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I hope you can help me Mr. MGG… well, not actually me but my friend who was my boyfriend for 12 years. (I’m a girl.)

We’re still friends though, close – at times too close (yes, we fuck) but non-comittal. I broke up with him because (for some reason) I couldn’t see myself living with him 24/7 for life.

He is a decent guy though. Loyal.

But when I broke up with him a year ago, it was only then that he revealed that he was raped at gunpoint early 2008 at KSA, Riyadh.

When he went home late 2008 I was in the US. When I came back early 2009, we met up at times and occassionaly had intercourse (for old time’s sake – – and I was horny ok.) But I was firm that I really did not see us getting married or living together as a couple.

It ws also at this time that he revealed that he was raped when he was in 2nd year high school by their male househelp who caught him watching porn. He said that the househelp threatened to tell his parents that he was watching porn & so he was blackmailed and was raped.

It only happened once after that since he always had with him a knife or was it a large wooden stick to whack the househelp if ever the househelp came near.

He said he only told me this now because he didn’t want me to think lowly of him because he felt dirty, that he always felt dirty.

The only thing I remembered him reveal early on in our relationship was that he was molested by his male gay cousin when he was in high school.

He also said – in a fit of emotional outburst – that he wanted to get married so that he could forget all these which happened to him.

He declares that he is not gay.

Currently, he is working somewhere in Manila. he said that he has an officemate whom he thinks is gay because one time, that man told him point blank while they were left alone in a room — “masarap ba umupo sa lap mo?”

My friend said he excused himself & that he left the room immediately.

I asked him why it seems he is attracting these guys? In fairness, he is attracting some girls too.

Mr. MGG, i really do not know what to ask.
I know that having same sex relations does not make one gay. (or does it?)
But how does one know if one is indeed gay? or in denial?
Could it be possible if one is gay but doesnt know it?
What do you think of the above situation? What do you think of what my friend went through?
I love him dearly, but not as a boyfriend but as a dear dear friend. I do not know how I can help him. I hope you could offer some suggestionS?

Thanks very much MGG.

Sincerely,
Imelda

* * *

Dear Imelda,

With your questions, I’m quite sure you are curious to know whether or not your ex is gay. I am curious too, and perhaps tons of my readers are curious. But my heart tells me our curiosity is not what is called for right now.

Your ex, now your good friend, does not need another curious person to pry, analyze, dissect his sexuality. Clearly your friend has sustained scars that have yet to heal, and I can only wish he overcomes those traumatic life events with the least amount of damage. Given that, I’d say he needs your acceptance, understanding, and love.

We do not need to figure out everything about someone to accept him, respect him, or love him.

I wish you both the best. And if you have the chance, the next time you give him a friendly hug, can you make it just a bit tighter, just a bit longer, and can you please do it for me? “Mr. MGG” wants to give him a comforting hug without him even knowing.

Migs

Comments (13)

  1. epicurious said on 02-08-2009

    In America the home of the emotionally handicapped; believe or not, its becoming more and more common to visit a therapist for guidance in these situations, sexual repressions according to authorities about the human mind is the breeding ground for mental illness, he needs help and yes I agree with Mr. Migg lots of Love the ultimate prescription for the heart and mind, good luck.

  2. Ruzztye said on 01-08-2009

    I would have to agree with winterking, but I don’t think his wounds have already scarred. They are still fresh and somewhat bleeding. I really do think he needs PROFESSIONAL help. Tell your friend to seek this help. He will deny at first that he needs help. That’s always the first stage, Denial. Sometimes, it’s refreshing to talk about your woes to someone you really don’t know. They give an unabashed and unprejudiced response. Anyway, tell your friend to seek professional help. He’ll benefit from it greatly. You cannot help him. What do you know? Hugs and kisses will also not help this guy. His wounds are deep, and it would only take a professional to stitch up the wound and monitor the wound for any infections. After some time, lo and behold, the wounds would then turn to scar. There’s still the remembrance of a scar, but it wouldn’t hurt that much anymore and your friend could go on with his life pain free.

  3. winterking said on 30-07-2009

    mmm while I read this, it seems he hasn’t outgrown his past experience and its manifesting at this stage of his life. I think this guy needs a professional help. its hard to just vent it out to someone without proper knowledge how to contain this tremendous psychological feed back to his personality that is obvious to his action that he is becoming suspicious to every guy who stares at him. HE IS NOT GAY. He is just a confused person. AND please wag naman sanang i-take advantage yung situation nya dahil sa he is experiencing identity crisis para mapapayag syang gawing FUBU.
    YUN lang.

  4. Leo said on 30-07-2009

    the guy friend is straight. he made that decision already. i agree with nico, he just needs professional talk and therapy perhaps. let him vent out… let him overcome those previous experiences. he is on the right track by opening up to imelda.

  5. pink palaka said on 30-07-2009

    does the man, a married man fall inlove with gay, will theoritically be gay? he always said that what he felt towards me is undescribable and different feelings of love compared to his wife.

  6. ming said on 30-07-2009

    somehow imelda indirectly benefitted from the guy’s molestations. he wouldnt be as good in bed without the experience.

  7. Ditas said on 30-07-2009

    my sense is that imelda is gay and he wants to know if his bf is gay, too… may pagka-bading kasi yung manner ng pagkaka-kwento eh. malansa.

  8. excel828 said on 30-07-2009

    she should be compassionate about her friend or fubu. What he is going through is something that could either make him totally gay or live a straight life but with a stigma of becoming gay anytime because of those experiences. He should at this time seek professional help if hes embracing a real str8 life or otherwise. If she has any feeling for him then she should start accepting the person as someone with a stigma.

  9. codered said on 30-07-2009

    When I was twelve, I felt the attraction towards the same sex. I could not explain why. It was a wonderful feeling until I realized that people would label such as homosexuality. So, I really did know early on that I like men and had to hide it. I could have chose to deny it all my life but why live a life of misery. I want to be at peace with myself. Only your friend can really answer your questions. I think homosesuality is not a choice. For some, coming out is a choice.

  10. nico said on 30-07-2009

    from your accounts, there is no indication whatsoever that he is gay. he did enjoy sex with you – that is not a gay thing. what he needs is a professional psychologist to sort out how he feels about himself because of all the traumatic abuses he experienced from sick and psychotic men. he needs to unload these feelings to somone. jumping to a marriage is not the right move for him. he is lucky to have you as a friend but he needs a professional to talk to.

  11. Tristan Tan said on 30-07-2009

    And a peck on the cheek from me to him too. 🙂

  12. Bibe Gandanghari said on 30-07-2009

    Waiting for a new fabcast. MGG please make the podcasting a weekly thing because that’s the no. 1 thing i like about ur site.

  13. ian felix said on 30-07-2009

    without him knowing it… nakachancing na si migs…

    lol!

    at least walang gun involved…. hahaha

    miss you migs, uwi ka na, pasalubong!

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