Hello Migs. I have been a subscriber for a couple of years – in fact, when you started your chat box, we got to chat for a bit. I’m from the Bay Area, you told me you lived here for a while. Well, I finally have reason to write you a letter – the title says it all.
Yes, I have been partnered with “Dee” for 10 years now. He’s an American, a lawyer, divorced twice (he thought he was bisexual, but finally came out gay and wouldn’t have anything more to do with women), and have been told that he has Richard Gere looks. I agree. We met when I was still living in Manila and he was visiting for a conference. It was love at first sight, a la Miss Saigon. But like Chris leaving Kim, he left too – only, he came back a year later.
Over the course of 2 years, when he went back to the US and I continued my life in Manila (I was doing my grad school at UP Diliman while teaching at UP Manila), we had a long distance relationship. We emailed each other everyday, phoned each other weekly, and yes, even had phone sex once in a while. This was 10 years ago. We now live together here in California and have a happy, fulfilled life. I can’t ask for more: Dee is very supportive and understanding; loving and caring. The sex life is great!
Only, we have a 21-year age gap. That really did not bother me at all – it did bother some of my friends. Over the years, because of his background in racial conflict as a lawyer, he knew he had to bridge the age gap if we were to become equal as partners in our relationship. I would say what really helped is that we work together professionally and therefore, we get to see each other not only in the light of our personal relationship but also as two capable individuals in our work sphere. When we met, I was a virgin – yes, believe it or not, I was still a virgin at the age of 27. I fell in love with mostly straight boys and of course, they were all unrequited love. But that’s all in the past – I’m happily partnered with Dee.
And happily involved with Andrew. Just half a year ago, Dee thought that he doesn’t want me to grow old (I’m now 37) and regret that I never had any relationship with other men. He was willing to explore an open relationship – only for me, he himself is satisfied with me as his partner. So, after thinking about it hard (I am no longer a practicing Catholic and therefore, the Catholic guilt is not an issue), I posted an online personals ad. That’s how I met Andrew: a handsome, blue-eyed, blonde 46-year old American psychotherapist; of dancer’s built (he dances, bikes and hikes to keep fit); sweet; charming; and basically, a dream. We started going out together – he knows I am partnered and will always have Dee as my primary partner, but needed to experience having a boyfriend to enrich my personal life. We go out to movies; he takes me to parties; and yes, we have become intimate sexually. All of these Dee knows. In fact, they’ve met already – when Andrew had an art show (he also paints). Andrew thanked Dee for being flexible – and Dee said that he had to be because of the big age gap. They both said it was a warm meeting.
It feels good to be 17 again – and not have the baggage of youth. Also, it feels good to have a boyfriend – and not think of “what if”. I don’t have to worry about the future – I already have the future (Dee) mixed with the present (Andrew). I am enjoying both worlds.
I am not saying this is for everybody, Migs. It is not. And you know what, I think the only reason this works is because Andrew himself is in a committed, open relationship with another man. They have been together for 26 years. How post-modern, don’t you agree? Andrew goes out with me because right now, he and Ty are on a trial separation: they haven’t had sex with each other for the last 10 years. Andrew, in short, is with me in order to satisfy his need for intimacy.
We’ve been going out for a couple of months now – and its still a bliss. I know, like all dreams, I will eventually wake up. And when I do, I know it would be next to Dee – reminiscing my time with Andrew in quiet dreamlike.
Thank you for reading my letter and I hope you can share it with your many subscribers.