-off videos (an act which he appreciated so much, even if he has a boyfriend). That makes me a little guilty, though, turning him into a sex slave and all (his terminology, not mine), but I always choose to skip that feeling whenever I’m horny and I just want to share my throbbing dick to a needy gay guy. Even my best friend (who knows about my orientation) has seen my dick photos and videos in my mobile–unintentionally, of course–when he was checking out my phone. He didn’t judge me, but he wanted me to be more careful with those images and protect myself (a very good advice, actually).
I am a well-educated yet bashful and private person (I have received undergraduate and postgraduate diplomas from two of the top four universities in our country) with a Catholic upbringing. Most people still think of me as an introverted nerd. But I am also a “sexhibitionist”, in a way that I get really turned on by exposing myself to other (preferably similarly cute, discreet, gay) guys, jacking off and cumming in their presence. So, I’m a walking dichotomy. (As Britney would sing, “I’m not that innocent.”) Is that so bad?
Thanks for taking time to read my letter.
No worries, you’re good. I’m sure the folks here are eager to see that anaconda of yours. Hahaha!