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Hi kuya migs,

I’m 18 years old and a college student, never been in a relationship.
It’s like I always prefer to be alone talk to myself, introspect, than to sit with my friends or classmates and have some chitchats, because I know to myself that I have nothing to say senseful or I’m poor on establishing a discourse that makes our subject retorika unuseful to me. Though my friends knows a fraction of the way I behave, some of my classmates always thought of Me like “mahinhin”, that’s makes my moves and actions be bounded by that thought and makes Me now use to it like its native to Me. I have a classmate, my crush, and its difficult to Me to conversate with Him, sit with Him and befriend Him, its like nahihiya ako, cause I have this mind-set “what if my friends and classmates might know that I have an eye on Him with His baby scent, towering height, fair skin, enough physique, and His stareful smile” .

Actually My main problem is that, its difficult for Me to socialize, interact, conversate, discourse and mingle to My classmates or to others . Wherein the fact is that I have a lot of ideas and topics to be shared and discussed. Its like I dont know how to bond with them. Like when attempting to start a conversation, I always feel an atmosp of awkwardness. I know it’s really weird but true. Like there’s something wrong with Me?
Talking to yourself or introspection oftenly than talking to others still normal?

I’am surely gay, not a cross-dresser, I seldom moves-of-mermaid, but I can’t deny that there’s still a man on Me.

Thanks,
Luis

* * *

Dear Luis,

Thanks for your very honest email. A lot of people, not just among People Like Us, have the same insecurities and difficulties, so don’t think that you’re the only one with this issue. It’s actually very common. Truth to tell, I was once like you. My friends might get shocked reading this because most of them know only the bubbly conversationalist that I am now. Little do they know that once upon a time I was an insecure piece of wallflower.

What helped me was when I gradually shifted my focus from my internalized inadequacy to just enjoying another person’s company. I started small, with a friend, hindi muna big groups. Until, with practice, I am able to engage different kinds of people, then bigger groups, etc. You see, in talking to people, you really don’t need to discourse or have something important to say. It’s just conversation! It thrills me to interact with people. Now I do, but it was never like this from the start.

So go ahead, trust and open up. Give your attention to others, less focus on yourself, this might help you too.

And oh, regarding that boy, when you feel like it, just have a little chit-chat with him. You’ll never know what the generous universe is up its sleeves. Malay mo, dabah?

Smile, world peace!

Hugs,
Migs

Comments (19)

  1. el toro bumingo said on 21-04-2013

    Ako din mahiyain tulad ni Luis. Kaya siguro hirap akong humanap ng BF 🙁

  2. Mysterious Guy said on 09-04-2013

    Embrace the life you will choose because you and only you will make that difference in the successful life that you will be taking.

  3. Asiantop said on 07-04-2013

    There are extroverts and introverts. You are the latter and you are not alone. Take an online Myer Briggs Personality test to know more about yourself. It’s not 100% accurate but good enough to get a better understanding of yourself.

  4. tutoy bird said on 14-03-2013

    ganyan din ako noong highschool tahimik. Pero ngayon eto bully na harharhar dumami naman friends ko. Hihi

  5. mik said on 10-03-2013

    normal. my social life is like a pendulum, swinging from introvert to extrovert. lol

  6. Closer2Fame said on 26-02-2013

    If I were you.. I’d try to be friends w/ your crush… give him a compliment whenever no one else is around but him… don’t start a conversation w/ anything gay of course… I think you are very critical and analytic so I suggest that you try your best to talk more casual.. focus on his achievements but never about his looks… In time, you will win him over as your friend. 🙂

  7. most bhave said on 23-02-2013

    Nuh kb normal lang yan…i’m also as timid and as tamed as you. The only diffrenz is i’m openly gay(not a cros dreser). I try to hold back n distant myself frm ppol dat Im not comftable with and sometimes wud snob ’em.but except to few..kc 4 me 2’s a co. And 3’s a crowd. Introvert as it may sound too. Maybe bcoz part of me is shy or scared that if I bcome open to evry1 they’d judge me, for being gay esp. D Guys!!so in short most of my friends are gals. Re sa crush mo: u dont have to make an efort, cuz if u r noticable then sb nga nila: palay ang lalapit syo,gaya ko nun col. Days, cla ang nag pa2gwa ng assign. Nila. Juz be witty n kind gurl! That’s enuf. Sorry jejemon lang.

  8. Cruiser Dude said on 22-02-2013

    Luis, it’s very natural at your age to react that way. Being 18 is the period of life where you are starting to discover yourself. It will not help kung lagi kang nag iisa. Less focus on yourself kasi you will grow more if you open your doors sa mga pakikipag-kaibigan. PERO, choose the kind of people you will go with. Huwag sugod ng sugod, hindi lahat ng “kaibigan” ay may mabuting impluwensya. Be nice to people, but be very careful. I have onced denied to many that I am Bi, but when I tried to open up to trusted friends, I felt better, basta lang laging panatilihin ang respeto sa sarili para igalang ka rin. I got the respect the colleagues even in my workplace…it’s very hard though in my situation being a cruiseship officer. Keep it up Luis!

  9. nick said on 20-02-2013

    hi luis, want to be your friend, randz028@yahoo.com

  10. luis said on 20-02-2013

    Thanks kuya migs for your very generous piece of advice, and honest too. It’s really a hard time for me but i’ll try my best.

    To your further advice, i will take a note for that. :))

    • Athan said on 10-03-2013

      I would be very interested to meet you personally to make a start. I am shy too and discreet about this matter. But I believe that when to “shys” meet, something would work out. How about it.

  11. maccallister said on 19-02-2013

    ganyan din ako noon. i feel you brother hehe.

    tama si migs…start with a person na tingin mo madali kaibiganin. or mejo mabait sau. unti unti mawawala yan insecurities mo. mas masaya madaming friends!

  12. Ulon said on 19-02-2013

    Luis di ka nag-iisa. Tama si migs, dahil ako katulad mo rin, hanggang ngayon, me sariling mundo. Mas gusto ko kasing nagiisa. Mas masaya. Madaldal ako sa bahay lang at sa mga taong kilalang-kilala ko. Wag ka masyadong magtitiwala sa tao agad agad, open up your eyes at kilatisin ng maayos. Hirap kasi sa ating mahiyain, once na naloko or nasaktan tayo ng taong pinagkatiwalaan natin, lalo lang tayong nagiging tahimik at nagkukolong sa sarili nating mundo. Walang mali sa ganyan. Sadyang ganito lang talaga tayo ginawa. Pero wag mong hahayaan ng ang sarili mong mundo ang sumira sa iyong pangarap, o pumigil sayo sa paghahanap ng taong makakasama mo habang buhay. Me limitasyon lahat ng bagay. Me mga oras o mga pangyayaring kailangan nating lisanin ang sarili nating mundo para makamit ang ating pangarap sa buhay. Dahil at the end of the day, nariyan lang yan, naghihintay sa atin. Sabi nga nila opportunity knock only once. But don’t ever change. At ang pinakamahalaga sa lahat, give time sa mga taong malapit sayo at pinagkakatiwalaan mo(ung family mo at mga kababata at kaibigan mo). Importante yan. Lalo na’t kadalasan mag-isa tayo.

    Tungkol naman dun sa crush mo, wag mong pilitin sarili mo. Me tamang araw para dyan. Wag mong mamadaliin. Pagdating sa ating me sariling mundo, patience is a virtue…

    • David said on 01-03-2013

      This is completely irrelevant but there is something about your writing style, something about your tone, that I truly recognize.

      You read like a friend of mine would write.

  13. Luc said on 19-02-2013

    NKKLK ang spelling & grammar ni girl. Last time I checked, wala naman kasing English requirement dito

  14. Paul said on 18-02-2013

    tru ka jan migs…

    ako din dati ganyan, pero I started hanging out with select few people until I learned how to project myself better…

    who would have thought that by the end of my college years, vice president na ako ng student council, akong di halos nagsasalita sa klase during the first months 🙂

    PAWS UP BABY GIRL!

  15. luis said on 18-02-2013

    Thanks kuya migs for your very generous piece of advice, and honest too. It’s really a hard time for Me but I will try my best. And to your further advice, I will take a note for that. :))

  16. fred said on 17-02-2013

    whoa, same prob with mine, thanks migs, ako din natulungan mo…

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