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Hi Migs,

Good day!

I am writing to you para maliwanagan ako sa lahat ng nangyari sakin. My name is Yours (a loan word from my true name so basically not really my real name, just sounded like my nickname. Actually there is a unique spelling of that nickname but to protect my privacy i just loaned the word as well as the spelling), 20 from Cebu. To be honest, I am bothered right now kung sino ba talaga ako lalo pa’t parang nagkagusto na ako sa kapwa ko lalaki na ang pangalan ay Emman (not his true name).

Emman’s dad and my dad are bestfriends, actually para silang magkapatid. Christian pastor ang dad nya and he is from strict and conservative family in fact, his dad is the reason why my family became Born again Christians. Nagkakilala kami nung bata palang kami,and Emman is a shy type of person, di ako gaanong nakikipaghalubilo sa kanya noon kasi I feel awkward kasi if kakausapin mu xa kasi nga tahimik tsaka parang maarte ang dating. When I was in second year high school and he was on junior high, lumipat cla sa lugar namin, so malapit na yung bahay nila sa amin, nagpatayo kasi sila ng bahay sa lugar ng kanyang dad (ang dad nya at dad ko ay magkababata, so magkapitbahay sila ng dad ko at ang dad nya nuon). Mula nuon, I frequented on their house, duon ko nakilala ng lubos c Emman. kinakausap ko na xa tapos mabait pala xa pag kausap ko na, then palabiro din pala xa. Nung una, nakakailang talaga kasi nga tahimik lang xa pero he would put jokes everytime na may pag uusapan kami. Marami xang mga kwentong nakakatawa na hango sa kanyang mga everyday experience sa school. Masaya talaga xang kausap, pero minsan seryoso. Masaya ako pagkinausap nya ako kasi that indicates na gusto din nyang kausapin ako. For me, its just such an honor na kausapin nya ako…and thats so weird para sakin. As time goes by, nag graduate na xa ng high school tapos ako 4th year pa, dun talaga nagsimula ang lahat nung nasa college na xa, at high school naman ako. I just dont know sa feeling ko, and I wasnt sure about it coz hinahanap hanap ko na xa araw2x. Araw2x pumupunta ako sa bahay nila, minsan pa nga doon na ako matutulog kasi sometimes ginagabi xa sa school. One time na dun ako sa kwarto nya nakatulog, and then d ko namanlayan na dumating na pala xa. Then in the middle of the night nagising ako na nasa kama na xa at katabi ko na. tiningnan ko xa sa mukha, and at the back of my mind I asked myself “Am I in love with this guy?, bakit ba hinahanap-hanap ko ang mokong na to, bat ako naghihintay sa kanyang pagdating?”. Swear to God, its not about sex that I after, but there was just something that really bothered me a lot until to the point that I asked myself if im gay. This really made me so devastated because I cant accept the fact na bakla ako or may feminine side ako. I dont really know kung bakit at paano nangyari ang lahat. Nung nalaman ko straight from her sister na may GF na xa, I was really shocked and pretended na masaya ako para sa kanya but the truth is, i was hurt. I felt that there is a need for me to overcome on that thing. I could not deny it. It was a feeling I could not identify accurately. Whenever he laughed over a joke with other churchmates na mga girls, that emotion filled my senses. It took me a while before identified it. I was in love; the feeling was jealousy. I felt the need to express it. But, I was afraid…that he would dismiss my feeling, that we would be stuck in an embarrassing situation, that our long nurtured friendship would crumble…therefore, I kept quiet. Pero nasasaktan talaga ako pag may mga babaeng nagpaparamdam nag pagkagusto sa kanya. Di ko nakuha ang attention nya and d nya rin napansin ang mga paramdam ko. Nahihirapan ako, I even hated myself that time because there was just an urgency for me to tell it to him, but I dont want na he would ask me if gay ba ako. Until such time na nakadesisyon na akong sabihin sa kanya. Nung panahong yun ay d ko na xa masyadong makikita sa bahay nila kasi nursing student kasi xa noon then duty xa sa gabi then tulog pag umaga. So I decided to na sabihin na para malaman na din nya ito. And I sent him a message sa kanyang friendster account. Everytthing was explained at sinabi ko sa kanya na nasa state of identity crisis ako and that parang nagkagusto na ako sa kanya. I told him that its impossible na he would also treat me in the same way as I am at sinabi ko rin sa msg na sana he will stay like before after knowing all of those. Nagreply xa, and that was positive, but he never told me that he felt the same way as i am and I never expected that answer from him. Napaiyak talaga ako, as in a baby cry, hagulhol talaga sa loob ng kwarto ko dahil sa sinabi nya. He told me that he understands me and that he will stay as a friend like before. But he wanted me to overcome the feeling as that is really impossible na mangyari. He wanted me to ask for God’s help and he will pray for me to. I just dont know bakit gusto kung talikuran ang aking abnormal na feeling pero gusto ko pa rin xa, I mean I want to turn my back sa feminine side ko but I also want him at the same time. I was devastated, in fact, I hate the kind of life i have right now. I dont want to end up lying to everybody about my reall identity kasi so far c Emman lang ang nakakaalam, he assured me that he will keep that in strictest confidence. Mula noon, paranng napansin ko na parang may gap na namuo sa amin, parang maiilang na xa. Pero I tried to reinstate the friendship we had. D naglaon, parang nakalimutan na din nya ang lahat. Back to normal. But my feeling is still there, gusto ko parin xa I dont know para ano pa nga ba. Gusto ko kalimotan xa pero d ko kayang magawa. Para na kasing magkapatid turingan namin then parang na guilty ako sa sarili ko dahil dun, nahiya na rin sa ako sa Dyos. Sa tingin mu migz, ano nga ba ang effective na paraan para makalimotan at ma overcome ko xa?I know na d ako normal na lalaki, pero everytime na remember ko xa, I cant get over. Should I tell him na d pa ako naka getover sa kanya? Or is that necessary to say? Am I considered crazy? Am I acting so stupid and should I stop this madness? I cant just push through because Im stuck. Please advise. Nahirapan na din ako sa sarili ko kasi Im guilty din kasi I feel na Im so bad that I lied to everyone about my sexuality. Your reply is highly appreciated.

Thanks,
Yours.

* * *

Dear Yours,

I won’t ask you to even consider trying to rip out your feelings toward your friend. It is possible, yet difficult, and quite frankly, unnatural. I’d rather ask you to keep at it, pursue him if your heart tells you that’s what you want to do. In the background though, notice how you are — take some time in taking a third party look at the situation, observe yourself from a different point of view, notice what feelings surface as you see yourself do what you’re doing. Do you like what you see? What do you like about it? What don’t you like about it? Your answers to these questions may help you answer your own questions about what to do about revealing your feelings to Emman, about how you want to move this forward.

Also, there is a word I have long been meditating on, that I want to share with you now. It is the word “detachment.” Some may feel a bit of negative vibe with this, but I tell you, detachment is a beautiful thing. Detachment for me doesn’t mean indifference. It means being able to be passionate about something and yet at the same time, having the ability to peacefully accept whatever it is that happens in the end. It’s about having the humility to accept that there are so many variables in the equation, and not everything can be achieved just by working hard on it, or by thinking that you are entitled to it because you are this and that. Life is full of these complex things. Being able to detach one’s self from the fruits of our labor, our pseudo-urgent wants, even from those we feel so much for, is an act of humility.

I wish you the gift of self-awareness, the gift of humility, and the gift of fortitude.

Migs

Comments (45)

  1. geek-o said on 08-07-2010

    yours, sorry dun sa last post ko, it was erroneously posted here, supposed to be sa ibang letter sender yun… anyway

    anlungkot nyan, he was actually straight and you fell for him… well, gnun lang talaga siguro… you had your first bitter taste of love… everybody does… don’t worry dude hindi ka nag-iisa.

    try to hang out with friends more and try to let him out of your system… kasi the more you entertain the thoguht that he is still there for you (even as a platonic friend) hindi tlaga makakatulong dahil hindi mo makakalimutan yung feelingsd mo for him.

    try to meet new guys, i’m sure marami d’yan… kahit as friends muna.

    mahirap kalimutan yung ganyan kalalim na feelings pero kaya naman, so kudos yours… kaya mo yan!

  2. geek-o said on 08-07-2010

    achecheng, ansaya ng predicament na to, panalo ahahaha

    anyway, kung saan ka tlaga kuya, umayos ka… hehe
    if you feel like you really wanted to become straight, go live a straight life… it is a matter of choice at kung ganu natin mapaninindigan ung choice na yun, ayt?
    so, kung ayaw mo sa mga kabarkda mo, ipasa mo lang sakin ha, more than willing to make salo for you, lol…

  3. Hi said on 04-01-2010

    I can relate in your story, lam mo in my experience I realize na your feelings gaya ng what felt are our selfish desire in our changing world. I mean siguro tama na ung what we want to happen. minsan talga sila muna kasi mahal natin sila.

  4. sweet_mirmo@yahoo.com said on 04-01-2010

    crazy!!!!
    joke!!!
    naguguluhan ka lang his right, you need god help|!!! pray oft.

  5. Jek Jek said on 13-12-2009

    it’s really hard to tell the truth especially when your living on a narrow-minded, idealistic, traditional, perfectionist society…

    but if you don’t care whatever they think… it doesn’t matter anymore, as long as we die gay and true to ourselves…

  6. kel said on 13-12-2009

    i like that… “detachment”… ^_^

  7. linus said on 10-12-2009

    Hi Yours,
    Wishing you a wonderful day.
    With all the people who’ve posted their comments in here regarding your story, I wouldn’t be the only one wondering about whatever happened to your relationship with your friend. Has it changed(?) -if so, has it improved? Some comments here are quite good if you’d take it to heart and bravely follow them. We all wish you well and hopefully this comng Yuletide Season you’d be blessed with love from those around you especially the ones you love the most. Cheers!

  8. Kate said on 09-12-2009

    Dapat di mo na lang sinabi para di nag-iba tingin nya sayo

  9. tyrone said on 09-12-2009

    yours,
    the two most important things in life are LOVE and HAPPINESS. You’re too young to worry about things. Learn how to get hurt. Let the feeling overcome you for that is life all about. EXPERIENCING it. You won’t get anywhere unless you have learned what you need to learn. Once you have experienced all of this, that’s the only time you can “detach” yourself from these experiences. May sound unfair but that’s life. Love him if that is what’s making you happy. Hindi mo naman kelangang humingi pa ng return di ba? Kung mahal mo siya, matutunan mong masaktan at maging masaya para sa kanya at the same time..

  10. Plutocopy said on 08-12-2009

    guys, its me yours, no offense sa iba ha, pero bakit ba para nyong sinabi na gawa gawa ko lang to…hindi naman ako yung tipo na gumagawa ng storya…think of it nga…d ako mag waste ng time sa ganito lang if gawa gawa ko lang….xempre i need ur opinions but nainsulto nman talaga ako dahil sa sinabi ng iba na para bang lumalabas na nagsinungaling ako…it might be ur not feeling wat im feeling right now as you are not on my situation…

    -Yours,

  11. deranged said on 03-12-2009

    i can relate to your story… everybody hurts walang exempted dyan… feelings are so confusing, lalo na pag naghalo halo na love has different levels din mahirap mag label pero dahil sa kagagawan ng mga napapanood natin o di naman sa mga naririnig nating stories para bang nadadala ka din….
    yung nangyari sa akin nakakahilo… like sa case ng close friend ko ang feelings ko in order nung di ko pa siya masyadong kilala annoyed ako sa kanya, na curious ako sa pagkatao nya, nachallenge ako kasi i feel like he’s a human project because he was so negative i wanted to change him, then deep care. fear na mawala sya… sabi ko sa sarili ko ano tong feelings na to? so confusing sabi ng friend ko that’s love and it was hard for me to accept kasi love for me is such a strong word sabi ng friend ko nadedevelop din daw ako achuchu achuchu ayun sinabi ko sa kanya ang feelings ko sabi nya sa akin hold it in because we were still talking pa naman, meron naman daw mutual undersatanding achuchu achuchu so like you feeling ko nababaliw na ako kasi that time kusang gumagalaw ang katawan ko ng di nagiisip. masyado kong naenjoy ung feelings ko that time na im confused wether im really in love or im just obsessed with my feelings… in short i hurt myself and di pa ako nakuntento sinaktan ko ng sinaktan ang sarili ko akala ko lang hindi masakit pero ang sakit ay iba’t iba rin ang feelings… feelings are so confusing lalo na if it is strong, love is complex.. what is important is that unti unti mong nakikilala ang sarili mo, at unti unti mo pang makikilala. who you really are and who you want to become are two different things. and it is only a part of yourself and doesnt define you as a whole! you have to find your center. maraming advise dito na confusing din for you pero ikaw lang ang makakasagot in the end sino ka ba talga? hanggang saan ang kaya mong ibigay na pagmamahal? what do you believe in? at marami pang iba? the answers will come to you in time just reflect and enjoy what you have right now.. tomorrow is a different day… love is also a choice for your own good? or what makes you happy? lucky are those who have both… knowledge cannot extend beyond experience… it’s a life transforming experince you just have to be careful about your choices though again take time to reflect…

  12. Fritz said on 03-12-2009

    Sometimes, it’s good for us to learn to love what’s best for us. And in my opinion, you should never torture yourself base to the opinion of other people, kahit nanay or tatay or pari pa yan. In the end of the day, sarili mo lang ang makakatulong sa iyo so please, don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s not a sin to love and part of living is loving. Choz… wala lang. haha. Good luck ‘tol! Kaya mu yan.

  13. been there, done that said on 02-12-2009

    A few things:
    1. spare yourself the drama.
    2. move on and of course, the greatest lessons the world should learn:
    3. Self-acceptance and contentment.

    A few years from now, you’ll look back ug tuhui ko mo ana ka sa imong kaugalingon: “Buanga sa??”

    Cry, learn but what the hell, face the world because you have fallen in love and not everyone is as lucky as you. Just move on. That’s the reason why there’s contentment. And of course, self-acceptance.

    Trust me. By accepting yourself, life is less crueler.
    Tuhui ko ana choy.

  14. taekopenk said on 02-12-2009

    haaaaay. ang born-again at kabaklaan ay parang langis at tubig. hindi puedeng ipaghalo.

    ako rin born-again. crush ko anak ng pastor dati. pinagpapantasyahan ko pa. but 10 years later. kalbo na, mataba, malaki tiyan, oily pa mukha. YAAAK. pinagpapantasyahan ko pa dati.. LOL

    DETACHMENT. tama. Learn to detach. 10 yrs from now, tatawanan mo lang ang kadramahan na to.

    E pano ang religion?? nakupo. Eto ang posibleng mangyayari sa yo:
    1. Magiging happy and gay, at mag b backslide.
    2. Maging isang HYPOCRITE. Santong kabayo. nagsisimba, pero tuloy ang kabaklaan, nakikipagsex sa kapwa. Hihingi ng tawad, pero magkakasalang muli. and the cycle goes on.
    3. Live a “Str8” life and suppress the gay feeling.
    4. Live a str8 born again chrisitan life, pero parati nakikipag cam2cam jakulan.

    Goodluck LOL

  15. Jedd said on 01-12-2009

    Hi Yours!

    I suggest that instead of focusing all those emotions, energy, and newfound awareness on Emman, why don’t you aim them at yourself? Look at the big picture. This is about you finally starting, learning to recognize and deal with a piece of your identity. Isn’t that great?! Don’t make it all just about the boy/heartbreak. It’s so much more than that.

    Find, get to know and hang out with other real gay guys like yourself. Many months, genuine gay friendships, and boy crushes later you will look back at this fondly as just another stepping stone towards growth. Trust me!

    Don’t dwell on ‘the boy’ angle too much else you want to get stuck. I know of a blogger who never quite got over the falling in love with a straight boy thing.

    Jedd

  16. Gabriel said on 01-12-2009

    Musugod unta ko sa pag-ingon na “pariha ta ug sitwasyon”, pero daghan na kaayo replies about ana. So dili nalang.=)

    Bai Yours, sugod ra na sa imong mga kasakit sa kinabuhi. Pasaylo-a ko kung negatibo ra kaayo ko mag-hunahuna, pero kung kinahanglan ka ug tambag sa usa ka Sugbuanon, ako mismo ang musulti nimo na undangi na. Lisud kaayo ang kinabuhi sa usa ka taw na maglisod mulugar sa iyang kaugalingon, labi na na dili kaayo dawat sa mga taw diri sa Sugbo ang mga taw na pariha nato ikumpara sa capital. Kung matabang pa, palayo sa ingon-ani na mga butang. Pero kung mao na gyud na imong gibati, padayuna. Pag-andam lang gyud sa mga butang na mas musakit pa anang imong gibati karon. Sayun ra kaayo isulti bai, pero kabalo ko unsa kalisod ang muagi ug ingon ana. Sakto ang gi-ingon ni Migs na ‘detachment’, kai bisag unsaon nimo ug bali-bali sa kalibutan, dili gyud na nimo maangkon si Emman. Ambot if masabtan ba ni akong tambag, pero mas maayo magpalayo ka sa mga butang na nakapasakit nimo. Pangita’g lain kung makaya (babae o lalake), kai base sa akong naagian, dili mawagtang ang sakit hangtud dili ka kakita ug lain na mutapak sa imong gibati ron.

    And if Emman actually said what he said. You should be thankful. You might wanna treasure what youguys have right now. Gamai nalang straight guys diri sa Cebu ang kamao musabot nato.

    – Gabriel

  17. guyrony said on 01-12-2009

    I feel you dude. Whatever it is that you are going through right now, ask for guidance. He will provide it but try to preoccupy yourself with other things so as not to flood your mind about him. You can do it dude! It’s a phase, it’s normal.

  18. hebe said on 01-12-2009

    “Detachment”… very therapeutic..Love it!!!

  19. pacer150 said on 01-12-2009

    luv u lance..sana pareho tayo ng ending lol xx

  20. ikogsakanding said on 30-11-2009

    wow…. i agree with you too…

  21. themessofme said on 30-11-2009

    Hey yours,

    I can totally relate and understand how you are feeling right now. I just recently went pass through the same situation and believe me or not, I also asked myself if I was already becoming crazy.

    But just when you thought there’s no happy ending to your story, try to reconsider things. You know, love is the most powerful force in the universe. When you love someone, the universe will conspire to help you achieve it. Believe in that. Promise.

    Now, let me tell you what. I am even itching to write this story to migs pero I still couldn’t find the time. I have a best buddy also. A wavemate of mine in our callcenter company. He’s cute, macho, matalino, and all that typical fall for me guy. He’s so masculine that you wouldn’t even have the slightest feeling that he’s gay, bi or what not. At first i didn’t notice him but after few months of living with him in the same apartment, I came to realize that i was falling for him.
    I immediately raised my defenses and asked myself. Do i deserve this? Would this make me happy?
    Then I went through the get over process. I tried to get rid of him in my thoughts, join a number of circle of friends, had some flings, but all of it failed me. Still, im inlove with my man.
    So what i did i do?
    I pursued my love. That’s what u need to do my friend. I enrolled to gym, i cook for him, i do him favors, i just basically let him feel that i care for him. Until one day i finally told him what i felt and he had actually openly accepted me for who I am. Then we became friends, intimate friends, at first, then later on we became lovers.. see? Happy ending.. hahaah

    that’s all.. basta ako advice nimo is if u think u have a chance to pursue your love to him, then go ahead. if u’ll loose the battle, then fine.. at least u tried and u learned something..an experience that can make u a better person someday.. 🙂

    auau and goodluck..

    Lance

  22. George said on 30-11-2009

    I can sympathize with the letter sender. I too was in such a greatly similar situation. What helped me was PHYSICAL DISTANCE. Ang sakit sa una, pero kailangan. As much as possible, get out of the situation by being physically away from him. The letter sender is in such a situation where he is losing faith in himself. Next stage diyan self-pity. Pag hindi ka talaga malakas, matatalo ka ng emosyon mo.

    Yours, isipin mo na lang na this is just an “emotion”, and you can change it IF YOU WANT TO. Dudurugin ka talaga, yours. Iwasan mo siya. perhaps ngayon, konting iwas. Then gradually, move away from him. You will realize that it’s working. But it will not be done weeks. Ako two years ko bago na-overcome. We still see each other, pero I am glad that the overpowering feeling is no longer there.

    Yours, isipin mo: Ikaw lang ang makakabago sa buhay. Whatever your decision is, sa iyo lang yun. mahirap, masakit, pero puede pagginusto mo.

  23. carl said on 30-11-2009

    natakot naman ako dun sa nagsabing, “THERE IS NO GOD”, hehe… cause me personally, I do believe there is a God, but what I don’t believe in is the idea of religion, I feel most religions teach us not only to hate others but most of all, hate ourselves… If there is anything that religion and belief should teach us it is to have fate. cause FATE alone can heal and save us. I don’t believe either that there will be a God that will come and punish everyone who’s sinned… I believe that the God that will come will forgive not only our sins but also our weaknesses… besides, being gay is not a sin, hurting or hating someone is… and there is nothing wrong about loving someone of the same sex, I’d rather see two men making love, than two men at war with one another…

  24. johnjoe said on 30-11-2009

    uu nga, ang arte… d ko na tinapos, sumakit ulo ko sa kakabasa… my first comment all these years na sumusubaybay ako sa blog na to.waaahhahaha

  25. fabulously yours said on 30-11-2009

    Super agree ako sa’yo ray!

  26. ray said on 30-11-2009

    hello… actually the way i see this, this is not about him. this is about you accepting and loving yourself. only advice para sa iyo, as long as you do not accept who you are, hindi ka magiging masaya.

  27. mere said on 30-11-2009

    all i cud say is follow ur heart

  28. neonderson said on 30-11-2009

    chickstirfry: you talk as if you know everything. As if you know the absolute truth. Even science dont have an answer to everything. Gene predisposition is still a theory, “that novelty seeking gene is still a theory” dont talk as if, The World funded you to do research and make an absolute concept about whats happening around us, with birth and gene determinants. chill and relax, wala nman nakikipagaway sayo. hirap sa mga katulad mo, always on the offensive side,laging palaban. The whole point here is NOT about You, so dont be too Offensive and grandiose (its even not the tippest of the iceberg, not even a figment). So hush hush…… relax lang……akala mo sinong supreme being to…..

    There is God, Science cant explain it. So why would anyone believe you that there is no God? (ocge ikaw na lang, magaling…..) God’s wisdom is bigger than all of us. No one can ever match His thinking. Why cant anyone bring HIM in human situation? why not? so you would rather believe na we all came from dust? shaped our cells, reproduced, gave us our wisdom and makes these grandiose comments about self and existence,if this all came from dust and the big bang theory? or mas gusto mo na lang na galing tayo sa apes or sa mga aliens? I would rather choose HIM as my creator, who gave us free will.And gave up His Son for us. and Also gave us Free will to accept Him, or for some to be self righteous and grandiose which i dont mind.

    —-these traits are not embedded on our chromosomes— this is not a proven fact….

    (and who said that GOD is a sky fairy white guy with a long beard? )

    And for this matter, “DO NOT EVER LIE TO YOURSELF! ALWAYS LOVE THE TRUTH NO MATTER WHERE IT TAKES YOU. It is afterall the truth about yourself and around you that will ultimately be the thing that frees you.”–chickstirfry ——i wonder what this is? whats truthful for a person doesn’t always mean truthful for others….What went right for others(if thats what think it is) doesn’t always mean will turn out for other people too…

    but one i know is right, The power to hurt ourselves is always in our hands. Our ideals and worldly truth wont free us from hurt.

    Yours, you know what Im talking about. His Words will never be put to waste. I know you heard about IT many times. He’s always there with open arms.

    pwdeng magrelax tayo ng kunte? migs pahiram —– ” World peace!”

  29. Ian said on 30-11-2009

    migs,

    thanks.

    🙂

  30. derick said on 29-11-2009

    I’d like to say 2 things: 1. Ang tapang mo, and 2. You are on the right track.

    That courage that you have is what we need for a confuse peole like us. Hanga ako sayo that you were able to bravely admit who you are, let somebody know about it and eventually gain respect to yourself. Ang mahirap kasi minsan, we think that we dont have the cpurage to say what we suppose to say and just end up keeping things to ourselves.

    I’d like to say you are doing the right thing. Pursue further if there is something that you want to pursue. If you have said it once, you can say it again, and again in so many yet different ways. Do not stop. However, be sensitive as how it will affect you. Nagkaaminan naman din and he assured you of that confidentiality might as well sustain it.

    -Derick of Cebu

  31. linus said on 29-11-2009

    Hi Yours(loving your name!). Maybe you just want someone, i.e. another male, to bond with. We do need that sort of thing sometimes. A really close friendship with another guy, albeit a platonic one(meaning, w/o the sex part), is possible. I think sometimes, a guy mistakes these feelings as being ‘gay’, unless of course you actually fantasise about him in a sexual way, you know what I mean? Or, maybe, you read too much stuff about gay relationships, and that it could also happen to you at the drop of a hat -meaning, you think that because you ‘like’ this guy(your friend) that automatically makes you gay and that he also has to reciprocate your feelings in the same way. It’s not surprising that you’d like him the way you do -you’ve been friends for a long time. Friendships evolve too y’know. It becomes much stronger after some time. This is probably why you feel this way towards him. But to include the element of sex into the equation is entirely up to you, if that’s how you feel about it as well. Although, as I said earlier, it might only be in your head(because of external influences). Ask yourself honestly -if you can’t bear to lose him, then stay friends with him just like before; because, if you’d keep on insisting that you want more than friendship, there’s a great chance that your camaraderie could be pulled asunder. So, which one would you choose? Keep him or lose him? Friendship is a beautiful thing. To end it just because of a misplaced longing on your part of something more that the other person is not prepared to give is not only selfish but also, in a large part, misinformed. Stay with him, as his friend. You’ll thank yourself years from now that you did so. Who knows, somewhere down the road, he might start to also feel the same way towards you. Hope springs eternal, as they say. Give him a hug, and tell him you understand. Take care.

  32. chickstirfry said on 29-11-2009

    Ano na naman ito!??? May nag-comment na naman na kailangan palitan mo ang lifestyle mo. I hope Im mistaken about it. But that is what happens when you bring a “GOD” into a human situation. You get the weirdest most idiotic suggestions around.

    So let me debunk that first. You are not a deviant. You did not choose this lifestyle. This is natural. You were born like this. A God did not turn you into this because THERE IS NO GOD. This is all about conditions on your birth. I think that your genetics is the best determinant for what you are. Don’t blame anyone else. Not the doctor, not your parents, not a non-existent sky fairy white man with a long beard. And certainly do not blame yourself. You are perfect the way you are.

    As for your hidden affections, this is normal. Whether homosexuals or heteros. Most of us have been there and done that. You are not special just because you are gay. Who can forget their juvenile days and their first loves. How wonderful that person was that they fell for. Like it was going to last forever. Well, it would have. Until they grew up of course! And then they saw how chubby, old and mean that person has become. And suddenly the fantasy vanishes. And they wondered how they ever felt that way about that person. LOL.

    Don’t worry. You will move on. You will find new experiences, new friendships and hopefully new loves. A couple of things though that I would advice you on this. DO NOT EVER LIE TO YOURSELF! ALWAYS LOVE THE TRUTH NO MATTER WHERE IT TAKES YOU. It is afterall the truth about yourself and around you that will ultimately be the thing that frees you.

  33. fabulously yours said on 29-11-2009

    …tama rin namang aminin mo nga ang nararamdaman mo, ang pag-ibig naman ay hindi tumitingin sa kasarian kundi sa puso. Sa kaso ko, nagkaroon ako ng kaibigan na straight, naging close kami pero noong time na na-develop ako sa kanya nilayuan ko siya pero sa paglayo kong iyon, iyon pala ang magbubukas ng pintuan para maging masaya ako. Hinanap-hanap niya ako at bonggang effort ang ginawa para maibalik ang aming pagkakaibigan at hanggang maging mas malalim ang aming relasyon. Noong una feeling ko naaawa lang siya sa akin at pinagbigyan ang nararamdaman ko pero binigyan nya ng puwang ang aking puso at minahal din niya ako ng bonggang-bongga at hanggang ngayon sa kanya ako nakatira, kahit na nga ba may asawa na siya.

  34. fabulously yours said on 29-11-2009

    I wish you just put XA as your name. Kaloka ang napakarami mong “xa” na dapat ay binuo mo na lang para di nakakairita… Ganunpaman, kahit nairita ako sa pagbubuo mo ng mga pangungusap ay naiintindihan ko ang iyong nararamdaman…

    Pinagdaanan naman lahat ng mga katulad natin ang ganyang sitwasyon. Ang mahirap nga lang sa iyo ay hindi ka ganap na malayang nakakagalaw ng ayon sa iyong kagustuhan. Maikli ang buhay at kung anuman ang desisyong makakapagpalaya ng iyong damdamin at makakapagpasaya sa iyo ay dapat ginagawa mo na. Higit sa lahat, pamilya mo ang dapat makaunawa sa iyo. Kakitiran ng utak ang di pagtanggap sa mga anak na katulad natin.

    Huwag kang mabuhay sa anino ng ibang tao o ng dahil lang sa kung ano ang gusto nilang maging ikaw. Ang pinakauna mong dapat gawin ay tanggapin mo ng maluwag sa iyong sarili kung ano ba ikaw talaga.

    Hindi siya lang ang lalaki sa mundo. At naniniwala akong hindi dito nagtatapos ang iyong buhay. Mas marami ka pang pagdadaanang pait, ligaya, kasawian at tagumpay. Sikapin mo munang ipakilala ang iyong tunay na sarili at patunayan sa lahat na kahit kakaiba ka ay hindi ka naman kriminal.

    Maniwala kang darating ang pag-ibig sa iyo sa itinakdang oras…

  35. rcypher09 said on 29-11-2009

    Hi Yours,

    I read your letter and i have exactly the same situation. Sinabi ko rin sa friend ko na mahal ko sya. I know he is straight but i felt the urge to tell him. He still accepted me and understood my case, and parang hanggang ngayon, di pa rin sya makapaniwala na gay ako, still encouraging me to have girlfriends pa nga eh, hehe. Nung una, masakit. I want him to get angry or “ma-ilang” sa akin para mas madali ako mag move-on, but as it turned out, parang walang nagbago sa treatment nya sa akin. So naguguluhan ako, ako ba ang lalayo or go with the flow na lang? As time went by, naramdaman ko na kung lalo kong pilitin mawala ang feelings ko sa kaniya, lalo lang ako nahihirapan. So i decided to be more friendly to him than umiwas sa kaniya. Our friendship now has been better, ang saya ng feeling. But i know i still love him, pero i’m happy that i can now control my feelings and “accept” na hindi sya para sa akin. I also take comfort na malay mo someday, he will also like me, but hindi ako umaasa dito masyado. I suggest that you dont force to lose your feelings with your friend. Go with the flow, don’t be too serious thinking of having him, let him go, but at the same time, show your love for him in friendship. Sabi nga nila, kung mahal mo ang isang tao, pakawalan mo sila. I hope you find strength soon, time heals all wounds. Akala ko rin dati hindi ko makakaya, but thank God.

  36. edgar said on 29-11-2009

    I really feel for you, Yours.
    That is totally what I am when I was madly in love back then when I’m still at my youth.
    The good thing now , is that na-overcome ko na iyun.

    Nasabi ko na sa mhin na gusto ko siya.
    He accepted me as I am.
    And now we’re just good friends.

    Okay na rin, kahit di ko siya natikman he he he.
    At least, mas maganda samahan namin ngayon kaysa dati.

    But you know what?
    Until now , pinagpapantasyahan ko pa rin siya.
    But he will just laugh and joke about it.
    Sometimes teasing me.

    Minsan, tinanong ko siya.
    Kailan kaya niya ako matututunang mahalin?
    Ang sagot niya.
    Kapag naging babae na daw ako, ha ha ha ha.

    Joking aside, what I’m trying to point is.
    Lilipas din yan.
    In time, makikita mo na lang sarili mo na nakapag-adjust ka na.
    At tulad namin, tatawanan nyo na lang ang inyong mga “nakaraan”, he he he.

    God bless and be safe always.

  37. carl said on 29-11-2009

    well, this story, is no different from a girl na nagka-crush sa isang guy pero di naman siya gusto or younger sister lang ang turing sa kanya,, naiba lang kasi gay ang letter-sender… hehehe… pasalamat ka na lang at mabait yung “emman” mo, and he seem to really care for you… don’t feel bad, maraming lalaki sa mundo… hehehe…

  38. chef de angelo said on 28-11-2009

    i can totally relate to you dude. that’s my story! he’s straight. don’t hope that anything might happen between you two. just MOVE ON. haha. at least, that’s what i did. heck, what do i know. im 17. lmfao

  39. Nick said on 28-11-2009

    Be ready to pounce when he breaks up with his GF.

  40. neonderson said on 28-11-2009

    if youre just so confuse and worried, if you have enough courage and strength, and if you dont know what to do? make a full 360 and think that this was just a phase. This is a very comlpicated life, you dont want to be in here. This lifestyle could be liberating for most of the people who was wants to embrace it, but for some this could be life changing suicide. Its not always necessary naman na if you have things like this in your life, eh dapat you go on and discover what you really are, sometimes its just a phase na dapat maovercome. Dwelling is an option, getting hurt is an option, as well as moving forward. God will always have a perfect plan for each and everyone of us, at the same time He gave us the power to choose. He always have an alternative best option but still we always choose the one that would make our lives complicated and hurtful. Im not being preachy, and self patronizing because my life is no better, but one thing i know, that we always have a choice. To hurt or not to hurt ourselves……Pray ( know its a cliche, but this always works)

  41. paopaobear said on 28-11-2009

    believe it or not, lilipas din yan. magmamahal ka muli at masasaktan. ganon lang ang buhay, puno ng pasubok. wag ka lang susuko.

    cheesy pero totoo 🙂

  42. pacer150 said on 28-11-2009

    hi yours,

    i seldom write a comment here..but because i can relate to u,in a way, hence this comment..i was in the same boat as yours when i was young (well, i still feel young)..i was in hs when i admired my friend (and now my kumpare as i am the ninong of his daughter)..the only difference is that i didn’t have the courage to tell him.that felling has worn off eventually..i would say, don’t suppress your feelings..the fact na nakakaramdam ka ng pagmamahal sa lalaki, then that explains it all…20 ka na, hindi na 16 na baka curious ka lang..habang maaga, let the people know that u’re gay. sa family ka muna mag come out..sila ang unang makakaintindi sa yo…wag ka nang gumaya sa akin na 35 (37 na ako nagyon) na nag come out. i am happy that i can express what i feel but sometimes im still having regrets bakit hindi ako nag come out ng maaga..having said that, dumaan naman talaga ako sa confusional stage kasi nagkagusto rin naman ako sa babae and in fact muntik ng maging tatay..buti na rin lang hindi nangyari kasi lalo sanang malaking problema..so suggestion ko sa yo kausapin mo family mo o yung pina ka close mong kapatid..your parents will surely understand..syempre madidisappoint sila sa una pero eventually maiintindihan nila..remember, being gay is not a choice..we are born to be like this..and remember, BEING STRAIGHT IS NOT NORMAL, IT’S JUST COMMON…i hope this helps

  43. Sinister said on 28-11-2009

    If I may say…… Ang arte ng letter sender… Ang sarap kurutin sa singit…

  44. NYO said on 28-11-2009

    i agree kay kua migs.. talk to a third party para malaman mo ung ibang point of view ng ibang tao with regards sa scenario mo…..

    then reflect on the things na sasabihin nya sau..in that way u may able to deeply assess ur self kung anu b tlg ang ikaliligaya mo….

  45. ulan said on 28-11-2009

    same story with everbody’s life.

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