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Hi Kuya Migs, Nainspire akong magsulat ng story ko sa kakabasa ng mga letters sa page mo. Anyway my story goes like this.

Ako si Mark, 21 anyos. 5’7, med-built,Fair complexion at Dating Sales Rep. ng isang Book store sa Mall. Well of course, Straight acting din ako.
I think nararamdaman ng family ko na may kakaiba sakin, pero siyempre kuya migs dedma nalang diba.Hirap din silang magtanong sakin about sa gender ko.

Palagi din ako sa mga chatrooms like G4M pero na block ng IP ko ang site na yun at hindi ko na alam kung paano ibalik, nahihiya naman akong ipaayos sa mga kaibigan kong marunong sa pc siyempre tatanongin ako nung mga yun kung anong site ba ang gustong kong ipaayos.hayyyy nako kuya, alam ko marami sa mga readers ngayon ang makakarelate.Siguro, Isa na rin nga ako sa mga modernong TNT (Tago Ng Tago) sa sariling bansa. :(

Sa kakahanap ko ng pamalit sa site na ito, may nakuha akong messenger na pwedeng mag chat sa room with all other Bi-gays and trippers.Di ko alam kung bakit gustong gusto ko pumasok sa mga ganyan. Siiguro nga kasi, dun lang ako nakakahanap ng freedom at acceptance. Kumbaga dun ako nakahanap ng sarili kong mundo.

One day, nagkaroon ako ng ka-close dito sa room na ito at naging magkaibigan kami. Itago nalang natin sya sa name na Dude.29 yrs.old med-built,chinito,kutis mayaman at isa siyang doctor ng isang pribadong ospital sa pinas.

I don’t really do meet ups, dahil sa takot din ako, pero this time, i feel safe naman and palagay ko walang naman syang gagawin sakin na masama.So nagkita kami, parang date,nuod sine,kain sa resto. ang sweet, nakakaumay! Then after that,siguro mga 2:30am na, ihahatid na niya ako sa amin.Pero huminto kami sa isang madilim na part ng street,di kalayuan sa subdivision namen at duon naganap ang di ko inaasahan. Sa KOTSE pa! hahaha

Tinitigan niya ako sa mata,parang nangungusap,nang aakit at nagnanasa. Sabay hinawakan niya ang hita ko at unti-unti syang lumalapit sa mukha ko hanggang sa nagdampi ang aming mga labi.Masarap ang pakiramdam ko,Parang First-Time ko ulit makaramdam ng ganon.Tapos, naramdaman ko nalang na binubuksan na niya ang Zipper ko at inalabas ang nakatindig at matigas ng T*** ko. Nahihiya ako nung una pero siyempre lumaban narin ako. Hanggang sa parehas na kaming nagpapalitan ng masasarap na halik at yakap. (Oo na,panget na kung panget, pero i guess we both liked the idea of being caught.)

At sa mga sumunod na pagkikita namin, sa hotel na, naulit ng naulit ang mga pangyayaring parehas kaming nasiyahan. For 1 year ganito lagi ang eksena namin. Friends with Benefits ba.Nakakatawa, pero kahit ganon, Nag eenjoy din ako.
Pero alam ko sa sarili ko na walang mangyayari saming relasyon,alam ko na hanggang ganon lang kami,magkikita kung kelan tawag lang ng mga laman namin. Alam ko kasi sa sarili ko na, Hindi kami bagay at sa mga katulad ko, ang hirap makipagrelasyon ng totoo. May GF sya, Wala kong magagawa dun at nirerespeto ko sya,kelanman hindi ako ng himasok sa mundo nya para nalang din maprotektahan namin ang isa’t isa at ang isa pa, di na rin talaga ako siguro marunong ma-inlove after magbreak kami ng Gf ko for 5 years. Saklap.

Di na kami gaano nagkikita ni dude, nagtetext siya sakin, “hey,kamusta na? ba’t di kana nagpaparamdam?galit kaba?”
Di ako sumasagot sa mga texts niya, Iniiwasan ko na sya, natatakot na kasi ako, baka matuluyan nakong ma-inlove sa kanya.

After a year, nagdecide akong mang-ibang bansa. I grabbed the opportunity that my aunt gave me. Sayang naman kasi, baka dito ko makahanap ng magandang panimula ko sa buhay,makapagipon,makabalik sa pag-aaral at matulungan ang parents ko.
Tahimik akong nagasikaso ng mga kailangan kong papers and requirements. Walang nakakaalam sa mga kaibigan ko,
Yes, even Dude..saka nalang ako ng Post sa Fb na asa abroad nako para sure.

Nag message sya agad sakin.
DUDE:”Nakaalis kana pala… Bat di ka man lang nagpasabi?”
MARK:”Ah,.. ehh.. Kasi ayokong may makaalam na aalis ako kasi di pa naman ako sure. pero eto nga andito nako.sorry…”
DUDE: “Ganon… daming excuses, I guess di lang talaga ako priority… it’s ok.. ingat ka jan.”
MARK: “Naks! PRIORITY? may ganon?Bakit, ako ba? kailan ako naging priority sayo ha?
DUDE: “Matagal kanang priority sakin..di ko lang sinasabi,nahihiya kasi ako. ikaw lang talaga tong mailap.:(”

Wala akong nasabi.Para kong nasapak sa mukha tapos natulala. Di ko alam kung anong isasagot ko..
Hanggang ngayon iniisip ko parin kung may katotohanan ba yung sinabi niya at dapat ba akong maniniwala na may posibilidad na maging kami. Ewan ko kuya migs. Naguguluhan na ako. until now, wala padin akong maisagot sa kanya.
Help me. :(

Thank you Kuya Migs!God bless you! :))

Mark

Comments (59)

  1. awaken said on 21-03-2012

    guys! repent! the end is near!
    Try to read Revalations… It’s gonna be a huge soul-sevouring fire.

    • ricki said on 18-04-2012

      pls. lang ,stop this nonsense sermonizing.if you find this thread not to your liking,go to another one.nakakabanas ka.

  2. MattR said on 20-03-2012

    When you prioritize something, you give your commitment.

    Commitment means making something/someone a choice and throwing away all other options. Walang fall back, walang 2nd plan. Kasi commitment nga. You are prioritizing and committing to something NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS.

  3. lloydie said on 10-03-2012

    well, ganito lang yan. since late mo na malaman ung feelings n’ya bcoz of ur doubt (which is actually natural) that means hindi kayo pwedeng magpatuloy as more than “friends w/ benefit” maybe bcoz may ibang mas bonggang-bonggang plan for you ang life kaya move-on lng tol. pwedeng lumingon minsan pero wag palagi kc bka madami kang ma-miss na opportunity na nasa harap mo. :mrgreen:

  4. Wilberchie said on 29-02-2012

    may prejudice kasi agad because siguro of too much thinking… hmmmp… sa mga ganyang kaso… attack and attack… pag nasaktan ka at least alam mo yung totoo… hindi yung nasaktan ka and then you lost the chance kasi mali lang yung akala mo…

  5. Ryan said on 26-02-2012

    He would have done so much more even before you left had he wanted to bring his affair with you to the next level. I guess you were only his “beck and call” guy.
    Use your geographic advantage to move on.

  6. grace said on 20-02-2012

    mark, sa tingin ko, dapat hindi mo na sya isipin ngayon, sa tingin ko dapat mag focus ka nalang sa magiging work mo sa abroad kesa isip ang lalaking un. kung naguguluhan ka. ganito isipin mo. Hindi ka sigurado kung priority ka nya. nag babakasa kali ka lang beside may gf sya, pero kung mag focus ka sa work malaki ang porsyento na makamit mo ang mga dreams mo po, matutulungan mo ang mga parents mo diba. been there done that.
    love and kisses ate grace

  7. Nick said on 20-02-2012

    Mark,

    There’s no use crying over spilled milk. If he was really serious of you being his priority, let him dump his girlfriend first. Unfortunately, both of you were too inhibited to actually talk about your feelings and the possibility of a relationship.

    I say learn your lesson and move on. Look at the positive side of what happened and see how you can live and love better.

  8. Ken said on 19-02-2012

    Hi Migs!

    ive been following you since ’07 and palagi ako andito dati. peor lately parang wala nang dating yung mga posts mo. ewwan.

    tapos pansin ko din na sa dami ng mga kwento mo (yung mga letter senders), parang ikaw lang gumagawa nun. iisa kasi yung tono ng pagsasalita sa sulat. is it just me or what?? :lol:

    • MARK said on 21-02-2012

      It’s not true sir.. I’m MARK. Nagsend ako ng letter sa kanya para malaman ko kung may makakatulong sa tanong ko. bat di mo i-try magsend ng kwento mo sa kanya para malaman mo yung sagot sa haka-haka mo?

  9. almer said on 18-02-2012

    sana wag mo na lang isipin siya dahil sa huli wala namn mangyayari sa relation nyo mahihirapan ka lang kuha mo. :grin:

  10. almer said on 18-02-2012

    :razz: naka relate ako.ang sa akin namn alam kong ako napakatanga ko pero masisisi mo ba ako eh sa totoong nagmahal ako nang isang gwuapong lalake puro sabi nya na mahal din nya ako pero di ko maramdamn hanggang dumating na ang point na ayaw ko na dahil puro ako ang nagbibigay sa lahat nang aspeto love,financial hanggang sa marealized ko na ginagamit na lang nya ako,nawawala din pala ang pagmamahal kung puro awa na lang sa sarile mo ang naiisip mo kaya ayoko nang magmahal na may perang involved sana maktagpo ako nang totoong lalake na kaya akong mahalin nang akoy ako.sana…

  11. diesel said on 17-02-2012

    tayo na lang mark.. ano sa palagay mo? =)

    • MARK said on 18-02-2012

      Di ko alam deisel. I need to focus. Kelangan kong makahanap ng trabaho. So, ang love and sex life, isang tabi muna siguro. :neutral:

  12. aaron said on 16-02-2012

    i can’t believe that you let it happen for a year and then fear that you would fall in love with the guy. Ganon ba kasarap? I mean, come on, you knew firsthand that he has a girlfriend and he’s 29 years old already. Malamang, he’s considering to settle down w/ that girl and he’s never gonna treat you as a priority.

    sorry, i know my words are harsh, pero we have to accept that this is the truth of our generation. i’m 20 years old, younger i know, pero i’ve come to realize that when it’s the older guys who you have sex with, they’re more into it for the sex alone and not for the love kasi nga they already have long-term relationships and kumbaga, “ibang putahe” ka lang. sorry. pero, stay away and find another. probably, you’d find that person that would make you happy. :grin:

    • Carlo said on 17-02-2012

      I don’t think I will agree on your statement but that’s your opinion. Madami pa rin namang mature guys who’s longing for a serious relationship yun ngablang mahirap because of different reasons and circumstances.

      • aaron said on 20-02-2012

        mature guys and old guys are different kasi for me e. :) maybe you’re right. applying it to this case, Dr. Dude is categorized in both your point of view and mine. why? he has a serious relationship albeit with a girlfriend. and, he is also just in it for sex… with mark. do you get my point? :grin:

      • MARK said on 20-02-2012

        I do! At lahat ng mga comments na nandito eh naintindihan ko. Infact, sumobra na nga ang mga sagot na kelangan ko eh. In the end, all i really want to have is CLARITY at ang mga sumasangayon sa akin na Walang Katotohanan ang sinabi ni Dr. DUDE! Yun lang! Thank u guys! :grin:

    • MARK said on 17-02-2012

      Kaya nga ako umiwas kasi nga alam ko yung kahihinatnan ng mga mangyayari samin. ang tinanong ko lang naman eh kung maniniwala ako sa sinabi niyang PRIORITY niya ako nuon pa?

      Kasi ako mismo hindi naniniwala…gusto ko lang naman makakuha ng kakampi sa time na to tama ang iniisip ko.

      I moved on,matagal na..
      Nagulo lang dahil sa sinabi niyang yan.
      Anyway,bumawi ka naman sa last part ng comment eh! Thanks! :razz:

      • tutoy bird said on 18-02-2012

        You know what mark whenever I receive a message

      • tutoy bird said on 18-02-2012

        I always second guess. Gusto ko kung sabihin man niya sa akin yun harapan or in your case skype. Wala lang. Para sa akin sa akn mas totoo ang sinasabi kapag harapan.

      • flick said on 18-02-2012

        don’t be deceived by those words then. madali naman sabihin yun. ang tanong, pinaparamdam ba nya?

      • MARK said on 18-02-2012

        Ang sagot eh “HINDI.” hindi ko nga pinaalam sa kanya diba.? nagpost lang ako ng status sa FB ko na nakaalis nako at wala nako sa pinas..Di na nga kasi kami naguusap. Nito nalang huli na nag message siya sakin.Nagreply ako then it started again.

      • tutoy bird said on 18-02-2012

        hay naku, define priority. Hay naku ulit. Priority niya gf niya, profession niya dahil doctor siya. Ikaw family mo. Kaya ka nga nagabroad ng lihim.

      • aaron said on 20-02-2012

        sorry.. :

        tama naman yung naging decision mo e. hanga nga ako na for someone emotionally attached, kinaya mong lumayo for your own good. personally, di ko kaya. nasasabi ko lang to, pero di ko kaya gawin, tanga ako sa love.

        wag mo hayaang magulo sarili mo. nagdecide ka na for yourself, stand by it. kasi if not, magugulo lang buhay mo. dont add complexities to your life. :)

        hehe. buti nalang nabawi pala. haha :lol:

    • Ruzztye said on 17-02-2012

      I’m sorry Aaron, you’re 20, and you don’t know what you’re saying. I’m 36 and I don’t even know what I’m saying. You speak with a certainty that we in the older age bracket are only in it for sex. Not the case. We are at the age that we are more mature. We can handle relationships a lot better than your generation. Your generation is the one that is wishy washy in dealing with your wants and needs, and we are the one who usually has to understand your situation. Basta for me, pag may GF, OUT! Ayoko ng may kasabay/kasalo. Selfish ako eh. Hahahahaha! We at the older age bracket are ready to be loved and to love.

      • aaron said on 20-02-2012

        im not saying every older guy and i’m not defending my age group as well. i very well know what my age group has become and i resent having to be part of it but it’s the truth.
        what i was saying is that MOST older guys who you do sex lang are only in it for SEX. period. no emotional attachments. and age does not dictate a person’s emotional maturity. i’ve know guys who are old enough to have children and yet, still act as if they’re 18 year olds. peace

  13. Ulon said on 16-02-2012

    Yaan mo na sya… Huwag mong pang hawakan ung sinabi nya (“Matagal kanang priority sakin..di ko lang sinasabi,nahihiya kasi ako. ikaw lang talaga tong mailap.:(“), dahil me girlfriend sya, tapos nagugulohan kayo pareho sa gender nyu. Saka pagnagkikita kayo, dahil tawag lang ng laman. Kung me ralationship man kayo eh, nasa “honeymoon stage” pa lang, wala pa sa “reality stage”. Ok lang sana kung nasa pinas ka at istambay ka lang sa bahay, eh nasa ibang bansa ka na, your building your future at ng family mo. Iiwan mo lahat yan para lang sa kanya? Isang malaking NO ang sagot dyan. Wag mong sayangin yan. Move on and embrace your dream(s). Wag mo na ring isipin na magkaroon ng distance-relationship sa kanya, kung magulo nga ang lahat ng kau’y nagkikita pa ngayon pa kaya. Iba ang salita sa gawa. Madali lang magsalita, mahirap gawain. Tulad ko madali lang magbigay ng payo sayo, pero pag-ako na nasa kalagayan mo, mahirap diva.

  14. sun said on 16-02-2012

    Imagine if they were the 2 on the picture, everyone’s gonna die of envy.

    Bakit ba wala akong nakakachat na ganyan “29 yrs.old med-built,chinito,kutis mayaman”

  15. Mark said on 15-02-2012

    Oo nga, san nga ba yang mga chatrooms na yan…haha. @Closer2Fame, naalala ko rin yang The last unicorn, kasabayan ng animated na The Hobbit, haha

  16. BW said on 15-02-2012

    Sad lang. Not everyone among the community of ours will ever have that chance to be loved. I can say for my generation, mostly are afraid to commit because of the fear of being left behind. I am hoping that I am saying this on another person’s point of view, but it’s mine. Somehow I can relate to it. And now I just live by regretting before the regret. :neutral:

  17. tonsils said on 15-02-2012

    nakakatawa yung kwento, parang tabloid lang :grin:

    “Tinitigan niya ako sa mata,parang nangungusap,nang aakit at nagnanasa. Sabay hinawakan niya ang hita ko at unti-unti syang lumalapit sa mukha ko hanggang sa nagdampi ang aming mga labi.”

    HAHAHA

  18. Closer2Fame said on 15-02-2012

    Maybe I would have been happier following the norms that I grew up with instead of getting lost in a new world where there’s almost no turning back.. Reminds me of the cartoon movie “The last Unicorn” where the unicorn was turned into girl and fell in love with a man and when she was turned back into a unicorn, she never felt the same ever again. I sometimes regret choosing this lifestyle but I guess you’ll never really know until you experienced it all. :neutral:

  19. flick said on 15-02-2012

    Ang hirap sa ganitong affair, its like walking along a field with mine traps around. parang lahat walang kasiguraduhan. In your case, may gf sya at kabit ka. Sabihin na lang natin, you’re the one that got away in his life. If you’ll ask me personally, I’ll tell you this, “its for your good”. First, given na nasa relasyon sya, you’ll always be an option. Nakakatakot ang karma so you’re better off without him. Lilipas din yan. Second, you’ll find someone more deserving of your love. Someone who will put you on altar. Someone who’ll love you fully and will be proud having you. Kung mahal ka nya, he’ll choose you. Kasi kung di nya magagawa yun, at the long run, sakit sa puso lang yan. God bless. :smile:

    • MARK said on 15-02-2012

      I like the words ” Sakit sa puso lang yan.” In the end, wala pa din naman akong choice but to move on. It’s just that i am confused sa sinabi niya sakin. I don’t really know kung totoo ba yun or he just made it up to sound sad kasi wala na syang FUBU jan sa pinas. :roll:

  20. Fishy said on 15-02-2012

    Ang problema dun ay hndi ka naging honest sa kanya about what your plans were and how you feel about him. If you told him that malamang both of you could have planned out where your relationship could flourish.

    Kung wala kang feelings for him, at least give him the benefit na magkaron ng closure. Pero kung meron, tell him.

    Afterall the gratuitous sex, a romance may have actually begun.

    Dont waste it. Its so hard to find a quality guy nowadays.

  21. Chino said on 15-02-2012

    Teka muna, bago ang lahat, sino iyong napaka-guwapong lalaking nasa picture? iyong nasa likod.

  22. Railey said on 15-02-2012

    ahmm…comment lng ako dun sa last part kung san cnabe mo na until now dka pa din mkasagot sa cnabe niya..ibig sabihin ba may filings ka pa din sknya..pero kung para sakin tama lng un kase ..sure na mas priority niya ung gf niya ..nasabe niya lng un kase para sken….gus2 niya ung gnagawa nyo..pero gang dun lng tayo…and2 naman ako eh bka pde ako ehem hahhahahaa :lol: :lol: :lol:

  23. Paolo said on 14-02-2012

    Kainggit naman.. Lol. San ba yang mga chatroom na yan?!? Bat wala akong alam na mga ganyan? hehe :wink:

  24. Cruiser Dude said on 14-02-2012

    Move on Mark, unahin mo ang magandang opportunity na naghihintay sa iyo dahil may mga umaasa sa iyo at lalo na sa iyong future. Marami ka pang mami-meet along the way pero you have to prioritize that chance. Maraming Dude sa iyong daraanan. Keep it up.

  25. second_chance said on 14-02-2012

    di naman sia mawawala at may connection ka naman sa kaniya,.. try mo siang balikan. kung wala nang nararamdaman, then that’s it at kung meron, harapin mo :smile:

  26. tutoy bird said on 14-02-2012

    hanap ka na lang ng iba. Ako din eh. Naghahanap. Sigh…

  27. jay said on 14-02-2012

    wow hanep sa tinagal tagal hangang gayon na aalala pa, mukhang sa tinagal ng panahon hindi mbura sa isip mu… burahin mo na sya.. hanap na lang iba ng sumaya k isang panaginip na lang ang nakaraan., ang gayon ang isipin…

  28. paris troy said on 14-02-2012

    mahirap kalimutan ang “good memories” but let this be your motivation to do what you wanted to be lalo na dyan sa ibang bansa..malay mo, sumunod dyan..

  29. red said on 14-02-2012

    The word WHAT IF? for me is really the hardest question to answer… especially if it’s all about love…

  30. Krul said on 14-02-2012

    Yes, your story is relatable. But you should move on. It’s a missed chance. And there is no assurance that you’ll still be together. One thing’s for sure, bata ka pa and you can explore the mysteries of love.

  31. KGG said on 14-02-2012

    One of the greatest things that we can do to our life is to extend the love regardless if we get back the reward of it. Long distance is another case though there are some cases it works others “Suntok na Lang sa buwan”. You should embrace it with open mind and a memorable experience and let this as your step to take the journey in another path of a meaningful life. :wink:

  32. tony said on 14-02-2012

    Kaya kung gusto o mahal mo ang isang tao, you should let him know. Kung hindi niya ire-reciprocate, at least you tried at alam mo ang sagot, kesa naman you find out too late na mahal ka rin niya at hindi na pwede or you never find out and you spend the rest of your life wondering about what ifs…

    • McVie said on 15-02-2012

      Agree! Both of you are not mind readers. So take a chance and say it. At kung basted, at least you can now start to move on and not waste any more of your time with him.

  33. tutoy bird said on 14-02-2012

    nakakahinayang. Araw pa naman ng mga puso. :razz:

  34. Jennifer Semilla said on 14-02-2012

    You missed a chance, yun lang.

  35. Clio said on 14-02-2012

    Don’t fall for words, fall for actions.

  36. Poseidon said on 14-02-2012

    Mahirap talagang magtiwala sa nararamdaman mo especially kung may karelasyon na iba yung gusto mo. Paano ka naman magiging priority eh may GF nga siya. I guess Dude needs to be more transparent and consistent on what he says and what he does. Just my thoughts for you to think about….

  37. Brian said on 14-02-2012

    darn! nakarelate ako!

    I won’t blame you if you are hesitant to commit. Ang daming involve at ang daming bagay na dapat i weigh… but don’t deny to yourself the possibility… what if, he is really sincere… what if he is really the one? Try to establish connection again and ask (na sa’yo na kung biglaan or pa-sublte pa). Answers will not just appear out of thin air. Good luck! :razz:

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