Just wanted to commend on the success of your blog, Im one of the regular readers and comfortable reading your entries and comments and personally waiting again for you to buzzed me again when you’re in my area (San Francisco). I never thought that one day I will write to ask for an advice.
I joined a Christian community to a thought that I can be change, not….. though im trying. Just when I thought I will live a straight life when I met in the community Mac-Mac just a regular guy and not my usual type as I described him to my friends. But the guy is oozing with sex appeal. Then I remember a saying that you will never find your ideal person but instead you will be given the opposite of it and I think he is the one. Not my ideal but yet i like the person. Now the catch… he is straight again straight!
We first met and introduced in a sports bar January this year, and first topic that we are talking our girls from the other side of the pool table. Well I have a fair share of stories and gigs when it comes to girls. Then what bonded as most is a common hobby of ours, photography. One day I was surprised when I received an instant message on my messenger from him. Since then we will exchange IM’s all day we will chat anything as in anything under the sun. We will talk about our ex gfs, he even introduced me to one of his ex GF in LA. Then voice chats from the time I step in my office down to the time I will be off we are talking. We even have a pet name for each other (which instead of calling ‘pare’, ‘dude’ or ‘bro’) we had created one for us.
There are 7 guys in our group (barkada) it is usually you have a favorite friend among the group. One day he teases me that I was always linked with the other boys (its our internal joke) then I joke back saying “so nag seselos ka?” then he bluntly said “no” then I fired him back “meron ka naman roy ” (roy one of our barkada) he didn’t say anything.
As we go along, our friendship become closer and closer we will fight with simple things, he will let me know when he feels discomfort physically and emotionally, from saying goodbye and ingat when we are departing. Our friends are noticing it because when we have misunderstanding they will notice that we are not talking to each other and they would joke us that we are having LQ. One of the guys described it as (Hindi na lang kayo mag papansinan bigla pag katapos naman para kayong mag syota pag nag kabati) we will just laugh around.
The mixed signals, im not sure if im interpreting the signals wrong but I know I can differentiate regular buddies body language from those with a meaning. He always complain about me of having short attention with things then I joked by saying “hayaan mo pag nagging tyo ull have my undivided attention” then we just both laughed. Then few days after that he asked me “can I have your undivided attention” then I asked him “bakit tayo na ba?” then he said “no” I replied “binu-busted mo ako?” then he laughed and proceed to his question. We have a lots of incidence that are really mind boggling and it can go long with this email.
Migs, I had played this game with other straight guys and prove that they are bi and others just died down and stayed as friends. Im starting to like wait let me say LOVE mac-mac. Day by day its growing, the pressure is building up here in my heart, I want to tell him my feelings but im afraid that it will be turn down and worst we wont be friends and what will our friends will say when they found out and the community that are totally against same sex relationship.
Hope you or your readers (if you choose to post this) can share their point of view on these.