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Hi Migs,

I recently bumped into your blog from the office computer, and since then I have been an avid fan of your blog. Recent incidents in my life make me question who I really am and what I really want. I want your advice and as well as your readers about my scenario.

Just call me Jethro, I’m from Cebu and recently tied the knot with my long-time girlfriend because she got pregnant. She’s now 7 months on her pregnancy, and the doctors adviced us not to do “it” because of the sensitive nature of her pregnancy. This is where my problem comes in.

Lets call him Josh, he is my office mate. When I joined my current company, he was the most senior in terms of tenure, so he was assigned to guide me learn the ropes so to speak. He would go out with me for client calls, and would guide me in whatever I need to do when making presentations. Usually we would go out after work with other office mates and he would drive me home after a few drinks since he has a car and I don’t. We became really close because of this, and people in the office would usually tease us as the master and his protegee.

One time, we went out because one of our co-workers celebrated his birthday. We had a beer too much (wasted as you would put it) and on our way home, he started to ask me about my wife’s pregnancy, and how sensitive it was. He also joked with me about having no sex at all for months since my wife has a delicate pregnancy. I just shrugged off his comments and laughed, then all of a sudden he asked me, “Na blow job ka na ba ng lalaki?” to which I replied with a laugh “hindi pa, bakit mo natanong yan bai?”

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Ey Migs gandang gabi, call me Brent. So nakita ko tong site di mo naman ako follower ng site but I just want to share i guess. I am 21 years old fresh grad, pansinin naman ng kababaihan, may sense of humor yun nga lang suplado. So eto na nga, attracted ako sa babae un nga lang may pagkamapili. Hindi mo sa akin maasahan ang mga normal na reaction ng mga lalake kapag makakita lang babae. Yun eh ewan ba kala ko straight ako pero ngayon dudang duda na ako.

Dahil to dun sa isa kong ka officemate tangkad, mukang barumbado pero mabait naman at magalang. Ngayon kasi nag-iimagine ako ng mga fantasies kasama sya. Hindi tungkol sa sex ah, parang gusto ko lang sya makasama, yakap ganun. Naasar nga ako sa ugali ko e, hindi ko sya unang binabati kahit lagi nya iniimik. Pinipigilan ko kasi ang sarili ko, may girlfriend ung tao, isa parang imposible ang ganung setup, ayaw ko lang mabuhay sa isang pakiramdam na alam kong walang patutunguhan.

Natatawa na lang ako pag tinutukso nya ako dun sa isa ko ding kaopisina na babae loob ko ang dali mag pacute sa babe pero ang hirap mag papogi sa pogi hehhehe. Minsan nakasabay ko sya sa isang short trip sa jeep, aun poker face pero kinilig ako.

Salamat sa pakikinig.

– Brent

* * *

Dear Brent, ipagpatuloy mo lang yan. Feeling ko tama ang kutob at duda mo. Marami kaming naghihintay sa iyo, ika nga, welcome to the club 😉 Migs

Hi Migs,

Let me start by saying that you are an inspiration. It’s my first time reading through your blog and i must say you are a great guru to us ‘gays’. I admit that it’s hard for me to enter the word gay in this email and associate it with me. I may sound like the typical closeted/in-denial/straight-acting guy but i believe i myself is a story that should be told.

My name is paul and im 26, i grew up in a very big family with 22 cousins, 10 uncles and aunties combined, 3 older sisters and we all live together in a big family compound (an apartment complex owned by my grandparents).

Growing up in that kind of environment leaves no space for oddliness or abnormality. We were always compared to each other within the same age group. Achivements, be it sports or academics, my relatives always has a way of making us feel that we kids back then are in a competition with not only ourselves but with each other.

So for me, i can’t act differently as i act as a younger brother and an elder brother to my boy cousins. They look up to me because i have exceptional academics and i excel in sports. From the time that i was in highschool, i already had a hint of what i may become but i tried so hard to suppress that thought of becoming someone that my family wouldn’t want me to be. It was really hard for me as i was enrolled in an exclusive school for boys then. I already had boy crushes but never physically leak it to others. I made friends with the athletes, the rich kids and those who are popular in their own ways. I was part of a group that was respected and feared in and out of our school.

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Dear Migs,

Good day.

For so long a year now, i’ve been searching for a community or a site in the internet who could possibly enlighten me about my predicament.

I am a married person, happily married I must say. Before I got married, I am the playboy in our barkada. I enjoy alot having sex with 2, 3 or 4 girls at the same time. My sex life is a wild type puro adventure.

One day, my best friend admitted to me that he is a bi. And all those years that we’ve been friends he is in love with me and he’s been yearning to have me in bed. He opened up everything way back when we were in college. He made his admission on the eve of the Christening of his baby kung saan ako ang kinuha niyang Ninong. Migs that night I felt pity, if that is the right word to say, to my best friend. He’s been crying because for him it is hard to open his real person specially to me.

While consoling him Migs, something went “wrong?” that I cannot say no. He began touching my nipples and kissing me. I tried to stop him pero sinabi nya “ Ikaw na lang ang iregalo mo sa binyag ng anak ko” Migs I am terribly confuse, I pity and I don’t want to add insult to the situation that my best friend is in to. Thinking I have nothing to lose, Migs my best friend prevailed.

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Dear Migs,

I’m on the crossroads. Why is it so hard for us? Much has been said but let me think out loud anyway. Feel free to publish if you feel people can relate.

Life can’t be any tougher. It’s hard enough to know and realize that you’re not normal i.e. a minority, that you have a scientific objective disorder, it’s harder that we live in a world that frowns upon or looks away from imperfections.

Let’s face it, there are just some things that the lucky heterosexuals will never face.

1. Marriage – Who will marry you? You actually want to, and have an offspring or many of them but who will take you up on this? For normal guys you can just go and marry someone, have a baby. But for us, how? You won’t want to marry someone with this huge secret like a storm cloud ready to pour anytime.

2. Peer pressure – Your hetero friends start to get married one by one at the age of 25 and up, then the question of “why don’t you have a girlfriend” or “when will you get married” is on top of the FAQs. Whatever can you say?

3. Social Networks – You can’t even put your picture on grindr or any website for fear that someone might recognize! If you were straight, then by all means flaunt it.

4. Hooking up – Mostly done online, lest you already have a “discreet circle”. Quite pathetic. And how would you know about the places to go to if you don’t have people to tell you? You must be good with google if you want in on the latest go-to places.

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Hey there Sir Migs 🙂

i’ve been reading your blog for a year already (october 4,2010 was the first time that i saw your blog) you’re really a GREAT person migs 🙂 i feel that you have a kind heart and you’ve helped a lot especially the gay community.

btw, i’m Don, a second year college student from the oldest catholic univ. in the country 🙂 i’m only 17 (Minor), i act like a straight guy and like the other letter senders, i’m also “confused” of my gender. i haven’t had a sexual encounter though. Hindi din naman kasi ako “good-looking” as others are (i’m quite insecure with the way i am but i love myself) i think that i’m a kid lost in this world. i had 2 gfs when i was in highschool, but when i became a college student, my world suddenly took a turn.

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Hi there,

I’ll go direct to the point if I may. Been in a 6 year relationship to a very closeted guy, which prompted me to cut all my gay ties…my choice, to lessen any problems that may arise from my gay ties…And since he is not out, i tried to understand all the inhibitions, apprehensions and what have you about it…He said he has never been bottomed (but he likes it when I put my fingers inside him… there was even a point where he got excited and got on top of me…riding me like a cowboy.. and suddenly stopped and went straight to the bathroom…. ). He said he doesnt chat (but recently i texted him using a prepaid number saying “f__k me dude”. His answers, where you dude, nasl, stats, and others like face pic, name, loc, why do you want to be fucked, call me pls (got caught off guard by all these…). Am i that stupid to have been lied all these years? By the way, he pursued me via friendster…

My head is spinning….want to retaliate… want to get even, but what if im wrong? Alone and helpless…. havent been in touch with my fairy friends who i sorely miss….Help…

Migoy

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Dear Migs

Id been on your blog for a long time but only viewing some pics,,wla kc aq interest magbasa but then since may mga gadgets na,,srap pla bshin lahat ng mga stories sa blog mo kaya na inspire aq mg share..hope everyone will like it,,and Im looking forwad to see all ur comments and violent reaction,, ROFL….

Im 24 right now and i know im bi,pero d alm ng iba of course,pero there are some who knows about me,mhba story ko pero short cut q n lng,..

The time n nlaman qng bi ako is nung nging college ako,, mrmi ngyri nung childhood ko,both elem n hys skul,, but that tym d tlg aq attracted sa same sex,,pero im having an affair with my cousins n neighbor during that tym,,but only masturbating each other cock.,

Then when im college i started to attract to some cute guys,,and still im having an affair with my cousin coz i love masturbating his penis,,.

After college when i tried to give bj with my cousin,actually before 3 cla mgkakapatid n nhhwakan q ,then ung dlwa d na gsto ung ngyyri,,pero ung isa i thnk until noq he will not refuse if i do it to him again,,pero dlwA lng clang ntikman q,,ung oldest ung hnggang masturbate lng nung hs.,,

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Isang araw, dumating ang housemate ko sa bahay habang nakatambay ako sa dining area. May bitbit na bagong boylet, na nang lumaon, aking napag-alaman ay 23 years old. Pogi at straight-acting si boylet, na tatawagin nating CJ.

May katawan si CJ, di kataasan, pero matikas. Lalake kumilos at magsalita. Tahimik noong una, pero nang makausap ko siya habang naghahapunan, unti-unti na rin kaming nagkapalagayan ng loob. Naramdaman ko na mabait si CJ, at parang uhaw sa kausap na may sensibilidad. “Kuwento ka pa, Kuya,” ang lagi niyang inuulit. Alam niyang sa tagal ko na bilang isang well-adjusted na bading, marami akong maishe-share sa kanya. So ako naman, bilang isang mabuting housemate sa kanyang iniirog, kuwento naman.

Hanggang sa tuluyan na ngang nag-enjoy si CJ. Nag-ayang uminom. Naglabas ng inuming nakalalasing si housemate. Toma kung toma.

Nainggit ako nang bahagya dahil sa harapan ko, habang nag-iinuman kami, nagho-holding hands sina housemate at CJ. Ang cute nila. Parehong butch at straight-acting, pero ang sweet sa isa’t isa. Ang saya. Mas nanaig ang pagkagiliw ko sa kanilang dalawa. Bumabangka ako ng kuwento habang taimtim na nakikinig, at pagkaminsa’y nagtatanong si CJ. As usual, si housemate, listener lang at di masyadong sumasabat.

Dumating sa puntong medyo may tama na si CJ. Kuwento na rin siya ng kuwento. Napansin ko ang cellphone niya. Nagandahan ako sa casing, kulay dilaw. “Ang ganda naman ng cellphone mo, ang cool ng kulay,” sabay kuha sa kanya. Napansin ko ang litrato bilang wallpaper sa cellphone niya. Si CJ at isang babae.

“Sino ito?” tanong ko.

Girlfriend ko,” mabilis niyang sagot.

Girlfriend?”

“Oo, girlfriend. Pang cover.”

Natameme ako. Itinuloy niya ang sagot niya.

“Ganyan talaga, dapat may girlfriend. Para di ako mabuko.”

Di pa rin ako nakapagsalita.

Nalungkot ako ng husto, pakiramdam ko sinuntok ako sa dibdib ng dalawang beses.

“Na-sad naman ako,” sabi ko, sabay paalam. “Akyat na ako, may isusulat lang ako.”

“Huy, baka naman i-blog mo ako ha!” habol ni CJ.

“Oo, ibo-blog nga kita,” sagot ko, ayaw ko kasing magsinungaling.

“Sige, basta palitan mo lang pangalan ko.”

Natawa ako, pero tawang di nakaibsan ng naramdaman kong lungkot.

Naisip ko yung girlfriend. 19 years old lang. Hindi niya alam na ang boyfriend niya, may ibang lalake.

Bakla ako, oo, at naniniwala akong isa akong mabuting tao. Ayaw na ayaw kong manloko, at nalulungkot ako pag nakakakita ako ng mga taong nanloloko, o niloloko. Alam ko na takot lang si CJ. Pero nakakalungkot pa rin. Sana, ma-realize ni CJ na hindi niya kailangang gumamit ng cover. Na hindi niya kailangan manakit para maiwasang masaktan.

[Read/listen to the postscript podcast here.]

Hi Migs,

I just want to share something and probably hear some comments from your friends out there.

When I was a little boy, people used to touch my penis. As a small kid I thought it was just okay. I just ignored what they’ve been doing to me. However, when I got older and my mind had been opened to a lot of sexual literature, e.g. x-rated movies, magazines, etc my malice of what people used to do to me became more intense. I began to realize that it was fun and exciting.

Now that I am an adult, there is this craving in me that I cannot overcome. I want my body to be exploited. I want the girls, gays and bi to play with my body. Of course, there is restriction – I never do sex with a strangers because I am pro-safe sex.

There are instances when I go to the Spa and in the wet area, I indiscriminately allow gays and bis to play with me …. touch my penis, my body, my nipples etc….

I don’t know if there is something wrong with me… but I guess there is….

I wonder if I can still overcome this one..

Twilight Dancer a.k.a Warren

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