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Hi Migs,

Been reading your blog so i know im bi (married with 2 kids) – i enjoyed being with both sexes and i don’t have any problem getting one when i was younger. But since i got married, it’s more of loyalty and promise NOT to cheat on anyone.

I work in a hotel sales department and got a new assistant last month (hired and interviewed by HR). On the day he was introduced to me, we got good vibes for each other and we were so comfortable with each other right then. For the next few days and weeks, we tell each other our life stories, we went out for a picnic with my family and him with his gf (of 5 years).

Since he is 10 years my junior (I’m 31, he’s 21), i treat him like a brother – i am his mentor and confidante. But here is the dilemma – just like your latest posts here about bromance and “straight guys can’t keep off….“; we are so close and comfortable that we play around the office and off-work (sports or night-out). Sometimes if i’m on the phone or on the computer or while me driving; he would come up and tickle me, touch my thighs, my shoulders (pressing it like massage), hug me or anything contact. he is also thoughtful and sweet; he brings me chocolate sometimes and bought me a shirt after he went out for a 2-day out-of-town business trip. As for me, i try to be discreet and not show him the same way coz i know it would hurt me, or my family in the future.

But yesterday was a different story – we were out for lunch (haven’t seen him for one week – i was on vacation) and he asked me if I missed him, I then asked him if he misses me – then he said yes. We were laughing at my vacation stories and playing around the food when until he said “I love you bro!” – i was a bit surprised and i looked at him, he was serious and i told him “don’t worry, i love you too”.

So what should my next move be? ask him if he’s gay? How will i do it? Whats the best way to know if a person is bi or gay? Should i return the favor – show the same feelings he is showing me? I don’t mind if we go to bed too, he is hot and good looking (btw, he is caucasian, im halfer Fil-Can) so maybe tell me how i can seduce him.

But I dont wanna ruin our friendship if i made a wrong move.

Thanks so much!
Married Man

* * *

Hello Married Man,

I admire you for your loyalty and your commitment not to cheat on anyone. I see so much lack of integrity in this world that when I hear someone declare their loyalty and integrity, I feel so refreshed and inspired.

Your letter is riddled with red flags, but still I focus on what you say early on in your letter: “loyalty and promise NOT to cheat on anyone.” I recognize that this is my set of values latching on, resonating with yours. So take the following as it is — my desire for a world whose people are true to themselves, and are true to their promise as well.

You asked what your next move should be. Allow me then to offer my thoughts, and while this may not be agreeable to all, they are my truth, my lush, pulsating, up-to-the-minute truth:

1. Don’t shit where you eat.
2. He is your assistant.
3. You have chosen to be a loyal married man, blessed with 2 kids.

Connect the dots and you know what I’d say your next move should be. You yourself treasure the friendship. I would hold on to this. Friendship is such a beautiful thing. Not all our guy relationships should end up in bed. We are very sexual beings but we should not allow this fact to define every aspect of who we are. There are other beautiful things in life such as loyalty, integrity, family, and yes, even platonic friendships.

I know what I’m recommending is a difficult track. I wish you strength.

Migs

Comments (57)

  1. WEL LARA said on 10-05-2012

    JUST READ THIS…

    we don’t know what’s is he up to now..

    pero bases on experience..
    FOREIGNERS may really have sent signals na mamimiss interpret mo.. ATTRACTED ka lang talaga sa kania..

    pero he seems open minded naman..
    If I’d be in your position..
    PUSH ko yung sex.. CHAROOT

    mukahang OK lang naman eh..KEME

  2. enrico valdez said on 22-01-2012

    hays..daming tama na views and opinions..kaka sad lng tlga kasi baket me mga tao pang hindi nman kayang magpasaya..sabgay mali na kung mali..

  3. raffy said on 28-09-2011

    what if he is just teasing you? testing you?

  4. theREALman said on 27-09-2011

    GREAT ADVICE!! reading most of the comments made me feel proud.

  5. jojomolojo said on 12-04-2011

    loyalty. i like it migs “Not all our guy relationships should end up in bed. We are very sexual beings but we should not allow this fact to define every aspect of who we are. ”

    Kahit gaano pa sya kasarap. I had my own share. When i tried to be sexual with one good friend, i ended up ashamed. Right now, no matter how hard we try, we just can’t have the same level of friendship anymore… ako na ang dumidistansya. dahil sa hiya sa sarili.. at dahil sa LOYALTY sa current girlfriend ko.

  6. rod said on 29-03-2011

    go ahead married man, habang may asim ka pa, wala namang mawawala sa inyo

  7. summer said on 29-12-2009

    what a very good advice.. i could almost send you migs my issue.. one of this days.. i would, i should..

  8. JC said on 15-11-2009

    think about work, work trumps fun with 21yo.

  9. ryk said on 05-11-2009

    well for me its better not to have a relationship with your assistant..friends maybe but not more than that… remember “walang sikreto and di nabubunyag” and besides you said that you don’t want to ruin your family in the future so please please please bro don’t do it…I know its hard to resist but once you pop it you can’t stop it…

  10. vincie said on 03-10-2009

    be careful, be very careful!

  11. kyle said on 18-09-2009

    love what migz said.
    set aside that itchy (ehe) feeling.
    don’t test the waters.
    stay as friends.
    it’s difficult, but i know you have enough self control since you live with integrity, honesty and good values.
    take care. godbless us all.

  12. Winterking said on 16-09-2009

    1.Don’t shit where you eat.
    2. He is your assistant.
    3. You have chosen to be a loyal married man, blessed with 2 kids.

    I totally agree with this three. you should keep in mind that there is what we call professional ethics that we need to practice eve though he is really drop dead gorgeous and is willing to lick your boots just to please you.

    By all means think of it like a test of resistance to temptation. I am not saying totally get over your being gayness because no matter how much holy water you drink or exorcism you join, its you. and You have to control your “inner beast”.

  13. theArchitect said on 08-09-2009

    Things are not what it seems pare. sometimes we only see what is obvious what we like to hear, what we like to see. You have already committed yourself to your wife and kids stay that way. After 10 years you assistant woudn’t be there for you PROMISE! but you kids will. Try looking at you 50’s and you see your kids graduating and living a life of there own mas masarap na feeling yun pare. treasure that friendly relationship with that assistant but please always think of your family.

  14. henry said on 16-08-2009

    oh my god! almost exactly the same situation as mine! the only difference is that i am not married and we have not been into that state wherein there is admition of affection for one another. very difficult to manage my feelings!

  15. gordon said on 12-08-2009

    You need to PRAY. Seek divine intervention

  16. Mikuru Hirai said on 08-08-2009

    In your situation, you must use your brain more than your feelings… and even urges. Weigh things out. In the end ikaw lang naman masusunod sa gusto mo kahit marami na dito nagsasabing… stop, look and think diba?
    If I were in your situation I will not take any further steps, ang saya kaya ng may ganyang assistant! Your relationship is very rare in the professional field. Just enjoy it!

  17. Lasherated said on 07-08-2009

    Nakng tipaklong naman! Ahaha!

  18. lei said on 06-08-2009

    I completely agree with Jonnel. It is unwise to waste a reputation over a cheap thrill of affection

  19. lovekillsboi said on 04-08-2009

    Break it off with your wife first. God. I just hate guys like this. Do you know the effect of your wife finding out? Or even your kids? This hits too close to home. I have an uncle, who for years, acted straight and all. Had a beautiful wife, three lovely kids. Then, midlife crisis or whatever pressure made him try to sleep with his officemate. The office mate was straight and he punched my uncle. It was such a huge scandal. My uncle, who used to be a successful guy, ended up being a stay at home dad. His wife went to the states and now supports the family. The kids know, but are too scarred to talk about it. WTF. At least man up and break it off or admit things before even considering things like this. i’m not being insensitive. I know how difficult it is to try to hide your feelings or to live a lie. But it’s a lie you created in the first place. Ugh. For me, it can never be good if you will hurt innocent people in the end, especially people that are your own blood.

  20. Jonnel S. Acoba said on 04-08-2009

    there are things which come unexpectedly…and the same way they go. should you opt to threaten your job’s, morale’s and especially your family’s stability, you may..no one can deprive you..but i wanna assume, you still know how to value more important things…that’s just lust…think deeper

  21. kicks said on 03-08-2009

    maybe he just wanted an assurance on his work.. kinda sweet but really had an intension of something else deep inside. well its just my own opinion.. maybe you should lessen your closeness with him cause you are married and he has a girlfriend in the first place..

  22. Stinky said on 02-08-2009

    hey, age is not really an issue here! anyone can be as mature as a 30 or 40 year old guy in this fukkn world, i’m 23 and i’ve been through heaps of fukkn shit!

    about Mr. Married Mans story, yea MGG’s right, you kept a promise and you are a married man, you should’t be shitting on your family, hold back the feelings, that could probably ruin everything in your life. chances are there but think about it

    about MrCens comment:
    yea, why not create a group here in dubai? i’m here tooo! hhe! i’m a discreet bi btw! i like bois & gils.
    for updates if ever you’re gonna be creating a group just email me at snoop_dude29@yahoo.com

  23. bryanboysucks said on 02-08-2009

    ur married with 2 kids for GOD’s sakes!!!! grow up!!!!

  24. gravtech! said on 01-08-2009

    Migs, I believe that is the right thing to say..!
    I admire your sense of goodwill and CHASTITY…

    May God bless you and your everlasting beauty!
    Ganda mo ‘te!!!

    — gravetch!

  25. aresinuae said on 01-08-2009

    Kainis… Yun lang… Admitting that you’re bi doesnt make it okay to play with guys kasi you are married nga di ba? You are more worried about ruining your friendship than ruining your family.

    MrCens, sumali ka kasi sa mggff, may ilang miyembro dun na taga Dubai just like you. Ill wait for you there.

  26. weng said on 01-08-2009

    its more of loyalty and promise NOT to cheat anyone……..I dont mind if we go to bed too…

    Its a contradiction.

  27. arte said on 01-08-2009

    ang lalandi naman. 21-year old guy with a 5 years of a relationship with a gf? haler!!! if you are to make up a story please be more believable naman. badtrip.

  28. dfilboy said on 01-08-2009

    ako rin, i agree with migs. sa totoo lang ano, mas mahirap ata ang kalagayan ng bi-married. kasi, kpag kinasal na sila, natatali na sila e. pano kung mag-init sila for the same sex? ang hirap ata non ano..xD

  29. Paul de la Cruz said on 01-08-2009

    i agree with migs.

  30. bluehballs said on 01-08-2009

    i was in a situation before where my supervisor and i were very close, just like you said. He has 3 kids and married for 15 years. we’re of the same age. Im bi and single. We worked for almost 5 years but it was our fourth year of being together na naramdaman ko na i was falling for him. During our first few months together, napansin ko na na he was very fond of me. Sa kin naman dedma lang kasi i found him cute but not my type kasi hindi sya maporma. pero dumating yung panahon na supre naging maalagain sya sa kin like when we’re at the mall tas may dala ako, sya ang nagdadala para sa kin. We hang out in my room pag wala masyado ginagawa. we just dance, sing, kwentuhan for like 3 hrs. pag may problems sya sa wife o family nya, he always confided to me.
    pag nawala sya for a vacation he would asked me kung na-miss ko sya and of course i would tell him, “ok lang may mga kasama p naman ako ditosa ofc”,..syempre ayaw kong pahalata hehehe.

    But there came a time where I had to leave and go to canada. He was so upset to me and didnt talk to me for days. two days before i left, nag text sya ng gabi and i read it na lang nung the next morning na “gising k p ba?” and so I texted him to come to my place a day beofre i leave” He went at my place..and we just chat and reminisced the days we were together.

    nothing sexual ever happened but there were moments when i felt we were so close to doing it but there’s always this “something” that prohibits us from doing it. Maybe it’s the friendship that binds us. And sometimes i would be thinking na sana ako na lang ang nag -iniate para kahit minsan nagawa namin kasi magkakahiwalay din pala kami at least di ko na sya masyado makkita. I remember kasi nung papaalis na ko nung wala pa akong flight sked, pag kami lang dalawa he would tease me everytime i wud ask for him a farewell gift. He wud say, “mabuti naman kung magpapakantot ka.” he didnt usually joke like this before. and everytimg I wud ask for a goodbye gift ganito palagi sinasabi nya sa kin. Ako naman ang reply ko, “ewan ko sa yo…gagu”, syempre pabiro din. But he wud throw this joke on me pag kami lang dalawa.

    Honestly, I regret na hinid namin ginawa yun kahit minsan. sana nung last day na pumunta sya sa place ko, and 9 hours kami nasa room lang, ako ng nag iniate. kahit minsan lang sana…

  31. Ruzztye said on 01-08-2009

    Well, letter writer, Life presented you with a challenge (may I just comment that it’s an easy challenge), it’s now up to you what you want to do. It’s a good thing we have free will. BUT as Migs pointed out, thread carefully. In thinking about what you’ll do, put that thing between your thighs aside and think with a clear mind. I bet you’ll arrive at a sound choice/decision. I pity your kids. They have a father who is still entertaining cheating on their mother. I know you’ll make the right decision letter writer. Be strong!

  32. Fishy said on 01-08-2009

    if you go further, there’s no turning back. it could go either way: start a blossoming affection for both, or upset the status quo and careers and your own marriage get thrown out of the window.

  33. rod said on 01-08-2009

    kuya married man,

    stop in the name of “sexual harrasment lawsuit” 🙂

  34. rudeboy said on 01-08-2009

    Alas, I can see how this will end from a mile away.

  35. Mc said on 01-08-2009

    such a critical situation, but i think you know what 2 do, its just that it is only clouded by a strong urge or desire, which is obviously sexual in origin, i think this is the time that your brain dominates rather than the heart (where strong feelings and emotions occurs), everything hangs in a balance my friend-i know you possess a great noble value in life- use it — i know its hard but i believe its d best way—plus you have to keep everything alright! –it just need a lil sacrifice — hold on to your best instinct coz at d end your descision matter– and you need to be responsible for it no matter what path you take 😀

  36. Pipo said on 01-08-2009

    Damn… I love this kind of story. Lol.

  37. anton maton said on 31-07-2009

    dear letter writer,

    illusiyonada ka! yun lang!

  38. AQUAMAN said on 31-07-2009

    LOYALTY and HONESTY! these things still exist. and whether we have been liberated to think that these does not matter anymore, or we live by the “Let us be happy” philo, Loyalty matters. Honesty matters! Work-wise its wrong. Family considered, wrong! Its fun to fall in love. Its delicious to sin. But is it worth it ?????

  39. carl said on 31-07-2009

    think of the consequences man… if you guys get caught, you may lose, not only your job, but much more, your family, your kids… and for what? a relationship with a 21 year old? think about it… even if you were single, I don’t understand how you could consider a relationship with someone as young as that, I mean, how does a 21 year old think? like you? how were you when you were 21? however mature he seems, he’s too young to know what a real commitment is all about… so do the right thing, keep your hands off him… and keep your promise that you’ll remain faithful.

  40. MrCens said on 31-07-2009

    idol, i want to meet all your readers here in dubai. kung may grupo nang nabuo sa pinas, why not here. who knows, manila gay guy sa dubai will open new opportunities that will help not only filipinos here but for those who seek equal treatment like my arab friend, hehehe!

  41. ming said on 31-07-2009

    dont give in to temptation bro, ayaw ni Bro nyan! hehehe

  42. mistersister said on 31-07-2009

    very dangerous!! your assistant isn’t only going to be a roll in the hay. he’s not just going to satisfy your same-sex urges. the problem is there is love and affection between the two of you. this could very well turn out to be a full-fledged affair. you don’t want to get into that.

  43. TOTOY BIBO said on 31-07-2009

    to u married man, the idea of jumping in bed with your assistant is quite irresistible! but then, i echo to every dot of what migz said! u made a promise parekoy! its best that u keep it!

    and to migz, muzta ka na? stil remember me?
    best regards!

  44. Tim said on 31-07-2009

    You should not have any sexual relations with him. He clearly has some sort of romantic feelings towards you (whether they be straight-guy feelings or mixed with sexual feelings), but the fundamental fact is that you are his mentor in a work environment, and if the friendship becomes sexual you could jeopardise both your future careers. Keep it light and friendly – make it clear through your actions and words (in the nicest possible way) that your friendship is non-sexual.

  45. Elyong said on 31-07-2009

    “Friendship is such a beautiful thing. Not all our guy relationships should end up in bed. We are very sexual beings but we should not allow this fact to define every aspect of who we are. There are other beautiful things in life such as loyalty, integrity, family, and yes, even platonic friendships.”

    I REALLY LIKE WHAT YOU SAID, MIGS. More Power!

  46. killersmile said on 31-07-2009

    wag mainggit sa ibang married men na nakikipagsex sa kapwa lalake and they get away with it.

    Makonsensya at gawin kung ano ang tama. Mahalin mo asawa mo at mahalin ang iyong mga anak.

  47. nico said on 31-07-2009

    from everything that you’ve mentioned, the kid is most likely gay and is in love with you. the thing is, at 21, he is still a kid and you are the mature one in this scenario. as migs and others have said, you are his mentor and he is your assistant. you should be the one in control of this situation. you should make the adult and pragmatic decision. if you allow yourself to succumb to a sexual relationship with this kid it will most likely be the end of your marriage, as well as a totally different relationship with your children. in the end, because of the age difference, this coupling may have a short life anyway. you have a choice – choose well.

  48. Boy said on 31-07-2009

    Sometimes we see only what we want to see. We are blind to the contradictions of what we want to see.

    Sana hindi lang ito pag iilusyon.

  49. mellicious said on 31-07-2009

    I LOVE YOUR ADVICE MIGGS…SO GOOD AND TRUE…THOUGH IT’S DIFFICULT BUT THAT WOULD BE THE BEST…….MWAHHHHHH…..HUNDRED HUGS MIGS,AND THOUSANDS OF KISSES….WHORLD PHEACE..

  50. i'm a narnian said on 31-07-2009

    ako try nya once. then migrate elsewhere. LOL

  51. v said on 31-07-2009

    2nd time I read it in this site but is so deafiningly true — don’t shit where you eat.

    Most of us being articulate, driven, keen on looks, single and oh yes, gay, find ourselves in positions of “responsibility”. The added challenge that we so undeservingly get is to play against the stereotype na ang mga badinggels ay hayok, malandi at madaling matukso keber kung nakapormal pa yan at me ilang diplomang tangan tangan. What’s a gurl to do kung cocks (lalaking manok, ha?) na ang lumalapit sa palay na fuschia ang tahip?

  52. ric said on 31-07-2009

    Can you love each other without being sexual? Can you remain faithful without desiring others? Well, these are hard questions to answer but maybe you have to start from the beginning. You should ask him in a sincere way if he has feelings for you. You have to know the real reason why he told you “i love you”. You must also ask yourself, if you love him more than you want to bed him. When you are both certain on what you both feel, then discuss the many factors that can affect you and him and your situations. Just a reminder, don’t do this in a bedroom. You might end up having sex before being certain if you really love each other…

  53. lordmanilastone said on 31-07-2009

    Well, they’re right but it’s really hard to be loyal and faithful bro if there are always temptations lurking around you. Being loyal is easier said than done. I see no reason why sex should be a hindrance to maintaining friendship with that yuppie…

  54. Jorge Acosta said on 31-07-2009

    Its only human, these things happen, on many occassions we get married for the wrong reasons, not truly knowing ourselves we engage at a young age in a social protocol to please society or to fit in, it’s these situations that alows us to exercise our judgement, whats right; whats wrong, a right answer is like the truth it will allways protect you, Kids come first, they are your responsability, and its hard for them to grow fisically and mentally fit if they come accross this kind of situation. This experience can cause a mental trauma hard to overcome due to all social stigma related to this lifestyle, you must be wise at the time of choosing, listen to Mr. Migs wise councel, do whats rigth and you’ll get more out of it.

  55. babitter said on 31-07-2009

    weird. kase you said that you are loyal and don’t want to cheat. so why are you entertaining the thoughts of having sex with him? dude, you are a married man. please be honest and loyal to your wife. 🙂

  56. hangoutbro said on 31-07-2009

    i say if you want to remain sane, transfer him to another dept. or other branch. youre married for crying out loud and with two kids and he’s a kid, you dont play with 21 y/o nowadays im sorry but most of people at this age still dont know what there doin, they enjoy being careless and free. I know you love your wife and your kids, just focus on other stuffs like sports or the stock market! but please man, not with this kid. peaceout

  57. Leo said on 31-07-2009

    very well said migs. i can’t add any further. great stuff.

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