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hi there Migs!

I’ve been an avid reader of your blog ever since you started writing about HIV Awareness. I’m a fan actually of how you made it into a personal advocacy of yours to ensure that PLUs are given the right information when it comes to this condition. I dont know if you’ll take interest in my story but I’d like to share it anyway, in the hope that maybe I would find a confidant or a support group that will help me through this ordeal, however trivial it maybe. And who knows, I might be an advocate myself.

Very recently, I was subject to my very first HIV scare, you see, I’ve always been reading your blog but I never really got the urge to do it myself. I was like an audience on the sidelines waiting for my turn on the spotlight, and just a week ago, I had to face the truth. It was through your blog that I found my way through one of the testing centers in Manila, RITM. If not for your blog, I wouldn’t have made it there. The group who accommodated me were very nice, I felt no judgement in that room although there were a couple of people who were having their tests done as well.

My peer counselor, Joseph, was kind enough to walk me through the process. I felt a sigh of relief being able to talk to someone about it without the unintended and unsolicited judgment that I didnt need at such a desolate time.

The test was quick and it was a breeze, it didnt feel like an hour of waiting because I had something to keep my mind preoccupied. But as the time came, I felt that sudden urge to break down. but as I said to my counselor, this is the first time I’m going to be tested for HIV, the first time I ever subjected myself to unprotected sex and the last time, if indeed the results come out positive that I will be having this moment.

As I sat there and opened the envelope myself, the results came out negative. This was 4 days after my first unprotected sex with a guy I knew only for a couple of days. It was one night, one drunken night. And somehow, I still feel the regret of doing it with him without protection.

As I saw the results of the test, “Negative” it said, I couldn’t help but question the validity of it, even my counselor was surprised with my reaction, in his words: “Parang mas gusto mo pa yatang positive ang results ha.?”. Honestly, because I felt so guilty after that night and I couldn’t think of a way to relieve myself of the anxiety that came along with it, I was preparing myself to be a positive. After all, how many times have I tried to have sex with random strangers and not even remember if we used protection or not. But that’s besides the point. Right now, as of the time being, I am negative, but that’s about a week after my last test. And the worry and anxiety in me builds up as I draw closer to the three month window period, which is on January. The agony is killing me let alone the thought of having to go through the entire guessing game process again. It feels like a tug o war of emotions.

I dont know how yo guys do it. I dont know how you are able to help people like us go through their tests, I mean, Joseph was telling me that some of his clients come out to be positive on the first try and they are instantly devastated at the thought of it. And mine turned out negative. The guy who I was talking about claimed to be negative as well, he even told me he has friends from the Love Yourself Program. Before we did the act, he told me he was negative, and that his last test was 6 months ago. I don’t know what to believe in now. I even resorted to inviting him to get tested together just so I can calm my thoughts and put my worries to rest. We are still talking up to now, I never lost touch with him since he’s the last guy I had unprotected sex with. He has to be on my radar the whole time. I am still trying to convince him to do take the test with me soon. That’s the only way I can assure myself that we both are negative. My window period is 3 months, and his last test was 6 months ago. It’s easier to diagnose him than me waiting for a couple of months. My life is on hold right now because of this scare and I dont think I can put it on hold for 3 more months. I know it’s my mistake but I think he owes it to himself to find out too. A part of me trusts me because he’s really a nice guy but a part of me, the more HIV aware is going paranoid if he doesnt agree to what I want.

I find comfort in reading your posts, I find solace in the fact that there will be people who will not judge me for whatever act I may have done in the past. Because of this scare, I am willing to turn things around, if I am given another chance.

Anyway, that’s about it. That’s my HIV story. I dont know if you’ll find it interesting enough but I just felt like I needed to share it with the very same person who urged me to get tested (indirectly of course).

Thanks for letting us know what we should and shouldn’t do and not letting your readers down. What you’re doing is excellent, noble even. I wish we had more people like you so we don’t have to bear with the stigma of HIV by ourselves.

– HG

* * *

Dear HG,

Thanks for sharing your story.

I am glad you went for your HIV test, it shows how you are taking care of yourself. May many more follow your lead.

Love,
Migs

Comments (51)

  1. JOhn said on 23-11-2012

    Hi guys

    Tanong lang po. Meron bang posibleng sakit na makukuha sa mga ngsesex na unprotected sex kahit negative ang both parties?

    Thanks guys

  2. Cheverlina said on 17-11-2012

    Binasa ko ang buong thread (haha sipag). May point naman itong si tehh, kaya lang ang prob kasi masyado kang harsh sa words mo tehh. Haha, ako na sisterette niyo never pa akong jumerjer kaya di ako relate. Pero intindihin niyo nalang sana na minsan…basta hirap explain, pero may times talaga na naghahanap lang talaga ang mga tao ng mga magmamahal sa kanila (regardless of gender and sexual orientation), may time na gagawa sila ng talagang ikasasama nila para lang maramdaman ang pagmamahal, at kaya nandito ang site na ‘to para bigyang suporta ang mga fallen angels natin na makalipad ulit at siyempre para malaman nila na there is love everywhere, na hindi pa nila kailangang saktan ang sarili nila para lang makamit ‘yun. Kaya tehh wag kang magreklamo kung puro HIV ang topic dito, at hindi ka makakawala sa radar ko, alam kong bakla ka kahit itanggi mo pa ‘yan! haha char~! Haha sorry ang gulo ko. 😀

  3. WEL LARA said on 14-11-2012

    @HG, I’ve been in your situation!

    yung every moment naiisip mo na you might be “positive” kasi nga nasa WINDOW PERIOD ka pa. it gives you a lot of “WHAT IF?”

    personal experience, what I did habang naghihintay ako ng next testing the next Do’s (SEX dates) that I did I always make sure na SAFE ang practice.

    I always make it a point na may dala akong condom, lub? ok na yung creamsilk mas marami pa sa EZ, choz

    Eh may TEXTING CLAN ako, so I’m always occupied, I get to talk to people whom experienced the same thing and developed POSITIVE OUTLOOK!!!

    kung POSITIVE ako?, well so be it, thats the CONSEQUENCE of my actions moreover there were people who are ready to help you naman, LOVE YOURSELF PROJECT, for one.

    kung NEGATIVE?, Thank God!!! (yun na yun)

    I know exactly what you feel right now, just find your right diversion.

    **********************************
    dun sa mga OUT of TOPIC na comments, DEADMA na.
    Everyone’s entitled to there own opinion.

  4. JW said on 06-11-2012

    Question: If a guy has aids, and he gives you a long and really good B J, like working his tongue all over my junior (without a raincoat) is there a chance of HIV/ AIDS transmission?

    I actually saw some kind of lesions in his body, therefore suspect that he has some sickness.

    • tehh said on 06-11-2012

      Yes, tumpak.. mag pa chk-up ka, blood test HIV after 6 mos. baka nahawaan kna nya… mag ingat sister!

      • JW said on 06-11-2012

        Follow-up question, nalalaman ba sa Annual Physical Exam na ginagawa ng private companies ang HIV/AIDS?

        @Tehh – nagbasa ko na hindi naman pala transmittable ang hiv/aids sa laway, buti nalang. Pero siempre, baka may mga doctor dito or mga expert na mas makakapag sabi kung pwede nga o hindi. 🙁

      • Closer2Fame said on 06-11-2012

        I’m not a doctor pero kelan nangyari ito? and nasaan yung lesions nya sa katawan?

      • JW said on 06-11-2012

        Sa body.

        Wala naman akong napansin sa privates niya. This happened last week.

      • Closer2Fame said on 07-11-2012

        How does the lesion look like?.. madami ba?.. where exactly sa torso?

      • Closer2Fame said on 13-11-2012

        Does he take whey protein?.. It can give you severe acne..

      • tehh said on 06-11-2012

        ang annual PE ng mga companya ay hindi kasama ang HIV/AIDS, kasi may pipirmahna kang waiver bago ka kuhanan nya, dahil kapag naging positive ka, karapatan ng clinic o kahit na anong center kung saan k kinuhaan ng dugo na i-forward sa DOH ang resulta.

        well, depende yun, hindi nga yun nakukuha sa saliva, pero sabi mo kc meron syang aids, so baka mahawa ka, wait ka ng 6 mos, pa check up ka, para may peace of mind ka. dapat within 6 mos period ay safe sex ka sis ok?

    • Johnny said on 07-11-2012

      You described it so graphically it gave me a hard on.

      Anyway, the only way to alleviate your fears is to have yourself checked by an expert. Find a private practitioner whom you can feel at ease with.

      Never ever disclose these stuffs during annual company sponsored PE. And one more thing, don’t use your company HMO during check ups. (These do not apply to the self employed though)

      • JW said on 13-11-2012

        It’s not even that graphic, I didn’t mention the slow foreplay. But it all ended when I saw those boils-looking spots. All of a sudden it had to end.

        Next time everyone (and note to self) should really just ask outright before anything.

      • tutoy bird said on 13-11-2012

        so you mean to say that the boils gave you the sting? Whew. Nana

  5. tutoy bird said on 05-11-2012

    tama lang ang avatar mo tehh, pink na puro tusok ala crown of thorns starfish. Isang peste. Lol

  6. Louis said on 05-11-2012

    Is unprotected sex really that great? I mean knowing what consequences might arrive in doing so, is it really so good that you would take the risk of being exposed to HIV?
    I’m not trying to offend anyone I’m really just curious because I’ve never done it without a raincoat.

    • tehh said on 06-11-2012

      well a piece of unsolicited advise, kung hindi ka sigurado s partner mo, better mag condom ka para may peace of mind ka, pero kung faithful naman kayo sa isat isa ok lang na wala. pero mahirap na, kc pwede ka pa din makakuha ng sakit, dahil, isipin mo nilalabasan yan ng dumi, tapos doon ipapasok un ari mo, dpa nakapandiri??

      • Closer2Fame said on 07-11-2012

        @Tehh

        I agree with you on this one.. Pero dba you said you are not one of us?.. What made you an expert on gay sex?

      • tehh said on 07-11-2012

        im not an expert on gay matters. it just know how to prevent hiv/aids.. so thats what am telling the bekis to use protection.

      • tutoy bird said on 07-11-2012

        hindi nman siya expert. For once, i believe him using his common sense. You don’t need to be a rocket scientist.

      • Closer2Fame said on 07-11-2012

        I mean, if he’s not gay then what gives heshe the right to give any of us unsolicited, incriminating and offensive advice?

      • tutoy bird said on 07-11-2012

        isa kasi siyang malaking anomalya. Pasasaan, makakalimutan na rin siya ng mga tao. Huwag na natin siyang patulan. Hanap kasi yan ng papansin sa kanya. Oh well.

      • Closer2Fame said on 07-11-2012

        right!

  7. Ulon said on 05-11-2012

    Ang pinaka-safe na uri ng pagtatalik ay between two women. Our lesbian friends…

    • tehh said on 05-11-2012

      korek na may malaking check… iwas s hiv yan..

    • Johnny said on 05-11-2012

      Hahahahaha.

      Pero bakit kaya ang konti ng populasyon ng mga lesbian. Hindi kaya mas magaling sila mag panggap sa mga beki.

      • tehh said on 05-11-2012

        haha, i find it sexy eh un f2f, kay sa sa beki2beki, mejo malaswa.. ndi namn dumdami ang mga lesbians eh, ikaw nga, bakit ang mga beki, dumadami eh hindi naman sila nangnganak, haha, baka nakakahawa???

      • Closer2Fame said on 06-11-2012

        @Tehh

        Bat ganun tehh ang epal mo?… Wala ka bang makitang maganda sa buhay mo at wala kang masabing maganda?… Tigilan ang pagharap sa salamin para mabawasan ang galit sa mundo… 😆

      • tehh said on 06-11-2012

        @closer2fame amen to dat sis!.. opinion ko lang yun, na preferred ko un f2f kaysa sa beki2beki, lahat naman tyo ay may sariling opinion eh, haha, peace b wd u sis!

  8. Joshua said on 04-11-2012

    Migs pakiban na lang po si tehh kasi nagsisimula ng away parang si yata sya welocme dito mali ang site na pinasukan kalain mo may straight pala nakikimessage sa site mo para manggulo mahirap talaga mag explain at magrespond sa taong walng butas ang utak para sa pag unawa…transexual yata sya kaya di daw sya bakla may mabahong pekpek na sya hihihi

  9. tehh said on 03-11-2012

    kasalanan na ang mga bekis yan kung nag ka hiv sila. kc hindi sila nag iisip, dpat nag protection.. well, ika nga, na sa huli nag pag sisisi, so, hindi na maibabalik ang isang pag kakamali.. gamitin ang utak, bago makipag talik sa kapwa bakla.

    • R said on 03-11-2012

      Excuse me, this is the type of thinking that we really, really should avoid. Given your condescending attitude, it prevents more people into getting tested. Hell, that’s the reason why HIV gets scary because of people like you who will harshly pass their judgement when in fact; given early diagnosis and treatment, it’s not.

      • Closer2Fame said on 04-11-2012

        I agree!

      • tehh said on 04-11-2012

        kung nag protection ba naman, edi sana, walang HIV na lumalaganp sa lipunan. at according s mga stduies, mga bakla ang ngakkalat ng hiv. katakot mga bekis…

      • Johnny said on 04-11-2012

        Tehh, tumulong ka na lang po na mag educate sa mga beki tungkol sa tamang kaalaman sa HIV. Pwede mo simulan sa mga kaibigan mo. Beki ka naman siguro kaya alam mo na likas na malandi ang lalaki sa baabe dahil sa testosterone level nito (E kung dalawang lalaki ba naman, e di dobleng kalandian na yan). Ang punto ko lang, wag masyadong negatibo at palawakin ang isip sa mga kadugo natin. Hindi nila sinadyang magkasakit, kulang lang ang pundasyon ng kanilang kaalaman.

      • tehh said on 04-11-2012

        ateng johny, feeling close tyo teh… hindi ako beki… so hindi kmi prone s hiv, kayo kc dpata utak ang ginagamit hindi tawag ng laman, para maiwasan ang paglaganp ng hiv sa mundong ito.

      • Johnny said on 04-11-2012

        Tehh, maling blogsite yata napasukan mo.
        Pero hindi ka naman huhusgahan dito kung straight ka na mahilig magbasa ng blog na ito. Peace.

      • Closer2Fame said on 04-11-2012

        @Johnny

        Ambait mo talaga johnny… ikaw na me mahabang pasensya…

      • Closer2Fame said on 04-11-2012

        WTF?!

        Tehhh, naintindihan mo ba ang sabi ni R?! Kung hindi e paki search sa net para maintindihan.

        Oh god puhlease, the ignorant narrow-minded supremacists who implemented the Holocaust had a better attitude than you.

        Baka karmahin ka sa mga katangahang pinagsasabi mo..

      • tehh said on 04-11-2012

        panu ako kakaramhin, e hindi ako bakla… am not prone to hiv like you mga bekimons..

      • Closer2Fame said on 04-11-2012

        @Tehh,

        Kailangan nanaman iexplain sayo?! Wow, ang kitid ng utak mo tehh…

        @Johnny

        Talking to someone like him/her is useless. Let’s just save our efforts in educating others.

      • tutoy bird said on 04-11-2012

        hindi siya kakarmahin sa hiv, sa ibang mas malalang sakit lang. 😀

      • tehh said on 04-11-2012

        am not passing any judgement. ang sa akin lng, nasa huli ang pagsisisi, at malaya kayong mga beki makpiagtalik sa kaninong bekis basta mag protection kyo para hindi kumalat ang hiv sa mundong ito. karamihan ng may hiv ay mga bekis.

      • tutoy bird said on 04-11-2012

        ah ganun pala, bekis ang nagkakalat ng HIV. Hindi nakukuha kapag nakipagtalik ka sa babaeng HIV positive pati na rin sa paggamit ng used needles. O kaya through blood transfusion. Ganun pala. Galing mo tehh. Well-researched ka. Bravo. 🙄

      • tehh said on 05-11-2012

        sabi ko karamihan, meaning, MOST, not all. HIV can be aquired in many forms like blood transfusion, needles. unprotected sex. pero, according to studies, mas madaming bekis (beki 2 beki) sexual intercourse ang nagkaka HIV kaysa sa normal na tao katulad namin ana Female to Male sexual intercourse. yan ang ibig kong sabihin. at hindi ako nag gegeneralize. mag protection kayo para hindi kyo magka HIV at nsa huli ang pag sisisi mge bekimons. peace!

      • tehh said on 05-11-2012

        According to MIGS “More than 80% of those diagnosed in the recent year are men who have sex with men.” IN SHORT (BEKI na nakipagtalik sa kapwa BEKI).. hindi ba amdami ang 80%, dba shocking yan????

      • Closer2Fame said on 04-11-2012

        @Tehh

        I know the right thing to do is to educate you but it’s hard to stay calm when you insult and generalize a whole group of people for something they did not wish for. As much as I want to change your outlook, I think it’s impossible. You can’t pour more water into a glass that’s already filled.

        You remind me of some bitch at work. I hope you both get what you deserve.

      • tehh said on 05-11-2012

        amen to dat @closer2fame

  10. tehh said on 03-11-2012

    wala kanaba mai-share migs, kundi puro HIV na yan…???

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