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Hey Migs,

Writing you this letter was actually a decision I had to make. Not that it’s hard to do but maybe I just thought of asking for a little help from you.

My name is Robert and I have been an avid reader of your blog for a long time now. I found out about your blog while I was scanning a certain magazine. And from then on, I got interested in reading your articles. The reason why I’m writing you this letter it’s because I’m having this “difficulty”, a situation where I don’t know what to do. I have never talked to anybody about this yet and hopefully I could get some piece of opinion from you.

Geo and I have been friends since early last year. We work at the same place but now we work in different departments as I recently got a promotion about a month ago. We recently just became quite close because of one sad event. Geo just broke up 3 weeks ago with his long time girlfriend, Kris, who happens to be one of my closest friends as well.. When they were still together, I always look up to these two guys since they are always the first ones to save my butt at work and their one of the reasons why I got the promotion I wanted. And, yes, their break-up greatly affected me as well. After that sad event, Geo had suddenly started texting me, asking me if there were any plans of going on a night out to drink with some friends which was very unusual. Geo is the type of guy who doesn’t really like going out to get some drink. From then on, we suddenly got closer than before. We never talked about how sad the break up was or whatever happened between him and Kris, instead we just drink the night away and have fun while talking about a lot of stuff. Yes, it made me wonder why Geo chose me as his company. First, he knows I’m gay (although I don’t look like one); Second, he knows I like him; and Third? I don’t know… I really don’t know. But a few days after, he answered my question when one of our friends noticed our sudden closeness.

“Parehas kasi kami ng mga hilig eh. Isa pa di naman to mahirap kausap lalo na pag inuman ang usapan…”

Yup, he says we have the same interests (apart from girls that is) which I then noticed as time passed by. And by the tone of his voice, I could say he really needed me just to be there for him in his saddest.

Here is where the problem starts. The more we get closer, the more my feelings start to develop. I tried denying it at first but I figured out I can’t. I suddenly noticed that everytime I’m having a chat with friends, I never forget to mention his name every time. When we’re not together, I sometimes think about me and him getting together (which I thought was very absurd). Yes, my thoughts were pleasant and alarming at the same time. Why alarming? Because people know for a fact that I am close to both him and his ex-gf. That’s the reason why I said I haven’t told anyone about this yet. I don’t want them to think that I’m that gay slut between Geo and Kris.. When I got to watch MMK last night, I told myself ayokong mangyari to sakin. Although there were no evidences, or chances so to speak, of them getting back, people still want them to reconcile and continue their 4-year relationship. And to say, I am actually one of those people who’d want to see them back together.
One time, when Geo and I ate somewhere with a friend after drinking the whole night, the conversation struck me.

Friend: “ba’t parati na kayong magkasama? Baka magkatuluyan na kayo ha!”
Me: “bakit naman hindi?” I jokingly answered.

It was at that moment when I heard him answer “why not?” at the same time. We just laughed about it while I was thinking ba’t nga naman talaga hindi? It wasn’t the first time he joked about liking me or about us being together. There was even one time when he joked around and told our friend malay mo, baka ang type ko na ay si… Robert??

They say jokes are half meant, well, 3/4s meant for some. I kinda understand why he’s so at ease with fooling people about what’s going on between us. Maybe it’s because he trusts me enough knowing that I won’t humiliate him in front of friends. That’s why I could say love gets too confusing because you know you’re about to fall but you also know you can’t because you’re not supposed to. I can’t blame myself for liking, or should I say falling for him because physically, Geo is very attractive. Tall and bald, just the way I like it. Personality wise, he’s such a gentleman, he’s very intelligent, he has such a great humor, he sings well and maybe the list still goes on.

I don’t wanna compromise the friendship that we have right now just because of my unbalanced thoughts. I enjoy every moment I have with him because I can never tell when’s this friendship gonna end. I know there are a lot of people talking behind me and I’m afraid Geo would start listening to them someday. I also wouldn’t want to look like the big slut who took away Geo from Kris. I know I’m a slut but maybe now’s not a good time.

I really hope you could respond to this personally or in whichever way you can. I just needed to vent this out to somebody just to make sure my mind is still in its sane state. I wanna know if continuing this friendship with him is still healthy for both of us or not. Well, thanks for taking time in reading this crap.

xoxo
Much Love
Robert

* * *

Dear Robert,

What a timely letter you sent me. Thank you. I feel that a lot of our experiences are both common (shared and similar) and unique (not exactly the same as anything else). I can identify with you, yet I know your situation is also very unique because of the people involved. So let me share my thoughts freely, and I’ll let you pick what you feel is useful, and leave others that are not behind.

Seems to me that your dilemma is about getting clarity about your relationship with Geo. Kasi naman, ang sarap ng feeling being with him di ba? Nakakakilig lalo na yang mga jokes (half or three-quarters meant) na parang may laman, mga bonding times together, etc. I can feel from the way you wrote your letter that you enjoy this thing that you have with Geo. Savor it, Robert. I say live with the present, savor every emotion, every breath, every moment you are with him; make the most of each meeting, each drinking session, enjoy the friendship as if it will end the next moment. Ngunit imbis na panggigilan mo, subukan mong maging mas payapa. Dahil sa pagiging mas payapa mas malalasap mo ang tamis ng inyong pagiging magkasama. Darating ang panahon na hindi mo na makakayanan ang bugso ng iyong damdamin, at kailangan mo ng magdesisyon — magbubukas ka ba ng iyong kalooban kay Geo tungkol sa tunay na nararamdaman mo o hindi. When that time comes, if you’ve truly been paying attention to the wonderful “stituationship” you’ve so far enjoyed with Geo, you will never go wrong. Be open to him, and feel what he truly wants for himself as well. But also, be open to yourself. Honor your feelings, they are telling you something. However your story goes, proceeds, or ends, I wish you feel gratitude for what the universe has offered you. Such a beautiful friendship. Whether you open up or not, whether you get rejected or bring the relationship to a higher level, know that you’ve received much. Be well.

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Comments (47)

  1. Closer2Fame said on 17-10-2012

    I feel the same thing with this guy right now…. We’ve been friends for a few months now and it turned me into this hot mess…

    He looks so good, so “ASTIG” and so everybody wants him.. Yes, he’s a model and so I was hoping that maybe he’s gay…. Surprisingly, he was as kind as his beautiful face and physique but not smart enough to notice how I feel for him.. I’s so hard not to voice out your feelings specially when that person you have feelings for is always around … It just tears me apart when girls are inviting him to go to their place or ride with him in his car and all I got was left behind.. I feel like that’s suppose to be me riding with him and then reality bites… It’s just bitter sweet to be around him. I love that he treats me as his close friend but it’s like torture whenever I’m reminded that we’ll forever be “just friends”. I feel like he’s just too vain to be straight and all this “astig” stuff is simply a cover up but maybe I’m wrong and he’s just being himself… Although, I want to hope he might stray away from his straight line, it could simply be just my wishful thinking that’s deluding my mind. I know I shouldn’t dwell on this and wait for him to open up…

    “Pag para sayo, para sayo”. 😐

  2. elton said on 05-01-2011

    sana may reply ang letter sender after the advice was handed out. if he took it or not..or if he failed or won against all odds..from here ,others might learn..life is learning process

  3. kies Joy said on 05-12-2010

    migs, i need a little advice din sa inyo salamat yung since nagaral aq ng college kmi p ex wla n kmi q nun okay lnng pero first yr college n aq my nagustuhan aq gwpo sya campus crush nga sya… at first hindi tlaga kmi nagpapansinan nu mga classmate q pla kilala sya at friend sya ngulat aq sbi ang gwpo nun tpoz friend pla nila yun patay na…edi yun nga nlaman n ng guy n gusto q sya pero its just crush…ung una hindi tlaga kmi nagpapancinan tlgang ding ding lng aq o statwa tpz yung nageenrol aq ngulat aq my mga section nlng n parehas kmi aq alam q pero sya hindi edi yun n nga pumasok n aq sa section nila ayos lng pero mga friends sya dun yung una nhihiya aq edi yung friend nia pinagbiyan q ng wristwatch edi tinaggap nia yung una pa thankyou sya sbi q ayos lng pero dahil nag kilala kmi dahil sa alohol ngheram sya sa mga clasm8 nia eh aq lng merun nun pinaheram q sbay alis q aun n nga nag p ty sya tpz yung b-day q sbi q pwede b sya sumama sbi nia okie lng pero frnd nia ang nagpsbi edi sumama sya sbi nia gusto nia dw iblik yung wristwatch sbi q wag n aq nmn nag insist nian edi thimek n sya…ung panaglawa lumabas kmi ulet aq nmn ang taya edi nood sine ayos lng tpoz binigyan q sya ng gmit tpoz gastos ulet paulet ulet nlng pg my prblem sya bgay aq agad pero bkit gnun prng hndi sya nia mkita yung effort q nkkpgod mas lalo ngyon mas na papalapit kmi sa isat isa lalo aq naiinloved eh masakit plgi nlng aq umiiyak dpat q b sya itxt tama n pagod n aq at minamahl kita plgi tpoz wla din my gf kz yung tao 2 yrs n cla about gnun my gay n frnd sya naloka sa knya pero ayw nia dun kz parng pati mga frnds nia yung gay n yun niloko at pinagkatuwaan sya… gnun… tska yung gf nia yun nkkpgod din pla tama bang tigilan q n tlga sya malaki n din n nagastos q sa knya about 30k n tpoz nagttxt sya gnun lng pero plgi kmi magktxt mhl q sya admit q pero hndi kmi… plgi lng aq umiiyak kpg di sya khrap at nsasaktan kpg ngkikita cla ng gf nia ng wikend db? buti p yung gf msya cla eh kmi wla friend n masakit kz minamhal q sya p lalo mhirap… hay…

  4. kies Joy said on 05-12-2010

    migs, i need a little advice din sa inyo salamat

  5. Justin G said on 28-10-2010

    In highschool I thought I was strieght. I am part of a family with a lot of boys.
    in first year hs, I became friends with this boy (now an abs cbn actor who lives in the south) who introduced me to having sex. Most of us experience sex with boys for the first time… thos who read this blog probably are the ones who decide to become, weil, gay?
    Anyways, is happend in my house right after watching porn which this kid brought. I was 14 and he was 13. I was from am eclussive all boys school in the South and he was from the same school.
    Anyway, he decided to play cards and the looser would have to remove an article of clothing. He lost! and was all naked! it was kinda dark so I didnt see much. He said if he lost the next round he would bj the winner. I didnt really know what that was… He lost and I FOUND OUT!
    It was a sexual escapade that lasted for about 2 years?! He was my first, one of the hottest… I dont think becoming gay is really a choice… most of us went through sexual journeys and our partners didnt turn gay. I think we were born into this.
    anyway, emai, me nalang if you need to talk or something sidepocketme@yahoo,com.

    • pessimists said on 27-03-2016

      we can relate to this one <3 the time that we were confused and that shitty friend of yours confirmed that confusion… being Bi is not a curse it is meant to us, accept it guys :'(

  6. sieg8hart said on 04-04-2010

    i like the point of view ni pedro penduko. specially yong word na preserved ur sanity and emotional health. at hwg ka mangarap maging gf number 2. kaya dapat mong sundin payo nya. asl mo pedro

  7. gerny said on 24-03-2010

    i like the insights that i read in all the advices here,.., i am in the same situation like robert,.,, hirap nga eh kasi di mo naman masabi,.., ako i chose not to tell him cause im afraid to lose the friendship of more than 5 years., but looking back ,… minsan,,.. sana sinabi ko na lang…now,, paalis na xa going abroad and i am thinking na sabihin na rin sa kanya,,,

  8. Randall said on 20-02-2010

    I can really relate to your story. Because i am in the middle of one. He is my best bud. Before he is straight but because of me he is already a bisexual. It all started like yours, he had a problem with his gf. I am really a straight looking guy. Then we started being with each other always because of common interests. Then there were nights of after drinking sessions where hints were dropped by me that i am gay. Like Khiexl we are now fucking friends. Even if he has a girlfriend or having a fling. He still comes back to me. There were ups and downs. but now its been 3 years. We rarely talk about it. We just get it on. I cried about it, he was angry about it, he tried to stop it, but i know the feelings are already there. That we cant quit each other. Best of luck to you finding your secret romance. Its really a thrill.

  9. Daniel said on 10-02-2010

    if you have the time, i would advise you to look for RICE. it’s a compilation of photos and stories related to men and men-to-men. there is one story titled BENEDICTION about a gay guy falling in love with his straight besfriend after being his bestfriend’s emotional blanket from a break-up. same as your story i may say, for sure you will relate and learn.

  10. Khiexl said on 31-01-2010

    I thought that I could be content reading the reactions to your story Robert. Turns out I am not, so here’s my piece. Yes, Robert, you can have your best friend be the best lover you can never have. I met mine when I was still shacked up with my good-for-nothing-druggie boyfriend. He was the brother of my co-worker’s best buddy. We met when I was recommended to work on a system in their office. Although the project did not push through, he kept in touch. We went out drinking and dining. We shared the same passion for cars, and he took care of my car the way he did to his. I fell for him, but took care not to go beyond what we had for fear of losing him altogether. You see, he resigned from the office where I met him because his closeted boss got obsessed and started chasing after him. Good-looking as he is, I am pretty sure he is straight as a rod. My mistake was that I hid my real self – I pretended to be straight.

    Then it happened. Me and my lover had a big fight and I went drinking with my best buddy. The pain was so much that I threw all cautions to the wind and unburdened myself to him. His reaction surprised me. He was very understanding and was literally cursing my lover for treating me badly. He let me drink to my heart’s content while limiting his own so he can drive home. He took me to my place and decided to sleep over. With my lover gone from the marital bed, we slept side by side. It was very very uncomfortable even for a drunk gay like myself that night. The short of the long story is that yes, we did have sex that night – a most passionate one I should say. His heart was pounding mercilessly from his chest, and his body would writhe each time i took his dick into my mouth. It was one hell of a night. I slept in his arm, but I woke up the next day with him already gone.

    When I called up his office and found out he did not report to work, I was worried. I though I just threw away years of friendship for a night of sex. But then there he was again at my door, with take-out dimsum in his hands. We ate lunch without even talking about what happened the night before. It was as if it did not happen. But it did happen over and over again. We would do it every chance we have. We did it on the last night before he got married, and we still do it even now – 15 years since we first did it. Nothing change in what he have, we are still best buddies. We have accepted the fact that we are the best lovers that can never be. He has his own life, I have my own. But we know the deep bonds that we share – deeper than friends or brothers.

    I have had other lovers and he has his family, but we managed to keep our relationship going through the years by being what we jokingly call each other – as “fucking friends”.

  11. charlie said on 24-01-2010

    At one point in our lives no matter how wonderful the journey has been, we will all wind up in a crossroad and a decission has to be made. We either take the right turn or the left. At the onset, the trade off may seem signifant in case you made the wrong call along with the repercussions and the predicament that entails our decission and this doesn’t get any better since prejudice will always be part of the prognosis. On the other hand, a love not expressed is not love at all. I agree that to resort to expressing your intentions in a more active manner and laying down your cards is not going to be your ultimate panacea to this whole “difficulty” at all but neither is suppressing your emotions going to do you any better. My two cents worth on your dilemma if I’m to wear your shoes, is that I’d rather take the risk of telling Geo my sincere emotions and hope for the best but bracing myself for the worst, rather than forever be haunted by the ghost of “What ifs”. I know its a lot easier said than done but its an avenue worth exploring.

  12. auxis64 said on 23-01-2010

    i love the posts here. if there is one thing the thread proves, it is that gays have the capacity to relate emotionally, be it with another gay or a straight man. gay love is connection just like any human love. it doesn’t have to be always genital. not that I am against the latter. if it happens, so be it. if it were not possible, meaning, that the other is really straight, then honor it as such. respect. end enjoy your feelings. i love what migs said, “honor your feelings, they are telling you something.” unfortunately, in a society where homophobia is promoted, gay love is always equated with genital relating. it’s time to prove to all that gay love is human love–connection. it it doesn’t ALWAYS have to end in genital sex.

  13. auxis64 said on 23-01-2010

    hoy killersmile #6. your comments are so homophobic and judgmental of gays. alam mo kung bakit maraming gay and bis sa call center? dahil maraming gays and bis na matalino and articulate. i am not a call center agent but i have lots of respect for them. you’ve got to be articulate to be a call center agent and it so happens that a lot of them are gays. sexual orientation is not a measure of one’s capabilities. you need to have something more above your neck, and i wonder if you got some.

  14. hyoids said on 23-01-2010

    sobrang relate ako… ns gnyang sitwasyon ako RIGHT NOW!.. mhirap talga yan pare!!!

  15. promdiboy said on 20-01-2010

    huhuhuhuhuhu. this really made me cry. anyway, just go with the flow bro. anything can happen but ready yourself for unexpected things to come into your way. goodluck..

  16. chuchucaracas said on 19-01-2010

    a lot of us have been through that same experience. and as much as i am happy for you, nahihirapan din ako knowing what it’s like. ate mahirap yang ganyan. not until lumapit siya sayo na may dalang chocolates at roses at sabihin niyang ikaw ang gusto niyang maging ina ng kanyang magiging anak, ay wag ka mag assume. this is for your own good. be a good friend na lang. tandaan ang friends hindi naghahadahan. malay naman natin eventually maging totoo nga ang akala natin. pero never assume. goodluck.

  17. Prince Henry (henry.prince1234@gmail.com) said on 18-01-2010

    Oh well… that’s it. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.

    Think about this: which hurts the most? saying something and wishing you had not? or saying nothing and wishing you had?

    –cheers!

  18. dom13 said on 17-01-2010

    Been there, done that! It ended not the way I wanted it to be. But maybe the gods of fortune will smile upon you Robert. Take the dive and fly.. just be prepared to take whatever consequences will come your way. All the best!

  19. mayi said on 17-01-2010

    one of the best words i ever read. i almost cried (‘coz of happiness). thanks migs. thanks. 🙂

  20. bluelightninglad said on 16-01-2010

    Hey Robert! I’m new to the scene and I don’t know if I would be of any help but I want to share my thoughts anyway. You have to weigh which of these two things is more likely to happen: A. You don’t tell him and keep the feelings to yourself to save the friendship. B. You tell him, risk the friendship, and have the slight chance that he will be your boyfriend. If you choose A, give yourself a chance with other guys and move on. If you choose B and he tells you no way, at least you tried. “It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all”. Move on. If you choose B and he tells you “why not?”, share him with me… este… be happy. 🙂

  21. helios said on 16-01-2010

    @depressed26: In the event that Migs would not write his reply to you here, please allow me to share my insight. You may either take it or leave it anyway. You are in that state that you feel right now only because that is as much as you allow yourself to feel and be. And I quote, “Basta matagal pa ako makarating sa acceptance stage”, “i’m-still-on-anger-stage”. “I’m” or “I am” are two powerful words. It’s like convincing yourself that it’s all there is. Ikaw na rin ang nagsabi, it’s been a few years already. Why allow yourself to get stuck in rut while the guy or obsessing about apparently does not even care. Dear, ikaw lang ang makapag-aahon sa sarili mo sa kinalalagyan mo ngayon. The cure to love lost is not finding another love but loving yourself. Please remember that you hold the power to change and to BE. Until you realize that, you’ll remain wallowing in anger and negativity. Do yourslef a favor, sweetie and try looking at yourself in the mirror smiling and saying this in replacement to your above statement, “I am beautiful. I Love. I Live.” See if it inspires change. All the best. 🙂

  22. depressed26 said on 16-01-2010

    i had the same experience a few years back..d ako nakarecover i mean in a sense na “i’m-still-on-anger-stage” parang ganun..although we remain friends but still hurts..BASTA matagal pa bago ako makarating sa “accaptance stage”..kuya MIGS ano po gagawin ko? :(((

  23. ken said on 16-01-2010

    ganyan din ako slight esp dito sa work ko. ang tanong ko lang din di kaya tayong mga gay aminin natin di ba pag straight ang nagiging kaibigan natin andun ung subliminal conscious na sana jowa ko sya or even sana matikman ko sya while ung mga straight friend lang talaga ang tingin sa atin..i think unless magtapat ung guy sa yo dont make any move remember broken hearted sya at he needs someone na magpapasaya sa kanya wag muna tayong tumalon sa isang bagay na baka mamali tayo gustoko malaman ung continuation ng relationship nyo ni geo kung what happened after couple of drinking days…

  24. helios said on 16-01-2010

    Question, Robert … are you seeing other guys? Kasi kung si Geo lang ang kasama mo palagi talagang di maiiwasan na mahulog ang loob mo sa kanya, so much more because you’re best friends and it’s all too convenient. Not that there’s anything wrong with that but if indeed you’ve fallen hard for him, chances are you’d start to compare should you decide to date someone else.

    Pero dahil nandiyan na nga iyan, I will just echo echo what Migs – ever so beautifully – had said … Honor your feelings. But if I may add, once you get the inspiration, tell him. Then give him the reassurance that it is something that you want to get off your system rather than one that expects to be requited. Otherwise, if you could bear it, live for the rest of your life wondering what might have been.

  25. men said on 15-01-2010

    awwwwww… migs, your advice was lovely. robert, just play it cool. don’t rush it. tama si migs…savor it like its the last. your’s is complicated..believe me… but count yourself lucky coz not everyone gets to experience this feeling. it can be quite bumpy at times… minsan mala-roller coaster but getting hurt is just a natural thing when people fall in love (straight or gay otherwise). acknowledge your feelings.. its valid… when you are ready tell him… you can ask when is the right time but actually there is never really a right time to tell somebody you love him. it is usually a moment. i wish you luck.. i remember my own story.. still brings back my own kilig moments but thats another story… be well 🙂

  26. MaXX said on 15-01-2010

    Hi Robert! I only have a few words to say and in hoping that you ponder on these things. Love on the re-bound is difficult for one, two- Geo is your friend and ruining it by advancing your desires on him is dangerous; and three- he is not in love with you so deal with it! There are still lots of fishes in the ocean so take a skinny dive

  27. Lloydy said on 15-01-2010

    u know what kuya robert…piliin mo kung saan sa tingin mo e mas magtatagal kayo…alam mo naman yun sa sarili mo e, siguro nahihirapan ka lang i-accept.

  28. su2 said on 15-01-2010

    che ang lalandi nyo

  29. konrad said on 15-01-2010

    Kinilig naman ako sa kuwento mo Robert… hehehe.. I remembered my first “love”, ang aking best friend. Classmates kami nung college at kasi mahilig kami uminom at magvideoke.. hehe, naging barkada kami. Nung una hindi ko pa siya like kasi di ko naman hilig ma-in love sa straight pero there was one time na binigyan siya ng aming prof… isang mahirap na report… and namangha talaga ako sa delivery ng report niya… then I fell in love with him… I tried to deny it pero napansin narin ng mga barkada ko ang constant attachment ko sa kanya ang finally na-reveal ko na nga that I like him. Ok lang sa kanya na parang walang nangyari, we still hang out together. One time, we had to go out-of-town to research, incidently, yung hotel that we checked in… single bed room nalang ang available. Natulog kami na magkatabi and in the middle of the night, I just noticed na grabe na ang embrace niya sa akin, parang hindi ako makahinga sa sobrang kapit.. pero hindi ako nadala sa libog at inayos ko ang paa niya… malaki ang respeto ko sa kanya at sa pagkakaibigan namin.. although I was so close to get what I want from him pero di ko ginawa.. Although di na kami ganoong nagkikita dahil he works as a call center agent and i work sa social work, kinakumusta parin niya ako sa facebook and once-in-a-while nagkikita kami with the barkada sharing our experiences sa life… Wala na yung love sa kanya kasi, nagkaboyfriend ako ng 3 yrs.+, although we broke up, may bago narin akong bf, 10 months na kami… single parin siya ngayon, although he is 28, wala parin siyang plans to settle down. Hahai, tama angh advice sa yo ni Migs, just let it happen, enjoy enjoy enjoy love love love… hehe

  30. Tristan said on 15-01-2010

    Symptoms of emotional dependency.

    Sa una lang yang kilig na yan, pero pag nagka-ED ka na jan, mahirap kumawala.

    Suggestion: Dont cross the boundary. Pwede naman maging masaya kahit friends lang.

  31. Robert said on 15-01-2010

    Hey Migs,
    Thanks a lot for the advise, it means a lot to me that you took the time to read a piece of my thoughts. To all the readers, thanks for your advises as well. Will be looking forward now to a more sane and unclouded mind in a few days.

    xoxo
    Much Love

  32. pacific-0 said on 15-01-2010

    omg. if i didn’t know better, I would think I actually wrote this letter… It’s so freaky that I was able to relate to every line of this letter…

    Oh and, good advice migs, I’m sure Robert would’ve appreciated your reply because I did… Ang emo ko tuloy ngayon kasi naalala ko ung akin… </3

  33. Luvkou said on 15-01-2010

    Robert, I agree with most of the sharings, as well as the reactions, after Migz made his. Very insightful! But these need more for reflection on you part.
    Honestly, all of us PLUs had gone through this situation. Certainly others took things for granted, and stayed on with the friendship. Others cared to test the waters. In effect, the friendship collapsed. In some cases, pinagbigyan ang hilig.
    But I am of the view that kahit straight si Geo if he is really your friend in the sense, he will go out of his way and make it a point to let you understand his side, his view, his frustration, as well as his vision after the break-up and your side in mutualy acceptablel lingo.
    Being consistent, first, know yourself, your strengths and weaknesses; second, how can turn these in your favor without hurting anyone; third, subject again yourself to further soul-searching; last, hear the other side in the most diplomatic manner a friendship could be sustained. From thereon, at least, you have alredy the signpost(s).
    Robert, look around as well!

  34. Gens said on 15-01-2010

    mukhang lahat tayo nakakrelate sa isyu na to. mag shi share din po ako kung ok lang. actually ngayon na nag susulat ako ng comments ko eh nararanasan ko na sya. meron akong agent na gustong gusto ko pero straight din sya and he has GF for almost 6 years and sila pa rin hanggang ngayon. noong una sinabi ko sa sarili ko na baka sya na yung hinihintay ko kaya nag paramdam ako.

    pareho kami ng sched at off at tinuturo ko lahat ng mga kaylangan nyang malaman sa account namin, as in sobrang alaga ko siya. pero imbis na mapalapit kami, naging malayo sya, kaya what i did was i let him do the things that he want. as in hindi ko na sya masyadong pinapansin at tinetext. ako na mismo ang pumatay sa feelings ko para sa kanya. until one day sya na ang lumalapit sakin and i also decided na mas ok na lang kami na maging ganito. im not so sure if he treated our relationship as friends pero mas maganda na yung pakikitungo nya sakin unlike before na sobra nyang paranoid.na realize ko din kasi na may taong masasaktan kung ipapag papatuloy ko pa.

    Kaya nasa decision nyo po yan, if you think you really love him then try mong ipakita sa kanya now if ever pumalag sya then tignan mo kung ano lang yung bagay na kaya nyang ibigay sayo tapos yun din ang gawin mo sa kanya. masakit lang talaga sa una but its a big relief once you conquer it.

    kaya naniniwala ako na “COMPROMISE is the best way to a straight guys heart” 🙂

    try to meet half way and it will show you good results Ü

  35. JT said on 15-01-2010

    a story I can relate with.

    I think its a matter of seeing things with unclouded judgment. I may have missed it but did you have attraction for him prior to him being too “friendly”? If it is so, I think that’s your first problem. Strip yourself of everything everyone has told you on what your relationship looks like to them and see the situation for what it truly is.

    I read it always here in this blog. Every time a plu falls for a straight guy (seemingly, closeted or whatever), his basis for judgment would always be 1 part reality and 3 parts wishful thinking.

    I think it will be helpful if you confide this with someone who knows both of you well. Someone who see things without passing judgment or malice. In other words, a true friend for both of you.

    Now I’m the last person who should be giving advice, but it struck a chord with me so there you go.

  36. outednarnian said on 15-01-2010

    I love pedro penduko’s answer.

  37. PL said on 15-01-2010

    sigh. situationships suck.

    i like the advice though, very insightful. Until now, i’ve never looked at what i’m feeling that way. So thank you.

    Although… going with the flow and savoring each moment sounds like the right and best thing to do, one can’t still help but be frustrated. Sometimes, the ego just needs to fed… Especially mine, it’s starving. 🙁

  38. killersmile said on 15-01-2010

    sigurado ako sa call center ka nagwowork. Yung crush mo na si Geo nagwowork sa call center? Chances are closet bi yan. Walang matino at straight na lalake na makakatagal sa call center. Ego dictates that a real man can do better than work in a call center. And a straight guy will not condone a lot of badings and bis in the office. Sa isang matinong kumpanya konti lang ang bakla at sila ang nagcoconform sa iba. Unlike sa call center naghahari ang mga bakla at sila ang nagiging standard ng behavior.

    • keith said on 04-07-2011

      @killersmile,Hndi sana ako mgcocomment dito pero ng mabasa ko yng message mo nairita ako bigla, yes im gay and working in a BPO/Call Center industry, At ako n ang mgsasabi sayo hndi lahat ng ngwowork sa call center ay bakla o bi-sexual… Makapag salita kala mo kng sino ka, umayos ka nga kala mo wla kng kapintasan s buhay.

  39. prosti said on 15-01-2010

    I was in the same shoe a few years back. I love the advice migs gave

  40. pj said on 15-01-2010

    i like it…but sad at the same time..

  41. PEDRO PENDUKO said on 14-01-2010

    do your friend Geo a favor.

    sa susunod na mag-usap kayo sa “ibabaw ng bote” tanungin mo points of view niya hinggil sa pagkakaroon ng relasyon sa kapwa lalaki. Sa usapang lalaki, kapag dumating sa punto ng mga tanong na “papatol ka ba sa kapwa lalaki mo dahil lamang sa sex o dahil sa may nararamdaman ka” chances are ganito ang tugon. Kapag straight guy ang sagot nyan eh dalawa lang – “hindi” or “ang sex ay sex lamang. paraos lamang.” pero kapagka ang lalaki eh ine-entertain ang thoughts of having a gay relationship… paikot-ikot ang sagot.

    sa tingin ko robert, buksan mo sa kaibigan mo ang topic na same-sex relationship (IF, and ONLY IF… Geo really knows na bakla ka). ask his points of view. see where he stands. IF GEO IS REALLY STRAIGHT… diretso ang sagot nyan. Mula dun… malalaman mo kung saan ka lulugar BILANG KAIBIGAN.

    tungkol sa nabubuong damdamin mo para sa iyong kaibigan robert… REIGN IT IN. you want to know if continuing your friendship with him is healthy for both of you? a healthy relationship always has truth that anchors it… whatever relationship it may be. The truth is, you’re gay and from feelings of sympathy for a grieving friend (after his break-up), it has been transforming slowly into “erotic love”.

    Men – straight men – don’t get much of a grip on their emotions. in fact, many of them don’t even acknowledge their emotions. it sometimes takes another party to fill in the gaps. he lost a girlfriend. he’s sad and broken-hearted. and in you come as a sympathetic friend. he found in you someone he can vent, unknowingly, some of his loss… through night-outs, drinking, hanging close with a buddy (you). DON’T fall into the trap of thinking it can be more than that.

    Preserve your sanity. Preserve your emotional health and don’t play with the thought that you’ll be girlfriend no.2

  42. j3d said on 14-01-2010

    “Ngunit imbis na panggigilan mo, subukan mong maging mas payapa. Dahil sa pagiging mas payapa mas malalasap mo ang tamis ng inyong pagiging magkasama.” i like this… going with the flow..savoring each moment…taking a mental picture (or video) of every moment to be replayed over and over before you go to sleep…do not force anything…just let the story unfold and like migs said, in the end, whatever the outcome is, just be grateful and accepting…

  43. travis said on 14-01-2010

    i had that expirience too.

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