Manila Gay Guy
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Hi Migs,

I never had an idea about you and your blog——until I bought one of your books out of curiosity.
Then I started to visit your blog and realized that I am not alone…that there are gay guys I can relate to. Just a different name, different sizes and different identities but we belong in just one community.

Here’s my story, I grew up in province and I used to be this effeminate gay guy until college. After graduation I decided to find a job here in Manila, and I don’t know why but I decided to change myself—-I mean, my preferences about everything. I started working out, bought new clothes and tried my best to really make myself look presentable and manly. I did all these things because I thought, that by becoming more manly, It’ll be easier for me to meet someone… someone I can call my partner.

I am laidback kind of guy and I love deep talks. I don’t do sex with anyone I just met, because I know that sex is easier to get these days. My rule when it comes to dating is—no sex on a first date, but kiss is okay hahaha. I look presentable, I have a stable job and I think I know how to handle a relationship. In fact, I’m not the clingy type and em matured enough but for some reason, I don’t understand why I am still single.

I have few friends who’s effeminate, some of them are not so good looking but they never have to deal with the dilemma that I am facing for the longest time. Yes, they have boyfriends/partner. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for them too, I just don’t get the idea why am I still single. What’s wrong with me? Am I too old school? Am I boring? Am I too stiff? Or this is my destiny?

Is it too early for me to accept the possibility that I might stay single in this life?

– HT

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Dear HT,

It was some time ago when I also believed that attractiveness relies on one’s being manly. Now, 11 years since I started this blog, this idea has gotten much less valid. I know that for some people, they still really prefer guys who are “straight-acting” or discreet. I know a lot of gay men who do not subscribe to this notion.

Attracting a potential partner is definitely more than just being manly. Or being effeminate. A lot of people are discovering that choosing a partner based on just this one variable doesn’t really work. Try to look at other qualities.

For me, attractiveness is about the energy you radiate–if your energy is about being more open, non-judgemental, secure about yourself, optimistically looking at the future and being thankful about today, etc then it would be easier for you to meet like-minded individuals.

Good luck HT!

Migs

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