Hi Kuya Migs,
I need help kuya.
I’ve been a quiet reader for the past few years. Always thought about sending in a letter, but felt that my problems were miniscule in comparison to the ones being sent in. That is until today.
I’m Jamie (not my real name), a 23 year old IT professional in a bank at The Fort. My biggest issue in life prior to today, was that I was alone. I’ve never been in a relationship with either a girl or a boy. I’ve only kissed one person in my life and it was the same boy who I experimented with when I was in grade school.
I’d like to think I’m a smart guy, reflecting the education my parent’s paid for, and a values-oriented person, reflecting how I was raised by my parents. Eventhough I’ve known I was gay since I was watching Speed Racer (the cartoons) when I was a kid, I knew that I was going to be a bit traditional when it comes to my (future) relationships – that I won’t have sex on the first date, monogamy, a commitment ceremony (instead of a wedding), 2.5 kids (adopted or via surrogate), and a dog.
So tonight was a shock for me, because somehow in a single date I managed to destroy my belief system. For a smart guy, I did stupid pretty well.
I was on sick leave today, recovering from a bad asthma attack the previous day. I intended to stay in the entire day. Aside from TV, my only distraction was logging on to a gay social network’s chatroom application. I never took the people there seriously. So it was with a surprise that Gabby (not his real name), an 18 year old kid who’s in the same city as I, was very persistent in meeting me. I got concerned that he was appearing very eager to meet up that I acquiesced at the last minute to meet him – only to meet him. If only so he won’t be taken advantage of by other people.
So I went to the meeting place, met him and saw a tall (taller than my 5’7″), bigger (arms and torso more built than mine) and good looking kid. One of the first few things I told him was that he should be careful of who he was meeting, that he was appearing to eager to meet up. He actually seemed chastised that I felt bad for him. So I went and bought us drinks. When the area we were in became crowded, I suggested we talk in my dad’s van which I brought to the venue. It was there that Gabby disclosed his real age. He was not 18, he was only 14.
I was shocked to say the very least. He didn’t look 14 at all, he was like a boy in a man’s body.
What ensued was line after line after lecture after speech, about how dangerous it was to do this kind of thing. He seemed embarassed after that. I asked if he wanted to go home, he said he was going to wait for his cousins to pick him up. So we spent the next half hour talking about ourselves – him sharing his parent’s pressure on him to excel at school, and I sharing my experiences when I was his age. I don’t know how it happened, but after a while we were holding hands.
I told him I still can’t believe he’s 14. That his hand covered mine, bigger, rougher, compared to my slender and softer hand.
I remember telling him how adult-youth relationships end up with the adult being charged with statutory rape. And that he should be careful, for both himself and the guy he was with.
But for all my speeches, all it took for me to crumble was him pulling my head to his and planting a soft kiss. I know I should’ve pulled away and sent him home, but I didn’t. I wasn’t thinking anymore. What was in my head was how long it was that a strong pair of arms was around me and how long it was since I was kissed by a handsome guy. Long story short, I ended up making out with him, jacking him, sucking him off. In my dad’s van. In the parking lot.
He wanted to reciprocate, but it was only then that I got my senses back and begged off. Telling him that a security guard was now roaming the lot. We made out a bit more, but I drove him to just outside his village right after.
Gabby’s now texting lovey dovey messages, and I can’t help but reply. He is such a dashing young man and I’ve never felt anything like what I felt with him in my life. But I know I crossed a line.
I need help kuya. What do I do?
PS. I told him to watch Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Told him he’s the Bridget to my Eric.