Manila Gay Guy

Dear Migs,

I’m Owen, 22yo, 5’11, new grad, and more or less a straight guy. I wonder if you can help me, I just need to get something off my chest and just share my story. I’m sure it’s not really new, it’s just.. I’m really really genuinely confused right now.

Like I said, I’m straight, have always been active in athletics like baseball, basketball, etc. I have only dated girls and probably want to keep it that way. But lately I’ve been thinking a lot, and to cut my long story short, I think I may be falling for my best friend Jake *not his real name*. Like me he’s also active in athletics (varsity track siya nung high school pa kame), kinda good looking I guess, good family and works out almost everyday. When I was 17, I got drunk at a party and I just broke up with my first gf of two years then; suddenly, I just found myself opening up to him and next thing you know, nasa “third base” na kame. (more…)

Hello po! Mr. Migs! Napag-isipan kong isulat ang aking kwento dahil gusto ko malaman ang reaksyon ninyo at ng mga readers tungkol sa aking naranasan. Papa-ikiliin ko na ang kwento ko at direct to the point.

Ako si Drew, 18. Ako ay isang Marine Student sa isang prominenteng Maritime School dito sa Pilipinas. Syempre, in-house ang aming training. Sabay-sabay kaming gumigising, nag-eexercise, kumakain, nag-aaral. Pero maswerte pa din kami kasi may privacy kami. Kasi by rooms ang mga kadete. Hindi kagaya sa iba na barracks type kung tawagin o puro kama-kama sa isang floor.

Siya ay si Joseph, 19. Siya ang roommate ko. Nagkakilala kami nung orientation pa lang. Naging close na agad kami kaya kami na ang nagdecide na maging roommates. Nagstart ang klase June 2009. (more…)

“These years in silence and reflection made me stronger and reminded me that acceptance has to come from within and that this kind of truth gives me the power to conquer emotions I didn’t even know existed.”

Ricky Martin reveals himself: “I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am. ” — way to go, Ricky!

I personally believe that being gay does not define who a person is, yet, one should not deny its significance. To reveal to the world that one is gay is not for all, but to those who choose to do so usually experience a certain feeling of freedom and excitement for life’s fullness. For the full text of Ricky Martin’s announcement, continue on. (more…)

Counseling Psychologist Niel Kintanar responds to Ayan, an MGG reader whose letter was first published here. Interesting to read a professional’s take on Ayan’s situation. To refresh, I am republishing Ayan’s letter, followed by Niel’s response. Feel free to share your thoughts as well.

Hi Migs!
I am fond of reading your blog.
I am Ayan. Straight ako when I was in high school, I’m sure of that. Marami akong naging girlfriend nun. Until one time, I need to have a tutorial in Math because of my low grades. so i went to my tutor’s apartment at around 6pm. he is one of the best math teachers in my school by that time, but he didn’t handle our class. i am well-known in our school, that’s why he offered me his help. Malakas ung ulan nung gabing nun, i didnt bring my umbrella so i got wet.. when i entered his apartment, he told me to take off my clothes baka daw sipunin ako. hinubad ko naman kasi ok lang naman siguro un parehas naman kaming lalake, walang malisya un. (more…)

Hi Migs!
I am Randall (not my real name though), 20 years of age, studying in one of the best universities in the Philippines. I accidentally saw your site when Wanda Ilusyunada was featured on Y Speak. It was 2007 if my memory serves me right. I one by one checked his Pink Mafia (his friends) and there you were. The green-ish and glittering Manila Gay Guide site I saw that time. Hehe. Of all the sites I visited in the list, indeed, you have the most sensible topics and I must say very updated. From then on, there was no day that I will not click a new tab to browse your site every time I am online. I love everything on your site. The best part? The true-to-life letters and the candid comments of the people. (more…)

Hi Migs!

I am fond of reading your blog.
I am Ayan. Straight ako when I was in high school, I’m sure of that. Marami akong naging girlfriend nun. Until one time, I need to have a tutorial in Math because of my low grades. so i went to my tutor’s apartment at around 6pm. he is one of the best math teachers in my school by that time, but he didn’t handle our class. i am well-known in our school, that’s why he offered me his help. Malakas ung ulan nung gabing nun, i didnt bring my umbrella so i got wet.. when i entered his apartment, he told me to take off my clothes baka daw sipunin ako. hinubad ko naman kasi ok lang naman siguro un parehas naman kaming lalake, walang malisya un. (more…)

May isang reader tayo na gustong humingi ng tulong sa mga mambabasa ng MGG. Heto ang liham niya. Kayo na muna ang magbigay ng inyong kuru-kuro, habang si MGG ay naglalakbay pabalik ng Pilipinas (flight in a few hours).

May problem po ako. Di ako lumalapit sa bading. Kasi baka matuluyan akong maging bading. Kaya sa mga straight guys ako sumasama.Kapag straight guys kasama ko Nakakalimutan ko na yung mga bagay na kabadingan. Kasi naimpluwensyahan na nila ako. Nanliligaw, nagkaka-gf, nagdo-dota, nagba-basketball at nagkukwentohan about sa mga guy things. Sanay na akong nahihipuan, tinitigan at ino-offeran pa ng pera ng mga bading. Pero parati akong umiiwas para maayos ko yung sarili ko .Kahit guapo pa. Ang problema ko ngayon pati mga straight na kabarkada ko nagpaparamdam sa akin. Yung isa dinidikit yung t*t* nya sa likod ko. Sabi ko baka wala lang yun. Yung isa naman kapag kaming dalawa lang kinikindatan ako. Yung isa naman nung nalasing kami, sinama ako sa place nya tapos natulog ng nakahubad! Sa isang kama lang kami.. Sa isip ko normal lang yan. Pero nung marami kaming natulog sa bahay nya, nakadamit naman sya. Bakit ganun. Yung isa naman kapag nagbibiruan kami parati nyang sinasabi “reypin kita dyan eh!” Tapos pinaka masakit pa! eh ang gugwapo pa nila. Anu bang dapat kong gawin! Minsan di ko na ma-control yung feelings ko. Pero pinipilit kong magpakatatag.

- Juan

Hi Migs,

Good day!

I am writing to you para maliwanagan ako sa lahat ng nangyari sakin. My name is Yours (a loan word from my true name so basically not really my real name, just sounded like my nickname. Actually there is a unique spelling of that nickname but to protect my privacy i just loaned the word as well as the spelling), 20 from Cebu. To be honest, I am bothered right now kung sino ba talaga ako lalo pa’t parang nagkagusto na ako sa kapwa ko lalaki na ang pangalan ay Emman (not his true name).
(more…)

Yes, you read that right! Gay guys with girlfriends. I mean, real girlfriends (oo, syota, as in.)

We have 2 main guests in this fabcast, both certified “men who have sex with men” (oo, sige, bakla na kung bakla) but… they are involved in heterosexual relationships. Get your knuckles crackin’ and listen to this hilarious, riotous podcast (we have a noisy peanut gallery, first time in a fabcast!)

LISTEN – this is PART 1 (23 mins 35 sec):

Download this fabcast (right click and save – 21.6 MB)

Credits: Podcast production by Mcvie. Music credits – “Mahirap Talaga Magmahal Ng Syota Ng Iba” by the APO Hiking Society; and “Another Girl” by The Beatles; and “Girls & Boys” by Blur.

Hi Migz,

I’ve been planning to write you a letter, matagal na. Pero when I heard Kiko’s podcast, nagdecide na ako, eto na talaga. But how should I start? Sige na nga, the usual.
 
I’m Vincent. I’m 22 years old. As of the moment, hindi ko alam kung ano ako, but I can say na hindi ako straight. I’ve had lot of encounters na. It started when I was a kid. Nakita ko porn stuff ng dad ko. Watched it. And by then, curious na ako makakita ng tite. There even came a point na yung mga kuya ko, kapag tulog, sisilipan ko. Ewan ko. Curious lang ako siguro kung ano ang makikita ko. Tapos yung isa naming kapitbahay, pinahawak pa niya sa akin. I guess, that’s where it all started. Hindi ko na matandaan kung ano ang sunod doon. Ang alam ko lang, dahil sa internet, lalo akong na-introduce sa gay porn. Mga sites na M2M. Tapos chat. Webcam.

Yung first experience ko was inside Alta Cinema. Gusto kong malaman kung ano ba ang meron doon. Nagulat ako. Chupaan here and there. Parang may free access ka to hold anyone’s dick sa loob. Doon ako unang nachupa. Pumayag ako just for the heck of it. After I came, I ran out agad, tago. Baka makita niya mukha ko. Matapang ako sa loob kasi madilim e.

Nasundan ‘yun when a friend of mine, my so-called Kuya, asked me if I wanted to come with him sa dorm niya. Inaantok na kami pareho that time kaya sumama ako. Nung nakahiga na kame, bigla siyang yumakap tapos he confessed that he’s bisexual, tapos hinalikan ako. Hindi na ako nakapalag. Or should I say, hindi na ako pumalag. Again, for experience and curiosity. We did not have anal sex. Puro blowjob, kissing and handjob. Paguwi ko ng bahay nun, I told myself, stop na. Ayaw ko na. Pero pag itetext niya ako na makipagmeet, it’s as if wala akong magawa. Mas natatalo ng libog ang utak ko. I was 18 then. For three years siguro, occasionally, nagkikita kame. This year, sobrang dalang na. I changed my number a couple of times at hindi ko ibinibigay sa kanya, pero pag tinamaan na naman ng kalibugan, tinetext ko siya.

He’s not the only guy na natikman ko at natikman ako. There was this friend na bi. May boyfriend siya before, then they broke up. He didn’t know what I was into. (Syempre, walang nakakaalam. Actually Migs, first time ko ishare ang lahat ng ‘to.) Anyway, after my “Kuya”, this “friend” became my “parausan”. After quite some time, nagka-gf siya, ako din. So stop na kami.

Last December naman, fresh from a break up (with my girlfriend), lumabas kami ng kabarkada ko. Malayo ang bahay ko kaya nakitulog ako sa kanila. Wala akong idea na trip niya ang mga lalaki. Bigla ko na lang naramdaman ang kamay niya gumagapang. Tapos yun na. We talked about it. Wala lang sa kanya. Kahit sa akin naman, wala lang din.

You know what’s funny? For me, pag sa guys, lust lang lahat. Madami na din ako nagiging girlfriends, and sa kanila ko nakikita ang love. Pag libog, sa guys. May ganun kaya talaga? O ako lang? I have no girlfriend since September last year. One year na. And whenever wala akong gf, feeling ko, for everyone’s consumption itong junior ko. Because of G4M, I discovered the secrets of public restrooms. MRT hipuans and stuff like those. Even in resorts. Random encounters.
 
I don’t really know the point of sending you my letter, Migz. Parang wala naman kwenta e. Haha. Pero sige, send ko na din. I just felt na gusto ko i-share sa’yo buhay ko, and maybe I want to hear your views about me.
 
Thanks Migz. Hope to hear from you, soon!
-Vincent

Hello Vincent,

Salamat as sulat mo, at sa pagbabahagi mo ng kuwento ng buhay mo. Sigurado ako marami ang nakaka-relate sa iyo na nagbabasa nitong blog ko. Kaya naman gusto ko ring bigyang hustisya ang effort mo by sharing with you my honest thoughts.

Let me tell you what I noticed as I read your letter. Una ay iyong element of indecision. Sa kuwento mo tungkol as escapades mo, particularly yung sa Alta at sa paglalaro-laro mo with your “Kuya,” I noticed the battle inside you — parang gusto mo na ayaw mo. Next element na na-notice ko sa kuwento mo ay ang hiya, or shame. Sabi mo tungkol dun sa kababalaghan sa Alta, “after I came, I ran out agad, (nag)tago. Baka makita… mukha ko.”

I’m taking notice of these 2 elements (indecision and shame) just so you can also start being more aware of the situation. Think about these feelings of indecision and shame, not to judge yourself with them, rather, take them as inspiration to delve deeper into yourself. Maaari mong itanong sa sarili mo, bakit nga ba ako di mapakali? Ano ba ang gusto ko sa pakikipag-sex sa lalake? Bakit ba ako nahihiya? Ano ang kahiya-hiya sa mga ginagawa ko? Bakit ito kahiya-hiya? The self-knowledge you will gain in asking these questions is very important. Mas makikilala mo ang sarili mo. Let your answers to these questions guide you to become a more empowered person.

Sinabi mo rin sa letter mo, “For me, pag sa guys, lust lang lahat. Madami na din ako nagiging girlfriends, and sa kanila ko nakikita ang love. Pag libog, sa guys.” Allow me to address this too, Vincent. Hindi ikaw ang unang tao na naringgan ko ng ganito. Meaning, hindi ka nag-iisa. There are other people who share your confusion. Tipo bang, you lust after lads, yet you love only ladies. May isa pa nga akong kilala, baliktad naman. Bading siya kasi sa lalake lang siya nai-in-love, pero admit niya na pagdating sa sex, prefer pa rin niya ang sugat kaysa sa ugat. Indeed, iba-iba tayo, at dahil dito, at dahil din sa sinabawang gulay, makulay ang buhay. So don’t worry about you being weird or dysfunctional. Keri lang, sabi nga. I have a feeling though that as you get to know more people, as you add more experience to your years, and with a little bit more effort on your journey to self-awareness, mas magiging malinaw sa iyo kung ano talaga ang gusto mo. The challenge really is about being totally honest with yourself. As long as you always prioritize truth over what other people might say, self-image, ego, etc., you’re on the right track, hijo.

Again, thank you for sharing your story to us, Vincent. I will leave you with one last thought: you do not need to explain yourself to others; but you owe it to yourself to know what really you want in life. You’re young and you have a lifetime in front of you. Grab it and enjoy the wonderful journey ahead.

I wish you more self-knowledge and more honesty with yourself.

World Peace!

Nagmamahal,