Manila Gay Guy
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Hi Migs, I’m William (not my real name of course). I’m 18, studying at a prestigious university here in QC. Anyway, I have trouble in processing the fact that I’m gay.

Let’s just put it this way: the househelp found out my gay porn (I know, so lame of me), and now she knows that I’m gay, and now she’s pressuring me to ‘confess’ to her. Like she’s blackmailing me.This blackmailing has forced me to rethink who I really am. Am I gay? It’s just hard to process.

Now, I have been in the closet for how many years. I have done a lot of things that I am not proud of, like hooking up with guys and entering male-male relationships. But the problem is, I haven’t really told anyone yet that I’m gay, mainly because I still want to have a ‘normal’ straight life. I told one friend once, but she didn’t understand me and she just told me that it’s just a phase.

I’m afraid that if I do turn gay, I’m going to ruin everything in my future. I’m not going to have a son, marry someone and consummate that marriage because I am gay.

Plus, I’m a Roman Catholic, and you know, the church and everyone else is saying that homosexuality is wrong, etc. Maybe this is also why I don’t admit that I’m gay even to myself: I want to be normal.

I want to be normal. I want to satisfy the prerequisites of society to have a ‘normal’ future. But just thinking about having sex with a woman… I can, but in the future, won’t I have a longing for male touch? I want to be a faithful husband, a role model to my future kids, but what if I’m like this? Then I can’t be normal.

I’m also afraid that my parents would be upset when they hear this, especially my father. I remember when I was a kid, he would tell me to ‘be a man’ and not be homosexual, because they are a disgrace. It’s just all so sad. It’s so sad that I have linked being gay with being depressed and sad, I’m sorry, because that’s my experience as a gay person. Love is really one sided, and you can’t find someone you love that loves you back. It’s a difficult lifestyle.

I talked to this person last night on IRC, and the advice that he gave me was:

Why put effort in straightening yourself up when being gay is so natural?

It’s true. But by being gay, everything will just change. All my guy friends would think that I was attracted to them, and all of them would look at me at disgust everytime. I just know it.

Whoever said that being gay is just being “fabulous” and morally wrong, well, they don’t get it. Being gay is not by choice. If I could be straight, I WOULD BE STRAIGHT. BUT NO, THIS IS NOT JUST SOME EFFEMINATE THING THAT WE CHOOSE. It’s by nature.

I didn’t tell that maid yet that I was gay. I don’t even plan to tell her. But she will discover it eventually, and I don’t know what to do now. If I tell her, my life would be more complex than what it is now. I’m afraid I haven’t mustered enough courage to be gay. That’s why I’m still in the closet. I would prefer to be lonely than to deal with all the complexities and challenges outside the closet.

I hope you can help me realize what’s the right thing to do.

Sincerely yours,
William

* * *

Hi William,

Just spend some time thinking about these statements:

You are not flawed — your being gay is not a flaw.
Your being gay is not something to be ashamed about.
To be discovered as gay is naturally scary, many have gone through that.
Most of those I know who have gone through that same path, including myself, would say, in hindsight, “it’s much ado about nothing.”

I have a feeling you actually know what to do. And whatever you decide to do, always, always remember the first thing I told you: your being gay is not a flaw.

Be happy.

Hugs and kisses, while I whisper in your ear: “World Peace.”
Migs

Comments (77)

  1. john said on 18-08-2010

    I am confused the past 24 years of my life Willian. Just like you, I never wanted to be gay. But you know what? I have decided boldly not to indulge in these pleasures anymore? What for? You won’t really have the real love you wanted from men. They will just leave you behind.
    Im in a support group, a christian support group actually. If you want some help, please check the website: bagongpagasa.org
    You will understand that we do have a choice, we can live life the way we want it and get nothing, or live the life God wants you to be, your design as a man… Which will be hard, but definitely the right choice.

  2. kyle said on 16-10-2009

    To everyone else reading William’s dilemma, im sure there’s thousands out there going through the exact same thing William’s going through regardless of age, i would like to share a couple of books that i read that helped me understand and accept myself.

    1.) Is it a Choice? a book written by
    is very light and casual that it made understanding of myself much less painful and overbearing.

    2.) Outing Yourself to family, friends and coworkers is a book written by it details step by step instructions on how to prepare yourself to start living the life that you were intended to live and not the one that you had designed to live.

    I hope this helps because it has helped me a great deal.

    Best of Luck to everyone and God Bless.

  3. Ace said on 13-09-2009

    You know, you better watch Chris Crocker on youtube. Yes, yung (partly) eskandalosang bakla na umiiyak habang sinabi niya na “Leave Britney Alone!” . Meron siyang isang video (pakihanap) na dapat mo makita. Ang topic nun ay “What is normal?”

    What is normal, you say? Kung ang sagot mo ay anything that goes on the society’s standards, such as yung sinasabi ng Church na sin ang pagiging gay e maling mali ka! You really should check that out!

  4. julius said on 12-08-2009

    wawa kanaman, well i understand your problem, katulad ng sakin,, emotionally mahirap talagang ma brainwash o pinalaki na ang pagiging bakla ay isang sumpa o kahihiyan sa mundo, sad to say ganun nanga ang nangyari. im 20, and i know my self that im gay, pero tinatago ko parin kasi natatakot ako, diba, pero dapat matutunan nating tanggapin at kilalanin ang sarili mo ng buong puso, and the rest will follow, learn to accept, wag kamagmadali, slow lang, step by step ang process,

    una, simulan mo sa sarili mo, accept, kasi pagnatangap mo na kung sino ka, dun mo malalaman ang dapat mong marating,
    hindi kana matatakot kahit malaman pa ng iba kung sino ka, ung totoong ikaw!

    hindi naman ibig sabihin na bakla ay madumi o baboy,
    nasa tao parin yan, kung ganun ang ginagawa mo ganun ka titingnan ng tao, diba,

    dahandahan lang, wag kang magmadali,

    hehehe para lang akong nag aadvice sa sarili ko,,,,
    bye,

  5. Plutocopy said on 06-08-2009

    @psykotikfreak – Of course, it does make sense, it might be, he will become affected sa mga pwedeng mangyari and sa resulta ng mga pwedeng mangyari…hahay…common sense naman or at least logic…college level kaba?

  6. psykotikfreak said on 27-07-2009

    I don’t get this line: “I’m afraid that if I do turn gay, I’m going to ruin everything in my future.” Why would turning gay or being gay ruin your future? It doesn’t make sense. Bakla ka man o hindi, kung hindi mo aayusin ang buhay mo eh talagang sira ang kinabukasan mo! Everything will fall in its rightful place if you’ll start accepting yourself for who you are…

  7. NEONCOLORAINBOW said on 10-07-2009

    GIVE ME SUCH AN ADVICE…. HOW CAN I ACCEPT MYSELF BEING A GAY…. PEOPLE CLOSED TO ME GOT OBSERVED ME LITTLE BY LITTLE UPON MY REAL PERSONLITY BUT I OFTEN NEGLECT THE FACT … WHAT WILL I DO… ???

  8. Hao said on 02-07-2009

    Just be your self dude! Don’t be afraid for who you are though. I’m gay and I know it from the bottom of guy my heart. 🙂 Way back in my childhood years, napansin agad ng parents and relatives ko na I am gay. First, nilulumpo ako ng tatay ko because he can’t accept for who really am I — ako lang kasi only son nya but years passed, natanggap nya na kung ano ako. About naman sa mga guy friends mo if they found out that you’re gay, wag ka rin matakot. It’s simple – kung hindi ka nila accepted hindi talaga sila tunay na friends. I mean I have lots of guy friends but never nila na isip na dahil gay ako ay yun ang magiging dahilan para layuan nila ako. Just be your self, okay? Sana okay na ‘yang hesitation mo. 😀 GB!

  9. JAWE said on 18-06-2009

    Bongga tlga ang mga comment dito. Love it! 🙂

    “Being gay is not a flaw. Your being gay is not something to be ashamed about.”

    * Galing tlga ni Migs.

  10. Roy said on 11-06-2009

    It’s not a problem being gay. Yes I am. I know who I am & what I am since I was 12 years old.But I’m not a type of gay na cross dresser. As much as possibble I act as a normal guy. I never hide my real self to everyone. It’s okay being gay as long as you didn’t step anybody’s toe.

  11. weng said on 25-05-2009

    Hi Migs,

    Thank you for having this space so we can share our life, fears and find solace.

    William, I run away to Middle East because I don’t have that courage to come out, but I can tell you one thing, I have accepted being me and be patience with yourself, everything will have its time when its ready.

  12. emann said on 18-05-2009

    William said: “I’m afraid that if I do turn gay, I’m going to ruin everything in my future.”

    “Turn gay”??? You’re GAY!!!

  13. eric said on 18-05-2009

    To just happen to pass:

    Are you suggesting that the writer is from the University of the Philippines? As far as I know, thats the only prestigious university in QC. UP ranked first among all Philippine universities surveyed by a prestigious international organization to determine Asia’s best. The second placer among Philippine universities is De La Salle, but thats in Taft Avenue, Manila.

    If you mean that university with a corn plantation in Katipunan Road that relies mainly on a basketball team for prestige, well, they may be sports-prestigious … but nothing else.

  14. jed said on 18-05-2009

    1. Fire your nosy katulong. Before that, lasingin mo and take picture of her in the nude and in compromising positions, then threaten to expose her to her barrio mates; or

    2. Ask your driver if he has a friend who can seduce her. Take video shots of them in compromising positions then threaten to upload the videos to You Tube.

    3. If you cant afford (2), fuck her yourself and threaten to upload the pictures.

    4. Put your mom’s valuables in her bag…you know what to do next.

    5. How can you process being gay, yo like gay porn, you’re gay. Nothing wrong with that. Just accept it. Most of us straight acting gay men are Catholics, after all, 80% of the populace is Catholic. Catholicism is not an excuse.

  15. garrymerza said on 18-05-2009

    yes you are a gay. nasa stage ka lang ng denial. last phase kasi ang acceptance. my partner is chinese… at in denial padin sya… kasi iniisip nya yung norm. pero tignan mo, sya yung pinakamaarte samen. sya yung mga collections ng mga indie at sensual film plus yung mga foreign m2m vids with his gay magazine collections. pero iniisip nya padin na di sya gay.. nyahahaha…

    kasi di nya matanggap yung sasabihin sa kanya ng family at ng society…naiinggit sya saken… kasi ako filipino… and very independent. di ako natatakot sa sasabihin ng iba… I know that life is simple and you dont have to make it VERY complicated… Being a Homo is an expression of yourself and if you supress it.. you will end up wasting your life trying to pursuade people that you are a REAL man infact you DON’T.

  16. tyler said on 17-05-2009

    UR forgetting the most important person that you should consider in this situation, Yourself!

    By the end of the day, you will have to choose if you want to conform to what society and the freaking churh wants you to be, and be miserable about it, or you can have the COURAGE to be who you REALLY are.

    It’s a scary time of life you’re going through, but take it from us, you can be gay without being effeminate, you can be gay and NOBODY can do anything about it! then you’ll feel this incredible freedom of being who you are, accepting who you are, and knowing the people who wil truly accept you for who you are! Dont live a lie! life is too short!

  17. just happen to pass by said on 15-05-2009

    W,

    I just had to reply because this is so relatable. I think you give away the school with your choice of words, your concerns, and saying it’s in QC. Pay close attention to your teachers, you’ll really learn a lot of wisdom from them.

    First of all, why are you asking people about who you are? Like most of the subscribers said, it’s really only you who can tell and it’s just you who should decide for yourself. The key is that you should NOT judge yourself based ONLY on what people will say about you. More importantly, do NOT judge yourself based ONLY on the previous decisions you have made (like hooking up with guys.) Don’t let your past choices dictate who you become. Make sure that your decision is done freely. Imagine yourself to be capable of becoming whomever you want to be when you decide.

    I can see that there is really a rift between the happiness and satisfaction between leading a “straight life” and a “gay life.” It’s like your in a lose-lose situation. I would recommend that you look beyond the problem and realize that there is really more to life than your “sexual life.” There is more to you than your sexuality and people will realize that eventually. It matters so much now, but what else matters to you? Again, you will end up asking who do you want to be in the future? Then, you make steps to becoming that person. Choosing sexuality is only a part of the whole picture. I think what’s more important is what principles you will live by.

    You sound young. Just wait a few more years. Learn different things. Explore. Know more about yourself. If you pay attention hard enough to your experiences, you’ll eventually grow some wisdom that would help you decide to know the right thing to do.

  18. simple gay said on 14-05-2009

    ahm…haizzt…….gudluck in ur journey in finding the true u………complexities and challenges ay di talaga maiiwasan kahit na nga mga strait jan nakakaranas din naman…..pagiging in denial ay talagang mas lalong mag papa bigat sa problema mo sa iyung sexual preference whereas sa pag aaccept mo sa sarili mo habang maaga pa eh nakakagaang ng loob yun..tsaka q nalang itutuloy comment q…

  19. Courage Philippines said on 12-05-2009

    Be with people who have the same desire as you do. Join a support group. It’s tough to deal with it all by yourself. You need help.

  20. big bag of pink said on 11-05-2009

    let me tell you one thing and one thing only…… i am gay and i am normal…. theres nothing wrong with me….

    come out when ever you think its the right time for you, guns blazing flags waving. but never think that supressing the true you will ever make you normal.

    you can still have the future you want… if you want to be a success you can be… if you want to have a kid… it will be hard but still can… all the things that you may think is normal… you can achieve that….because gay or not you are normal…. what make you think that living a straight life will be easier? gays have the complications of life as stright men have… so dont ever think for once that you will be less of a person if you admit to your self and to the world that you are gay…. you need to surround yourself with inteligent homosexuals… please do…. what you stated just ignited the pride flag inside me…. be gay.. be normal…

    there is nothing wrong with you… not unless you kill people by touching them.

    *wink*

  21. jordge said on 11-05-2009

    well….some of us don’t wished to admit it because of the threat of rejection… but no matter how hard we hide it…our personality (actions, the way we speak, etc..)betrays us. well it is only hard to accept the truth if we think it is for our disadvantage. There’s nothing wrong with that.. we need to protect also ourselves from any harm also…but at least we need to accept who we are, once and for all, respect for our self is all that we have… we have learned how to build a ‘world of our own’ cause we felt that no matter how we tried to be part of this society, we are still outcast…we exist but not fully granted the existence…maybe it has been the way of life the society has given us but i still believe that we deserve more than that…there are more to life that to always think why we became like this… we only end-up cursing ourselves though we know its not our mistakes, we just obey the nature which is innate to us…damn those people who think that this condition is abnormality…incapable of understanding our condition is the real abnormality….because they are only making the life more complex…more power to those who was able to freed themselves and still struggling to stand up no matter what…Long live the butterflies

  22. Zang Caesar said on 11-05-2009

    accept yourself for you are and who you can’t be.. it is only with self-acceptance that you get to enjoy life. kaw din, mamamatay kang puno ng kaguluhan sa isip. just enjoy life. que sera sera

  23. miko said on 10-05-2009

    i agree with u jessie… to be gay is not our choice… nkklungkot man pero wala tyong mgawa kze ipinanganak n nga tyong ganito, hirap n hirap din ako hanggang ngaun pero kailangn nating ituloy ang buhay… nkakasanayan din naman pala ang pagiging malungkot…

  24. geraldine said on 10-05-2009

    EH BAT BA KASI HINAYAAN MO NA MAKITA YUNG TANG’INAG PORN CD NA YUN? eheh well, i can relate a little but somewhat different in my case cause im a ladyboy. sorry 🙂 but in your case well i think its much better if you would just shut your mouth and be natural, you can live better and you won’t die because you haven’t told someone that your gay. Be your self but not to the extent na maglad2 ka kasi you’re not a ladyboy. you’re different, as we all know there are classifications of being gay, or someone like you who belong in the closet type. all i can say is live life to th fulliest. 🙂

  25. jj said on 10-05-2009

    william,

    ading (younger brother/sister in iloko)think of this, you may not necessarily get out from your shell, indulge yourself into self-introspection so that you can decide well (we have many choices, there is no penalty on the choice we have to choose)…but you should have atleast the courage to face the challenges ahead of you…being a gay is not bad as long as you are not doing something that ruin your personality…i guess, i have to leave you my number so that if you want someone to talk then just txt me up…09205630012…

  26. SoupLado said on 10-05-2009

    I too am living in the closet. all my life. lol! gayness is not really wrong. it only becomes wrong when you are promiscuous(two-timing, etc.) about it (just like straight people doing bad things). your issue really is about acceptance. I say stop being depressed and dramatic. It’s all a matter of perspective. you suggest that it’ is sad not ta marry a woman, well isn’t it sadder not getting what you really want? and who knows what your future really is. just relax and let your optimism do the work. If they’ll find out, they’ll find out.If they won’t accept it, then straighten yourself up for a whie, and when the time comes you’re equiped for independence. go far away and start a new life. or…That’s just me talking. hahaha! nice post though, made me think about myself.

  27. mart said on 09-05-2009

    Hey william.. its nice to know ur story…Im already 26 years old from qc…I also experienced what you experiencing right now,back when i was on ur age…Well u gotta deal with it carefully..I remember before ganyan di ako sa dad ko because my dad galit sa mga gays so im really scared once mlaman nya na gay ako pro d ko tlga mtago that one day mga cousins ko n nagopen sa knya on what im really is.at first he’s in denial that he wants me still to be a straight guy pro gnun p din eh i cant control it and eventually nmn na accept n nya ko.. pro may respect p din that i dont act or talk like a gay… letz share stories.. txt me up… 09178886278…

  28. warwickAvenue said on 09-05-2009

    boi_mark..

    why don’t you join him watch porn…
    then make him watch some m2m action…
    …u know how it works…lol!!

  29. polemic said on 09-05-2009

    I’m guessing we come from the same university, anyway…

    Quoting someone whose name I cannot remember, making choices is not really a matter of right and wrong. It’s about missing the chance to be happy.

    With regards to alleviating the confusion, I found that immersing myself more in gay literature (movies, books, etc.) helped me adjust. The school library surprisingly has a lot. Haha. Maybe it can help you too.

  30. boi_mark said on 09-05-2009

    guys help me.,. i have a problem with this guy, he’s so hot, and i cant help myself but to imagine na sana makuha ko tong mokong nato, he is my sk councilor and im the chairman, im discreet, , he’s always here in our house watching porn, and im so scared to make a move,. baka masira ako, sa lugar namin, patay ako, how would i seduce him, with out any risk? hhuhu

  31. nice-eyes said on 08-05-2009

    “Minsan ka lang mabuhay dito sa mundo. Gawin mo ang alam mong makapagpapaligaya sa iyo ngunit dapat ay wala kang naaapakang tao. Wala kang sinaktan at inalipusta. Kapag pumanaw ka, hindi ka na maaring bumalik pa sa mundo at gawin ang nakaligtaang naibigan mo. Kapag pag- ibig ang siyang dahilan kung bakit mo ginawa iyon na walang halong galit at pag- iimbot, alam kong maiintindihan ka ng Diyos dahil hindi maramot ang ating Panginoon. Tayo ang gumagawa ng ating buhay. Hindi mahalaga kung ano ang sabihin ng ibang tao sa iyo, ang mahalaga ay kung paano mo ginamit ang buhay mo ayon sa alam mong ikaliligaya at pagkamit ng gusto mo bilang tao.”

  32. misnhomer said on 08-05-2009

    you can do it but f you need some more help… i’ll do it personally for you, bro… hey, i’m not gay.

  33. JP said on 08-05-2009

    not funny. aaron

    Just suggest and comments.

    Be respect to you (aaron)

    BIG SMILE

  34. dave23m said on 08-05-2009

    i share the same experience with you dude, i am 29 years old though, thus i know the suffering you have…

    at this age i am still a closet, though i am not afraid of being found, i just wanna live a life of which my parents have chosen for me. gays are a no-no in my family. i haven’t known of a gay realtive, so the thought of me being gay and coming out will be a disaster..

    of course, we have not chosen to live like this…this all came out natural for us. i don’t believe that we have choices in life, we are destined to be something.. we are giving concreteness to a master plan. i mean even before our birth we are destined to be like this..

    but we should not regard ourselves as flaws of nature.. we are normal. it is just that we are not universally accepted. but who are they to determine what is right and what is wrong? who are they to despise us? all of them who judge us as deviants and sinners are all hypocrites.. even religion cannot say that we don’t belong here.. i know God has also has a purpose of bringing out us here. it’s just for us to find out.

    being “in the dark” is not your or my choice, it is just that we are forced by the circumstances to be such. and it is not going to be lonely, just love. be ready to sacrifice, the more painful we have felt in love, the more we have loved…

    just do good things dude. study well, help those in need, be a responsible son, brother or citizen…

    and always think first before you decide. if you will marry a woman, be sure to be responsible and don’t cheat her…

    hope we can be friends dude…
    go on with the life. just pray for guidance. God bless.

  35. aaron said on 08-05-2009

    hala..nagpapatawa c JP !!

  36. JP said on 08-05-2009

    I m understand that article.

    How does being a gay? or ex-gay?

    1. First yourself(reflection): what is good or bad life?.
    2. Be self-control: Don’t be judge and don’t image about gay.
    3. Be impact the life through the goal. Example: the gay is good or bad things so your self-reflection.
    4. Be ready to telling something: as Frankly the sexual identity.
    5. Nice communication and other.

  37. newyorker said on 08-05-2009

    WTF..get another maid….

  38. drigo said on 08-05-2009

    being gay isnt a choice. coming out or keeping it in the closet is. whatever you chose is ok. anyone who tells you otherwise is a wanker!

  39. Caged said on 08-05-2009

    Hey I can feel your sentiments. Oh by the way I also have this problem that is quite similar with your problem: about straight guy friends. Well I also have them, and you know what, I am really having a hard time dealing/socializing with them. Not just with my straight guy friends but with the straight guys in general. I’ve been isolating myself from them cuz I have this feeling of paranoia that they might be thinking that I like them, or I have hidden agendas in talking to them or something like that. What’s more is that I keep on thinking that they don’t really care whatever I say, I’m gay, they’re straight and for them, whatever I say doesn’t matter since I believe that they look down upon me.

  40. warwickAvenue said on 07-05-2009

    someday..

    one way or another.. you’ll have to find a way…

  41. blake said on 07-05-2009

    Good to hear from you again and knowing that we are able to help you in your problem. You’re probably smart enough to know what’s the answer to your questions. And given that you’re studying in a prestigious school in QC. Prolly we are from neighboring schools or maybe we are from the same school. So that really makes you not alone.:)

    Btw, I remember this message from an e-friend of mine when I was also asking for help in this kind of situation, specifically in coming out to my not-so-friendly-to-gay family and friends. I just want to share it with you.

    “Everyone doesn’t need to know the inner workings of your desires and
    imagination though to live in the world.”

    It’s an important thing for me ,and I think for you too, to be out and be able to tell your family and friends about your true self. However, it’s not really mandatory. More so, if coming out to them will put your relationship with them in danger. You know because of the idea that being gay is having a disease and workings of the devil. But give it a time, maybe someday two guys can kiss in public without the malicious eyes that say disgusting. Well unless they are not seriously making out and feeling each others body.;)

    Blake

  42. DRAKE said on 07-05-2009

    william…it’s a difficult phase u r experiencing..here’s my thoughts about it..

    You do not have to come out to the world..you can be gay and be discreet…
    but…
    i suggest you COME OUT to one or 2 people who u really, really trust..this will help you a lot..
    mahirap ksi kimkimin ang nararamdaman mo…masarap ang pakiramdam kapag nailalabas mo yang nararamdaman mo, in a form of kuwentuhan with those people na nakaka alam ng true sexuality mo..

    i came out to 2 of my best friends (mag asawa cla, hetero)..ngayon kapag magkakasama kami,and nakakita ako ng cute guy at least kahit pabulong, nsasabi ko sa kanila..
    “damn ang cute nung guy” tapos nagtatawanan kami..

    i am macho on the outside ( they tell me walang walang bahid akong kabaklaan pag nakita and nakausap ako) pero on the inside, natutunaw ako kpag nakakakita ng cute na chinito..heheheh

    good luck sa yo..tama sila, bata kpa..don’t rush things..

  43. William said on 07-05-2009

    Hey everyone (especially Migs!),

    Thanks a lot for answering my email. Yes I DO know what to do, but I think that I’m not yet ready to come out of my closet just yet. Being gay is harder than anybody would think.

    It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone. Thanks for all your words.

    Much love and respect,
    William

  44. jais said on 07-05-2009

    Hi, im a bi-guy with a girlfriend right now. Uhm, my schoold bud (whose bi too) once asked me. Will I still be bi when i “Tie the knot”? Well I answered of course I’ll be bi, but i know that by then I’m finished with, M2M relations, M2M porn, and other stuff. How do I do it then? Finish this Bi stuff while im still young. You wanna be a faithful husband and a role model to your future kids ryt? Just a suggestion 😀

  45. decliningmalepopulation said on 07-05-2009

    morally and spiritually speaking being a gay is wrong.. but god is a loving and understanding creator he also wanted us to be happy in whatever we decide. so re-evaluate your self (go into a retreat or meditate in a secluded place) and decide whether you are a black or white (but never gray)..

  46. pike said on 07-05-2009

    Being gay doesn’t make you less of a person. Ang sagot sa tanong na walang sagot ay acceptance. You have to accept who you are first before others will.

  47. Timothy said on 07-05-2009

    You should watch Prayers for Bobby. That made me realize being gay is not bad. I was once in the phase you are in right now.

  48. blake said on 07-05-2009

    William,

    Firstly, I know exactly what you feel right now. The confusions and “consequences” of being gay and all. Well except nobody has yet to discover my porn stash. Seriously, YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT YOUR GAY! I think and base on your post that you ,indeed, are gay. What is hindering you to accept your homosexuality is the idea of being gay will deny you of being the man that you aspire.

    “I want to be normal. I want to satisfy the prerequisites of society to have a ‘normal’ future.”

    This is bullshit! I like what pip said there above. There is no need to conform in a society that is so sick and bigoted. Even if it’s not, everyone has the right to be who he truly is, gay or straight.

    Self-acceptance is what you need. You need not worry yet about your family and friends. There is a right time for coming out whenever you are ready. I’ve been in the same situation with you. Even today as I’m typing this, scared of how important persons in my life will react if I tell them I like to be married someday with a guy. Buti ka nga you have a friend who know about you. As for me, I’m contained in absolute air-tight closet(if there such a thing). What im saying is that you’re not alone having this kind of predicament. That’s why I would like to commend the site owner for making this blog where we can share our troubles and help each other.(Kudos to Migs!) I hope you can accept yourself soon.

  49. dennis said on 07-05-2009

    you know what.. ure just 18.. let it go.. focus k kc muna sa studies and sa sarili mo( not necessarily mean bombarding thoughts about being gay and not accepted thing) at that age have fun muna!

  50. sijiro_05 said on 07-05-2009

    hi william!

    your actions seem to confirm it all however because of ‘moral dilemma’ & ‘societal pressure’ you tend to be afraid of coming out. you fear that your family & society will abandon you. well, that’s a big part of coming out but remember if you will always be afraid of the truth you’ll end up always being bothered. if you know where your happiness lies, if you really know it by heart then all these fears will slowly be erased i’m sure. remember, you will never be happy if something always scares you. it will be more scary to live a life of lies. that will not be fulfilling at all.

  51. geo said on 07-05-2009

    Palayasin mo na yung katulong niyo, masyadong epal, sino siya para i-blackmail ka, she should know her place in your household.

    Keep ur porn mags and materials in a different place and clean evidences.

    Dont force yourself, huwag kang mag madali, bata ka pa at marami pang panahon na pag isipan ito, may mga stages ito at hindi nakukuwa sa iisang linggo or gabi.

    Normal ang lahat, gay straight etc nagkataon lang may mga taong nag set ng rules and regulations na dapat ganito ang lalake, ganito ang babae masama ang bading. At ang masama ilang dekada na itong pinaiiral sa society natin. Mahirap makuwa ang acceptance pero it does not necessarily mean na kailangan mong lumantad, be what you are. Ofcourse dapat nasa lugar rin nang sa ganun hindi ka makakabuisit ng tao (like what you said about your dad na ayaw ng bading). Para kasi sa akin, man or bading, Man/lalake parin ito, bahagi ang pagiging bading ng behavior ng man. (i know many would disagree with this) Just live your life happy, no one requires you to tell if your gay or not, and if anyone asked you if your gay or not, you have the right to answer them or even deny dahil ikaw ang nagdadala ng sarili mo. Love yourself and always be strong dude.

  52. Marco said on 06-05-2009

    hay bro…

    i know its hard…
    pero i think you have issues…
    or maybe you really just dnt knw yet… being a homosexual doesnt exactly coincide with your notion….
    (mejo mababaw kc ung pagtingin… no offense)actualy mejo offensive…

    about ur fear of not having a son….
    as a line in a gay play here in baguio goes…

    “BAKLA AKO!… HINDI AKO BAOG!!!

    BAKLA, BAOG…. 2 different things… 🙂

    gsto mo mging normal…?
    bkit abnormal ba ang homosekswalidad…
    u really need to do a lot of reevaluating…:)
    aus lng yan…. mgtanong lng…. from there we’ll learn… then we’ll accept ourselves… 🙂 then accept others… 🙂 goodluck…

  53. pip said on 06-05-2009

    “Conformity, you will realize with age, is overrated.”
    – i love this! quotable quote 🙂

  54. Mavinlark said on 06-05-2009

    William,

    First, do something about your maid. If you feel ‘threatened’ or blackmailed into doing something that you don’t feel comfortable doing in the first place, then resolve that first. It might turn into a coming-out nightmare for you and snowball into something much more complicated.

    Anyways, back to your main issue. Personally, as cliched as it might sound, the choice is really up to you. Just remember that in the end, you have to live with your choices and that you can’t spend your entire lifetime trying to please others by adhering to what they deem as normal.

    Gay people can lead normal lives, too. Sometimes, we focus too much on the negative side of things that we forget that there’s another perspective. Being gay isn’t always about being harassed, being rejected or being a social deviant. I have gay friends who are successful in their careers, surrounded by peers who truly respect them and best of all– are able lead happy lives.

    Best luck to you.

  55. pip said on 06-05-2009

    face it william, you’re gay….your story is not one of a kind haha….if you want to confirm it, try having a girlfriend. if time with her is tantamount to hell, you’re gay.

    Don’t fight it! 😀

  56. jedong said on 06-05-2009

    oo nga! sisantehin ang ate na yan.

    your house is not big enough for two atehs!!!

    go na at kuha ng isang cute na butler.

  57. chuchumontecarlo said on 06-05-2009

    so ibig sabihin ba nito kung hindi nakita yung gay porn mo ay hindi ka parin bading? kaloka ka william.

  58. alvin said on 06-05-2009

    maybe you should start by firing that bitchy katulong. she’s definitely in no position to do that to you.

  59. Cathey said on 06-05-2009

    Hi! my gay friend showed me this site. this site is wonderful. i love you guys!

    William. i can’t add more because these people already said everything that would enlighten you to your true self. Goodluck and be strong.

  60. Tony said on 06-05-2009

    almost every butch-acting gay man that I know have gone through this phase (the effeminate gay man has no choice as he is outed the minute he sashays down the street)… and I have come to realize that there is no such thing as “normal”. Everyone is different and diverse be they straight or gay. No flaw, just difference. Conformity, you will realize with age, is over rated.

    I had a relationship with a guy when I was 16, I became active in community events when I was 20. I only came out to my mom when I was 26. Even by being “out there”, I still haven’t told everyone that I know that I am gay. You don’t have to.

    You are the only one who can work through your problem. There is no point in hoping and wishing on something that is not. Accept and love yourself. No blame, no hate, no prejudice just unconditionally love yourself.

  61. jetblue said on 06-05-2009

    hi migs! visit my new blog page naman and if u think its good enuf, recommend it to ur friends hahaha.. cluelesswizard.blogspot.com … thanks!

  62. Adrammelech said on 06-05-2009

    Why listen to what others have to say?

    After all, being gay is being unique, being independent.

    It’s better to admit that you’re gay now than to be one when you have children and a wife…

  63. BIQRuse said on 06-05-2009

    Since he mentioned the word a number of times, it’s appropriate to ask,

    “What is NORMAL to you?”

    When you an answer to that question, the rest will follow.

    But i do understand you predicament. It’s just that, for some, being “normal” (or regular?) comes behind other more important reasons.

    Stay strong.

  64. Nelson said on 06-05-2009

    William,

    I am not sure if you will even get a chance to read this but I will just leave you a note just the same. I am a graduate of the same school you are talking about and being is not condemned. It is as natural as being straight. I now know that advice from the gay world is two a penny and this is probably the common theme. But just like what a lot here are saying, know and accept yourself. And you will be amazed how your friends will accept you, maybe not all of them. But area they your friends if they cannot accept you for who/what you are? A lot of close college barkadas once asked me individually when I am bring my girlfriend to Manila (I am based in San Francisco). I told them I don’t have a gf but I have a boyfriend. We laugh about it and they wanted to hear about him.

    Family is a great source of support. I am not sure if any parent would wish of a gay or lesbian son or daughter. But we will be loved just the same. Family acceptance is always a tough call but they are part of our lives. It is a matter of time when you might feel confident of who you are. No rush, only you can tell when it is time. But at the same time, you have all the possibilities in the world if you are free of baggages. We all have baggages, just learn to carry your own.

    I hope that you find your inner peace.

    e-mail if you need to chat.

    Nelson

  65. Charles said on 06-05-2009

    Hey William,

    Sobrang parehas na parehas situation natin. Hindi ko rin alam gagawin ko dyan pero dahil noon pa ay alam ko na kung bakit kakaiba ako sa iba ay tinibayan ko na ang aking sarili para maging handa sa kahit na anong problema ang dumating sakin. Sa ngayon ay meron akong dalawang persona na pinapatakbo isang public at private image.

    I have a public image where my parents sees me as a normal straight person, so as to my friends, relatives and other people who knows me even strangers; while another co-existing side of my is my private image where at one point in time i get to release what’s the real me, and that is through that meet-ups quickie type of thang. I am kinda out to 2 of my best of friends only.

    I think the reason why you’re sad is because you are keeping things too much to yourself, eventually pag inipon at nilimliman mo yan ng pagkatagal tagal dyan eh sasabog yan at magiging bebe gandang-hari at ayaw mong mangyari yun right? So ang dapat mong gawin ay:

    1. Accept Yourself
    2. Accept Yourself
    3. Accept Yourself.

    Try to get out of the closet once in a while. Having close friends who understand you is very important. Strengthen yourself so that kung may problema ka na related dyan ay madali mo itong malagpasan dahil kung papadala ka sa pagka depressed mo ay baka masiraan ka nalang.

    Ingat ka parati.
    Good luck.

  66. blood berry said on 06-05-2009

    william is my best friend’s name…. you mentioned it’s not you’re real name though so you might be a different person after all… anyways, let me just tell you something…. Being a gay is not a choice… no matter how you strive hard to be straight, eventually, you’ll get tired of trying so hard… and sometimes bec of too much repression, you might end up like bb gandang hari who suddenly exploded and came out as flambouyant as she can… so, just be yourself…. EITHER YOU ARE, OR YOU ARE NOT. should you find out that you are really one of us, don’t fret, it’s not the end of the world… in fact, the best awaits you… just be the best that you can be. ok? good luck!!!! focus on your studies first.

  67. cholo said on 06-05-2009

    Wilma, este, William –

    I suggest you do two things:

    1. Poison your househelp so she could no longer tell her story.
    2. If you cannot afford to do #1, then go fu*k her. If you are really good at it she will attest that you are a man. Of course you have to be good at it.

    Okay, kidding aside, this is obviously a difficult situation to be at. If you intend to be silent about the matter I think you will be able to manage to avoid the subject with your househelp. In the long run, of course, it will be good to just be honest — to yourself, as well as your family and friends.

    Good luck!

  68. bC said on 06-05-2009

    You have two options. Take the path of self-preservation for an illusory and repressive happiness or take the path of freedom for a challenging and oppressed happiness.

    The first one will let you grow as a person but with a glass ceiling. And you will be the person who will limit your own growth. You will be happy, temporarily, pleasing the people around you so they won’t discriminate against you. But in the long run, you will be depressed.

    The second one will let you grow without limits, although you will be faced with obstacles. The extent of your growth is dependent on your ability to fight off challenges. And the persons you will be fighting will be your loved ones, society, and the state. You will suffer, temporarily (unless you have open-minded peers/family members). But you will be happier in the long run.

    Your choice. Your battle will start sooner or later. So pick the proper time to come out. Check the conditions around you. Do you have a support group? Are you resolved with yourself regarding your sexuality? Can you take the risks of being discriminated?

    Gays only come out when the environment is relatively safe. This could mean being financially independent, having a group of gay or understanding friends, or having an excellent record of achievements (ie. grades) to countenance the perceived “faults” or abomination by others.

    I hope you come out… in your own time.

  69. codeblue2187 said on 06-05-2009

    ang hirap ng ssitwasyon mo…

    u have first to accept that your gay… accept to yourself..

    yes its difficult to accept pero mas mahirap yung magtatago ka habangbuhay… hindi ka magiging masaya..

    to your katulong… bayaan mo xa sa buhay nya… wala xang pakiaalam sa buhay mo… hehehe

  70. robb said on 06-05-2009

    just a cliche for you:
    “the truth will set you free”

  71. buff_joey said on 05-05-2009

    You dont have any responsibility of revealing your real identity to anybody, especially to a muchacha. hayaan mong sumakit ang ulo niya sa kakaisip.

    just be true to yourself. whatever your decisions may be, remember that you have to give up some things and have to face unavoidable consequences. i go with whatever that makes you happy.

  72. jordan said on 05-05-2009

    I’m inside my dirty little closet too. So I don’t think I can help about your problem as it is also mine. But what differentiates us is self-acceptance. I know that deep inside you really knew what the answer to your problem was. The thing is you are cringing away from the answer,trying to find another one, one that would compromise what you really are and what you want to become. Acceptance is a slow and painful process. Assess your feelings. Think thouroughly what you really want.

    And if you does come to terms with your sexuality. You will realize that being gay is not a flaw, curse, disease or whatever. It is just like being a left-handed person. It’s different, yes, but it is also NORMAL.

    And another thing, epal yung katulong nyo ha. Palayasin mo na kaya. LOL

  73. Jake said on 05-05-2009

    I think this message sums up a lot of questions or reason of most of the visitors to the site. I myself share this predicament. It’s really not a problem. It’s not a disease. It’s definitely not a flaw. The real issue here is the pressure put on you by a third party. Each person comes to accept his sexual choice in time. It’s just not your time yet. You should not be compelled to answer or decide at this point in time specially now that you are really unsure of certain aspects of what being gay is all about. Do not be hurried into coming out just because you’ve done it with guys or feel strongly about guys. You come out when it feels right for you, when you are ready. Of course, the longer you delay the more difficult it will be for you to do so. But remember, the truth is a liberating experience and at the end of the day, you have to have accepted yourself before you expect you come out. You can’t expect others to accept you when you haven’t accepted yourself. Whatever happens, you can do it.

  74. jessie said on 05-05-2009

    oh, please pardon the mistakes in my typing.

  75. jessie said on 05-05-2009

    william,

    just a thought. live your life as you will, not as someone else will. you’re not here because somebody else. love yourself first before others. you don’t owe anyone anything. there is no such thing in life as choice. if you had one you could have chosen your gender, you could have chosen your parents, and you could have chosen to be born or not at all.

    as long as you’re not getting in the way of anyone, get on with your life. live it the way you want. YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE ANYTHING. you are what you make yourself. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS CHOICE.

    jessie

  76. carl said on 05-05-2009

    life is about choices… you can choose to be normal or choose to be happy… but choosing to be straight, just to be perceived as normal is not exactly a good option. you’ll not only deny yourself a chance to be truly happy, but you’ll also deny the people around you the chance to love you for who you really are. besides, being gay should not be considered as an alternative lifestyle, its not a hindrance either for you to go for your dreams and be the best that you can be, there are a lot of gay doctors, engineers, architects, generals, politicians, presidents(?), hehe…

  77. anthony said on 05-05-2009

    closeted din ako…

    i know the feeling… pero migs, tama yun sinabi mo na being gay is not a flaw…

    kasi naman dapat tinago yan porn na yan eh… tuloy hehehe. 🙂

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