Manila Gay Guy

Dear Migs,

I finally got the guts to write you a letter. It has been almost two years since the first time I read on your blog. Since then, I took inspiration, courage and the will to embrace the life I choose and share my story. Call me Roger, I’m 23 and already a college professor. I must admit that gay university instructors are not new, except for me. I’m closeted. I started to teach just last June 2009. Each time, I hold classes I make it a point that I could deliver the subject in the most ‘straight’ way possible. Every single day is a struggle especially if I get interested and attracted to students. This is my greatest fear what if I get hooked on a student? I can’t risk my job, neither my student’s future.

Until I met Joshua. He’s 17 and a freshman. (more…)

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Hi Migs,

I never thought that the day would come that I would be the one writing to you. I enjoy reading your posts and appreciate your views on different dilemmas sent to you by your viewers. I need some sort of advice regarding my case. Just call me John, 22 years old, hurting and sad. My story just happened recently so everything is fresh from my memory. One day (to be exact February 13,2010), this guy (let’s just call him Renz, 29 years old) called me up. I knew where he got my number but I won’t mention it here anymore. He was a stranger. We talked for a very short time only because I was about to go somewhere. After our conversation, we exchanged a few text messages. When I got home, he called again. We talked for a very long time. I felt at ease talking to him. We exchanged infos about ourselves, our likes and dislikes, our funny stories etc. It felt really good just talking to him. (more…)

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Why is it that when one is struck by this thing called love, everything seems to be magnified, all emotions get larger than life itself, its deliciousness so intense, tingling, running to every finger and toe, electrifying?

How come it envelopes every part of one’s self, so much so that one’s speech doesn’t escape the constant, many times repetitious, mention of the beloved’s name? And even in unspoken words and thoughts, the beloved’s presence is a fixture — the moments before sleep, he is thought of, so as in sleep, in dreams themselves, and in the break of unconsciousness to consciousness, he is there, just to be repeated constantly throughout the emerging day, till it’s time again to rest and sleep in his comforting, imagined presence.

Love makes life delicious indeed. And because of this, however way love/life progresses or ends, I revel in rapturous appreciation. I wish all of you, the experience of this kind of love.

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It’s been exactly 2 weeks since I arrived here in the US. Dalawang linggo na pag-a-adjust (maulan ang Bay Area these past weeks), sa bagong bahay, bagong trabaho, bagong workplace, bagong environment, and yes, bagong set of friends din. I treasure all these new things, even those that make me a bit uncomfortable, because they give me that diversity of experiences I need so I can better prepare myself to be the person I want to be in the future. On the other hand, there is joy in swimming with the current, going with the flow, and riding the tide. Hindi man kumportable na magpaanod sa mga bagong daloy ng aking kinaroroonan, may sayang mapapala sa pakikipaglaro sa bawat nitong liko’t ligwak.

Last Friday, I met someone.

Isa sa mga na-resolve ko na gawin sa aking pagtuntong dito sa Amerika ay ang magkaroon ng mga bagong kaibigan. Marami akong iniwang mga mahal na kaibigan sa Pilipinas, at sa aking pag-alis, noon ko naramdaman ang labis na ligayang naidudulot ng pagkakaroon ng marami, sari-sari, at mga tapat na kaibigan, iyong may pagkakaibigang walang pag-iimbot, buong pusong pagtanggap sa isa’t isa. Kaya naman, sabi ko sa sarili ko, dito sa Amerika, magkakaroon ako muli ng mga ganoong kaibigan.
(more…)

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Saturday afternoon till evening… busy, busy on my laptop, preparing the first draft of MGG the book… I’m excited how it will turn out! Your suggestions are welcome!

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Today, I fly to my new home in California. I am very excited with all the new possibilities this move will afford me, yet I am also overwhelmed by the outpouring of expressions of love from friends who I will be leaving behind here in the Philippines. It is amazing how the human heart can hold opposing emotions at the same time! Rather than harping on the sadness of leaving my beloved friends behind, I am focusing on being totally blown away by their love. Friendship is such a wonderful gift. Thank you, thank you, thank you. May our bonds get stronger, may our friendships be forever.

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When you kissed me, for whatever reason, you did it as if it were real. As if we waited a thousand years and travelled a million miles to finally connect. As if your very life was caused by the vision of this magical moment, when our lips touched and caressed each other. Suspend whatever disbelief you may have, let all eyes staring at us dissolve in the darkest of nights, and make this kiss as intense as when the universe started from an infinitesimal singularity. And when finally our mouths meet, feel the power of twenty thousand horses charging, barging, rolling, exploding; and then gradually, like multi-colored ribbon swirling in the air slowly descending into the grays of a dry, windless evening, it tapers into a tender touch at my nape, crawling to my cheeks, eyes slowly waking to the reality of an empty, meaningless kiss. Life moves on as if nothing happened, yet my spirit is bursting with a wonderful memory of an experience savored to the last drop.

This post is dedicated to everyone in my send off party last night. Soju (the Korean rice wine) is to blame for the thousand-and-one kisses that were given and received that evening. Enjoy!

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I can still feel, my Love, I can still feel. Those tears I just shed are proof that this heart of mine is still capable of loving. These past days I’ve been noticing how I was repeatedly telling myself that I’m exhausted. It’s as if every fiber of my beating heart is but a pulp of dry straw, and at any moment, will snap into powdery bits. Exhausted to the point of giving up on this quest for love.

Standing on the verge of hopelessness, that abyss not unfamiliar to a lot of people like us, I remind myself, Love, my Love, he’s still out there.

And suddenly, I thought, perhaps you, my Love, are exhausted too. Exhausted because for sure, for some time, you’ve also been looking for me. For sure, you are also getting impatient as the wait gets longer, and lonelier. Perhaps, you too, are standing on the same verge of hopelessness, worn out, contemplating on jumping over to that dark, damp abyss of jadedness.

No my Love, don’t. I am here. We just haven’t met yet. Or, maybe we have, but that we haven’t realized the Grand Destiny we’re meant to live, together, as life partners. But once we do, once you recognize it’s me, once I recognize it’s you, my Love, I shall lay your head on my lap. Tell you, before anything else, to rest and regain your strength. Recharge, and be at your very best. Because our journey together will be long, arduous, maybe even more exhausting, yet because I know we’re traveling together, it shall be, I promise to make it, well worth every little f*ckin’ waiting moment we spent looking for each other.

Original text from a previous post. Photo by Ian Felix Alquiros.

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I guess it won’t be too much to say that MGG the blog is a popular blog. It rakes in as much as 40,000 page views per day, with readership from all around the globe. Yet, not everyone is connected to the internet. Many have yet to enjoy the liberating power of the world wide web, especially to folks of our kind, people like us. That is why, when a book publisher approached me, floating the idea of publishing the best of MGG’s blog posts as a book, it wasn’t such a hard decision. This morning, the publisher and I personally met and agreed to put together the project, and within the next few months, you’ll all witness the launch of Migs the Manila Gay Guy’s compilation of the blog’s best posts in book form. I have been very clear to the publisher that I will not receive a single centavo for this project — all book royalties will be donated to my favorite orphanage in Manila. The book will, for me, serve as an extension of its original online form so that more people can have access to the wonderful content that you (my dear MGG community) and I have put together in this humble online abode.

Through this project I hope to be able to touch more lives, and to make them feel that they are not alone in their ups and downs. This for me is a beautiful incarnation of the ever-elusive World Peace. Exciting times ahead!

P.S. Do you have suggestions for the book? Any particular content I should include? I’m open to suggestions!

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Hey Migs,

Writing you this letter was actually a decision I had to make. Not that it’s hard to do but maybe I just thought of asking for a little help from you.

My name is Robert and I have been an avid reader of your blog for a long time now. I found out about your blog while I was scanning a certain magazine. And from then on, I got interested in reading your articles. The reason why I’m writing you this letter it’s because I’m having this “difficulty”, a situation where I don’t know what to do. I have never talked to anybody about this yet and hopefully I could get some piece of opinion from you. (more…)

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