I am fond of reading your blog.
I am Ayan. Straight ako when I was in high school, Iâ€™m sure of that. Marami akong naging girlfriend nun. Until one time, I need to have a tutorial in Math because of my low grades. so i went to my tutor’s apartment at around 6pm. he is one of the best math teachers in my school by that time, but he didn’t handle our class. i am well-known in our school, that’s why he offered me his help. Malakas ung ulan nung gabing nun, i didnt bring my umbrella so i got wet.. when i entered his apartment, he told me to take off my clothes baka daw sipunin ako. hinubad ko naman kasi ok lang naman siguro un parehas naman kaming lalake, walang malisya un.
instead of reviewing, nagkwentuhan lang kami.nakaupo kami sa kama niya then he asked me to turn off the lights, nagtaka ako kung bakit.. i didn’t turn it off. sabi nia sa kin wala daw mangyayari kung hindi ko papatayin ung ilaw. nagtaka na talaga ako and i decided to go home pero sabi niya wag muna daw,malakas pa ung ulan.so i stayed. nagjoke siya tapos tawa kami ng tawa,then he started to bite my ears tapos ung lips niya umabot na sa neck ko and he kissed it. i begin to feel uncomfortable, dinaganan niya ko tapos hinalikan niya ko on my face, then lips, pababa until he lick and suck my cock. i dont know what to do. i tried to stop him, pero nakadagan siya sa kin. gusto ko sumigaw pero iniisip ko na nakakahiya sa mga tao if they knew why i am shouting… i dont have any idea about gaysex that time. hindi ko un nagustuhan. i was the only one naked, kaya i immediately took my shirt and pants. i told him that i will go home. pagkauwi ko, nagshower ako agad. parang nandidiri ako. i keep it as a secret, kasi nahihiya ako sa outcome kapag nagsumbong ako baka kumalat. i noticed na maraming kiss mark ung leeg ko. kinabukasan, napansin un lahat ng classmates ko. sabi ko allergy. pero sabi nila chikinini daw. this happened 3 years ago.
nasalubong ko si sir sa corridor, then nagsorry siya sa kin. nabigla lang daw siya. i accepted his apology. from then on, hindi ko na siya kinausap o kaya pinansin. kung dati nalilibugan ako sa babae, ngayon parang sa lalake na. naging habit ko na ung panunuod ng gay porn. pinigilan ko ung sarili ko but i cant control it. hindi ko alam kung ano na ko ngayon, there is confusion. i am now 16 years old, a 1st year college student in a prominent university. parang nagbago ung buhay ko, hindi na ko lumalabas ng nakahubad or nakasando.naiilang na rin ako sa mga lalakeng nakahubad. siguro na-trauma ako sa mga nangyari. even my closest friends don’t know about this experience. nakikipagchat ako ngayon with the same sex…flirt.. i don’t know if i’m into relationship, malay natin.. 🙂
thanks migz for letting me share my story.. God bless you…
Thank you for sharing your story. Alam ko, mahirap ang kalagayan mo. It’s tough feeling confused. On the other hand, I hope you realize that confusion is there precisely because there are choices available for you. It’s not because you are stuck, or do not have any choice — you do, and you are the only person who has the power to make that choice. You can decide to go straight, or gay, or whatever way you want. In that decision, dear Ayan, as many of us went through something similar, you do it on your own. Ikaw yan, sa iyong buhay yan. But, let me tell you that as you are making your decision, you can ask for help. By writing this letter to me, I can see that you have made one good step already. Another step you might want to consider is talking to a professional counselor. If you are interested, I know of someone from Ateneo who can help you through professional counseling. He does it especially for those going through similar questions of sexual preference as yourself. I’ve talked to him and he said he can help you. Let me know if you are interested.
Meanwhile, I would suggest for you to keep in mind that what you’re going through is not something abnormal or dysfunctional. You’re good. What happened to you and your Math tutor may be the source of your homosexual feelings and leanings now, but, let’s accept that what’s done is done, di naman natin kayang ibalik ang nakaraan. Ang importante, okay ka ngayon, at puwedeng maging mas okay pa sa darating na panahon. I hope you really consider talking to a professional counselor — he’ll be able to give you more specific advice on how best to tackle your situation. For now, smile, and rest assured that there are trustworthy people who are willing to support you if you allow them to. Be well!