Manila Gay Guy
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Hi Migs,

I’ve been a frequent visitor of your site and I noticed that it become a good online support group. Many people are more than grateful about this. We have seen many straight-acting gays sharing their experiences and agonies through this blog. Yet I haven’t read one coming from an obviously effeminate “sexual minority” like me. Regardless, please allow me to share my own experience, and raise my own questions as well. For the sake of privacy, I would prefer to be called Shane by this website’s community.

There was no encouragement or discouragement from my parents when they learned about my sexual orientation. Alam na nila habang lumalaki ako and they managed to gradually accept me for who I am. So, I never bothered hiding my identity from my family. Being effeminate has never been an issue for them I guess, but cross-dressing is. Kaya as a result, I have never been confident in cross-dressing all these years.

I used to think that those people living in the closet must be very pathetic for not being brave enough to stand up for their identity. However, my college years proved to be an enlightening venue, especially after reading about Alfred Kinsey’s theoretical scale for measuring sexual orientation.

Despite what I’ve learned, there are still questions whose answers have eluded me all this time. They tend to focus on the matter regarding straight-acting gays and the closeted ones. As it turned out, my openly-gay friends can’t provide a sensible answer, kasi sila mismo hindi dumaan sa ganitong phase. Maybe this website’s community can provide insights.

- Why are there more people saying that there is a perceived increase in the number of straight-acting gays, and that even effeminate ones are being “converted”? Is this just merely a perception?

- What possible factors contribute to a closet gay’s decision to remain hidden? Is it family, his/her own judgment that being openly gay is awful, etc?

- What do we have to consider before we can conclude na bakla ang isang guy dahil pumatol siya sa isang bakla (straight-acting, effeminate, whatever)?

- Why is there a mutual animosity between the effeminate gays and the straight-acting ones? This is particularly true in some online community. Bakit parang mahirap tanggapin na maraming kulay ang rainbow?

- In the Philippine setting, can an effeminate gay find a true romantic involvement (yung tipong hindi lang pineperahan)? Personally, this uncertainty regarding the other person’s possible underlying intentions is a major factor why I am romantically challenged until now (I am not a risk-taker). :D

I am not sure if these questions have been asked before, pero sana you can find time to provide your own opinion or let the website’s community share theirs.

Regards,
Shane

Comments (106)

  1. dean said on 30-11-2012

    i agree to “closer2fame’s”reaction,lets just be happy and enjoy life regardless of what is our individual orientation in life.because in the end its us who choose our own happiness!straight,gay or whatever really don’t matter as long as we respect each others life. :smile:

  2. Ashley De Ocampo said on 01-05-2012

    Some gay guys can be hypocrites kaya nakakainis, they’ll say they’re straight acting and they only like other straight acting homosexuals for partners and or sex, and usually you’ll see on some “gay” social networking sites that their criteria often removes either fat people, effeminate, and cross dressers on the list, why? Is this an act of discrimination inside a discriminated minority? Ugh! To be fair, I am openly gay and effeminate, because of these criteria(s) I’ve never been on a serious relationship before because of the simple fact I can’t stand hypocrites who would say they’re “Bi” “Metro-sexual” and “Discreet”? Huh? Discretion is an act which is not associated with sexuality?! UGH sakit ng ulo ko! papapak muna ako ng Advil… :twisted:

  3. marijo said on 01-05-2012

    Why are there more people saying that there is a perceived increase in the number of straight-acting gays, and that even effeminate ones are being “converted”? Is this just merely a perception?

    - perception lang ito. unless you make a study, then you have one.

    - What possible factors contribute to a closet gay’s decision to remain hidden? Is it family, his/her own judgment that being openly gay is awful, etc?

    - kagaya ng mga namention sa mga previous comments, family, friends, workmates, society etc. sa tingin mo kung walang pressure ng mga yan, di yung mga nagcocomment dito e pwedeng pwedeng pangalan ang mga sarili nila sa tunay nilang pangalan with matching picture and personal info. pero para sakin eto ang rason ko, kung gusto ko ng equality sa mundong ito, then it should begin with me.Di kailanman palaging pinagsisigawan ng isang straight na babae o straight na lalaki sa paligid nya na sila ay mga straight na babae o lalaki?so kung equal ako sa kanila, di ko rin dapat gawin yun.bading ako at yun nayon.kung di halata, di magtanong at ng malaman ang kasagutan.

    - What do we have to consider before we can conclude na bakla ang isang guy dahil pumatol siya sa isang bakla (straight-acting, effeminate, whatever)?

    - ang sagot ko – what do we have to consider before we can conclude na straight na ang bakla dahil pumatol siya sa isang babae?

    In the Philippine setting, can an effeminate gay find a true romantic involvement (yung tipong hindi lang pineperahan)? Personally, this uncertainty regarding the other person’s possible underlying intentions is a major factor why I am romantically challenged until now (I am not a risk-taker).

    – ang tao naiinlove sa kapwa nya base sa mga characteristics na gusto o pinapangarap nya para sa magiging partner nya.nagkakataon lang siguro na yung mga staight na lalaki o babae na pumapatol sa kapwa nila e nakikita most often yung characteristics na yun dun sa same sex kesa sa opposite.romantic relationship ang pinaguusapan natin hindi sex.iba ang case dun.

  4. akosidiosa said on 15-04-2012

    Shane,

    I’d like to comment more on your last question:

    - In the Philippine setting, can an effeminate gay find a true romantic involvement (yung tipong hindi lang pineperahan)? Personally, this uncertainty regarding the other person’s possible underlying intentions is a major factor why I am romantically challenged until now (I am not a risk-taker).

    - Absolutely. I am merely talking more from experience. It’s not always in romance that you have to take risks dear. It is inevitable in any situation. With my curent partner, I needed to leave everything behind for him. Lucky for me I guess that after 5 years now we are still together. If I didn’t take my chances before, I wouldn’t have known that it will work.

    A lot of people may think I’m being mushy or something, pero masasabi kong isa ako sa mga baklang my greatest love story.

    Hindi ako minahal ng partner ko dahil sa pera or because of good looks because I don’t have both. I am just a typical gay from the province who once decided to take the risk of following him here in the metro which he greatly appreciate until now. Sabi nga nya, para kaming sina Romeo and Juliet because both our families doesn’t want us together but now I would say, it’s always worth trying.

  5. sheen said on 09-04-2012

    I can relate to this post, as if you are exactly me! but i think you should not pressure yourself to find true love, it will come to you at the right place, at the right time. Just enjoy your life with your family and friends.

    and also, diversity makes the world more interesting, kung pare pareho lang tayo, walang excitement. don’t mind the other gay types, just be who you are.

  6. akosirye said on 08-04-2012

    hMmMm.,
    being a straight acting gay is not really a big deal in finding a partner(ung d ka peperahan,etc) well, it will still be depending on how you treat urself and how you show it to others…ganito kc eh, may mga effem na alam mu na agad na gay, may mga effem naman na sa voice mo mahahalata since they dress like professionals…here’s my point, i am a 22year old accountant-had 4 professional straight acting ex’s, ni minsan hndi nging pr0blema sa knila na malandi ako mgsalita, na maarte ako…cguro ang saken lng,pnpakita ko ung totoo sa kanila at the same time being decent at professional pa din…

  7. sweet27 said on 07-04-2012

    I’m also an effem, I have a girly voice but I dont cross dress as well and trying to be decent but certainly not a discreet ,They said here that a straight guy wont even want an effem,well in my case, they’re the one who’s attracted to me..kapal. Whenever I flirted to those someone I like,oftentimes,nakukuha ko sila, but not everytime. Na reject na din ako numerous times…siguro my mga homophobic lang talaga. Pero the sad part being an effem, nakuha mo nga sila ng walang kapalit pero hanggan dun lang…pure lust w/o love.On the other hand sa mga bi naman madali makapag hook up pero dapat bi -bi din,pag straight ang ni flirt nila chances are baka jombagin naman sila,at di basta2x makapag pa cute sa guy kasi baka STR8 pala,Unlike effems,kahit kanino magpapansin ang ending hanggang kama lang lagi.

    • jason said on 08-04-2012

      tama! wag na kasi i-rationalize masyado ang pagiging ‘straight acting’ or ‘effem’ ninyo.
      You are like that simply because you are like that.

      Let live. :)

      • kris said on 09-04-2012

        Hi sweet27, I fully understand your situation. Pero we have to understand din na those guys who hit on gaymen are not really straight. Those straight guys might get defensive here. Bahala na sila, lol. Kaya as gay men and women, purgahin na natin ang ating mga sarili from stereotypical labels. Those who made passes at you may not be the what we call straight as a cucumber. They are the relative straights. Sa academia nga may study nga people do not fall on certain categories of sexuality, meaning no one is always considered purely straight or gay. That is why yung mga yun puro lust lang walang love. If they were truly gay, they would have loved you. kaya din may gay violence is because sometimes tayong mga gay think we can have that straight boy, and straight guys get so defensive about their sexuality that they get violent about it. Yan dyan galing ang homophobia, ayaw ng mga straight dudes na mabahiran sila. Ako nga im masculine gay pero i dont mind having effeminate gay men hitting on me. Naiintindihan ko sila eh, pareho lang kami. Hindi madali para sa atin. Kaya as a principle, masculine gay men should never brush off the effeminates who adore you, for the effems naman, dont think na por que straight acting na yung lalaki, nagtatago siya. Straight and straight-acting men are two different things. Heterosexuality does not equate straight-acting

  8. piolo bediones said on 06-04-2012

    Treat others the way you want to be treated: sa mga matataray na bading kaya kayo ini-stereo type kc inuokray nyo mga kauri nyo…db pagiging insecure yun?? Mga dAy wag na din kayo mag convert para makapag booking ok na ganyan kayo(better para walang pretentions)OUT!!!Sa mga BIs,pamhins/str8 acting and even closeted naman kaya ayaw nyo ang kauri nyo kc pareho kayo ng gusto.lol :p At mejo aloof din kayo sa mga effems minsan kc ayaw nyo magkaron ng bahid.

  9. vice gandang hari said on 06-04-2012

    Naloka naman ako sa mga kwento ditey..well,mga PLUS: We are all equal in the eyes of god, as long as we’re not stepping each others feet,then there’ll be no conflicts. We’re different in color but always remember still we’re connected as one-rainbow.

  10. Mj said on 05-04-2012

    Havn’t read the other comments so it might be a bit redundant.. But these are my opinions (note MY opinions) on the matter

    a.  Why are there more people saying that there is a perceived increase in the number of straight-acting gays, and that even effeminate ones are being “converted”? Is this just merely a perception?
    I don’t believe there is an increase in straight acting gays. Sexuality can be very fluid according to the society it resides in. In the Roman/Greek times, homosexuality can be readily accepted. I can only assume the attitude of the people in that culture (as im not an expert in sexuality history) but the thing is do a little googling, ebook searching and you’ll find that homosexuality is probably not a taboo topic during those times. In fact they readily display blatant homoerotic images in urns (vases)… anyway, to cut things short… my idea is that perhaps men (male gender) can actually swing in both ways but is prevented by society because of moral (refering to religious) issues which is viewed as important in our society. . Does this “swinging” make they gay? Probably (with emphasis) not.. . And my views simply are that men are more adventurous in exploring their sexuality.. Perhaps due to higher libido, they are willing to risk sexual encounters with a taboo system in society and simply forget what they have done.. Going back to being a regular husbands/boyfriends etc. Which confuses my definition of what is the truth to being “gay”? Can the men who have sex with other men but have no psychological attachment whatsoever be called gay? Or is psychological attachment (aka “love”) needed for the definition? To illustrate this problem, you might be surprised at the practices of some cultures particularly in the middle east which is a male predominant society. Male to male sex is about domination, and in their “definition”,- you ARE NOT gay if you are the active (penetrating) partner. Weird concept? It can get confusing… they can actively solicit sex from a male partner, if they are aware that partner is gay, but they will be insulted if you imply that the solicitor is gay because he asks for sex from another male partner.. This shows the fluidity of sexuality,.. It varies according to the culture or the opinions of their society.

    Now, why the perceived increased in number? I can probably offer a few possible scenarios why, one would be acceptance factor. Societal opinions on homosexuality is less harsh than before. Whereas the stereotyped gays in the dolphy movie (movies I believe can reflect the general opinion of a society) era days were restricted to hair salons, and comic relief, the presence of gay people in business, arts, science, and political arena are now recognized. They are somewhat discriminated against for being gay but at the same time accepted. You can be gay and be a voted leader… you can be discriminated for being gay but they will accept your talents, abilities for example. I have other theories, but ill limit it to this one muna.

    b. What possible factors contribute to a closet gay’s decision to remain hidden? Is it family, his/her own judgment that being openly gay is awful, etc?
    I find this question unusual because the answer is (forgive me) obvious. OUR society has deemed homosexuality as un-natural and defies the laws of God for the creation of Adam and Eve. Yes it has to do with discrimination from society and that includes family, work mates and friends… and if such attitudes prevail, only the strong-in-character, will laugh these negative opinions off. For the most part, this can contribute to some form of psychological trauma… and homosexuals in the closet for the most part have to deal with this issue silently.

    c. Why is there a mutual animosity between the effeminate gays and the straight-acting ones? This is particularly true in some online community. Bakit parang mahirap tanggapin na maraming kulay ang rainbow?
    The animosity I “believe” would stem from the different “kulay ng rainbow” both characters (straight-acting and effeminate) behave in society. Straight acting would judge the effeminate as too boisterous, loud, too open, which is in contradiction to what they are… For the straight acting ones, you can be gay but you don’t have to be a flagrant character to be one…so much so that it doesn’t seem to fit a standard human character (even the female sexes don’t act/behave that much).

    On the other hand, open gays sometimes force the straight acting ones “out”… believing that being gay is about being someone who acts like them and therefore should act like them ( I have to stress, I do not want to over generalize the idea here). However, straight acting gays resent to this idea because acting effeminate is just not in their(straight-acting) psyche-meaning its not that they’re hiding their personality, its just that being effeminate just doesn’t exist for their character to start with. Likewise people generally poke fun at gayish characteristics (voice, hand movements, etc..), Society conforms to the majority, and the straight acting ones, join in on the bandwagon simply because they don’t act effeminate.

    d. In the Philippine setting, can an effeminate gay find a true romantic involvement (yung tipong hindi lang pineperahan)? Personally, this uncertainty regarding the other person’s possible underlying intentions is a major factor why I am romantically challenged until now (I am not a risk-taker). 
    An effeminate gay CAN find true romantic love, but there are barriers that exist in society (im blaming society for everything but this is the sad truth, we must live with it and hope world wide opinions on homosexuality change soon). But true romantic relationships do exist.. And in my opinion, once such a relationship exists, it must be recognized by society (by civic union or marriage) to solidify this.. Otherwise, it will collapse since society doesn’t recognize this relationship formally.

    In terms of Pineperahan im afraid that’s…somewhat just luck of the draw.

  11. maccallister said on 03-04-2012

    ito gusto ko sa blog mo MGG sa mga comments palang busog na busog na ko pagbabasa at madami akong natutunan :-)

  12. Justin G said on 02-04-2012

    The few effem boys i know get a lot more action than people like me who are streight acting…. I think we both target the same male boy… But since the boys already know they are after them, it takes the guessing part out of the equation. Hehe 09279267006. I miss my ex who’s getting merried!

  13. bobjohncanlas said on 29-03-2012

    ang msasabi ko lang, tru dis thread i proved to my self na mtatalino tlga mga beklat,, mgaling magreason out at has diff valid opinions,,, ang sakin lang acceptance,,,, accept urself kung anu ka man, accept others kc for sure matagal nilang pinagisipan wat gsto nila maging physicali nd emotionali,, at dun sila masaya,, at dito at sa ganito din tyo masaya,,, pagiging beki,, :mrgreen:

  14. cato said on 29-03-2012

    nice one shane! im really glad you actually brought out the issue na every gaymen regardless kung malambot o hindi want to address. it’s a fact that most gaymen now chooses to be labeled as straight-acting basically because it gives them higher chances of finding someone. i remember an american comedy series before, sabi ng isang gay character na lalaki napakahirap daw maging bakla in the 20th century kasi u need to look good, have a stable job and a manly man to get a date. and i guess we all are morphing to be that type of guy…so papaano naman ang mga kapatid nating malalambot. minsan nakakatawa dba kasi for decades we been fighting to be accepted by the society pero at present kung saan medyo naestablish na ang acceptance at bahagi na tayo ng kahit anong sektor ng lipunan parang tayo pa mismo ang gumagawa ng diskriminasyon para sa mga kapatid natin. how many of us who have the hots for our straight good-looking neighbors/friends/co-worker/classmates? well, most of us…kaya nga usong uso sa porn industry ang mga gay-for-pay. i used to date only gaymen na matitigas ang ilan nga me mga asawa pang babae and most of them are jackasses. pero d time i dated the man i have right now (mejo malambot cya) i found out that i have the person i want to share my whole life with, and besides everytime he do those gay things lalo na ung sa mga salita at mga mannerisms i always end up laughing so hard and find him really endearing…so yes shane you can find a love na hindi klangan ng pera, u just have to be optimistic because there is always hope for us gaypeople.

  15. Closer2Fame said on 29-03-2012

    10 things I hate about the world
    1. I hate the hateful ignorance retained by the narrow-minds of the people around me.
    2. I hate that someone treats me so nicely but I’m also constantly reminded that he can never be mine.
    3. I hate that someone I like texts me to ask if I could refer some cougars as text mates..
    4. I hate that sexuality is always an issue.
    5. I hate people who tries to fit a huge round peg into a tiny square hole.
    6.I hate people who tries to persist into your life even though they don’t have room or space in it.
    7.I hate naive or ignorant people who associates you with stereotypes.
    8. I hate people who takes advantage of other people’s weaknesses.
    9. I hate the stigma that the catholic church has bestowed upon our kind.
    10. I hate that I sometimes hate people like me.

    • Ruben Sebastian said on 30-03-2012

      I hope that you are able to articulate the 10 things you love about the world as easily as you did with the 10 things you hate about it.

      Life would be so much lovelier if we concentrate on things that we like rather than on things that we hate.

      Sabi nga ni Migs: “World Peace.”

      • Closer2Fame said on 11-04-2012

        10 things I LOVE about the world
        1. I love that I have friends who lies to me because they don’t want to hurt my feelings and yet can say things as it is when I badly need it.
        2. I love that I can and did choose my friends.
        3. I love that we can all still choose to have fun.

        4. I love that I’m not that unfortunate.
        5. I love that luck will someday fall on my lap.
        6. I love the idea that there’s possibly someone out there that’s perfect for me.
        7. I love the fact that I’m out there taking that chance.
        8. I love that I can always choose the people I’m surrounded with.
        9. I love that there is still hope for change.
        10. I love that I still have hope.

  16. Kris said on 29-03-2012

    This is just the thing…gay men come in different shapes and sizes. With that said, gay men are as diverse as the fishes in the sea. Overtime, especially in the Philippines, gay or lesbian has become a boon for stereotypes. Being gay does not necessarily mean you have to be of a particular characteristic. The theoretical war that stems between the straight-acting and the effeminate originates from inevitable misunderstanding. The reason for this could attributed to the “straight” word in straight-acting gays and the “feminine” in effeminate. I remember one time when I was in the salon having had my hair done. One of the hair technicians, who was very “pluma” gay, told a customer that he’d prefer a straight boyfriend. Almost immediately my mind started to spark from the conundrum. I wanted to reach out to him and say, “Honey, no purely straight man will ever want to have a relationship with a gay man.” I would like to ask to those who are gay, “Would you like to a sexual/romantic relationship with a woman?” I’m pretty sure majority of you would yell, “NO WAY.” He added that the reason for this is that gay men (the feminine gay men) tend to be “mas malandi.” Again, a very stereotypical description of effeminates and gay men in general. You see, the classic description of being gay for most Filipinos is that if you are gay, you are automatically molded to have a limp wrist and having a lisp in your manner of talking. It may come as a surprise, I’m sure for those feminine gay men and older Filipinos, straight-acting is never and will never be the same as heterosexual men. Most feminine gay men always have this fantasy of being able to catch that dreamy straight man. It is understandable because for feminine gay men, deep inside they are women. But the world does not revolve around that ideology. Straight men will never ever want a gay man for a lover without any strings attached. Just as gay men will never ever have a woman lover. Sometimes I overhear many effeminates talking in furtive whispers, “Huwag ‘yan, bakla ‘yan.” Naiinis ako minsan, eh. Aren’t all masculine and feminine gay men bakla? Come to think about it there is no Filipino word that would label a masculine gay man properly without the derogatory after-taste. Back in MA in gender studies, I have learned that the reason why mislabeling occurs in homosexuality is because of perceiving sexuality in terms of performance. Pagmasdan ninyo ng maiigi. How do we judge if a person is gay or not? Di ba sa pananalita, pananamit at tsaka sa mga ikinikilos? Wala tayong magagawa niyan, that’s how humans work. But if we understand that actions are not necessarily equations for sexual orientation can we only settle the dispute between masculine and feminine gay men.

  17. jason said on 18-03-2012

    My opinions to your questions, in the same order:

    1. More and more gays are being exposed, it seemed like they’re increasing in numbers. But relative to heteros, I don’t think so.

    As to the ‘conversion’, I’m not quite sure…
    But I often hear they do it because they feel it makes them more marketable for hook-ups.

    2. It varies big time. And it’s mostly on a very personal level. But let me just qualify my answer… Closeted gays are not equivalent to straight-acting gays, if that’s where you’re coming from.
    I know of staigh-acting gays who are exposed and out.

    3. Do you really need to conlude on one’s gender? Put labels?
    Let me reverse the question…
    What do you need to consider to disprove a gay kung pumatol sya sa babae?

    4. “Birds of the same feather flock together.”
    That’s the normal tendency, but is not (or should not be) a strict rule.
    Us being gay (which is outside the normal), I assume, should already make you realize how it is like to be different. And because we are not birds (we are a more intelligent being), we can always do away with the norms, especially when we know that there’s no harm.
    Sabi nga ni McDo, ‘share a seat, win a friend’

    5. I think your issue here is your fear of ‘gold-diggers’. Let me tell you that effems are not the only target. This also happens in the hetero world.

    But to answer your question… Yes, I think a true romantic relationship is possible.
    However, you might also want to consider how you picture your romantic partner.
    If you’re aiming for a ‘papa’ type, then I think it’s gonna give you a hard time. And think twice… are you really looking for a partner, or are you just satisfying your craving for a hot dude?

    What’s wrong with an effem-to-effem relationship? Just a thought. :)

  18. MARK said on 16-03-2012

    This topic releases so many point of views that you can’t hardly pick one for the best answer.Some People comment to justify their Sexuality, Some just wanted to make other people more confused. The thing is, Why should there be a war between effems and straight acting gays instead of understanding one another because we all know the feeling of HIDING something you can’t just share to anybody.
    I mean guys, cmon! Pareparehas naman tayong nahirapan magtago at umamin sa umpisa. So dapat ikaw,ako , tayo mismo nagkakaintindihan. kung pinili mo na magpakababae so be it. Choice mo yun. Kung pinili mo na magmukang macho, Gusto mo yun. We chose to be like this because this is what we want to be seen by others. RESPECT and LOVE! :smile:

  19. sin at work said on 15-03-2012

    “- In the Philippine setting, can an effeminate gay find a true romantic involvement (yung tipong hindi lang pineperahan)? Personally, this uncertainty regarding the other person’s possible underlying intentions is a major factor why I am romantically challenged until now (I am not a risk-taker).”

    -My answer to this would be:
    How effeminate ba are we talking about here? baklang-baklang effeminate?

    I’ve got a friend kasi na gay (not entirely effeminate, just a bit effeminate, pero hindi kumekembot, or nagge-gay lingo) na his relationships ay hindi based on money. Either love talaga or lust. he’s a professional kasi and he aims guys na may matinong trabaho din like him.

    meron naman akong friend na gay na baklang bakla talaga (long hair, fake boobs, pambabaeng damit) wherein he believes na pera pera lang lahat. And yun ang nangyayari sa kanya, pera habol sa kanya. I’m not saying that cross-dressers are doomed, no. pero s’ya palang kasi yung friend ko na nagcro-crossdress e, so I really can’t tell more about that.

    pero sa nakikita ko kasi sa kanya, he’s not carrying himself/herself in a way na rerespetuhin s’ya kaya puro mampepera napupunta sa kanya (in my opinion ha). pangit pa ugali n’ya, bastos na wala sa lugar, at pag nagtaray eh as if artista s’ya e hindi naman.

    in my case naman i go into relationships na tipong hindi ka naman peperahan. about me: hindi talaga ako purong effeminate, slight lang. kalahati i guess. I’m somewhere in between effeminate and straight-acting. di ako kumekembot sa paglalakad, pero yung mga tao would think if i’m gay or not. i don’t use gay lingo (but i use the words chos, charot and keri, keribels) hindi lalakeng-lalake boses ko pero hindi din bading na bading. gitna lang. and I don’t crossdress.

    we can be anyone, effeminate or not or somewhere in between those two, but whatever we are, we still have to carry ourselves in a way na rerespetuhin pa din tayo ng mga tao.

    in my opinion siguro you just have to know kung ano ang habol sa iyo, ang pakay nung isa on why he’s aiming to be your partner. that’s what i think ah.

    pero as for me, if you are looking for love then just go. pag nararamdaman mo na pineperahan ka lang, then that’s the time that you should reassess everything, kung pera lang ang habol sayo or hindi.

    anyway, good luck on finding your love gurl! :)

  20. James said on 12-03-2012

    Hey Shane, I just wanna share my two cents of the story. As I was reading some of the comments on this issue, I still have this thinking that our filipino gay community still have a different concept of what being gay is all about. there is a big leap of mentality though, dont get me wrong. traditionally, being gay in the philippines is someone who is attracted to men and who crossdresses. additionally, people think that those who are “closeted or straightacting or bisexual” are those who are supposedly hiding from their real skin. but i dont get it. i am definitely gay, i am OUT to my straight friends, I am what people would call staright acting or paminta, but i am not trying to hide a desire to be a transgendered gay guy. i am just comfortable wearing the usual “man” clothes” and i am just attracted to people who look just like me. no offense to the effeminates. and nowadays, being a homosexual is so diverse that you could be anybody that you want to be, effeminate, macho, bisexual, transgendered, cub, etc. although there are probably those who are really hiding but there are certainly those who are just comfortable with their own skin. and by they way, there is a difference between a homosexual and transexual. homosexual is when you are attracted to your own sex, transexual is when you have this deep desire to be that of the opposite sex. traditionally, the gay concept of the filipino’s are those of the transexual definition. yes, they desire to be a woman, and yes, they get attracted to straight men. the real homosexuals are those who attracted to “other” homosexuals. just saying.

  21. Nowa Cyrhyl Balderas said on 11-03-2012

    Hi there,

    may i just say something about the first question you asked, there’s a number of converted gays now, because a lot of them wants to take advantage of the current situation. We have moved to the next pace, Bisexuals to Bisexuals..Because of that reason, Effem (Open Gays) have felt that its more conventional.it is impractical to spend a lot of money for someone who can’t be yours forever (i’m referring to Straight Boys) as they cant provide love and commitment. Going back, because if you act straight, you get straight acting guy too. There’s no room for an effem to be liked by any straight guy….

    • Shane said on 13-03-2012

      Well that is somehow sad to hear. As I know it, the non-discreet and effeminate gays were mostly the ones who lobbied for a more tolerant society and they are the ones being brushed aside now. Any ideas about this?

      • Scott said on 23-03-2012

        I think both statements are flawed. It is true that “There’s no room for an effem to be liked by any straight guy” because of the fact that the other party is “straight”. But the same goes for the straight-acting types. Straight people will find it hard to like them as well because they are, well, straight… :)

        There are, however, instances wherein straight-acting (not straight) guys get attracted to slightly effeminate gays. Kanya-kanyang fetish lang yan. Let’s not generalize too much.

        Also, for the 2nd statement, not all members of GLAAD are effeminate. Let’s not generalize as well. Medyo extremists lang yung mga statements natin.

        Anyway, I myself am straight-acting (by choice) and I get attracted to straight-acting guys too. This, however, are two separate statements. “I am straight-acting.” and “I get attracted to straight-acting guys.” Nagkataon lang na parehas. If you are effeminate and likes straight-acting guys, then better find a straight-acting guy who likes effeminates. Now, if you are an effeminate who pretends to be straight-acting just to get affection from other straight-acting guys, then you’re a bit insane. You just defeated the purpose of coming out.

        Nagkataon lang siguro na bibihira ang straight-acting na mahilig sa effeminate. Pero ganyan naman talaga ang buhay. Even straight people have the same problems. You may be an albino who likes midgets. It may be hard finding a midget who likes albinos in return. Hehe… I really wouldn’t know, but I hope you get the idea.

  22. lloydie said on 10-03-2012

    if ur an effem then ur more lucky than we are, straight-acting who hides ourselves not bcoz we want to but bcoz we have to. everyone has their own reason/story why they have or want to hide. but one thing i’m sure of, based on my past & present experience… it’s hard to hide & d pain is like a cancer that’s killing me every single day. para kaming diabetic na KELANGAN magwork sa chocolate factory. :sad:

  23. brenndon said on 08-03-2012

    Here’s my piece about why you think people are converting to a more masculine persona among gay men in the cities.
    Apart from it being “gay-cultural” since we see more images of butch gay men out there on TV, in the news, in fashion who are muscled/toned, who dress preppy or smart, maybe, its also a form of cultural dissociation among gay men. As a psychological mechanism, dissociation has many functions and purposes especially as a survival tool. Dissociation is when a person loses track of who he is (can be conscious or unconscious) and instead finds another representation of their self in order to continue in the moment. Sabi sa book,”people who use dissociation often have a disconnected view of themselves in their world. Time and their own self-image may not flow continuously, as it does for most people. In this manner, a person who dissociates can “disconnect” from the real world for a time, and live in a different world that is not cluttered with thoughts, feelings or memories that are unbearable.”
    We all have these wants to belong and be needed and wanted, and when these things do not happen, they becomes stressors. So we dissociate, we find means to cope. And if that means forsaking how you genuinely feel or represent yourself, as a lot of people who do not have the mental fortitude to stand by their true selves do, you tend to dissociate. Kaya you have these manly gay guys who in a more relaxed mode, show their true colors.
    I say, if it makes you genuinely happy, you go with what you feel is right for you. Same goes with everyone who chooses to dissociate, er- i mean become more macho for the sake of whatever they want to accomplish in their lives. cest la vie. whatever rocks your boat na lang diba? as long as you dont hurt other people or yourself in the process, live and let live.

  24. dennis said on 05-03-2012

    Simple lang yan,, its because of westernization. And kaya ka nga bakla kc gusto mo lalaki. so mas attractive ang manly gays. at pag effem kc bat pa sa kanila ka ggawa ng relasyon, bat di pa sa totoong babae?

    • jason said on 18-03-2012

      harshly said, but makes sense.
      Less the first sentence.

      • Scott said on 23-03-2012

        Hmmm… there’s truth to this but I would have to disagree. I think you are generalizing too much based on your personal experiences only.

        Also, I don’t think westernization has anything to do with this. Napansin ko pag nag brobrowse ako ng gay porn, meron section for trannies… so ibig sabihin, there’s a market for gay people who likes men with women-like bodies and ‘sticks’ in western countries.

        There are people who digs effeminate gays. It’s just a matter of finding them. Unfortunately, I’m not one of them. Hehe

    • Mj said on 05-04-2012

      don’t agree with the westernization part… But yes. the second sentence hits the spot…

  25. Closer2Fame said on 04-03-2012

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with dressing up like a girl or being extremely effeminate. I know a lot of effeminate transvestites/transsexuals who are very respectable and proper in all aspects. One of those people I have met even became one of my closest friends. I’m not doing the same thing because it’s just simply not my preference and I look a lot better as a str8 looking guy. :-)

  26. aaron said on 04-03-2012

    Why are there more people saying that there is a perceived increase in the number of straight-acting gays, and that even effeminate ones are being “converted”? Is this just merely a perception?
    - hmm… because straight acting shows the best of both worlds. you don’t get to experience the ridicule and shame that other people might look down on you. however, i do believe that it’s becoming a trend since gays do not want to be in a relationship with an equally gay acting one. am i right? syempre, ang hanap mo, masculine. e kung pareho kayong masculine ang hanap pero effem pareho, anong mangyayari? another factor is that, it’s just a preference. may talagang attracted lang sa males pero he still wants to retain his masculinity and merong “babaeng nakulong sa katawan ng lalaki”.

    What possible factors contribute to a closet gay’s decision to remain hidden? Is it family, his/her own judgment that being openly gay is awful, etc?
    -sakin, both eh. i feel afraid that i might hurt my parents and shame them because other people are not too open with the idea. Plus, you get to grow in a society na gays are either made fun of or looked down so you kinda despise being one.

    What do we have to consider before we can conclude na bakla ang isang guy dahil pumatol siya sa isang bakla (straight-acting, effeminate, whatever)?
    -personally, i dont think it’s fair to call a guy gay because of that. everyone has a tendency to do it e. it’s a natural tendency for a man to become curious with everything, including man-man sex. Try reading histories and greek mythologies. It’s always there. Kings, gods… it’s normal. They say it’s “appreciation” for the male beauty and body. something lost along the way kaya female body nalang ngayon ang niloolook up to.

    Why is there a mutual animosity between the effeminate gays and the straight-acting ones? This is particularly true in some online community. Bakit parang mahirap tanggapin na maraming kulay ang rainbow?
    -as you said, yung effems, they feel na straight-actings are refusing to embrace their true selves. Straight-acting gays naman, im not really sure. I mean, for me, I’m afraid to be seen lang with effems kasi people would also say na i’m also gay. I prefer to keep my orientation to myself kasi and those i meet.

    In the Philippine setting, can an effeminate gay find a true romantic involvement (yung tipong hindi lang pineperahan)? Personally, this uncertainty regarding the other person’s possible underlying intentions is a major factor why I am romantically challenged until now (I am not a risk-taker).
    -maybe. love for everyone is possible. never stop hoping.

  27. clark23 said on 03-03-2012

    No one is born ugly, the society is. :idea:

  28. Paolo said on 03-03-2012

    I really hate the word straight-acting/paminta. Parang sinasabi na hindi ikaw nagiging totoo sa sarili mo. Parang sinasabi mo na pagbading ka meron kagad isang imahe na dapat ifulfull mo.

    Minsan ang kultura ng community na ‘to mismo ang hindi nakakatulong para sa progresibong pag-iisip.

    Tama, can’t we just accept that there are different colors in a rainbow?

    • Closer2Fame said on 04-03-2012

      Exactly!… Check out my comment, I just described myself and I instantly got haters for it. It just proved the whole point of this forum discussion. hahaha :-)

  29. Closer2Fame said on 03-03-2012

    I workout my body and take care of my skin to be healthy and look attractive. I dress up either like a “MetroSexual” or sometimes very Butch because it’s what I’m comfortable wearing, It’s what I think is presentable and it’s what matches the occasion. I speak in english with a slightly sharp pitch but with out the gay lingo because It’s what I grew up with and got accustomed to. I have a butch swag with a feminine gait because it’s what my bone structure permits me. I cross my legs when sitting because it is what I was thought that is proper. Overall, I act and look the way I am because I’m just being myself and I believe no label or stereotype has the right to put my personality in any existing box. Maybe, I’m just lucky that I figured it out early in my years.

    It’s funny when people think I’m a late bloomer or when people assume that I haven’t figured I’m gay yet. In truth, I learned that the carpet doesn’t always match the drapes since I was in elementary. I learned at an early age that most of our behavior are based on role models. It could be one of the people around us or the people we see on TV/Media. I learned that most normal people ask the question “Are you gay?” if it’s the 1st time they met/see someone of your personality. When you ask them “Why?”, They usually reply “To know how I/We should treat you.”. And so I asked myself many times, “How do I want to be treated?”. I realized, I want to be treated with respect without asking for it or forcing anyone to do so. And, I guess my best answer to that perpetually asked question which is none of anyone’s business without being rude is…. “I want to be treated like everyone else.”.

    • Closer2Fame said on 03-03-2012

      Ok now I have haters?… Don’t just rate me down.. prove me wrong!.. You didn’t even tell me what you don’t like about my comment..hahaha :-)

      • photobum said on 03-03-2012

        I don’t see the point on why would anyone hate your comment. It’s very precise. It’s straight to the point. Kudos! =) oh but if people will tell me that they want to know if I’m gay so that they’ll know how to treat me, I think my answer would be: Treat me like how you want to be treated ;)

      • Closer2Fame said on 04-03-2012

        Thanks for the good review… I like your version: “Treat me like how you want to be treated” which I think is more concise than my answer. :-)

  30. David said on 02-03-2012

    May mga lalaking nangangarap maging babae. Mayroon rin namang mga lalaking gusto lamang umibig at makipag-relasyon sa kapwa lalaki. Straight-acting gays are gays who are happy being men and who are happy being masculine. They do not dream about cross-dressing precisely because they are still happy wearing men’s clothes (as determined by society). Masaya sila sa pagkalalaki nila. Hindi nila pangarap ang tubuan sila ng mala-pakwan na mga suso at hindi rin nila pangarap na mapalitan ng puke ang kanilang titi. Hindi sila nagsusuot ng skirt dahil hindi ito ang normal na suot panlalaki. Hindi nila kailangang magpahaba ng buhok at kuko. Masaya na sila sa kanilang hitsura at pagkilos. Gusto lang nila: boyfriend na straight-acting din.

  31. flick said on 02-03-2012

    Its a matter of preference. We share a common interest but it doesn’t mean that we should project a single image.

    Straight-acting gays act manly merely not because they are afraid of being judged rather its just that they’re more comfortable with it. If you want respect, you should earn it. I’m not saying that effeminate gays are ‘bastusin’. People, look around you. Sino ba ang nakikita nyong ang iingay sa kalye? Ang mga karaniwang discussions titi at talagang ang loud pa. I’m not generalizing effems. There are effems that I respect so much simply because they proved that they deserve such respect.

    My point is, it doesn’t matter whether you’re straight-acting or effeminate as long as you act decent. Respect begets respect. We should put in mind that not everybody is ready for such acts in public. Let’s not abuse our freedom of expression. *cheers*

  32. francis said on 02-03-2012

    Why are there a lot of gay men who go to the gym nowadays? Its because they (myself included) would like to look manlier, buffer, muscular to attract manly gay guys. Para saan pa at naging bakla ka if you cant attract gays who look like men? Kaya nga tayo gays, we like MEN, so bakit ka papatol sa lalaki na umaasta ng babae? its basic logic..society may play a huge factor but if you are comfortable with who u are, being gay (effeminate or not) shouldn’t be an issue at all :grin:

  33. Wilberchie said on 29-02-2012

    I think that the reason why straight acting gays are indifferent with effems and vice versa is because of the difference of ideology of the two. Example, Straight acting ones tend to keep silent regarding their sexual orientation, while effems are very much out in the open.

    I think that acceptance that is the key for this problem. Dapat matanggap ng mga tao na maraming kulay ang rainbow.

    with regards to your question about effems finding true love. Well, actually, I’m in the middle of straight acting and effem. In other words isa akong pamhintang durog because I’m a professional. I do have a boyfriend now, although he asks some material things for me, i do feel that he loves me. Call me ilusyonada if you want. But that is what I feel. To tell you the truth that right now I still have doubts about his real intention with our relationship. But, I am risking it, and right now, I feel happy.

  34. Luningning Alindogan said on 29-02-2012

    Hmmmn… just my two cents, but, personally, I don’t have a problem with effems. As a matter of fact, I have some effeminate friends whom I deeply respect. However, I must admit, I am against some effeminate gays who use their sexuality as an excuse to drop all forms of civilized manners.

    Tama bang kausapin ang mga kasama gamit ang napakalakas na boses sa isang bus o sinehan, e kung pwede namang mag-usap ng mahinahon at di nakaka-abala sa ibang tao? Tama ba na mag-kuwentuhan at mag-tawanan sa isang event habang may nags-speech? Tama ba na lumandi sa kung sinu-sino lang porke’t trip mo? Tapos ‘pag sasawayin o pagsasabihan ka, pa-victim of homophobia pa ang drama?

    One of my effem friends had this admirable rule to live by: “Before doing anything, I ask myself, would a well-bred, educated WOMAN do this? If the answer is no, I don’t do it.” :)

    • Scott said on 23-03-2012

      take note, nde lang effem ang gumagawa nyang mga nidescribe mo. I think your dismay is more on the lack of social etiquette of people in general – and not just effems. Siguro poverty and lack of breeding is the one to blame, not homosexuality.

      Although nde ko pa naeexperience, mukang pwede nga gamiting drama ang homophobia. Pag sinaway ko sila at ginamitan nila ako neto, sabihin ko lang na sinaway ko sila nde dahil bading sila, kundi dahil jologs sila. Haha…

  35. el toro bumingo said on 28-02-2012

    Ang dami mo pong tanong Shane at bawat tanong mo ay debatable hehehe. Hindi po lahat ng bading eh gustong mag-cross dress. Meron pong tulad namin na talagang preferred lang ang traditional men’s clothing. Hindi naman sa takot kaming magladlad or something. Talagang eto lang ang gusto namin :)

    • Don said on 02-03-2012

      Agree :razz:
      Sabi nga ng friend ko which happens to be makitid ang utak,
      Bakla ka nga, bat di ka nagbibihis pambabae?
      Simple lng sagot, di porket bakla ka, dapat bihis babae ka na.
      Hindi porket bakla ka kelangan mo mag make up at lahat.
      Ako nga eh todo pumorma eh kaya straight looking pa din. :)
      Comfortable ako sa katawan at sa pananamit ko.
      Pusong babae lang talaga ako :)

  36. yue said on 28-02-2012

    I think the reason why we create labels is that we want to be identified apart from the rest. labels are not necessarily bad, but it should not be the cause to a barrier and creates a gap and animosity between us.

  37. yogiboy said on 28-02-2012

    Found this article online that gives nice insights on this article. Here is what it says:

    “Despite all of our differences, we are fundamentally the same.

    Regardless of our backgrounds, cultures, and beliefs, we all want to feel understood and loved. We know we’re imperfect, but we want to feel safe to be who we are regardless.

    The best way to get that type of unconditional acceptance is to first choose to give it.”

    Resource: http://tinybuddha.com/quotes/tiny-wisdom-on-differences/

    :grin:

  38. mastery said on 27-02-2012

    I was in a relationship once na nagpakilala siya saken na straight acting siya,he was that way for quite some time,siguro dahil yun talaga ang preference ko,since discreet din ako.But time passed,lumalabas yung kulay niya,I mean,ok lang naman,ang hindi ko lang nakuha eh bakit kailangang maging ang loud niya,ang arte niya and whatnot.It’s true,I had feelings for him,pero part na din siguro na he masked himself as a paminta sa simula pa lang kaya mas lalo akong na disappoint.Yung tipong hindi na lang niya nilabas yung tunay niyang personality nung simula pa lang para hindi na nagka gulo gulo

    • Closer2Fame said on 27-02-2012

      Had an acquaintance who has all sorts of gay friends.. One of them looks like a guy but he’s so loud and overly effeminate. I learned that this guy used to be “discreet” and he just came out of the closet. This same guy always insist that I should come out so that “I would be true to myself” and be happy. Then one time, his online hook up called him. He suddenly lowered his voice and acted straight to increase their market value. That’s the time I realized that I have a higher maturity than these guys. I know that “Being true to oneself” doesn’t mean you have to change your current behavior to match your label. I know that “coming out” doesn’t mean you have to be loud and inform everyone initially about your sexuality. One thing I haven’t learned yet is what is the precipice that makes us leave that sexual orientation topic behind and finally be happy by just being ourselves?

  39. sam said on 27-02-2012

    sa mga effeminate population, meron pa naman papatol tlaga, though mas mas higher ang probability abroad.

  40. donouann said on 27-02-2012

    Here’s my take on this. Wala na kasing pakialaman kung pano mo ipakita ang pagka bading. Kung straigt-acting man o lantaran, huwag nang gawing issue o i over analyze pa. kung saan ka masaya, dun ka at huwag nang pansinin pa ang iba. period.

    • Krypton15 said on 19-03-2012

      Yup! Tama ka dyan.. Saka eto lang masasabi ko.. Ang Effem ay ang mga lalaking gustong maging itsurang babae.. Ang Straigh Acting ay yung mga lalaking gusto pa din ang itsurang lalaki.. :grin:

  41. KGG said on 27-02-2012

    the way of life that you wanted to enjoy regardless whether this is on the straight acting or merely an effeminate ones is not a mater. Ako kasi I enjoyed mingling with a group of Paminta as well as Effiminate ones… Basta tuotoo ka sa sarili mo and you don’t step on another shoe. Di Lang din naman ang effems ang pine perahan nowadays, even the pamintas are doing it.

    • KGG said on 27-02-2012

      Pasintabi, while writing a comments, napangiti na Lang ako kasi 2 Paminta na na lumakad sa harap ko @ Krispy Kreme Greenhills, I’m pretty sure galling sa Fitness First which is exactly just beside the coffee shop. happy ending kaya ang workout nila or sa Sauna and steam bath.

  42. Closer2Fame said on 27-02-2012

    I used to love answering these kind of questions… but I guess I have reached a point in my life that I don’t care anymore. It’s not a big deal!

    • Closer2Fame said on 27-02-2012

      I wish I was still in the mood to act like a know-it-all and educate some of the clueless people reading this blog… It’s just frustrating sometimes to even bother to change people’s minds when it comes to this topic because the only way to be enlightened is by being exposed to it. Only then an individual would be desensitized and create tolerance to whatever. I’l get back at this post some other time and maybe then I could bust some more stupid myths and dumb perceptions.. haaays

  43. Cruiser Dude said on 27-02-2012

    “I used to think that those people living in the closet must be very pathetic for not being brave enough to stand up for their identity”.

    Napuna ko ang lines sa ito sa iyong sinulat. Iba-ina tayo ng sitwasyon sa buhay. Ang kailangan lamang natin ay igalang kung ano ang preferrence natin – be out or not to be out? Nasa isa tayong malayang bansa na pwedng magpahayag na ating mga sarili sa tamang paraan. Kahit saan mang aspeto ng lipunan ay may pagkaka-iba tayo dahil iba’t iba ang ating mga pamilya at kapaligirang kinalakihan. Man is unique in many ways.

    Guyrony is correct. “Stop. Stop being too judgemental. We all are different. That is all there is too it.

    Find yourself first then most of your answers will be answered in due time.

    Isa lamang ang dapat mong isipin at dapat gawin. Kahit na tayo’y nasa iisang oryentasyon ang pinakamahalaga ay maging isa tayong kapaki-pakinabang at mabuting tao sa ating kapwa at sa ating bansa. Sa pagkakataong yaon, ipagmamalaki mo pang mabuti ang iyong sarili. PLUs are truly great achievers!..World Peace!

  44. sunshine_kinney said on 27-02-2012

    Hello there Shane! How old are you? I suggest you watch Queer as Folk – US version. You might learn a lot from the series.

    http://thepiratebay.se/torrent/4387260/Queer_As_Folk_-_DVDRip_-_Seasons_1-5

  45. jc said on 27-02-2012

    you shouldn’t even bother measure yourself to the rest, i believe effeminate gays have more balls on their sack than most masculine guys do. Just because for the reason that you’d rather take the risk of getting judged and offended than giving up your real identity.
    Obsession to masculinity either attaining/wanting to become one and looking for the same masculinity in their own partners is a very effeminate character. I have my own experiences on this one, guys who try so hard to build themselves up in the gym to look masculine are so gay in many levels, especially in bed! (local or international lol), and this is a very big sign of insecurity, believe me…I’ve seen it, and i fucked it.
    The truth of the matter is, there are more than 7 colors of the rainbow. We are all different, and that’s what makes us unique and beautiful. if somebody tells you otherwise, give him the finger and move on, who cares anyway? and so what? We just have to accept the fact that differences exist, and learn how to respect that, and learn to live it with pride.

    • Ruzztye said on 28-02-2012

      Of all the comments, this one here is one of my favorites. Let’s stop going with the flow and be like everybody else. Man up and always be yourself, where you feel most comfortable.

  46. v said on 27-02-2012

    majuhay ang tanang sangkabaklaan! hey! hey! hey! :) wag mashado i-overthink mga ‘teh. if we truly are aiming for equality among the genders, then we should also process our sexuality in much the same way that men and women do — where they are not pre-occupied with justifying about every bit of thing about themselves. probably, this is the reason why there are times when i do fall into that awful thought of how simple things would have been had my orientation been more ‘traditional’, people who are attuned that way appear to just live it out. kungsavagay, panahon pa ng ateng plato natin, eh superponder na ang vaklah sa kahulugan, katuturan at patutungahan ng kaniyang pagiging joklah. sow, ziguro nga wititit tayo makakaiwas sa ganyan at bi-nless tayong mapagtokahan ng ganyang problema na superponder ang ating sariling ‘human situation’. ewankovah…but while we are at it, we can enjoy the arts, magkulot, magsulat, manggamot, mag-muk-ap at kung anu-ano pah. para wala nang away, peace na lang mga iba’t ibang chapter ng welavyahmadonna forevah fans club. :grin:

  47. guyrony said on 27-02-2012

    First and foremost, accept and establish your sexuality first and all things will flow more easily.

    The division between types of PLUs are vastly expanding, we discriminate our kind and perhaps we are too critical of ourselves too.

    Stop. Stop being too judgemental. We all are different. That is all there is too it.

    Find yourself first then most of your answers will be answered in due time.

  48. photobum said on 27-02-2012

    Hi! Call me photobum and I’m 21 years old. Here is my 2 cents :)

    1. Why are there more people saying that there is a perceived increase in the number of straight-acting gays, and that even effeminate ones are being “converted”? Is this just merely a perception?

    A: as you stated, it’s just a perceived increase in the number of straight-acting gays and with the conversion of effeminate ones. What’s your basis for it? I think it’s just a perception.

    2. What possible factors contribute to a closet gay’s decision to remain hidden? Is it family, his/her own judgment that being openly gay is awful, etc?

    A: To start off: I’m not out to everyone just to a few close friends. I’m not out to my family as well.

    Factors: I guess number one is society. We are scared of what they’ll think of us once we’re out of the closet. The norms that the society live up to keeps us from telling our families, which will be number two, even though we feel that our parents and relatives are ever loving and supportive. But in some unfortunate cases, gay guys are afraid to tell their families about it because they don’t want to be disowned. Who wants that? No one. Why would a parent disown their son for being gay? It brings me back to my first factor, SOCIETY. Ashamed of what others would think of them because it isn’t right being gay. Says who? the effin SOCIETY. And my third and final factor which I think contributes for a gay guy to remain in the closet: oneself. Self-acceptance comes with it. If a gay guy can’t fully embrace his own sexuality then coming out will be really hard. This will take me back again to my first factor, SOCIETY. Why can’t a gay guy accept oneself? It’s because of the SOCIAL NORMS. In our society being gay is, sad to say and for lacking a better word, taboo. In conclusion, the core of being a closeted gay guy is the society.

    3. What do we have to consider before we can conclude na bakla ang isang guy dahil pumatol siya sa isang bakla (straight-acting, effeminate, whatever)?

    A: Why do we have to determine ones sexuality? It’s based on ones self perception. But for a clearer answer I’d say: sexuality is vague according to my psychology professor. There’s more to it than being straight, bisexual, gay, lesbian, asexual, pansexual, and the list goes on. It won’t necessarily mean that a straight guy having a one time deal with a gay guy makes him a gay guy too. There are more factors to consider than just saying “pumatol siya sa bakla eh”. You can consider yourself gay if you feel a physical, sexual, and emotional connection toward the same gender.

    4. Why is there a mutual animosity between the effeminate gays and the straight-acting ones? This is particularly true in some online community. Bakit parang mahirap tanggapin na maraming kulay ang rainbow?

    A: Some gay guys are scared of affiliation/association I guess. A straight-acting/closeted guy for an instance won’t go out with an effeminate one because he doesn’t want people to think that he’s gay too. It’s a matter of personal choice/preference. But saying this doesn’t mean I’m against effems. I always have a dispute with closed minded gay guys who abhor and shun effems. I don’t see anything wrong with them. There’s even this gay guy I had an argument with who claims he’s discreet bisexual but acts GAYER than me and he said that discreet guys are those who ACT NORMAL. I’m not as loud as but DON’T YOU DARE SAY TO ANY GAY GUY THAT HE DOESN’T ACT NORMAL! There’s even discrimination among us gay guys. What happened to our battle cry: EQUALITY???

    5. In the Philippine setting, can an effeminate gay find a true romantic involvement (yung tipong hindi lang pineperahan)? Personally, this uncertainty regarding the other person’s possible underlying intentions is a major factor why I am romantically challenged until now (I am not a risk-taker).

    A: I’m sorry but I honestly have no idea regarding this one. I just hope that an effeminate gay guy can find real happiness in a relationship. :) You deserve to be cared for and be loved for who you are. Good luck on finding your man, Shane. =)

    • photobum said on 27-02-2012

      correction regarding my answer in number 2:

      In conclusion, the core contributing factor of being a closeted gay guy is the society.

  49. jbgutz said on 27-02-2012

    ang magandang gawin eh tanggapin na lang natin ang pagkakaiba-iba ng bawat isa…straight-acting gays,converted effem,,minsan tayo rin ang may kasalanan kung bakit nagagawa nilang kamuhian ang “tunay” na sila,kaya gianagawa nila ang mga bagay na mas katanggap tanggap ng nakararami,,

  50. yue said on 26-02-2012

    In the Philippine setting, can an effeminate gay find a true romantic involvement (yung tipong hindi lang pineperahan)? Personally, this uncertainty regarding the other person’s possible underlying intentions is a major factor why I am romantically challenged until now (I am not a risk-taker).

    Yes, I do believe you can find a romantic relationship, but the chances are very low. As stated by gboy straight acting gay guys prefer straight acting gay men because if they were to date effeminate gay boys they might as well date real women. And, admittedly you also prefer straight acting gay man, this will really make it very challenging for you. But there are always some exemptions, there are those gay men who falls for effeminate gay men. In order for you to find this guy if for you to put yourself OUT THERE. This is how you will find the man of your dreams who like you and love you for who you are. So go out on dates… collect and select, from this you will learn to identify if this man is just using you for financial reasons or what ever agenda or if this man genuinely likes you for who you are. There will always be uncertainties regarding underlying intentions but if you gain more experience you will find out who they are. These are the things that only life’s experiences will teach you the answer.

  51. yue said on 26-02-2012

    Why is there a mutual animosity between the effeminate gays and the straight-acting ones? This is particularly true in some online community. Bakit parang mahirap tanggapin na maraming kulay ang rainbow?

    Effeminacy is one of the most common characteristics of typical gay man stereotype. This stereotype infuriates the straight acting because they are being made to look bad. After all gays are being generalized, so when one makes us look bad, we all then appear to be bad just by sharing sexual orientation.

    The best way to overcome this is for us learn to accept each others’ differences then work on understanding one another. Once we have achieved unity we can then move forward and work on making others accept and understand us not just tolerate us.

  52. yue said on 26-02-2012

    What do we have to consider before we can conclude na bakla ang isang guy dahil pumatol siya sa isang bakla (straight-acting, effeminate, whatever)?

    When you said pumatol siya sa bakla, Do you mean he had an actual romantic relationship with a gay guy or had a sexual encounter. Any straight men can have can sex with a gay guy (especially horny straight men) and still be straight. I define being gay as having romantic and sexual attraction towards the same sex. But if the straight guy had a romantic relationship with you (without the influence of money or any situational instances) then he certainly is gay. Why? Because he had an emotional attachment with you. No straight guy would have any romantic relationship with you if he does not feel any attraction to you.

  53. yue said on 26-02-2012

    What possible factors contribute to a closet gay’s decision to remain hidden? Is it family, his/her own judgment that being openly gay is awful, etc? In the philippine setting, the number one reason as to why they remain in the closet is that they don’t want to shame their family and for their family to disown them, to all filipinos family is very important (we are after all very clannish). Second reason is that we don’t want to be outcasted. We are Catholic country, being gay, though tolerated is highly frowned upon. I don’t think that any of us would think that being gay is awful, I don’t think you could stand hating yourself. Once you have learned to accept who you are, you will find that it is not that bad (even if you remain in the closet).

  54. gboy said on 26-02-2012

    just a few clarifications
    *straight-acting and closeted gay – they are two different adjectives as described by the words itself. straight-acting=you act as if/ in accordance to your gender. closeted=people who have not disclosed their sexual identity/behaviour. or they can be used both to describe a person.
    *cross-dresser = people who wears clothes of the opposite sex
    effeminate guy = a man who possesses/showing characteristics of a woman.

    1)Why are there more people saying that there is a perceived increase in the number of straight-acting gays, and that even effeminate ones are being “converted”? Is this just merely a perception?
    - what is your basis? where did you get the idea? hearsay? maybe you can ask them directly.. for now, definitely this is just a perception as how you described it as “perceived increase”.

    2)What possible factors contribute to a closet gay’s decision to remain hidden? Is it family, his/her own judgment that being openly gay is awful, etc?
    -family, society, religion, discrimination, self-acceptance..

    3)What do we have to consider before we can conclude na bakla ang isang guy dahil pumatol siya sa isang bakla (straight-acting, effeminate, whatever)?
    -pumatol doesn’t tell it all.. we consider a guy gay when a he gets physically and sexually attracted to his same sex, either gay or not gay, they still belong on same gender(male).

    4)Why is there a mutual animosity between the effeminate gays and the straight-acting ones? This is particularly true in some online community. Bakit parang mahirap tanggapin na maraming kulay ang rainbow?
    -few reason maybe as i have read on some forums before. first, sabi ng straight-acting gay, bakla ako, lalaki nga hanap ko tapos bibigay mo sakin lalaki nga pero kilos babae naman, eh di sana sa babae nalang. second, straight-acting guys are the ones usually closeted, so baka mahalata daw sila if they get along w/ effeminates.

    5)In the Philippine setting, can an effeminate gay find a true romantic involvement (yung tipong hindi lang pineperahan)? Personally, this uncertainty regarding the other person’s possible underlying intentions is a major factor why I am romantically challenged until now (I am not a risk-taker).
    -bakit hindi? yes, it’s possible, but maybe w/ very little chances.. for me, love knows no gender and has no limit. so kung ma-inlove ang isang tao sayo meaning tanggap/tatanggapin nya lahat sayo.

  55. yue said on 26-02-2012

    Ey just want to share my thoughts on your questions.
    Why are there more people saying that there is a perceived increase in the number of straight-acting gays, and that even effeminate ones are being “converted”? Is this just merely a perception? Well there are no surveys that can prove that there are increase in straight-acting gay man, but you did mention that they are perceived therefore it is just a perception. Although it is possible that most gay men act straight acting to make it less obvious that they are gay… this is just a probability. :grin:

  56. Vergel said on 26-02-2012

    I absolutely abhor hypocrites, it’s either you’re gay or not, yes or no lang iyan, if you had or have sex with another man, straight or effem, you are gay. The funny thing is, mas hayok pa ang mga straight acting na iyan, although I respect their right to act out as straight, the more amusing observation is that yan ang mga matagal umihi sa urinal in the hope of finding a sucker who’ll fall for their delusion. I am not bitter, for the record, I am just aghast at the act of some homopohobic kuno and yet are actively prowling for you know what. Peace!

  57. Lord said on 26-02-2012

    This has been a topic I myself have long tried to seek answers for. And although I do not claim to have done just that, in my research and deliberation I have somehow formulated fairly plausible theories.

    Are there more straight-acting gay men today or is this just a perception?

    - What we perceive as an increase in the number of straight-acting gay men can be explained by the gradual progression of Philippine society and increasing tolerance towards gay people which has resulted in more gay people choosing to live their lives openly. These are men who, for various reasons, were forced to live closeted lives, and to conform to the traditional idea of a man, making them seem “straight” to people who’ve come to equate homosexuality to effeminacy.

    What keeps a gay person in the closet?

    - I am closeted, so I’ll answer this as it applies to me. Society has historically been unsympathetic to homosexuals. This has resulted to a people almost intrinsically homophobic. Being gay is considered shameful, and makes you a target of bullying and alienation from not just your peers, but all ranks of the community too. Having grown up in such an environment, having witnessed gays ostracized and made fun of, I’ve come to fear the same fate of being ridiculed, humiliated, and rejected by friends, family, and society in general. I do not remain closeted because I haven’t accepted my sexuality, but because I long to remain beloved by my family and friends whom I worry will have issues with my being homosexual.

    When can someone be defined as gay?

    - This may be the most difficult of all the questions you’ve raised. Human sexuality, simply put, is very complex. One cannot simply appropriate four words (straight, gay, bi, trans) to define the myriad of variations of sexuality there are. This is where the controversial term ‘queer’, for me, comes in. Once a derogatory term for LGBT people, it has been reappropriated by some gay activists to become an umbrella term for any person who does not fall into the typical labels of straight, gay, bi, or trans. But to be simplistic, I define a gay person as someone who is both physically and emotionally attracted to the same sex only. When do I conclude this? Only when the said person tells me personally that this is true.

    Why is there a mutual animosity between the effeminate gays and the straight-acting ones?

    - It is hard to imagine that within a small marginalized community one would still find further discrimination and marginalization. But this is true. I have seen for myself how in gay social networks, self-proclaimed “straight-acting” gay men would explicitly demand “effems” to stay away from them. This animosity derives itself from the deep-seated homophobia of today’s society. Filipino gay men typically grow up in an environment where acts that suggest effeminacy or homosexuality can result to a scolding, public humiliation or worse, violence. Which leads them to develop an almost instinctive rejection of anything that is not “manly” in both themselves and others. This now causes the divide among effeminate gay men and their masculine counterparts.

    Can effeminate gay men find love?

    - Yes. All human beings, gay, straight, male, female, old, young, masculine, feminine, share equal opportunities to find love. It is neither easier nor harder for any one specific “classification” of people, but the challenges are always different for every individual. Just remember that across the board, doesn’t matter if you’re this or that, a happy, confident, and genuine person is most attractive and irresistible. Take the time to find yourself, and understand, accept, and celebrate who you are. This will bring the right people to you!

  58. seps said on 26-02-2012

    answer to your last question: yes, but not to a straight guy, but meron din instances that straight men falling for “x-men” (yung mga transgenders) at hindi sila pineperahan.

  59. seps said on 26-02-2012

    answer to your 4th question: this is a sad truth, there is a double standard in the LGBT community in the Phils. yung ibang bakla kasi alergic sa salitang “gay”…

    some call themselves “BI” – even if they’re not attracted to both sexes…

    some call themselves “trippers” – tripping lang ba tlga tawag nyo jan??… weh!

    some call themselves “straight-acting” gay – ayaw tlga na gay lang kaya dinagdagan ng “straight-acting”, mga teh! alam niyo ba ibig sabihin ng straight?

    kaya nga im not into labels eh…

    • Closer2Fame said on 27-02-2012

      That’s because we have to admit that here in the Philippines there’s a lot of negative connotations that comes with those labels ( gay, bakla, bading, paminta,badaf, beki, etc.) . The huge irony is half of those labels were coined by gay people themselves. As much as I don’t believe in those labels/stereotypes, a lot of of people do believe it and their brains are pre-programmed of the negative stereotype associated with those words. if you are marketing yourselves, why would you label your product with description that does not completely describe you and yet would repel instead of attract a greater demographic?

      • Leon said on 04-03-2012

        You prove a good point. I really like how you explain things. I do agree that when people learn that you are gay, bi or whatever they start treating you differently and think all the stereotypes that they know about gay people fit you. My family recently learned I am bisexual.(I can definitely say I am because I’m attracted to both genders and I guess is yet to cross the fork road) Moving along, when family did learn this, My dad started thinking I was gonna start wearing girl make up, dressing in skirts and shit like that. which kinda made me sad because he doesn’t really understand the concept of homosexuality being a preference for the same sex. rather he thinks I’m gonna start dressing in drag and calling everybody dollface in a husky voice.

        Thank you for bringing up this topic. Its kinda refreshing how I can read something non sex related in this place. Because when i think of the gay community I always imagine it having a connection to sex somehow. And due to this place it hasn’t proved me wrong yet. I guess it is just another stereotype society has placed in my head.

      • Closer2Fame said on 12-03-2012

        Yes, some people are so curious that they pry up to the extent of tricking us to come out to them. Some of them pretend to be tolerant but in truth they are the most prejudicial of all. If they really don’t care about our sexuality then there’s no need for them to know. Our sexuality is none of anyone’s business but our own.

  60. seps said on 26-02-2012

    answer to your third question: baket kailangan mo e confirm yung sexuality ng tao? his suxuality doesnt define him… kung pumatol cya at masaya cya dun, lets leave it as that…

  61. seps said on 26-02-2012

    answer to your second question: medyo mahaba haba sagot ko dito pero iksian ko na lang… ang pinaka determining factor for a person to remain in the closet is the “self” kung tanggap mo sarili mo, you will defy everything kahit hindi ka man tanggap ng pamilya mo. remember… life is too short para mag panggap.

  62. MD said on 26-02-2012

    Hi Shane,

    Since interesting ang mga tanong mo, hayaan mong himay-himayin ko ang mga sagot ko sa mga katanungan mo. Ready na? Go!

    (1) Why are there more people saying that there is a perceived increase in the number of straight-acting gays, and that even effeminate ones are being “converted”? Is this just merely a perception?

    Based on my observation and personal opinion, there exist gay people who are naturally straight-acting (i.e., walang kabahid-bahid, walang ka-effort-effort, at mahirap ma-detect), and there are those who are artificially straight-acting (i.e., effort na effort, pilit na pilit, pero bumibigay or nagiging obvious din eventually). I think the latter subtype far outnumbers the much rarer former subtype (and of course, no subtype is “better” than the other). For the natural straight-acting guys, in most cases, you would not be able to easily tell if they are gay or not unless they explicitly tell you. On the other hand, it is much easier to detect artificially straight-acting guys (especially the ones living in a glass closet, yung mga tipong paniniwala nila straight acting sila pero yung pananalita, mannerisms, pananamit eh halatang-halata naman na hindi).

    Now to answer your question, yes, I think there is a perceived increase in the number of straight-acting guys for two reasons:

    — Despite the fact that our present society is more accepting (or tolerant?) of homosexuals, there still exists the pressure to remain “decent” (e.g., sabi ng tatay mo na okay lang na bakla ka basta wag ka lang magdadamit babae o makipagrelasyon sa kapwa lalaki; o kaya sabi ng pari na homosexuals are sons of God too, but gays should not act upon their homosexual desires). The problem with our society is that, while homosexuality as a sexual preference is now accepted or tolerated, the homosexual lifestyle is still rejected in general. In other words, there is a limit imposed upon us gays on how far we could go in terms of expressing our true selves. So for most people, the easiest and most convenient route is to try to stick to the norm – heterosexuality — as much as they can (kahit napipilitan lang para iwas chismis, gulo, iskandalo at pangungutya).

    — Based on my observation, the effeminates and artificially straight-acting guys yearn to have the naturally straight-acting guy as their “ideal” boyfriend. Prime specimen, ika nga. My theory is this (though obviously flawed): the more straight-acting you are, the more guys will come to you and the less discrimination you will receive.

    (2) What possible factors contribute to a closet gay’s decision to remain hidden? Is it family, his/her own judgment that being openly gay is awful, etc?

    A closeted gay guy’s decision to remain hidden can be due to any of the following reasons:

    — Family: Our parents grew up and lived in a very conservative era where homosexuality is taboo. Or maybe you are the only male child in the family who is expected to carry the family name and extend the lineage.
    — School or Workplace: In school, a gay kid may decide to remain closeted in order to avoid getting ridiculed by peers. The degree by which you can express your homosexuality in the workplace is dependent upon your company’s attitude towards homosexuality. For example, if you belong to industries such as media, advertising, theater, then keribelles lang, gow! Conversely, if you are in the academe or corporate world, perhaps you will be encouraged, if not required, to be as straight-appearing as possible (e.g., bawal mag-crossdress or makeup).
    — Religion: Your religion’s negativity towards homosexuality can range from quietly discouraging homosexual activity, explicitly forbidding same-sex sexual practices among adherents and actively opposing social acceptance of homosexuality, to execution. There are certain Christian sects in our country that consider homosexuality a sin. If you disobey their doctrine, or if they find out that you are homosexual, ititiwalag ka sa church.
    — Showbiz: One may decide to remain in the closet, to act straight and even enter into heterosexual relationships (e.g., loveteams) simply because it is his job to maintain his matinee idol status. Trabaho niya na gumawa ng ilusyon na siya ang pambansang papa na kinaiinggitan ng mga kalalakihan at kinalolokohan ng mga kababaihan at sangkabadingan. Once na umamin or ma-confirm na bading siya, goodbye shows/movies, goodbye endorsements, goodbye career.
    — Personal reason: One may decide to remain in the closet simply because he is not yet ready to come out. Maybe he has not yet accepted himself.

    At marami pang ibang dahilan.

    (3) What do we have to consider before we can conclude na bakla ang isang guy dahil pumatol siya sa isang bakla (straight-acting, effeminate, whatever)?

    Mayroon talagang mga straight guys na pumapatol sa bakla dala ng matinding pangangailangan (e.g., walang pang-tuition, walang pambili ng gatas ng anak, walang pambili ng gamot ng magulang na maysakit), o dahil sa sadyang manggagamit lang sila (e.g., basketball player na gusto magkaroon ng latest gadget o ng bagong rubber shoes), o dahil turing nila sa bakla ay parausan lang (e.g., yung mga curious, para makatikim ng ibang putahe, ika nga). At the end of the day, babalik at babalikan lang din nila ang kani-kanilang mga asawa o girlfriend at iiwan ka. (Pero meron din naman daw na mga straight guys na eventually, natututunang mahalin ang kanilang gay lover. But that’s another story.)

    Pero mayroon din namang naniniwala na basta pumatol ka sa bakla, anuman ang dahilan o circumstance, eh bakla ka na, period. No exceptions.

    Ako, personally, wala akong sinusunod na checklist para husgahan ang isang tao kung bakla siya o hindi. Kahit pa makapal ang foundation niya at naka-skinny jeans and body-fit V-neck shirt, o kahit pa nakikipagsex siya sa kapwa lalaki, kung sabihin niya na metrosexual, bisexual, bi-curious, o straight-tripper man siya ay irerespeto ko kung anong pananaw niya sa sarili niya. Yun ang trip nya eh. Walang basagan ng trip, ika nga. Besides, hindi ko naman obligasyon para i-define para sa kanya kung sino siya dahil walang sino man ang higit na nakakaalam tungkol sa tunay niyang pagkatao maliban sa sarili niya.

    (3) Why is there a mutual animosity between the effeminate gays and the straight-acting ones? This is particularly true in some online community. Bakit parang mahirap tanggapin na maraming kulay ang rainbow?

    It is a sad fact that even the most homophobic individuals come from the gay community itself. My theory is this: the “mutual animosity” may arise from the different, often opposing, interpretations of how homosexuality should be expressed.

    Sabi ng mga pa-gurl sa mga pa-mhin: “Mga ipokrito! Mga mapagpanggap! In denial pero halata naman! Umamin na kayo na berde rin ang dugo ninyo!” Siguro sa pananaw ng mga pa-gurl, naniniwala sila na kung bakla ka, dapat panindigan mo, dapat ipakita mo. In your face, kumbaga. Pag nakitang marami ang mga pa-gurl sa mundo at wala naman silang ginagawang masama, baka mas maging katanggap-tanggap ang mga bading sa lipunan.

    Sabi ng mga pa-mhin sa mga pa-gurl: “Ayusin niyo nga ang hitsura, pananamit, pananalita at pagkilos ninyo! Nakakahiya kayo! Dahil sa inyo kaya hindi nirerespeto ang mga bading! Oo nga, bakla kami, pero hindi naman kailangan ipagsigawan sa mundo.” Sa pananaw naman ng mga pa-mhin, iba para sa kanila ang standard ng pagiging “disente” at may limit sa pag-express ng kabadingan. Kumbaga, ayaw ng mga pa-mhin na gumawa ng dahilan para mapag-initan at kutyain ng lipunan. Ayaw ng mga pa-mhin na ma-disrupt ang social equilibrium kung saan nangingibabaw ang heterosexuality. Since mas malapit sa heterosexual/straight norm ang mga pa-mhin, feeling ng pa-mhin, mas katanggap-tanggap at mas superior sila kaysa mga pa-gurl.

    But then again, who are we to impose upon others how they should express their homosexuality?

    Ako, naniniwala ako sa peaceful coexistence. Walang basagan ng trip para happy ang lahat.

    (4) In the Philippine setting, can an effeminate gay find a true romantic involvement (yung tipong hindi lang pineperahan)?

    Yes, an effeminate gay guy can find a true romantic relationship. You just have to find your niche. Chasing after someone who abhors effems is like fitting a square plug into a round hole. Wag mong ipilit ang sarili mo sa taong hindi effem ang hanap.

    I admit that I am not officially out but I am not in the closet either. If someone asks me upfront if I am gay, I would not hesitate to say yes. I believe I am, in most instances, naturally straight-acting but someone with a keen gaydar could easily detect me (and I really don’t care, hahaha). I can loosen up in the presence of my family or my gay friends (like speaking in bekinese, for example), but of course, in more formal social circles (such as in the workplace), I shift to my “straight” side and act appropriately. Depende lang talaga sa lugar at situation kung “straight” mode or “becky” mode ako, haha.

    About my previous relationships naman, let me share with you (and the rest of the readers) that I had a relationship with a naturally straight-acting guy, and two with ultra-loud, ultra-flamboyant, effeminate ones (one of which was a transvestite who won in a miss gay pageant in a chain of malls). But I had loved all of them so much that I overlooked these aspects of their homosexuality.

    Para sa akin, isang maliit na bahagi lang ng buong pagkatao ng isang bading ang pagdadala niya sa sarili niya (whether straight-acting or effem). Nasa sa iyo na lang kung katanggap-tanggap ito para sa yo at kung gagawin mong big deal ito kapag napagdesisyunan mo nang makipagrelasyon sa isang kapwa becky. Panlabas lang kasi iyon eh. I know cliche ito, pero mas mahalaga sa akin talaga ang kalooban ng magiging partner ko.

    Kung natatakot ka na pineperahan or ginagamit ka lang, mararamdaman mo naman yun kapag umabot ka na sa puntong iyon. Nasa sa iyo pa rin kung hahayaan mong ipagpatuloy niya ang panggagamit sa yo (dahil mahal mo siya eh) o kung panahon na para iwanan mo na siya. Kaya mahalaga rin na kapag magka-bf ka ay may mga friends ka na makapagbibigay ng objective opinion sa yo.

    Sana nasagot ko nang malinaw ang lahat ng katanungan mo. Basta tandaan mo, walang problema kung effem ka, mayroon at mayroong magmamahal sa yo sa tamang panahon, Shane. For the meantime, focus on making yourself Mr. Right for your Mr. Right, so when the right time comes, handa ka na at swak na swak kayo.

    Cheers,

    MD

    P.S.

    Since nabanggit mo na rin ang “good online support group,” ipa-plug ko na rin ang MGGFF o ang Manila Gay Guy For Friends group sa Facebook, kung saan ang catchphrase namin ay “Find a Friend, Not A Fuck!” Since secret group siya, you would have to be added to the group by a member. Kontakin mo na lang si Migs para mai-add ka, kung interested ka. Wag kang mag-alala sa identity mo kasi may mga members din naman dun na ginagamit yung alter-ego or dummy accounts nila. Or like many others, gamit namin yung real profiles namin. Everybody’s welcome! Masaya dun, pramis! Maraming stories, anecdotes, ka-naughty-han (konti lang naman hahaha) dun, plus mga activities pa! Kaya sali na!

  63. seps said on 26-02-2012

    answer to your first question: yes… it is just a perception

  64. xzena said on 26-02-2012

    Considered na bakla ang 1 guy f pumatol sa gay f nag reciprocate ung guy sa gay. Sa effem nman,pwd p dn magkaron ng romantic involvement but w/o a true feelings.

  65. Ulon said on 26-02-2012

    n the Philippine setting, can an effeminate gay find a true romantic involvement (yung tipong hindi lang pineperahan)? Personally, this uncertainty regarding the other person’s possible underlying intentions is a major factor why I am romantically challenged until now (I am not a risk-taker). —- Hay, ang hirap sagutin. Seguro “hindi”. Dito sa Pinas peperahan ka lang ng mga guys. Sa ibang bansa lalo na dun sa mga bansang permitted na ang gay marriage “oo”.

  66. Ulon said on 26-02-2012

    “Why is there a mutual animosity between the effeminate gays and the straight-acting ones? This is particularly true in some online community. Bakit parang mahirap tanggapin na maraming kulay ang rainbow?”—–dahil seguro, nakatingin sila sa isang salamin… Kong ano nakikita nila iyon na… Makitid ang utak kong baga… *peace We just have to be patience with them… Kilangan lang nila ma-expose sa iba’t ibang kulay ng “rainbow”, tulad ng mga straight, upang ito ay kanilang maintindihan…

  67. Ulon said on 26-02-2012

    “What do we have to consider before we can conclude na bakla ang isang guy dahil pumatol siya sa isang bakla (straight-acting, effeminate, whatever)?” — pumatol means “na-inlove?”. Kailangan ba itanong yan? Di bat iyan ang ipinaglalaban natin… “Equality”… To be able to do things as straight people do. To be able to fall in love without being different, without being branded as gay or whatever, just be like everyone else…

  68. Ulon said on 26-02-2012

    Kailangan ba pag-bading ka, eh dapat ba bina-bae ka kumilos? I’ve seen alot of gay porn, they’re all straight-acting, my favorite gay porn star Pierre Fitch is gay, pero lalaki kong kumilos… Sa tingin ko “Effem vs. Straight-Acting” should be “Effem and Straight-Acting”, pare-parehas naman taung mga bading, iba-iba nga lang ang style… Kadalasan kasi dito sa Pinas pagsinabing bading effem… I think its a matter of choice… I-respeto na lang natin sila, dahil iyon din naman ang gusto natin…

  69. paolo said on 26-02-2012

    Hello,

    I am an openly gay guy but I still wear guy/straight men’s clothes not because I’m being untrue to my nature; but simply because it is my fashion sense.

    I believe that one person’s gayness can be expressed in so many ways, like the color of the rainbow as you’ve mentioned. However right now, the color percentage varies. Maybe Red is more dominant now, but who knows next time, Green naman.

    Last, interesting that more gays are looking very straight (gwapo), I observed that too. Law of Supply and Demand siguro. We are gay because we love men…and i mean gwapo men. So to attract a suitable partner, we have to look gwapo too. Para masaya din si partner. :)

    • Closer2Fame said on 03-03-2012

      I love this answer.. One time some1 replied to me that “How about people who has nothing more to improve?”.. I replied that there is no such thing because room for improvement will always exist.. Those people who think that this is not true are just plain lazy or people who just gave up even before they started.

  70. Closer2Fame said on 15-03-2012

    I never tried to disassociate myself from the negative connotations of gay labels because I think I should focus on figuring out my sexuality 1st than caring about what other people think. I can’t say that I’m in an Identity crisis because it’s more than 20 years. Seeing the comments in this article just troubles me more. I know it’s easier to say something that’s way more complicated but “Can’t we all just be happy about each other for being ourselves?”

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