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Dear Migs,

I finally got the guts to write you a letter. It has been almost two years since the first time I read on your blog. Since then, I took inspiration, courage and the will to embrace the life I choose and share my story. Call me Roger, I’m 23 and already a college professor. I must admit that gay university instructors are not new, except for me. I’m closeted. I started to teach just last June 2009. Each time, I hold classes I make it a point that I could deliver the subject in the most ‘straight’ way possible. Every single day is a struggle especially if I get interested and attracted to students. This is my greatest fear what if I get hooked on a student? I can’t risk my job, neither my student’s future.

Until I met Joshua. He’s 17 and a freshman.

He’s short, lean, cute and exceptionally hot for his structure. Basically, teachers will remember only students who either excel in class or those who deliberately skip and make ‘pasaway’. And Joshua is the second. Given a few number of students in his class, he is very noticeable. I could sense that he can sense that I’m quite interested in him so during classes, he would sometimes give me some nasty smiles and just stare at me the whole time. I was really distracted because I don’t want to show any signs of motives. As the end of the semester comes near, I developed several diversional tactics just to drive away that ‘dangerous connections’. It was successful.

Second semester. I’m still their professor on another subject. I took a deep breath before entering the room and vigilantly scanning for Joshua. I checked their attendance and no sign of him. I asked the class, “Where is Mr. Engamin? (not his true surname)”, “Sir, he quit.”, a classmate exclaimed. At that point, I could not explain how I felt. It seems to be a mixture of both relief and regret. One time, I was on my way home, I bumped into Joshua. I was surprised to see him not in uniform. He’s wearing a semi fit yellow top (his nipples protruding), and skinny jeans with a bulge that is distracting. I asked how he was doing and he said. “Masama sir, talagang mahirap ang buhay.” At that instance, my lustful mood shifted to empathy. So I invited him to have some coffee and talk things over.

And things went different, he said “wala akong matutulugan ngayong gabi sir, pwede bang mag pension na lang tayo at dun na lang tayo mag usap?” I don’t know what’s wrong with me that I just said “Sige, no probs!” immediately. As we checked in, he took off his shirt and gave me that old nasty look. “Siguro Josh, sa susunod na lang tayo mag usap, uwi na ‘ko.” I hurriedly grab the knob of the door, but he pulled me back. “Samahan mo naman ako dito sir.” I could not refuse so I stayed. As we were about to sleep, he told me “Sir, Php 2,500 lang, all the way na.” I was terrified. I’m not going to fuck a student and pay him Php 2,500. After I told him, that I can’t and I won’t pay. He made the biggest bargain. “Sige sir, kahit wala nang bayad. Ok na ko na may matulugan ngayong gabi.” And everything was history.

Respectfully,
Prof. Roger

* * *

Dear Prof. Roger,

Kainggit naman ng story mo. Char lang. I’m in a playful, fun mood so do take what I will say here with a grain of salt. In short, wag masyadong toxic!

Pakiramdam ko you emailed just to share and chika with the world about your tryst with this ex-student. Wala naman akong naramdaman na remorse or guilt, at tama lang naman yan dahil, ika nga, keribelles lang `teh. Siguro ang fine print lang eh sana hindi na menor de edad si Joshua noong nangyari ang “biggest bargain” at “rest is history” rendezvous ninyo (iwas korte lang, hija). Having said that, I’m sure tataas ang kilay ng ilan nating kapatid, maghe-“hesusmaryosef” habang nagsa-sign of the cross. Nakikinita ko na ang mga hitad, binubulyawan ang blog na ito, “kunsintidora ka Migs!”

Honestly, I don’t see anything wrong with what happened. Gusto niya, gusto mo, so be it. May pagka-pokpok siya (as in nagpapabayad, although puwede ring libre), may pagka-horny ka, so be it, o eh ano naman? Go lang. Masyado nang ma-judgment ang mundong ito, huwag na nating dagdagan pa. Hindi ka naman namilit, at di mo naman na rin siya estudyante nang nangyari ang pangyayari, so wag ka na ma-guilty pa. Non-issue yan. Lasapin mo na lang ang sarap nang gabing iyon, at baunin sa iyong baul of good memories.

Siguro mas bigyang pansin mo na lang eh ang pagiging mabuting propesora mo, `teh. Nasabi ko mang walang problema sa nangyari sa inyo ni Joshua, eh wag mo naman sanang karirin ang pakikipag-chorva-han sa mga estudyante mo. Hindi dahil mali ang pumatol sa estudyante. (Kung talagang love-love-love, wala naman talagang issue.) Ang pakiwari ko lang, maraming complications kapag hinabi mo ang mundo ng love/sex/work; may mga sinusuwerte sa ganyan, pero I would say mas complicated kapag magkakahalo ito. Kung ganyan talaga ang gusto mo (I mean, mga complicated situations) aba, sino ba naman ako para pigilan ka? Pero i-consider mo lang siguro na marami ka pang choices. Yun yun. Uulitin ko, marami ka namang choices. Dahil propesora ka (propesora daw o!), mayroon at mayroon talagang lalapit sa iyo, given your position of authority. Pero di ba mas maganda kung ang basis ng iyong kakasintahanin eh dalisay at wagas na pag-ibig, at hindi class card na pinasang-awa?

Naging alagad ka ng pamantasan dahil sa iyong angking talino. Gamitin mo ito. Ngunit sasabihin ko ring alagad ka ng kagandahan ko, ng kagandahan ng mundong ito, dahil may puso kang marunong magmahal. Gamitin mo ito upang magmahal nang tunay at dalisay; maraming isda sa lawa, maraming ibon sa himpapawid, buksan mo ang iyong mga mata, at higit sa lahat, buksan mo ang iyong puso — malay mo, ang iyong kapalaran ay nandiyan lang pagtapak mo sa labas ng iyong eskuwelahan.

Chumacharot magpakailanman,

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Comments (42)

  1. Justin G said on 24-10-2010

    what if i knew he was using me pero i wanted it din so i let it happen…
    when i was in my mid 20’s, a 13-14 year old xavier kid approached me during one summer event where we were preparing for a tour of a country. We saw each other a lot during the meetings and he kept sticking to me and my friend. Hindi siya pinapansin nang friend ko so sakin lumalapit… e Mabait ako so I let him talk to me.
    Came to a poin na kinukulit niya ako tuwing weekend to cisit me. sometimes i say no pero kulit e.
    short of it… sa kakakulit niya, hinayaan ko na mang yari hanggang nahulog na loob ko sa kanya.
    drinking a lot led to some harutan. The kida was cute! Chinito! Pink skinned though may halong tisoy e. he always enters the bathroom when its my turn to baith and i see him in those skimpy bright biue unties his mom use to buy him as a kid and he was outgrowing so his thing would bulge out and you can see most of his ass cheaks and all.
    One drunken night, i couldnt help it. while he was snoring, I crawld into his side of the bed and felt him up… he had a semi… i took the garter of the side of his bikini briefs and released his bird…
    I sucked on it for a few seconds and he woke up! He put his fist to my face and i left him alone… the next day, he and i didnt talk about it.
    next week, he returned to my house and slept their again till it developped and developped further. in the end, I knew he loved me… Pero he was tryomg to be streight and parang di na niya ako gusto… i ended it by fighting with him. today he is preacher… o dunno if he loved me or having the power to be with me… money and connections.
    ps. ya ya its wrong! pero i turned a drug taking and pushing almost drop out into a God fearing drug free validictorean while we were together. His mom and dad push him to sleep in my house. He had gf while we were together so hinde na halata.

  2. Ynetten said on 02-10-2010

    I was a teacher, too! Naakit din ako ng iba-ibang estudyante but never dared to come close to what happened between you and Jushua. Umiwas ako lagi and was always successful in doing so. Mas nagibabaw aking sense of professional value kesa sex urge. Kasi once you have done it, it’s just like opening the floodgates. Nakalusot ka from your professional baggage minsan, di sa madaling sabi you will again and again rationalize the next trysts with your students. Palagay ko magleave o magquit ka na lang sa teaching profession muna until solid ang iyong pagmamahal sa iyong mga estudyante as estudyante. Ipinagkatiwala pa naman ng mga parents and kanilang mental growth and development sa iyong mga kamay.

  3. bekely said on 02-10-2010

    bongga ka te, win na win!

  4. geek-o said on 08-07-2010

    tito migs, panalo! ahahaha
    kay roger, gusto ko na ring magturo, lol
    anyways, eto ung tingin ko
    I think morality-wise mali. hidi ako malinis o santo at that but I still think you could have done better. Anyways, nagyari na yun eh, might as well move on. Pero sana while moving on, you could have lookde for some ways to helkp him? Kawawa naman yung bata. Yun lang hehehe
    Peace out!

  5. Someone said on 04-07-2010

    My Gosh Migs, para kang fairy kung mag-advice malanding ewan hahaha Nice One!

  6. pao said on 19-05-2010

    dear prof,

    don’t be scared or sad. kinuha mo lang talaga ang pagkakataon. U hit the jackpot. 😛

  7. leewyeth said on 06-04-2010

    i love you migs.. you’re one of a kind… i spend a lot of time reading letters and your reply…
    this place is best..

    take care!

  8. anonymous said on 01-04-2010

    hahaha…
    ang saya naman ng mga comments dito…
    (this is defenitely a new way to see things)
    but seriouly…
    one motto applies to all straight or gay…
    DON’T SHIT WHERE YOU EAT! Ãœ

    Btw… Prof…
    i been a bad boy lately…
    spank me?!? Hehehe…

  9. Jspice said on 29-03-2010

    ( haven’t met those kind of joshua’s) TYPO

  10. Jspice said on 29-03-2010

    My name is joshua but how come i haven’t those kind of joshua’s ( tama ba )

    Life is so unfair. Lahat siguro pangalan joshua malilibog kasi ako Oo, pinsan ko Oo mga nababasa kong Joshua ang pangalan 0o malilibog sila. Pati yung Mr. Comsci kong crush na pangalan Joshua malibog din pero may gf.

    Nasaan ba kayong mga Joshua kayo, Pa – free taste naman; wala ng pasukan wala akong baon so no 2500 Hahahaha

    Morally side – it was wrong kasi your a prof he is your ex student.

    Constittutional side – it was wrong kasi below 18

    But what matters most is………..

    Your LIBOG SIDE.

    WAS HE GREAT???

    OMG! SHare naman his number lola

    Hahaha

  11. Grr said on 28-03-2010

    Roger, I am also 23, and I also teach college students. It is but human nature, and in this case gay nature, to be attracted to some male students, especially the really attractive ones. I have my fair share of good-looking students too… And what you had as a history is truly exciting to hear. Ha ha. Mag-ingat2x lang at baka yang batang yan eh ibabagsak ka. Take care of your career. Yun lang, tse! Haha

  12. bam said on 28-03-2010

    wala akong ma-say.,..

    SIGH

  13. max said on 25-03-2010

    I TOTALLY AGREE WITH MARKY’S COMMENT AT NO. 19. “If you really wanted to help your student… help him find a scholarship or a more decent job. NO SEX INVOLVE. Obviously, you wanted to have sex with this boy. And you got what you desired.”

    TEACHERS POSSESS THE AUTHORITY AND THE INFLUENCE. SANA NAMAN, WAG GAMITIN ITO PARA MAG TAKE ADVANTAGE SA MGA BATA JUST BECAUSE MAY KATI KAUNG NARARAMDAMAN.
    I SWEAR! YOU ARE CONTRIBUTING TO THE RUIN OF JOSHUA’S FUTURE and all the young people like Joshua for that matter! TEACHERS NAMAN! TURUAN NYO NAMAN ANG SARILI NYO NA WAG MAG-TAKE ADVANTAGE SA MGA STUDENTS NYO!

  14. allen said on 21-03-2010

    Nakakatuwa at nakakatawa talaga kang mag-respond sa mga letters Migs. Naka-ilang laughs ako habang binabasa ang reply mo. Ang mga expressions, natatawa talaga ako.

    Thanks Migs for the positivity in this entry.

    Oi ingat ka lagi dyan sa States ha. 🙂

  15. barbie said on 21-03-2010

    Naging alagad ka ng pamantasan dahil sa iyong angking talino. Gamitin mo ito. Ngunit sasabihin ko ring alagad ka ng kagandahan ko, ng kagandahan ng mundong ito, dahil may puso kang marunong magmahal.

    -I LOVE THIS PART!

  16. Fritz said on 20-03-2010

    Hahaha enjoy ang advice! Love it, Migs!

    Here’s a legal point of view for this scenario:

    “Article III, Section 5. Child Prostitution and Other Sexual Abuse.
    Children, whether male or female, who for money, profit, or any other consideration or due to the coercion or influence of any adult, syndicate or group, indulge in sexual intercourse or lascivious conduct, are deemed to be children exploited in prostitution and other sexual abuse.
    If an adult has sex with a child 12-18, it can be considered that the child did so because of the influence of an adult (even if there was no coercion).”

    So, ingat ingat lang mga dudes… mahirap maging parausan sa kulungan =)

  17. robbie said on 19-03-2010

    limang taon din akong nag turo sa isang pamantasan pero wala akong naranasan na ganyan… ka-inggit ka naman teh…

  18. ming said on 19-03-2010

    Teh, wag mo nang itago yang pagkabakla mo kasi huli ka na ni Joshua. Wag nating pilitin ang hindi kaya.

    No.2 Ok lang magka-crush sa mga estudyante kaya lang ituring mo silang mga anak para wag mo silang patulan. Basta kung anuman ang natutunan mo sa pangyayaring ito ay gamitin mo sa hinaharap.

  19. dzerei said on 19-03-2010

    Hindi naman sa i’m being judgmental 2u prof roger, yung perspective ko lang, sana u did not take advantage of the situtation of your former student. i understand how it is to be so attracted to another guy but i think it’s best to be in an activity wherein there is no exploitation and power differential involved. i think migz has contextualized his response to the issue in a very compassionate way. the problem is the boy had no place to stay for the night and a motel accomodation is almost equivalent to a price for a sexual service. i agree that u r very brilliant to be a professor at a very young age, but sana u will be more careful next time due to ethical and professional boundaries of your career. cguro if your ex-student will someday come to see you, when he’s no longer a minor and offer you to be in a relationship with him, without asking for any favor of monetary value, then probably by that time, it’s already a mutual and consensual transaction between two adult individuals who are inloved with each other.

  20. tyrone_binan said on 19-03-2010

    ” ika nga, keribelles lang `teh ” — haylabet! hahahahah

  21. Yann said on 18-03-2010

    chumacharot magpakailanman – LOL

  22. Shut-up! said on 18-03-2010

    – LMAO!….
    – I agree with jec, nowadays havin’ sex with anybody is no longer a big deal what matters is the possibility that the student might have a disease (hope not!)…
    – But still nice one though.!

  23. ikotoki said on 18-03-2010

    swerteng propesora! lol

  24. marky said on 18-03-2010

    This is a typical call boy by night student by day story. Poverty is the root cause why young men and women sort to prostitution. If you really wanted to help your student… help him find a scholarship or a more decent job. NO SEX INVOLVE. Obviously, you wanted to have sex with this boy. And you got what you desired.

  25. Curious said on 18-03-2010

    hay naku…kalorke…ganito na ba kababaw (o di kaya-kabaliw o kakati) ang mga baklang guro ngayun? sana hindi mangyari sa akin 🙂

  26. efrain said on 18-03-2010

    ahhmmm..sounds gud..but the important thing is…walang bayad un..at least u set a rule to ur student na hindi ka nagbabayad…at least u made a rule…its his joshuas problem if he will digg u up eventhough for free..i guess that boy notice everytime u stare at him na u like him and i guess also coz ur a descreet bi..hes attracted also to you..lucky for u…when the guy proposes the gay must not opposes hehehe its an opportunty just grab it heheheh joke…the important s u have a rule to b follow and u can gain respect from ur students thats all….

  27. depressed26 said on 18-03-2010

    ahahaa..natawa lang ako kay prof..(nawala bigla depression ko..ahaha) joke…ingat po kau..

  28. toto said on 18-03-2010

    Kahit di na nya student, still a big NO.

    What if someone saw them, or what if the student got drunk one time and told his peers.

    Or… maybe it’s just me, haha. But the odds are clearly against the young prof. Too young — and already too foolish.

  29. jec said on 18-03-2010

    I think majority sa atin natuwa at nabitin sa kwento dahil wala naman masyadong masama sa nagawa nya. Hindi na naman student ni sir un kaya wala na iyong legal binding. But the problem lies now, sana safe sex ung nangyari at mukhang sanay na ung bata sa ganung transaction. Sabi nga, hindi problema ang prostitution, sakit.

  30. mrcens said on 18-03-2010

    wala pa ring kopas si migs! mgg still my most fave…

    muah from dubai!

  31. mhico1205 said on 18-03-2010

    you know what sir. students might go for that instance kasi mahirap talaga ang buhay ngayon. specially sa mga walang work ang magulang. at least sya na mismo ang lumapit sayo at im sure no regrets ka sa ginawa mo, sa una lang may hiya.pero later on go lang ng go.

  32. grill said on 17-03-2010

    matagal na akong nkapag-comment, ngayon lang. sir, you should have, at any cost, avoided that which i believe is avoidable. there might be a possibility of blackmail or worse, the student must have HIV already, i hope not. That’s why i always terrify, terrify my high school students of HIV so that they’ll get back to their senses and keep their morals. i’m gay, yes, but i love all the mothers in the world and i don’t want their children’s future ruined.

  33. Edgar Portalan said on 17-03-2010

    kalokah itech…2,500, ano yan gintong titi ha ha ha ha…
    tapos naging libre hmmm…parang letter kay Xerex Xaviera he he he he…

  34. prince said on 17-03-2010

    Panalo ka prof.! Naalala me tuloy college days me, sinimplehan dn me ng teacher me sa gym cr, nyahahaha!

  35. dave_davao said on 17-03-2010

    hahaha bisaya na si migs..
    maka melai ka ba migs??

  36. ukuk said on 17-03-2010

    likes it. 😀

  37. Assuming said on 17-03-2010

    grabe, kainggit talaga. hay, katulad mo may problem rin ako…. basta insecure ako sa ‘yo! haha

  38. dalumat said on 17-03-2010

    nakakabitin ang kwento! prof. roger, please continue!

    galing ng response mo, migs.

  39. ~Carrie~ said on 17-03-2010

    Migs, panalo ka talaga sa mga expressions mo. At kay Mila, este Roger, take it from Migs.

  40. ~Carrie~ said on 17-03-2010

    Mis, panalo ka talaga sa mga expressions mo. At kay Mila, este Roger, take it from Migs.

  41. jhan said on 17-03-2010

    ..naks namn..sarap nang experience mo prof..kaso katakot din ung risk…

  42. Tony said on 17-03-2010

    apir! Sarap diba? 😛

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