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Hi Kuya Migs!

I identify myself as a young closeted *confused* lad, jacking off to numerous gay porn, fantasizing big (chubby/muscular) bodies etc, reading some gay fanfiction. movies about gay life etc. but I just really cannot connect or being friends with guys.

Everytime I am seeing a guy,regardless of where I am right now (In freshman year in college somewhere in Taft) my first impression ko sa kanila was the arrogant & cocky type, yung tipong mahilig mang-trip/mang-asar ng ibang tao. Also pala, yung mga typical interests ng mga boys, like online gaming, dota, some anime, basketball, sports, cars etc. never nakong nagkaroon ng interest.

And everytime some guy/manong calls me “pare”, “boss”, “brad” etc. I cringe… I really don’t know why. Maybe that I’ve developed some form of misandry or an identity crisis that I had experienced since my elementary days, where almost no boy wants to befriend me. I only had girls as my friends since then. Nagtuloy-tuloy ito during my highschool days, where most of guys in my age visit computer shops & playing basketball but I never had any interests in those things, as in wala talaga, hindi ako mag-clclick sa kanila (baka pati na rin sa inyo).

And the result is, wala akong naging kaibigan na mga lalaki ever since. Dahil nga, how can I be friends with them if I really do not have a common interest with them, e ano paguusapan natin?

And sadly, i’m really attracted physically & sexually to guys, gusto ko na nga maging babae eh.. 😛

I need some answers about my real identity is… wag kayong magagalit o maoffend sa mga words na nabasa nyo. 🙂

– Renzo

* * *

Dear Renzo,

Don’t get stuck with the idea that you can only befriend boys if you are interested in the same things boys usually like. It’s okay not to like online gaming, anime, basketball, sports, etc. You don’t need to like what they supposedly like. Just like what you like, which means, be authentic and be yourself. You will see that this will eventually lead you to people you can be friends with.

You say no boy wants to befriend you? I am almost 100% sure that this is not true. Why would they not want to befriend you? I suspect this is just in your mind. Open the locked gates of your mind, and people will come in. Maybe not in throngs but in trickles. How do you open? You start by being honest with yourself, and by daring to be who you really are. That is an act of courage. I tell you, regardless of one’s sexual orientation, a lot of people struggle on this point. Accept who you are, and that will bring you lots of comfort internally. Little by little, you will see that this comfort will express itself in spontaneity, in lots of smiles and laughters, optimism, and cheerfulness. These are traits that welcome people. Have you met people (girls or boys) whose company feels very positive and light? Yung tinatawag na “ang gaan dalhin”? Exactly what I’m talking about. When you have the courage to embrace your whole self, you like yourself, this happens.

I guess I’ll stop there — try it out. See for yourself. Trust that there is magic in loving oneself. And one last thing – do not wait for boys to befriend you. Go befriend them.

Love and light and world peace!
Migs

P.S. On the question of your identity — we can tackle that later. Relax and just be. No labels muna. When you are fully comfortable with who you really are, that is the best place from where to identify yourself. That topic is called SOGIE (Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity and Expression). When you reach that stage of acceptance, you can start reading on this. Just google SOGIE 🙂

Comments (10)

  1. Don said on 02-02-2016

    Hi! I can relate to you also. I watched gay porns, read gay stories, and other stuffs. I have friends who are also boys but they don’t know that I’m gay/bi/confuse. We have common interest like animes and mangas. Some also of my friends are also friends of my gay friends.
    I also experienced like talking to other guys but end up nothing to talk. I sometimes start the conversation.
    I guess you need to make friends first with the boy friends (kaibigang lalake) of your girl friends (kaibigang babae). There you can established connection with them and little by, you get comfortable. Adjust lang konti.

  2. regienald said on 11-12-2015

    Hi .. I do can relate to his story but just in some parts of it .. Cause , come to think of it. I do watch some M2M video, read some stories about “gaylove” some might called it. And i do get attracted to some guys .. Maybe it’s because i’m bi or something. Anyways, i don’t really believe in “BEFRIENDING” guys .. Cause i gotta lots a friends that are straight dudes .
    it’s not because you don’t have the same interest as they are. Maybe it’s just that your afraid of something that might cause them hate you or something ..

  3. beacon927 said on 08-11-2015

    Its nice that your going out of your comfort zone doing some experiments. It’s where your gonna learn stuff about being yourself regardless of what people think.
    If they truly are your friends, they’re gonna stick and love you for who you are.

  4. OZ said on 04-11-2015

    hey all! I’m on the other side of the spectrum. I mostly have straight guy friends and they know I’m gay. I’m not into DOTA or basketball but we click on other things. They are comfortable asking me stuff they can’t ask their girlfriends or female friends. One thing, FASHION. Some straight guys are secretly into it. Sadly there is still a stigma that FASHION is for women but cmon we’re in 2015 and there are shy “closeted” metros out there lol! Another thing is when they want to vent out about their relationship problems, Im there. They can also drag me out when they wanna go clubbing. I am there to be their wingman. One “masculine”, for lack of a better word that is legally appropriate lol, thing I can think of why I click with them is the GYM! These are just some on top of my head atm but im sure there’s more reasons why I click with them. My problem though is I have a really FEW gay friends. I find it hard to relate to most gay guys in my area -_- Don’t get me wrong, I’m comfortable being gay, I dont have issues with it like how other gay guys out there but I just dont click with most gay guys I’ve met. I’m trying my best though and I’m still hopeful… so we’ll see lol!

  5. SilveySilvz said on 23-10-2015

    Omg this kid is so me!!! I’m 25 years old now and never akong nagkaroon ng male friends ang difference lang siguro namin ni Renzo is I never wanted to be a girl although I love lots of girly stuff yaaaaaaaaassss slay momma werk!!! 🙂

  6. Cruiser Dude said on 18-09-2015

    Hi, Renzo,

    “Everytime I am seeing a guy,regardless of where I am right now (In freshman year in college somewhere in Taft) my first impression ko sa kanila was the arrogant & cocky type,” – This is never true, make friends with everyone and never limit yourself making friends with girls only. There a lot of good boys around who can accept you of who you are. As Migs says, be authetic and be yourself. Like what you want to like, no one can ever dictate as to what kind interest you may want. Explore and discover your potentials. Having boys around is part of your environment and you have to accept that. Time will come, you will fall in love in one of them.

    “And everytime some guy/manong calls me “pare”, “boss”, “brad” etc. I cringe… I really don’t know why” – you can answer this yourself, you said that you are closeted confused lad. If you just show to the world who you are, will they still call you pare, boss, brad or manong? This will continue unless you become true to yourself. Get out and show to them who you are?

    “And the result is, wala akong naging kaibigan na mga lalaki ever since. Dahil nga, how can I be friends with them if I really do not have a common interest with them, e ano paguusapan natin?” – Renzo, I can see that you are a smart person, there are so many topics and interest that boys and you can talk about – politics, economy, religion, lovelife – these subjects doesn’t choose any gender types. Prove to the world how smart you are and you will see that boys will come to you and make friend with you because you have proven them that you are not only smart but intelligent as well. Wala kang nagiging kaibigang lalaki dahil iniiwasan mo sila, unless, masama talaga ang ugali mo. Change your impression among boys.

    “And sadly, i’m really attracted physically & sexually to guys, gusto ko na nga maging babae eh” – Be out and be yourself BUT always maintain the respect to yourself and to other people so that they will also respect you in return. Na hindi ikaw yung tipong pwedeng tuksuhin dahil sa pagiging miyembro mo ng ikatlong kasarian.

    “I need some answers about my real identity is… wag kayong magagalit o maoffend sa mga words na nabasa nyo.” – No worries, walang kang sinabi na makaka offend sa mga mambabasa. We even salute you for having the courage to write this and being true to yourself. Migs and MGG readers are here to help.

    Lastly, as what Migs says – Do not wait for boys to befriend you. Go befriend them.

    Cheer up Renzo.

    • Renzo said on 28-09-2015

      @CruiserDude, I only read this blog today and yeah, thanks for some encouragemen. I’ve tried na to go with a group of boys (the “tropa”/”trope” type of cliques) a while ago on lunchtime, but there’s this hindrance i’ve encountered called “vices”.

      Although they do not forced me to drink & smoke but I still resist myself t those things and yeah, as of today, I am still uncomfortable being with them

      • Cruiser Dude said on 29-09-2015

        Hi,Renzo,
        Good to hear from you. Being with boys doesn’t not mean also go with the flow, If you do not drink and smoke, never do it as this will become a ‘bad influence” amongst them. Befriending them does not also mean befriending their vices. I also do not drink and smoke but still maintain the respect of other people. if you treat them nicely, they will also do the same to you. It is how you will carry yourself…Cheers!

      • ian said on 03-11-2015

        i am 23 and we are in the same circumstances.

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