Nov
11
11
I Do Not Know What I May Appear To The World…
Entry Feed Trackback“I do not know what I may appear to the world, but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the seashore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me.” — Isaac Newton
Fellow bloggers Mcvie and Tristan chit-chat on my recent querida post, talking about how I have unwittingly presented myself as a role model to the gay community, thus a “mistake” made public came in like a scandal to some: “kasi naman, ang lola mo binroadcast sa buong mundo. eh ayun inulan ng comments,” Tristan quips.
Sorry dear readers, Migs the Manila Gay Guy is no role model, and I never intended to be one. I post my experiences here as they are, as I see them, without pretensions that I am any better, or any worse than who I really am. And yet, I understand that while I can influence, I cannot control people’s thoughts — people will think what they want to think. So I let things be, not so that everyone is happy (that’s quite impossible to happen), but just because as they say, “it is what it is.” Ang naiisip ko rin lang kasi, baka sakali, sa pamamahagi ko ng kuwento ko, ng sitwasyon ko, ng nararamdaman ko, may isa o dalawang tao man lang na makapupulot ng katiting na aral, o di naman kaya’y makararamdam na di sila nag-iisa, na ang kanilang pinakatatago-tagong lihim, may naglakas-loob na magsalaysay.
I have chosen to be an honest blogger, to share my stories without conscious intention to be consistent but just to be real. I have long understood that such choice have consequences. People can and will judge. They will feel entitled to express their feelings toward what I share — they may have different takes on what I share: like, dislike, love, disdain, disgust, or anything, and everything in-between. Okay lang yun, people. Tanggap ko yan nang buong puso. Nang bonggang-bongga.
Given all these, I distill some lessons for myself. Lagi kong ipinapaalala sa sarili ko, dapat tanggap ko rin ang pag-iinarte ng bawat isa. Kung trip ninyong mag-emo, go. Kung gusto ninyo stoic-stowikan, bato-ang-puso-ko ang drama, why not?! Kung pa-jolly-good-fellow ka, game ako diyan. Kung palaban-ever ang advocacy chuva mo, di kita pipigilan. Kung malandi ka at sexcapades mo ang gusto mong i-highlight sa buhay online mo, suportahan pa kita! In short, go lang ng go.
Ang sa akin lang, sino ka man, o ano ka man sa mata ng mga tao — hindi mo kailangang sumunod sa kung ano ang gusto nilang maging ikaw, kahit ito pa ay base sa dati nilang pagkakakilala sa iyo. No one should be forced to be consistent. You are what you are, and you can be whatever you want to be, regardless of what other people think, and regardless of how and what you were in the past. Yes, you can be who you want to be — now hold on to your chairs as I say this — even if others get hurt in the process. Eh sa ganun ang buhay. It’s about choices, and having the balls to stand by them. Siyempre may consequences ang bawat choice, so the more you need those stainless steel balls to carry those through. But in the end, feel free to be who you want to be — and fuck that fear that says you shouldn’t. Yun na.
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World peace! Indeed. =)
mcvie at Nov 11, 09 at 4:49 am
Now this is one the most honest post I have read here. I love it.
Always, world peace!
Tristan Tan at Nov 11, 09 at 5:37 am
this is one of the most profound post i’ve ever read here. let’s scatter the glittering peace to everyone!
gulo-gulo at Nov 11, 09 at 6:15 am
yes migs indeed.
as readers and followers of this blog din naman, we’re just being sincere about how we feel and so we have given our honest opinions to the posts.
im glad that you’re taking all those stone being thrown at you openly, i mean..with no offence.
now that you shared this post, the phrase: “world peace” to me has expanded its meaning.
salamat MGG.
jiles at Nov 11, 09 at 9:08 am
fuck that fear that says you shouldn’t. Love it.
i'm a narnian at Nov 11, 09 at 9:41 am
aylabet! thank you ms america hehe
seriously, i love this post. you took all our comments with arms wide open. there may be some whose comments hurt you, but then again, you took them all. i admire people like you who are willing to be bashed, and yet walks the street with pride for doing whatever.
this is the meaning of “world peace”.
karl at Nov 11, 09 at 9:53 am
tutal nasimulan mo na teh yung mga sexcapades, itodo mo na ang pag posts
ming at Nov 11, 09 at 10:31 am
“No one should be forced to be consistent”
-wish i could say that to my boss… hehe. tama – go lng ng go. we appreciate ur honesty and don’t you just love that you incite your audience to comment? I do – its so interactive… here’s to honestly speaking your mind! choz!
kaloy at Nov 11, 09 at 10:42 am
after all a blog is still a blog..so migs, do post whatever u wanna post.. people might say their opinions…at khit ano p sbihin nila..opinion lng din nila un.hm..it just so happen that u are in a situation like this which would normally require some advices and opinions..kya aun..mraming opinionated sa mundo… binigyan k nila nang bongga…may mga opinions din ako,..pero if it would just be a biased one then i’d rather not tell it at all..
napakasubjective kc ng iba..
brix at Nov 11, 09 at 12:46 pm
anu na ang mga kachenesan natin sa buhay? buhay migs?!?!?!
badinggerzie at Nov 11, 09 at 1:39 pm
You should also appreciate the honesty given by the commenters. Mali din naman yung sabihin nilang “go lang ng go, sis” if in their hearts they feel there’s something really off. I would rather have blunt, honest readers than patronizing ones.
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I believe and trust most people have responded not just to be judgmental but because the experience strike a familiar chord within them. Some have probably been in your shoes, or been hurt by a cheating boyfriend. They understand and feel what it’s like. Dude, being cheated on is one of the worst pain in the world. It’s an utter lack of respect and disregard from the one person you least expect would be reckless with your heart.
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You claim that you can be who you want to be even if you end up hurting others. Stainless balls lang kailangan. I wish you the best out of the situation and do hope that it is really what you want to be because someone else is going to get really hurt, Migs, big time.
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Saan nga ba nabibili yang stainless balls na yan, anyone? I think my left one is a little too soft
Jedd at Nov 11, 09 at 1:59 pm
we shouldn’t fear FEAR. for starters, it is what makes us stronger. ultimately, it’ll make us the best persons that we are meant to be.
so migs, kiber! do as you please. life isn’t naman about pleasing those who are around you and is aware of what’s happening to you, it’s what they’ll learn from you in the end. and i’m sure that that is what you want to impart.
i applaud you because you share what you are going through with us. it is a privilege for us to know it and in behalf of everyone that’s with you in this, i am grateful – we are grateful. so thank you. you have our support!
niki at Nov 11, 09 at 3:12 pm
Hayluvet!
Tony at Nov 11, 09 at 3:47 pm
..you don’t have to worry about how you may appear to the world..walk lang ng bonggang bongga..you just shared your experience..at least may natitikman ka..yung iba kaya nega ang comment hindi nakakatikim..i, for one matagal ng tigang lol…
pacer150 at Nov 11, 09 at 5:04 pm
kasi naman ang dami ngmamalinis. wala nman perpektong tao. i myself never wanted to be a querida at isa din nman aq sa mga nghahamak sa mga queridas dati pero hindi ko alam kung ano ngyari at eto pumapatol sa my asawa. i know this will not last pero ang alam ko lng he’s the best compared to those noncommited bf’s i have had before.so World Peace tyo mga kumare. umiikot lang ang mundo kya buksan ang mga isipan:D
querida ng boss kong str8 at Nov 11, 09 at 5:08 pm
that’s okay migs. like what you’ve said mas maganda if maging real as a person, a blogger so at least walang nasasagasan if ever di man okay sa iba yung mga entries mo here. okay rin na nag feedback mga kapatid natin sa querida post mo coz nalaman rin namin ibang sentiments nila regarding to that. now malinaw na ang lahat. WORLD PEACE indeed.
stay real. marami akong natutunan sayo MGG. <3
hao at Nov 11, 09 at 9:08 pm
Nice post Migs… truly from the bottom of your hypothalamus hehe. Pero may pahabol lang ako… not everyone is given a chance to be heard, to make a difference… true leaders don’t choose to be leaders at first, they are chosen by other people. Though I know that it is a hard role to have, you already have the power to influence the minds of your readers… what you do with that power is up to you Migs. I’m not your follower but I am your fan. Good luck
Fritz at Nov 11, 09 at 11:01 pm
Thank you, thank you, my dear friends. If I can, I will hug each and everyone of you — even if you don’t want me to.
*big hug*
migs at Nov 12, 09 at 7:53 am
heheh let us put it this way..
experience is what you share and its wisdom is far more worth than what other people say. Being unconventional and swimming against the current is like walking against all odds that we need to face di ba.
so carry lang yan. You didnt ask them to follow or yours is the best way to resolve the problem or properly deal with a situation.
Winterking at Nov 12, 09 at 9:10 am
excuse me lang, uso pa ba role models sa panahon ngayun? haha, I think you got the comments you got in your “querida post” not because people perceive you as a role model but because a lot of people identified themselves on the characters you presented, yun lang… and of course people will choose to be the voice of the one they see as the underdog of the story and that is the guy na niloloko(alangan namang yung nageenjoy na querida!!!)… maybe a lot readers(myself included) have empathized with the guy coz we can relate to whatever dillema, you and his bf’s affair is or might be causing him… and there’s nothing surprising about the comments, coz I think it’ll just be the same if the post was from a letter sent by one of your readers…
carl at Nov 12, 09 at 2:58 pm
Di naman kita role model pero I used to be a fan. Ung Migs that made me wanna go back to this blog again and again is the Migs who is optimistic, outspoken and fun, the Migs na laging nagsasabi na pwedeng magkaroon ng ideal relationship at maging masaya ang mga bading.
Hindi ko rin sinasabing mali ang ginagawa mo (kasi God knows if may babatuhing makasalan, baka unang 500 stones sa akin tumama) pero hindi ko rin ikukunsinti – not because I wanna make contra pero dahil I care for you and I know that you deserve better.
If youre willing to be who you want to be even if others get hurt in the process, nasan ang WORLD PEACE dun?
ares in uae at Nov 12, 09 at 4:22 pm
Made me a real fan! Every blog, every comment and counter comment is a mirror held up to every reader.
RonTab at Nov 13, 09 at 11:10 am
this is just sad. i really hope that people who get to read this post won’t get the notion that being a third party in a relationship is ok.
having the courage to do the things you want or the courage to be anyone you want to be is great but this does NOT apply to everything. if doing so would mean deliberately destroying a relationship just so you could be happy then that is unacceptable and downright dirty. you are simply being selfish. if you had just admitted that i think i can understand but the way you refuse to acknowledge the wrongness of your actions is really saddening. there is no reason whatsoever in this world that would make it right.
we are only human that is why i don’t blame you for making this mistake. i hope you snap out of it soon.. and realize that this is wrong. sometimes the fear says you shouldn’t is your CONSCIENCE. it’s up to you to make the right choice.
ps: i think the reason why a lot of people reacted negatively wasn’t because they thought you were a role model but rather because you represented hope. you talked about love and lasting relationships. personally, you made me feel that i wasn’t alone. that someone somewhere also shares the same belief in the goodness and sincerity of a love shared by two men.
skye at Nov 15, 09 at 12:13 am
bakit nga pala walang “world peace” sa dulo? could it be because you know that being a querida is not something that would promote world peace?
skye at Nov 15, 09 at 12:17 am
Well MIgs will always be migs, being a role model doesn’t mean being perfect, on the contrary, it’s the mistakes you incur and turning them to life lessons/experiences you would learn
guyrony at Nov 15, 09 at 4:25 pm
“having the balls to stand by your choices”… hahaha, kung sana sa mabuti gagamitin, pero kung mali na nga magmamatapang ka pa, wow!!! KAPAL!!! saka bakit ba pag may ginawa tayong mali, sasabihin lagi, sorry, tao lang or nagpapakatotoo lang ako? since kelan ba naging lisensya sa paggawa ng mali ang pagiging tao at pagiging totoo? napaka defeatist naman ng attitude na yan!!! napak-lame na excuse!!! di ba mas maganda na i-acknowledge natin ang pagkakamali natin, kesa gumawa tayo bullsh%t excuses para pagtakpan yun? di ba mas makatao na humingi ng sorry at paumanhin sa kasalanan kesa ipamukha na tao ka lang kaya ka nagkasala? kung kukunsintihin natin ang bawat isa, when will we learn our mistakes? when will we learn to make the right choices and decisions? hindi porket masaya ka sa ginagawa mo ibig sabihin tama na ito… ang tunay na kasiyahan, matatagpuan mo yan sa sarili mo, knowing wala kang nasasaktang kapwa mo, di ba mas masarap ang tulog mo sa gabi kahit mag-isa ka, knowing wala kang nasasaktang iba? kesa matulog ka na may kasama knowing na may isang tao na nasasaktan… kunsensya tawag dun, pero kung nakakapanakit ka na, pero wala lang sa yo yun, baka ibig sabihin nun, wala ka ring kunsensya…
carl at Nov 15, 09 at 5:21 pm
tama naman.
ang importante totoo ka,
maccallister at Nov 18, 09 at 7:50 am
migs, shall I say, I am right now for following what my heart says?
mike at Nov 23, 09 at 10:23 pm
This is the first time that I’ll be posting a comment to your blog. I just have to say this: I love the strength of character. Hugs Migs
Ryan at Nov 30, 09 at 10:40 pm
Sometimes, doing “wrong” things are understandable. But to justify these “mis-actions” by saying “nagpakatotoo lang” or “i’m just being myself” is rather illogical.
drench_01 at Nov 30, 09 at 10:41 pm