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Hi Kuya Migs,

I need help kuya.

I’ve been a quiet reader for the past few years. Always thought about sending in a letter, but felt that my problems were miniscule in comparison to the ones being sent in. That is until today.

I’m Jamie (not my real name), a 23 year old IT professional in a bank at The Fort. My biggest issue in life prior to today, was that I was alone. I’ve never been in a relationship with either a girl or a boy. I’ve only kissed one person in my life and it was the same boy who I experimented with when I was in grade school.

I’d like to think I’m a smart guy, reflecting the education my parent’s paid for, and a values-oriented person, reflecting how I was raised by my parents. Eventhough I’ve known I was gay since I was watching Speed Racer (the cartoons) when I was a kid, I knew that I was going to be a bit traditional when it comes to my (future) relationships – that I won’t have sex on the first date, monogamy, a commitment ceremony (instead of a wedding), 2.5 kids (adopted or via surrogate), and a dog.

So tonight was a shock for me, because somehow in a single date I managed to destroy my belief system. For a smart guy, I did stupid pretty well.

I was on sick leave today, recovering from a bad asthma attack the previous day. I intended to stay in the entire day. Aside from TV, my only distraction was logging on to a gay social network’s chatroom application. I never took the people there seriously. So it was with a surprise that Gabby (not his real name), an 18 year old kid who’s in the same city as I, was very persistent in meeting me. I got concerned that he was appearing very eager to meet up that I acquiesced at the last minute to meet him – only to meet him. If only so he won’t be taken advantage of by other people.

So I went to the meeting place, met him and saw a tall (taller than my 5’7″), bigger (arms and torso more built than mine) and good looking kid. One of the first few things I told him was that he should be careful of who he was meeting, that he was appearing to eager to meet up. He actually seemed chastised that I felt bad for him. So I went and bought us drinks. When the area we were in became crowded, I suggested we talk in my dad’s van which I brought to the venue. It was there that Gabby disclosed his real age. He was not 18, he was only 14.

I was shocked to say the very least. He didn’t look 14 at all, he was like a boy in a man’s body.

What ensued was line after line after lecture after speech, about how dangerous it was to do this kind of thing. He seemed embarassed after that. I asked if he wanted to go home, he said he was going to wait for his cousins to pick him up. So we spent the next half hour talking about ourselves – him sharing his parent’s pressure on him to excel at school, and I sharing my experiences when I was his age. I don’t know how it happened, but after a while we were holding hands.

I told him I still can’t believe he’s 14. That his hand covered mine, bigger, rougher, compared to my slender and softer hand.

I remember telling him how adult-youth relationships end up with the adult being charged with statutory rape. And that he should be careful, for both himself and the guy he was with.

But for all my speeches, all it took for me to crumble was him pulling my head to his and planting a soft kiss. I know I should’ve pulled away and sent him home, but I didn’t. I wasn’t thinking anymore. What was in my head was how long it was that a strong pair of arms was around me and how long it was since I was kissed by a handsome guy. Long story short, I ended up making out with him, jacking him, sucking him off. In my dad’s van. In the parking lot.

He wanted to reciprocate, but it was only then that I got my senses back and begged off. Telling him that a security guard was now roaming the lot. We made out a bit more, but I drove him to just outside his village right after.

Gabby’s now texting lovey dovey messages, and I can’t help but reply. He is such a dashing young man and I’ve never felt anything like what I felt with him in my life. But I know I crossed a line.

I need help kuya. What do I do?

Jamie

PS. I told him to watch Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Told him he’s the Bridget to my Eric.

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Allow me to publish this note I received from a mother named Jennifer, who’s just beaming with pride because of her son. Jennifer – I am so proud of you! Dear readers, send Jennifer a dose of your rainbow thoughts and wishes!

Dear Migs,

Last week, my 7-year-old was on the football field happily holding hand with another little boy. After the game, as we were returning home, I asked him if he is gay. He said yes. I asked him if the neighbor girl was still his girlfriend. He said, “we’re just friends”. I explained that some people like boys and girls, and asked if he did. He replied, “I kind of like girls, but I’m gay”. I consider this a parenting win. I’m so proud that my child feels safe saying, “I’m gay”, without fear of judgement from his parents.

Jennifer

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Hi Kuya Migs!

I identify myself as a young closeted *confused* lad, jacking off to numerous gay porn, fantasizing big (chubby/muscular) bodies etc, reading some gay fanfiction. movies about gay life etc. but I just really cannot connect or being friends with guys.

Everytime I am seeing a guy,regardless of where I am right now (In freshman year in college somewhere in Taft) my first impression ko sa kanila was the arrogant & cocky type, yung tipong mahilig mang-trip/mang-asar ng ibang tao. Also pala, yung mga typical interests ng mga boys, like online gaming, dota, some anime, basketball, sports, cars etc. never nakong nagkaroon ng interest.

And everytime some guy/manong calls me “pare”, “boss”, “brad” etc. I cringe… I really don’t know why. Maybe that I’ve developed some form of misandry or an identity crisis that I had experienced since my elementary days, where almost no boy wants to befriend me. I only had girls as my friends since then. Nagtuloy-tuloy ito during my highschool days, where most of guys in my age visit computer shops & playing basketball but I never had any interests in those things, as in wala talaga, hindi ako mag-clclick sa kanila (baka pati na rin sa inyo).

And the result is, wala akong naging kaibigan na mga lalaki ever since. Dahil nga, how can I be friends with them if I really do not have a common interest with them, e ano paguusapan natin?

And sadly, i’m really attracted physically & sexually to guys, gusto ko na nga maging babae eh.. 😛

I need some answers about my real identity is… wag kayong magagalit o maoffend sa mga words na nabasa nyo. 🙂

– Renzo

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Hi Migs!

I know your blog generally tackles mostly LBGTQ issues and concerns. I am a heterosexual woman. Nonetheless, I felt that I could share this concern with you.

I thought of writing you because I fell in love with this male massage therapist whom I came across through your blog. Long story short, I saw your blogs about him and I got infatuated with him, so much so that I decided to get a massage from him.

The decision to get a massage from him was out-of-character to say the least because I am not entirely comfortable with the idea of having a masseur touch me, much less caress me, especially given that the massage the Spa offers is more than the usual massage I get from my regular spas.

When I finally got the massage, it was more than the usual routine. Without me asking for it, he gave me the “extra service” I only ever heard about from my gay friends. He was ever the gentleman and ensured my comfort all throughout.

After the massage, he started texting me. Given my infatuation, I entertained him. He eventually asked me out on a date. My friends, especially my gay friends, cautioned me against getting into something serious with him considering our circumstances. They warned me that there is always the danger of being made a sugar mommy and of the therapist taking advantage of me for material reasons. I told them that I am a big girl and I can handle it. I was wrong.

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hi migs,

to be honest i just started reading ur blog and i really hooked up about the letter i read about PLU people. ang dami palang problema ng mga tao dito i thought mas madaming problema ang economy and sa politics pero mas marami pala dito hahahah…

i just need an advice about my current situation. i have a boyfriend now and he is my third. we’ve been together since 2006 so meaning we just celebrated 9 years. sobrang attached na ako sa kanya na nung nagsama kami e masaya akong nakikita ang mukha nya sa umaga. sa totoo lang gwapo siya at muscular. everyone will get envy to me kasi ako chubby but cute. marami ang nagsasabi na derek ramsey siya from face to body na pinagtatakahan ko kasi sa dami ng tao e ako talaga ang napili.

we love to travel. almost naka 15 countries na kami from asean countries to australia. until we need to separate kasi financial problem. dahil sa bakasyon and enjoyment e nabaon kami sa utang and i need to sacrifice kasi ako ang may good opportunity to work abroad.

the experience without him by my side is really a struggle. umiiyak ako dahil sa work at sa sobrang miss ko sa kanya. nasanay ako na kasama siya for 9 years. kilala na siya ng pamilya ko at kilala ko ang pamilya nya. sa sobrang lungkot ko naka open ako ng application sa cellphone which is grindr.

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Hi to all.
Matagal ko nang gusto ishare tong nararamdaman ko. Sa mga tao kase na
katulad natin, sobrang hirap humarap sa mga tao na straight ka. May
mga bagay kang nagagawa or nasasabi na out of your nature.
Im 26 years old. Nagtatrabaho sa isang semiconductor company ditto sa
Cavite. May dadalawang taon na ako dito. Bilang isang computer
engineering graduate, at sa isang semicon ka pa nagttrabaho, expected
na puro kalalakihan ang makakasama mo sa trabaho. Masaya kase puro
boys. Pero looking on the other side, sobrang hirap.
Marami na rin akong nagustuhan sa mga nakikilala ko dito. Pero share
ko na lang itong latest kong interest.
I have a co-worker here na of my same age. Pero he looks younger than
me. Tahimik, may hitsura, at medyo mahinhin ang kilos. Not mahinhin in
an effeminate way pero yung hindi brusko. Ganun sya kumilos kaya
lagging inaasar or niloloko xang ‘lambo’ or bakla. Once kaming
nagkasama sa isang project. Matagal ko na rin syang kilala pero sa
isang project ko lang sya napansin. We worked on a software
development sa isang machine sa company. It lasted for a month. Sa
isang buwan na yun, dun kami naging close.
Clicngy sya. Laging nakaakbay sa akin. Sumasandal sa skin. Pinapatong
nya ulo nya sa arms or sa balikat ko once he take some nap. Nung
nalaman nyang may kiliti ako, lagi na nya ako kinikiliti. Tapos kung
tignan nya ako, parang may ibig sabihin. Hindi ko alam kung tama ba
itong nararamdaman ko pero nahuhulog na ako sa kanya.
Out of my desperation, I texted him using a different number to show
how much I like him. Sinabi ko sa text na how beautiful he is as a
man, how he kills me with his smile, how he made my day when I see
him. And I told him sa text na gusto ko sya. Sinabi ko rin na lalake
ako at wala akong lakas ng loob magpakilala kase baka magbago yung
pagtingin nya skin bilang katrabaho.
Gusto ko maging close kami. Yung tipong comfortable sya na sabihan ako
ng mga bagay bagay. He’s not very open pa naman about his personal
life. Siguro hindi lang sya sanay na inoopen sa iba yung buhay nya.
Gusto ko iparamdam sa kanya na mahalaga sya sa akin. Gusto ko
iparamdam sa kanya na nagmamalasakit ako sa kanya.
Nung may sakit ssya pero pumasok pa rin sya, kitang kita ko na
nahihirapan sya sa sitwasyon nya. Namumutla na sya at nilalamig pero
trabaho pa rin. Sobra kong naawa. Gusto ko syang awatin sa pagttrabaho
para makapagpahinga. Inakbayan ko sya inhope na mawala ng konti yung
panlalamig nya. Gusto ko na syang yakapin nun ng mahigpit. Pero
pinangunahan pa ako ng takot at kaba. Mahal ko na siguro yung taong
yun para maalala ako ng ganito.
Hay. Ang hirap. Naluluha na lang ako pag tinitignan ko sya sa malayo.
gusto ko sabihin sa kanya kung sino at ano ba talaga ako. Kaso
natatakot ako na baka magbago tingin nya sa akin. At alam kong ganun
ang mangyayari. Ilang beses ko na tong naramdaman sa isang lalake.
Nagtapat ako, at ganun nga ang nangyari. Sobrang hirap. Pano ko ba
makukuha ang loob nya? Kahit maging super close friends lang kami ok
na sakin. Basta lagi ko syang nakakausap at nakakasama.

– Kimi

* * *

Dear Kimi,

Madalas dinadapuan tayo ng kung tawagin natin ay pag-ibig sa panahong wala tayong kamalay-malay. Sa panahong ni hindi pa man din lang natin naiintindihan ang kakaibang pakiramdam ukol sa ating pagkatao, ay bigla tayong dinadaluhong ng pakiramdam na siyang lalong nakapagpapalito sa atin. Tanong mo, “paano ko ba makukuha ang loob niya?”

Pansinin mo na ang iyong katanungan ay upang pumitas, kumaripas na umangkin. Bakit kaya?

Bilang advice, siguro hahayaan kitang gawin kung ano man ang iyong nasa sa loob. Sasabihin ko lamang siguro na bukod sa paglasap sa napakasarap na pakiramdam ng pagiging in-love, sana ay huwag mong kalimutan ang iyong sarili. Ang alagaan mo ang iyong puso, at bigyang pansin din kung ano ang makabubuti sa iyo. Tandaan: Hindi lahat ng maganda, masarap, o kaanya-anyaya ay kinakailangang angkinin. Minsan mas masarap nga na sila’y nandiyan lang, kasama natin, kahit alam mong puwede rin silang wala.

Migs

Dear MEG
1981
 Sa una kong work 5years din akong sidewalk vendor,may kahina ang akin mata
1986
may kapitbahay ako na magaling mag lettering graduate sia ng basic seaman course  at may certificate blanko walang PANGALAN sia kasi sia ang nag lettering mga pangalan ng certificate
At sa pangalan ko nilagay lahat ng document ng bilang basic seaman course na mayroon sia ang ginawa nia ako. sa POEA ng ipapasok ko na ang document para maregestry ang seamanbook ko ay nalusutan ko,lakas ng loob na lang kung paano ko malulusutan ang interview sa POEA kailangan ko gawin yon ang best na  gagawin ko para magkapera at makapag abroad 8years lahat ng pagtitiis, masasakit na salita tangap ng tangap na  lang salitang dignidad ay wala na sa akin, inisip ko ang kapatid ko ang situation ng buhay ng pamilya namin
Nag aral din ako ng ASSOCIATE MARINE ENGEERING pero di pumapasok sa ulo ko ang pag aaral
1997
 tumigil ako sa pagiging seaman , inayawan na ako ng dati kong shipping company dahil dami nagrereklamo sa akin ang mga kasamahan ko dahil mabagal daw ako malulungkutin,di ako makasabay sa kasamahan ko seaman sa lahat ng bagay pero may naawa din sa akin, ang iba naiinis, kaya nagpasya ako tumigil na sa pagseaman at tapos na ang dalawa kong kapatid, para di sila mapariwara
sa perang naipon sinubukan ko magtiwala sa cousin sa teacher sa brother ko at sa internet pyramiding pero walang bumalik sa ngayon bahay na lang ang tangi kong inaasahan nagpaupa ako ng bahay may 10years na rin nakakasurvive din
2003
nag umpisa ang kamalasan ko ng pumatol ako sa 18yrs old na lalaki, sinamantala ko ang kanyang kagipitan ng may kapalit na sex , nag sunod sunod na ang paghahanap ko na panadalian aliw kahit di satify ang kapatner ko dahil sa kaliitan ng akin kargada ko , dinaan ko na lang sa romansa at patira sa puwet para lang makaraos ang patner ko,pero isang bagay lang ang di ko magawa ang makisama ng matagalan parang nasanay na ko na mag isa at maghanap ng iba
Noong bata pa ko napipigilan ko ang tukso at iwas sa mga bagay na masagwa pero pilit nila pina mumukha na bading ako dahil malamya ako amg salita at mabagal kumilos
 

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Hello MGG! I really like your blog, especially the stories shared by other PLUs. I’d like to share my story as well. Please leave some comments or advice please. 🙂

I’m Vince (not my real name), ngayon i’m on my third year sa civil engineering, in one of the big 4 universities in the country. I’m a discreet bisexual, I like girls, but I like boys as well. So June of last year, namili na kami ng bagong sections para sa junior year namin. And since majoring year na, mas focused na sa civil eng’g yung courses and may mga bago nanaman akong naging classmates. So after encoding of sections, uso yung sasali ka sa groups ng section mo, and yun na nga, I ended up in the first section and nakita ko sa facebook group yung mga bago naming kaklase.
There is this one guy who captured my attention. He’s cute sa DP niya, medyo naging crush at first sight ko siya. Let’s call him Chris. I stalked his profile right away kaso protected yung profile dahil hindi pa kami friends. I thought about sending a friend request kaso nahiya ako and baka mag-mukha akong feeling close. Kaya inantay ko na lang yung first day, para maconfirm kung cute nga ba siya sa personal (ang landi).
brainqm
First day of classes came and nagcheck na ng attendance ang first period professor namin. Unfortunately, absent siya. Pumasok siya after 1 week, and medyo di ko siya gaanong napapansin kasi I have my own set friends, and he has his own. Fast forward to August, merong event yung civil engineering department, and bawat sections kelangan mag perform sa program na iyon. 2 weeks of practice, pareho kaming kasali sa dancers, and there dun na kami nagsimula mag-usap, small chats lang naman. Inaasar siya sa isa naming classmate, kasi balita na crush daw siya non, and pati ako actually iniissue din dun sa girl. Pareho lang kaming naaasar na natatawa sa mga iniissue samin, because to tell you the truth, nakakainis yung babae and napaka epal.
Late part na ng sem ko siya talaga naging kaclose and eventually naging part na siya ng barkada ko. Fast forward again to this sem, dito na kami naging super as in super close. And sa totoo lang crush na crush ko na talaga siya. 

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From the ADMU Secret Files.

dilf

 

May itsura ako at matipuno. But people are wondering why I still don’t have a GF. I’m actually still in the closet, but wala akong nagugustuhan sa student body ng ADMU. Fuck, kahit iwagayway pa ni *insert pogi guy here* yung tweetybird niya sa mukha ko, di ako matuturn on. 

Ang gusto ko kasi, DADDY.

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Hi, Migs.

I have never been in a relationship and very poor in reading gesture/body language especially of that a man. Im 29 yrs old and I would say I am a discreet bisexual for sometime i get attracted to women but most of the time I get attracted to men.

My problem is, there’s this guy in the office which I find interesting. He’s a new hire like me and we’re on the same floor but we belong to different teams. He’s tall, handsome and has this “nice guy look” so whenever he passes by in my workstation I cant help but look at him. Our first conversation was during our new hire orientation where we had small talks. So whenever we see each other, we smile and nod to one another.

What confuses me is that whenever I stare at him at far, I see that somehow he’s looking at me too for we are ending up having an eye contact. Then, he’ll suddenly direct his eyes to somewhere. This eye to eye contact happens every now and then. One time, I went to the CR to brush my teeth and saw him almost done brushing his teeth. We did not talk but we nod and smile to one another like we always do. As he exits the CR, I stare at him and saw him looking at me too so we had an eye to eye again. This happened more than once and since I find it unusual to a man to do that, I observed other man if they’ll do the same as they exit door, none of them did the same thing. This eye to eye contact also happens in the pantry.

I added him in FB but it’s been a week and he has not accepted my friend request. Despite of that frequent eye to eye contact, still he smiles and nods whenever our paths cross.

Nahihiya tuloy ako for I feel he knows that I always look at him since lagi nya akong nahuhuli nakatingin sa kanya.

Please help me interpret his gestures towards me. Thank you.

best regards,
Ray

– o –

Dear Ray,

Invite him for coffee, invite him for lunch, invite him for anything. Do something more than just looking, and imagining.

Life is short, teh, sa kaka-interpret mo, next thing you know it, drift wood ka na. So go lang ng go.

Migs