06
What Would You Do?
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You’ve been friends for years with this guy who you’ve long suspected to be PLU (People Like Us). You have not opened up to him about your being gay/bi/whatever. Outwardly he looks and acts straight, and he himself says he’s straight. However, from your point of view, there are signs that suggest he is indeed PLU — he’s good looking, and successful both in school and at work, but he’s never had a girlfriend; he’s very physically conscious, a bit vain actually, and maintains a mysterious distance whenever the topic of homosexuality arises in conversations. Also, recently, you’ve noticed the way he looks at guys, lingering, and simply just out of the ordinary. There really is something there, although you can never be 100% sure.
What would you do?
A. In a moment of privacy (when it’s just you and him), you will gently open up your mind’s curiosity and ask him pointblank, “Bro, are you gay?”
B. Open up to him, “Bro, I’m gay” in the hopes that he will be inspired to open up to you as well.
C. Without him knowing, test him [insert a creative gay litmus test here].
D. Do something else [insert your idea here].
E. None of the above, which means, do nothing, it’s none of your business.
Feel free to share your thoughts! Comments, comments please! Go!
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I’ll test him without his knowledge through SMS..hehe
I am good at it..hehehe
unpredictable at Jan 6, 09 at 1:01 am
I’ll do letter D..do something else..like inserting my hand on his pants!hahahaha
darkphoenix at Jan 6, 09 at 1:15 am
oh well… migs… although i have not xperinced such at the moment… i guess the very best thing to do siguro muna is to explore much further… i mean, i may have all the clues na but if its still not enough to spark the motivation to pull him out from the closet, i guess it’s a little bit risky and off the cliff… well, risky in the sense that riskyperhaps our friendship will be tarnished or on the lighter side it could bring good precedence sush as maybe he may also like me… diba? but for me i guess if the situation really doesn’t call for a confrontation i’ll just move my butt away from it!!! c”,)
railey at Jan 6, 09 at 1:22 am
None of the obove,,,… pag mey dumaang guy..
pare ang cute nyaa oh!
i hope he nods lolz
dcatcher at Jan 6, 09 at 1:40 am
Ohmay! Kuhang kuha mo Migs! Madami akong kilala na gusto kong tanungin ng Option A. I’m sure meron din gustong magtanong sakin nun. Hehe
Dingdong at Jan 6, 09 at 2:05 am
Question is what is your motive in trying to find out if he is gay or not besides satisfying your curiosity. If there is none, go with choice (E).
Speaking from experience, choice (B) works for me the best but not so blunt as to hit him over the head with it. It takes some maneuvering, maybe weeks. Why? Because he would need time to deal with your coming out to him AND his acceptance of his sexuality. Just be sure not to imply you are interested in him if you are not….that spells disaster.
Tony at Jan 6, 09 at 3:27 am
D. ill w8 na he wil tel me,. And do s0me naugthy acts, hehe,Actualy i can rel8, hihi,.
Aj at Jan 6, 09 at 5:31 am
i will do “B”, then “A” immediately right after confessing to him..
francis at Jan 6, 09 at 5:49 am
Let him go out from his closet by himself. so what if he is a gay, just let it be, anyway he do no harm. The fact that he manifested that he is straigth , well try to understand him . you yourself been to this dilemma , so you should no better that your friend beside your a full blown gay so to speak, but at anyrate, let him bh himself go out from the closet wag mo siyang pangunahan, because in every moves of a person i believe there are something behind those moves so be considerate.
socrates at Jan 6, 09 at 7:28 am
ohhhh…very familiar situation, I went thru that experience sometime 2 years ago. I had this officemate who belongs to a diff dept but whom everybody has been drooling for an ONS….. we became drinking buddies and because we both live in the south, he would hitch a ride home everyday which delighted me (because may pagnanasa ako naman sa lolo nyo!)and because my gaydar has been conforming his hidden lifestyle preference, one day, i invited him to kenko! He obliged naman dahil legit yon place sa pag akala nya! Oh, nun nsa wet area n kami, di non-stop ang panning ng mata nya to the left to the right…..up and down…hahaha! when we got into the jacuzzi i just invited him to…”come closer here, you can have a better view!” O.. eh di na loka ang lolo nyo! on our way home, we dropped by the japanese resto on the 2nd level to get some munchies and it was during that time he opened up and unloaded all his extra baggages..It was also during that time I made my proposition for his “firstime!” It was a blast!!!!!! Today, he is my spa buddy, crusing partner and not to mention, my associate/business partner and why not?
contagious at Jan 6, 09 at 8:29 am
Have a drinking session with him. This might open him up. But don’t tell him direct to the point. Something like — ask him why doesnt he have a gf, r u virgin, etc.
mingmeows at Jan 6, 09 at 8:38 am
I will just let him be. Some of us might still be in the comforts of being in the closet for a given time. There is nothing wrong with it because all of us have been there. Try to let him see that you are gay and make him see how happy gay life could be. Bring him to places or activities that might tap her gayness or introduce him to our world of fun, beauty, love, comfort, and acceptance that only gay friends can give. Everyone will eventually come out in their own respective time. We just need to facilitate and not force.
Joseph Nuke at Jan 6, 09 at 8:53 am
Yes, Let him be.
Aquaman at Jan 6, 09 at 8:54 am
As a friend, wait ko sya kung kelan sya mag-open up… its his discretion kasi kung sakaling ayaw nya lumabas…
Isaribi at Jan 6, 09 at 9:03 am
If I’m attracted to him, I would ask straightforward.
But if I have no business with him, I wouldn’t dare ask.
Asking someone if he is Gay/PLU/whatever is very disrespectful and distasteful!
Everybody should know that, whether straight or gay.
baby brian at Jan 6, 09 at 11:08 am
I’d go with B or E…, Being my best friend, I think it would help if I open up to him my sexuality, if he opened up in return, then its gonna be fun!!! But then again, If I have other friends whom I can go to the gay scene with, I’d go with E, it really should be none of my business. If he really sees me as his bestfriend then he would assume that I’m gay and he should’ve opened up to me by now. If not, I would understand, maybe he wants to deal with it on his own and I would just be there for him as a firend when the time comes and he’s ready to talk about it.
carl at Jan 6, 09 at 11:23 am
E. If he’s my best friend it shouldnt bother me. Birds of the same feathers flock together so there…..it doesnt take a genius to understand. Curiosity kills the cat.
ILoveAlec at Jan 6, 09 at 1:55 pm
you can opt to open, that’s your prerogative, but you can never have someone open up for you. it’s none of your business. coming out has always been the individual’s prerogative and no one else’s. it’s called respect.
PETER PENDUCKER at Jan 6, 09 at 3:07 pm
Ano ba Kuya!? Nakakarelate ako! May classmate ako na crush ko ngayon (So hot!) Nasa Design ako and he’s the only “straight” guy dun. And shet! gusto ko siyang tanungin. Pero he mentioned he’s straight several times in our conversations. I actually wan’t to do B. because he thinks I’m straight and I’d open up (kasi leche! hindi rin ako makapag open up)but then maganda ang C. I think it’s a clever idea… But then he mentioned to one of my classmates sabi niya “I don’t know what I am!” So I’m confused! He’s sporty. He loves soccer and baseball and other sporty things. Napaka Manly diba? But what he said to my classmate makes me wonder… I really wan’t him to be gay!LOL
durrty at Jan 6, 09 at 3:15 pm
Oh get him drunk and make out with him!
getting him out of the closet, while totally intrusive and probably unethical, is the best thing for him… I mean he can’t stay closeted and deprived all his life, so REALLY it’s the best thing.
If he doesn’t bite it then fine, It’ll be my coming out to him.
Oliver at Jan 6, 09 at 4:31 pm
E. None of the above, which means, do nothing, it’s none of your business.
It’s his prerogative. I will not put him on the spot. Besides, it’s plain rude to do any of the above choices.
Jake T. at Jan 6, 09 at 5:34 pm
Invite ko manuod ng str8 porn sa room ko; tapos masa-masahiin ko etits ko; tapos papaalam akong magjakol with him around; pag nag-yes; alam ko na…hehehe.
peppoi at Jan 6, 09 at 6:37 pm
i choose letter E.
paki ko if he’s really gay or not? yan ang hirap kasi with PLUs. it has become second nature for most (myself included na rin) to scan the population and spot who’s gay and who’s straight. at the end of the day, wala rin tayong napapala with flexing our gaydar. more than anything, it only reveals our insecurities about our own homosexual identity.
i don’t want to be prematurely judged by others kaya no judgement din ang drama ko with this friend.
Jeff at Jan 6, 09 at 8:01 pm
e.
mahirap na makialam. kung discreet siya, mas discreet ako. mamaya ako pa ang mapahamak. hehe
Woodstock at Jan 6, 09 at 9:04 pm
Option E, always Option E. He’s not your pet para paglaruan at pangunahan kung anong nakakabuti sa kanya.
Besides: “he’s good looking, and successful both in school and at work, but he’s never had a girlfriend; he’s very physically conscious, a bit vain actually, and maintains a mysterious distance whenever the topic of homosexuality arises in conversations.”
So, if he looks like Pekto, you won’t toy with him? L. O. L.
Mikey_Liling at Jan 6, 09 at 9:22 pm
I will just let him be. Some of us mught still be in the comforts of being in the closet for a given time. There is nothing wrong with it because all of us have been there. Try to let him see that you are gay and make him see how happy gay life could be. Bring him to places or activities that might tap his gayness or introduce him to our world of fun, beauty, love, comfort, and acceptance that only gay friends can give. Everyone will eventually come out in their own respective time. We just need to facilitate and not force.
Aquaman at Jan 6, 09 at 9:33 pm
magpa-deliver ka na lang sa kfc.
chuchucaracas at Jan 6, 09 at 9:41 pm
well you said you’ve been friends forever and it never bothered you wether he is or not and i guess one really doesn’t have to shout it out if he is gay or not unless this friend of yours is hurting someone emotionally,so give him the respect he thinks you have been giving him all these years by letting him be if you would like to keep the frienship intact and just wait for the time that he wants to open up if ever he is gay…elms
elms at Jan 6, 09 at 10:30 pm
If i really have a strong gut feel that my *friend is GAY, I’ll do muna option B then option A. Then and there siguro aamin or hindi aamin, still I would respect him as a friend. Because that’s what REAL friends do – to accept, love, care and just being a GOOD friend always!
Myk at Jan 6, 09 at 11:32 pm
I wouldn’t do anything. Id respect him for the decision he made to keep it to himself. He probably has a personal reason for not admitting it to the public and that should be kept that way. I was in that situation before and hated when people meddled with my case. I don’t want to subject him to the same agony as I had only because I only want to prove myself right. We move on being friends still doing the same we loved doing. Besides, me knowing him gay or not will not make a good friendship necessarily better, yes?
littleboywonder at Jan 6, 09 at 11:40 pm
Ako, I prefer to ask directly kasi. Syempre, kung medyo palagay na loob ko dun sa tao. Anywho, I will ask him directly if he’s gay or not. Pero syempre, in a way na kung saan di siya maooffend or mabibigla.
Asher Asher at Jan 6, 09 at 11:42 pm
this situation happened to me two weeks ago. i fell in love with a man who says he’s straight but he had all the qualities written above (except the extremely vain part). i’ll break down what happened.
1. i told him that we should stop talking to each other co’z i fell in love with him.
2. he couldn’t believe it and got teary-eyed.
3. he asked me, “what should we do”.
4. i fell silent.
5. he said: “do you want us to stop talking to each other?”
6. i fell silent.
7. i said sorry because i fell in love with him.
8. he held my hand and told me: “bakit?”. he looked at my eyes.
9. i got confused.
10. i let go of his hand.
11. i told him: “masyado kang mabait.”
12. i wrote an email saying how i exactly feel.
13. i flew out of the country.
14. i checked my email but no reply.
15. i send an im but no reply.
16. i came back from the trip.
17. i texted him but no reply.
18. i wished that i should have kept my mouth shut. at least i could still be friends with him.
mick at Jan 7, 09 at 12:29 am
If “B” did not happen last weekend, I’d say “E”. We just finished our barkada trip when he decided to go to some place where his other friends were. Since the place was on my way home, I hitched a ride in his car. I told him in the most inconspicuous way, but he got the idea right away. He was silent. We never talked about it until now. I know he’s one of US, but it was never my business to know if he is or not.
alex at Jan 7, 09 at 7:38 am
nangyari nato sakin..
wat i dead is i test him..(So i picked letter D)
i test him using myself..
haha..we had an overnyt sleep at my frends haus..den we wer sleepng besides each other..fers i hugged him..den breathe on his neck.kissed him on d chiks.den kissed him on d lips..thou no sex happend..
d nexday he dropped by at my haus..asked me if we could do “IT”..
we had sex twice dat day..thou di kmi nagkarelasyon..we had a sexcapade for months..haha..
freakme415 at Jan 7, 09 at 12:01 pm
I think I will just simply ask him. This is especially because of the underlying observations mentioned in your article. The best way to know is to ask, lalo pa kung talagang kaibigan mo naman. But be respectful pa din kung anumang sagot ang makuha mo.
Athan at Jan 7, 09 at 2:16 pm
i pick D. first i’ll invite him to get a drink.
i’ll get him drunk i think this is the best way to open himslef up because when a guys drunk he’s vulnerable. Then, when he’s really really drunk ill break it to him. “Pare, have you ever thought about being with a guy?” If one thing leads to another then i’ll initiate a kiss.
moschino at Jan 7, 09 at 7:35 pm
If I am not interested with him I will just let it be but I will probably stay away from him. I do not like hypocrites na will trample down on other gays just to prove he is straight. If I am interested well I will surely find a way to get him to bed and then decide later if he is or not a PLU. Pero knowing me I do not like to mess around tupper wares, just not worth my time. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and smells like a duck, IT MUST BE A DUCK……HAHA
louie at Jan 7, 09 at 9:26 pm
E = “None of my business”. Huwag makiaalam sa buhay ng iba nang hindi ka rin pakialaman. Buhay niya yun, kung masaya naman siya, pabayaan na lang.
Rome at Jan 8, 09 at 10:56 pm
i’ll throw a cockroach at him and i’ll wait if he screams out loud like a girl!!!!
maccallister at Jan 9, 09 at 12:14 am
i have the same problem. i was just starting my volunteer work 2 months ago. may kasama akong very cute and hot. during the 1st week of orientation, i noticed that panay ang tingin niya sa akin. he looks very straight but is very vain when it comes to clothes. maporma. naging close kami ksi medyo tumabi na ako sa kanilang group. may gf siya pero di maganda. mismatch talaga sila. halos lahat ng mga bading sa work crush siya hehe. medyo close na kami dalawa at kuya pa ang tawag niya sa akin (matanda ako ng 5 yrs hehe). basta hanggang ngayon wala paring nangyayari talagang confused na ako. may wheels ksi cya and minsan pag uwi namin nag anyaya ng ride sa akin ksi dadaan sya sa city. pag kinocall nya attention ko hinahawakan nya butt ko bigla2x hehe. plus he always brags about girls sa skul nya sa akin halos lahat ng maganda nakadate o txt nya but never mentions about sex. ewan ko ba.
orbitahmadzai at Jan 11, 09 at 1:46 am
why should I even bother. I have my own complexities in life. ahahaha
Why should I ever problematize such things if he’s not intruding my life naman.
sabi nga nila..ang pimple.pag ginalaw..lumalala. hehehe
kaya hayaan na lang.:)
Hestro at Jan 11, 09 at 10:54 pm
Trust me, B does not work.. Well, in my case that’s what happened.. And now, he won’t even give me the time of day..
timezonebuddy at Jan 18, 09 at 9:52 am
just ask him. parang pa-segue lang. ganun naman yung magkakatropa. yung parang dating is joke then if he said NO ask him another question “you never had a gf, you are a bit vain and you stay away from homo topics. WHY?” (parang pumasok sa isip ko si bella at edward. your skin is ice cold, etc. lol) then if he stayed silent and parang nag-iisip or he turned his eyes away from you, say “alam mo dude. whatever happens. best buddy pa rin kita. (then smile)”. stop from there and let him speak up… mag-iisip yan.
clueless at Jan 21, 09 at 5:02 pm
I actually have a friend from college who’s sexual preference remains quite a question to me and our other friends. My closest gay friend and I have seen him several times at the mall and on these occasions, iba-ibang lalake ang kasama niya. We have our suspicions but we never had the guts to ask him. I know sooner or later, he would speak up when he’s ready.
helios at Feb 7, 09 at 1:27 am
Ako naman naranasan ko na yan, napasok ako nuon sa isang real estate company at bago ka maging agent ay kailangan mag aatend ng seminar, siguro 30 kaming lahat sa 5 days seminar at karamihan sa kanila ay mga out na gays at ako naman ay PAMINTAHAN ang drama. May isa kaming kasama na saksakan ng gwapo at lahat ng girls at gays sa seminar na yun ay nag uunahang makatabi sya pero sory nalang sila dahil sa pamintahan nga ang drama ko syempre sa akin sya tatabi kasi akala nya astig din ako heheheehe, hanggang sa matapos ang training ay magkapareho ng shift sa trabho. One time nagkainuman ang team namin at dahil sa gabi na masyado sa condo ko sya natulog, in fairness ha hindi ko sya ininvite sa house ko, sya ang nagsabi sa akin kung pwede daw syang makitulog sa condo ko kasi malayo paraw uuwian nya. To cut the story short may nangyari sa amin nung gabing yun at dun ko narin nalaman na Pamintahan din pala ang drama nya at matagal narin daw nya akong gusto at di daw nya alam kung pano sya makakaiscor sa akin. Sa ngayon dahil pareho na kaming open sa isat isa ay partners in crime na kami lagi sa lahat ng lakaran, infact mas malandi at bayot pa ang gaga sa akin pag magkasama kami. Pa machohan naman ang drama nya pag may ibang tao pero wagka dahil pag rampa ang trip naming dalawa naku po ang hitad malandi talaga at ewan ko ba dinaman kami nababakante sa rampa namin, siguro pareho lang kaming maganda, wish ko lang lagi na sana di kami mabuking ng mga ka officemate namin na mas babae at mas bakla pa kami sa kanila hahahaha.
tj at Feb 17, 09 at 8:00 pm
aq, ill test him pra maconfirm. ahahaha. if ever confirmed na, e d mag-oopen n aq. hihintayin q nlang f mag-oopen di xa. hehe
dfilboy at Jun 28, 09 at 1:41 am
A. In a moment of privacy (when it’s just you and him), you will gently open up your mind’s curiosity and ask him pointblank, “Bro, are you gay?”
*while in the middle of conversation, as you go along, control the conversation until such thing you tease him. And start talking bout yourselves… and know the right point you will open the conversation about your sexuality.
B. Open up to him, “Bro, I’m gay” in the hopes that he will be inspired to open up to you as well.
* exactly my point of view in A.
C. Without him knowing, test him [Talk dirty along the way, make him confortable with the conversation].
D. Do something else [stare him in the eyes in seconds, makes him feel you've got interest with him, im sure it takes a man to one].
E. None of the above, which means, do nothing, it’s none of your business.
That’s just a piece of idea from me hehehe, i tried it na kasi eh lols.
Hugz at Jul 5, 09 at 3:11 pm
may gusto po sana aq maitanung..
ma gu na napakagwapo my gf xa pero napancn tingin xa ng tingin sken….
he is a teacher im a stdent..crush xa ng mga ksama q pero dq masabi na crush q x..wat will i do??he’s 26 and im 16…fling q lng kc crush nia rn a…
nick at Jan 9, 10 at 4:06 pm
nick, ang bata mo pa, kirinking ka na. mag-aral ka muna, kaya walang nagyayayri sa bayan natin dahil sa mga kabataang gaya mo…
j at Jan 9, 10 at 10:20 pm