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I think this letter/story is quite touching, so I’m featuring it here. “Skye” thanks for sharing!

* * *
hi migs,

with the consecutive typhoons hitting our country people started to dread the rain. rain shouldn’t be feared nor rejected. the rain itself is not the root cause of our problems. we badly need better drainage and better waste management. i sure hope i don’t sound insensitive and selfish when i say that i love the rain. (i said rain and not typhoons.)

the rain has always been a friend of mine. it has brought me many wonderful memories. i would like to share with you one of them. migs, have you ever felt love slip right out of your hands.. like it was incredibly close that you could touch it, grab it.. but then you somehow lost the chance to do so? this is exactly how i felt with this person. he was the first guy i really liked and the first guy i just wanted to be with (as in to be with lang, kahit walang sex). i know you are busy and that my writing is subpar but when you get some free time to read, i hope you’d consider my story.

-skye

—–

“rain”

it was a day as ordinary as any day in june. i was minding my own business walking down the campus, going to my next class. it then started to rain. i unfolded my umbrella and mumbled something under my breath about how unlucky i always was during the first week of school. i continued to walk clutching my backpack hard against my stomach, guarding it against the rain as it began pouring heavier. you surprised me as you snuck right beside me. bewildered, i looked up to see the face of the person intruding my personal space. i saw you. you didn’t register, i didn’t know you. and i was quite certain that you didn’t know me either. you smiled at me asking if you could share my umbrella. i instantly thought to myself, “ang gwapo”. i literally felt my heart skip a beat. i shyly said yes.

after a few steps, you offered to hold the umbrella. it could have been because you felt like i wasn’t holding it high enough and it made you feel uncomfortable. i should have told you that i’ve never shared my umbrella with someone as tall as you before so i didn’t know any better.. but just i silently handed it to you. you made me feel nervous. we kept on walking and i waited for you to introduce yourself but you didn’t.

the rain stopped. you put your hand out to check the rain. you decided that we don’t need to use my umbrella anymore so you closed it and folded it neatly. you thanked me as you handed it back and i told you you were welcome. i was delighted at the way you folded my umbrella back ever so meticulously. i told you i never seem to be able to do it properly. you laughed, seemingly amused. then, i asked you your name. you answered by asking me to tell you mine first. i did. then you gave me your nickname which were merely composed of two letters. i asked you if it were your initials. you reluctantly said yes. curious, i inquired about your real first name. you didn’t want to tell me. i thought you were odd. odd but intriguing. i insisted on knowing. you were flustered as you told me your real name asking me not to make fun of it. but you really had one hell of a funny name.

my usual unlucky streak with the first week of classes reversed the moment it turned out that we were classmates. we were actually headed to the same class. from then on, i looked forward to our class together.. looked forward to seeing you. i found myself disappointed whenever you didn’t show up for class. i even got disappointed when we didn’t end up walking together to class. at times, i even walked slower than usual, hoping that you were just running late and that you’d eventually catch up with me. i wondered if you ever felt the same. i finally got the answer one day when i took the campus jeep to class. i saw you glancing behind you as you walked down our usual path. i knew you were looking for me. i was sure of it because it was written all over your face. you do miss me. the realization made me smile. i got off the jeep and called out your name. you smiled warmly when you spotted me. i waved back trying not to look too overjoyed.

it wasn’t long before it became our routine for you to wait for me; even when we’re walking. you were a fast walker and i was a slow one. you would often stop so that i could catch up. i remember the times when we were already late for class but you’d still wait for me to catch up. i would often tell you we should just go and take the campus jeep but you just wouldn’t budge. you would tease me about being “maarte”, dismissing the need to “waste money” on fare or the need to buy a new shirt when i get soaking wet with sweat. you were always practical and i liked that in you. i was “maarte”. and i think you found that amusing.. charming at best.

i was never really sure if you liked me that way. of course there were times when it felt like you did. but there were also times when it felt like you didn’t. now that i think about it, you were probably in conflict with yourself. i was too at the time. it was so confusing. i couldn’t read your signals. i was probably sending out confusing signals too. we were both just so young and so unsure of how to go about such an attraction, so scared to take the leap and be different.

i dreaded the last day of our class. it was the only thing that kept us together. we were of different majors, of different colleges. after our grueling final exam, we talked as usual as we walked towards the jeepney stop. i felt the urge to seize the moment. i finally wanted to tell that i liked you. but i was terrified to do so. i secretly asked the heavens for a sign. i believed in signs. i uttered what might have seemed to you as the most random question at that moment. i asked you what your favorite number was. you gave a little laugh. still amused at the question, you told me it was the number 8. intrigued, i asked you why. you said that you liked it just because. then just like that, i chickened out. it could’ve been mainly because i was scared. not only of the possibility of rejection but more so of being gay.. of confessing my attraction to another guy. i lost my chance that night. and just before we went our separate ways, it started to rain. how ironic. “pareho pala tayo,” i silently remarked. “parehong ano?”, you responded. “8 din kasi ang favorite number ko.”

i fell asleep as soon as i got home, probably too tired from the exam. and when i woke up, i had a message from you on my phone. your message couldn’t have been more vague. “take me or leave me?” was what it said. requesting me to send a reply if my answer is the symbolic yes and to do nothing if i chose no. i didn’t know what to do. here was yet another chance but a big part of me still didn’t want to take it. could this be a joke? or am i just assuming what this was all about. if i assumed correctly and if i replied “yes” would that mean we are going to be couple? am i ready for that? what if someone finds out? what would i tell my parents? is this a sin? will i be committing a sin if i wanted to be with him? i didn’t know what to to. i was young, dumbfounded and lost. i was too scared to say yes but i really didn’t want to say no.

i guess you assumed that my answer was “no” because a few minutes later you sent me another text stating that your previous message was meant for someone else. to be fair with you, it had been 3 hours since you sent the first message. maybe you figured that i was not going to reply which meant that i didn’t like you back. to this day, i still have no way of knowing the truth behind your messages that night. could things have turned out differently if i noticed your message before i fell asleep? what could have happened if i was able to reply promptly? i could only wish i was brave enough back then to have not wasted another minute thinking about what to do..

days, weeks, and months have passed after our last meeting. the exchange of awkward messages that fateful night made it harder for us to be open with each other and we never did get the chance to spend time with each other again. we would bump on each other occasionally but all we ever did was to exchange quick hi’s and hello’s.

now it has been years since we last communicated.. but when it’s raining, i still find myself thinking about you.. wishing that someday, the rain will once again lead you to me.

Comments (33)

  1. deandark said on 17-03-2014

    I nearly cried reading this.. I could vaguely see images in my head as I’m reading through like a movie.. There’s still a lot of wonderful thing in the world, and I really glad I came across this post.. :’)

  2. geek-o said on 09-07-2010

    poignant and rapturous, the letter sender must be a writer of sort… loved it, and hope you skye would eventually find the courage to go ask him if there can still be another chance.

    wishing you well

  3. jayson said on 11-06-2010

    really love the rain, the story, two people behind these and the what if”s.. so sad..>

  4. kel said on 02-11-2009

    sabi na nga ba UP to… either diliman or los banos. haha! wala lang… haaay.

  5. kel said on 02-11-2009

    aaw. super sad… 🙁

  6. skye said on 31-10-2009

    migs, thank you for posting my story. the truth is, a part of me wished that you could be my “rain” this time around.. that through you, or more specifically through your site, i’d get another chance to communicate with him. it’s a long shot but i don’t think i have anything to lose if i tried. and on the off chance that he reads this, i hope he leaves a comment. i know that after all these years we have probably grew into different people already but.. just maybe..

    i also agree that i shouldn’t be holding onto something that is already in the past.. a part of me already moved on and now i’m living my life the best i can, but there are moments when the what-ifs linger. i wrote our story one night when i was alone and couldn’t sleep then all of a sudden it started to rain. at times like that, i remember how it felt just being with him.. and i miss that.. it’s been ages since i felt that way.

    also, i wanted to share our story. i never got the chance to tell my story to someone else. and i really feel that it deserves to be shared. and yes, my story is true. sometimes we don’t get to realize how special something really is until its gone or over.. at times, life really becomes more beautiful than a novel.. and i’m thankful that, although we didn’t get a happy ending, i got to experience every bit of it.

    i already learned my lesson and, most importantly, i grew up. i know myself better and, now, i know what i want.. i just hope that it’s not too late to get another shot at something as beautiful as this.

    ps: it happened in up diliman.

  7. akira said on 30-10-2009

    too good to be true. . .

  8. mark said on 29-10-2009

    skye i wish you happiness. i wish you rain.

  9. g-ness said on 29-10-2009

    wow.. kwentong UP.. pusta ko papunta kayo math building.. hahaha.. galing siya ng ENG’g.. ikaw masscom.. inaantay ka niya sa may educ? tama ba? hahaha..

  10. kyle said on 29-10-2009

    kainis nman pag ngreregret..

    u just said it, di mo ntimpla ng mabuti ang sitwasyon..

    nkakapanghinayang tlga.. pero gnyan ang life eh..

    so sad naman.

  11. Fran said on 29-10-2009

    *sigh*

    this piece should be in Ladlad or Likhaan

  12. Drop said on 28-10-2009

    Yan mahirap pag torpe at di sigurado na may feelings din palasa atin ang taong gusto natin.

  13. MaxX said on 28-10-2009

    as I was reading the essay cum story, it gave me goosebumps. UP Diliman campus would be the probable setting, and yes brings back old memories –I had a fondness towards this classmate in SocSci 2, and well we never get the chance to be friends only groupmates and he was just sitting at the back of the room kind of guy.

    Sadly it’s not meant to be…

  14. hebe said on 28-10-2009

    Am so touched and fall in love with the STORY. It reminds me of my younger years he he… So heart warming, brilliant!!!

    Cheers

  15. Mr. Left Handed said on 28-10-2009

    Its hard to hold on to something that you know would never be yours in any way you think of. You just have to learn to let go and face the fact that while good things never last, some don’t even start…..

    ugh…!

  16. Kabul Guy said on 28-10-2009

    I’m sorry but i don’t buy with it, I really believe the person that you really know so well and that bonding begins to start… This kind of scenario is just a mere twee tums and will end up nothing.

  17. butterflyrhai said on 28-10-2009

    have the same thing with an ex acquiantance, i lost my bag while dining at a resto from a suspicious lady who sat next to our table and then my bag was lost with the concert tickets to araneta, my eyes was sad and bump into a cute hunk which i named eminem we got close, shared things and had sex…more like a couple but not really coz he is engaged, never had the chance to answer his question if i love him or wuld want him as a bf then, until now i have been looking for him….last news i got he is out of the country already, dnt know if hes married, just wanting to know the what ifs….its a nice memory….i shuld have not let pass….

  18. dom13 said on 28-10-2009

    I can totally relate.. Very much like my story.. Hayy.. If only we could turn back the hands of time.. I too is still searching for that right timing and opportunity again..

  19. Rexy the Sexy said on 28-10-2009

    Wahh! I’m sad enough already! Don’t make me cry with your story!

  20. Yj said on 27-10-2009

    rain, won’t you tell him that i love him so?

    damn this almost made me cry….

  21. paopaobear said on 27-10-2009

    the rain binds people together 😉

  22. ares in uae said on 27-10-2009

    maganda nga ung istorya i agree.

    pero sad ako kasi this is a story of someone who hasn’t moved on, of someone who is living on “what ifs”. Ang daming bakling ang ganito. We are still guys for crying out loud – if you want to know what could have been then go pick up that phone and call, or look out for that guy kahit magmukhang stalker ka na.

    Maramign sad na bading kasi they cant take the first step because they are too afraid. And that’s how this story makes me feel – sad, just like i’m sad everytime it rains.

  23. francis said on 27-10-2009

    i love this story..brings back lots of memories..

  24. bilogboy said on 27-10-2009

    sad…pero ganda…missing the old days…hihi

  25. weng said on 27-10-2009

    Innocence, rain, umbrella, take me or leave me, scared to say yes, didn’t want to say no. Love it!

  26. MrCens said on 27-10-2009

    only those with brilliant minds can do this kind of story… well written. ang galing!

  27. Fritz said on 27-10-2009

    Damn… nakaka-relate ako sayo Skye. Hay… asking what if’s is a curse I never want to experience again. Nakakalungkot kasi habangbuhay napagtatanong yun. Sa tingin mo, kung ko-kontakin mo siya ngayon, may pag-asa kaya?

  28. Pinoy Operator said on 27-10-2009

    Love the story.

  29. abc said on 27-10-2009

    lovely! gusto ko yung ‘take me or leave me’ part. at first i thought i was reading a storyline for a tvc. alam mo, probably now, medyo may lungkot pa when you try to recall this special ‘moment’ in your life – pero believe me – darating din yung araw na pag binalikan mo ito – ngingiti ka nalang. like the last typhoon we had – this taught all of us great lessons – of being prepared and consciousness in our daily lives…etc…etc.. ganyan din sa case mo and i am sure alam mo na yung gagawin mo when the rain pours again. smile!

  30. curbsidehellraiser said on 27-10-2009

    kaw naman kasi bakit di mo pa sinunggaban ung pagkakataon, you said you were asking for a sign. when he texted you that question, didnt it occur to you, that is was more than what you asked for?
    siguro nga bata pa kayo, bata ka pa that time, confused. but look at what it made you, the damage(if i may call it) it inflicted on you.
    if only you could turn back the time, eh?

    nevertheless, i fell in love with your story.

  31. RC said on 27-10-2009

    I love the rain also, but for other reasons. It reminds me of my childhood in the Philippines. Everyone would cheer up when the first drops of rain would come. People running, screaming, and simply just playing. It’s as if poverty has been wiped out for a brief moment.

    It rained yesterday where I am right now. I had the strong urge to take my shirt off and just run around and feel that freedom I once had. I hesitated though, for fears of my neighbors thinking that I’m crazy. Ayokong ma pa-pulis. Next time na lang.

    Sorry, na side-track. I love this story so much. It gives me that warm innocent feeling of falling in love where you don’t know exactly what’s going on and what you’re feeling. It may be confusing with a mix of opposing feelings. Pero despite those things, masaya ka.

  32. Dzien said on 27-10-2009

    That’s one sad story! The greatest pain is “regret” coz no matter what we do eh we cant turn back the hands of time. but If I were you.. since sa tignin ko naman eh somehow meron pa kyo communication eh try to contact him and ask him out for a dinner or coffee cguro… then ask him what he really meant sa knyang text msg that fateful day. Coz if you dont do it now… then you’ll be asking the same question over and over again for the rest of your life. If he said that’s really a mistake and the message is really not for you.. then at least you got validation and closure. On the other hand if he said,the message is really for you… then your story might get a twist and you might get a hapy ending.

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