Manila Gay Guy

Hi Migs,

Been reading your blog so i know im bi (married with 2 kids) – i enjoyed being with both sexes and i don’t have any problem getting one when i was younger. But since i got married, it’s more of loyalty and promise NOT to cheat on anyone.

I work in a hotel sales department and got a new assistant last month (hired and interviewed by HR). On the day he was introduced to me, we got good vibes for each other and we were so comfortable with each other right then. For the next few days and weeks, we tell each other our life stories, we went out for a picnic with my family and him with his gf (of 5 years).

Since he is 10 years my junior (I’m 31, he’s 21), i treat him like a brother – i am his mentor and confidante. But here is the dilemma – just like your latest posts here about bromance and “straight guys can’t keep off….“; we are so close and comfortable that we play around the office and off-work (sports or night-out). Sometimes if i’m on the phone or on the computer or while me driving; he would come up and tickle me, touch my thighs, my shoulders (pressing it like massage), hug me or anything contact. he is also thoughtful and sweet; he brings me chocolate sometimes and bought me a shirt after he went out for a 2-day out-of-town business trip. As for me, i try to be discreet and not show him the same way coz i know it would hurt me, or my family in the future.

But yesterday was a different story – we were out for lunch (haven’t seen him for one week – i was on vacation) and he asked me if I missed him, I then asked him if he misses me – then he said yes. We were laughing at my vacation stories and playing around the food when until he said “I love you bro!” – i was a bit surprised and i looked at him, he was serious and i told him “don’t worry, i love you too”.

So what should my next move be? ask him if he’s gay? How will i do it? Whats the best way to know if a person is bi or gay? Should i return the favor – show the same feelings he is showing me? I don’t mind if we go to bed too, he is hot and good looking (btw, he is caucasian, im halfer Fil-Can) so maybe tell me how i can seduce him.

But I dont wanna ruin our friendship if i made a wrong move.

Thanks so much!
Married Man

Hello Married Man,

I admire you for your loyalty and your commitment not to cheat on anyone. I see so much lack of integrity in this world that when I hear someone declare their loyalty and integrity, I feel so refreshed and inspired.

Your letter is riddled with red flags, but still I focus on what you say early on in your letter: “loyalty and promise NOT to cheat on anyone.” I recognize that this is my set of values latching on, resonating with yours. So take the following as it is — my desire for a world whose people are true to themselves, and are true to their promise as well.

You asked what your next move should be. Allow me then to offer my thoughts, and while this may not be agreeable to all, they are my truth, my lush, pulsating, up-to-the-minute truth:

1. Don’t shit where you eat.
2. He is your assistant.
3. You have chosen to be a loyal married man, blessed with 2 kids.

Connect the dots and you know what I’d say your next move should be. You yourself treasure the friendship. I would hold on to this. Friendship is such a beautiful thing. Not all our guy relationships should end up in bed. We are very sexual beings but we should not allow this fact to define every aspect of who we are. There are other beautiful things in life such as loyalty, integrity, family, and yes, even platonic friendships.

I know what I’m recommending is a difficult track. I wish you strength.

Migs

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Those of us who strive to do our best everyday to prove ourselves worthy of respect should stop and think. We are worthy. Instead of doing things to prove ourselves, why not think of what we really want to do in life? What do you really love to do? Here’s a video of Steve Jobs’ speech at Stanford University. It’s inspiring as it comes from real life. Watch and listen, learn from his mantra: “Stay hungry, stay foolish!”

It was a typical busy work day at the office, people running around, while I was trying my best to concentrate on my Outlook Inbox, reading e-mails and making sure I liquidate all to-do items. My goal: a clean slate by the end of the day. Then, an email popped in. It was from Arnie. A forwarded business FYI email; some job opening related to my work, based in Europe. It was started with a personal note though, “Ei Migs, you might want to check this out. I don’t know much about the hiring company, perhaps just google it.” I somehow felt that the email was sent just to have something safe to say, to renew the bond somehow, or at least to keep in touch. I didn’t feel the need to play subtle. So I dropped what I was doing and decided to give him a call.
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Have you suffered from a setback recently, particularly caused by insane people who maliciously harm you for whatever reason? Then don’t let yourself add to the tension — don’t harm yourself further with seething anger, tensed muscles, and irritated nerves. (“Ang wrinkles! Mahal si Belo!”) Channel your energies somewhere productive.

Remember, success is the best revenge.

Go, girls, paulanan natin sila ng tagumpay! Let’s all be winners! (Winner! Victoria! Tagumpay!) Go, go, go mga kapatid!

Is your workplace homophobic? Do you have a work environment that is less than optimal for gays? There is no point in waiting for something to turn it around — we ourselves should be the change agents. We should do something about it. The effectiveness though of such environment altering, culture change depends a lot on the change agent’s credibility. Here are some tips from Kirk Snyder, author of leadership book G-Quotient, on how to increase your credibility in the workplace.
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In my career, as a gay man and as a corporate citizen, sometimes I get bogged down with, by hindsight I would say, trivial stuff. It is reality though, especially here in the Philippines, that gays are still subjected to undue discrimination and prejudice. I am a believer though that we should always be proactive — which means accepting what we cannot change, yet discerning and acting on what can be, and those that at the very least can be influenced. Kirk Snyder, author of the book “G-Quotient” offers three (3) Truths to live by, and I quote him here.
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When I see gay men succeed in their chosen fields, I secretly rejoice. I feel some sort of nonbelligerent and kind vengeance for all the inequalities and discrimination our lot has experienced through the years. So dear brothers (and sisters?) go and be successful in whatever you do! In my world, the corporate world, I seek every opportunity to be such too. While reading a book by Jeffrey Gitomer (Little Black Book of Connections) I found this quotation rather amusing — and maybe useful for us, gay or not, to consider:

All things being equal, people want to do business with their friends.

All things being not equal, people STILL want to do business with their friends.

HINT: To climb the ladder of success, you don’t need more techniques and strategies, you need more friends.

Gays are known for great fashion taste. Number one rule in corporate fashion is NOT to stand out by being too loud. In interviewing, a good set of rules is in order.

Gay male leaders are succeeding where many are failing in today’s business world. Their employees are happier, their companies are thriving, and they are proving to be shining examples of how to lead the 21st century workforce — across industries. (USC Business Professor Kirk Snyder)

Early this year I was browsing through Harvard Business Review’s recommended reading list for the business leaders community, and was pleasantly surprised by this nifty little book: “The G Quotient: Why Gay Executives are Excelling as Leaders… And What Every Manager Needs to Know” by Kirk Snyder.

According to Snyder, whose book compiles the results of a five-year research project covering over 2,000 organizations and 3,500 professionals, openly gay male managers and executives offer a specific and effective model of leadership that he calls the G quotient, which accounts for a 25 to 30 percent higher level of job satisfaction and workplace morale among employees of gay managers.
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