Manila Gay Guy

I wanna read this book. Anyone who knows where I can buy this here in the US?
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Here’s the GMA7 documentary on HIV/AIDS in the Philippines (World View – Think Positive). Interesting.
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hi there miggs!

happy easter!! i read in some comment here that you’re in quezon province (or wherever you are). just want to say na… inggit ako. am stuck here in manila working.. on this long holiday. dang! amf (amfotah)! o.m.g.! s.n.m.! lol.

i spent an entire good friday listening to all these podcasts while i was slumped in front of my canvas painting (i tried to paint without interruption but there were moments i’d be laughing my head off aside from the ones where i’d have to stop to listen to some quotable quote). it is interesting to note that as you progressed with your podcasts, there is more levity while you and the other fabcasters discussed relevant and quite interesting topics that are universal to all plu’s.

what piqued my interest in these ten podcasts though was the one with the most number of listeners, that of your “interview” with dencio. his short talk about cruising spots hits the bulls’ eye amongst many gay men. i read through the comments and tony said it aptly, “Most gay men cruise”. sift through all the moral posturings in the comments and one reality comes out – most gay men really do cruise. it is a right of passage for many who are trying to discover what makes them “different” in the eyes of the moral majority.

i remember when i was a young lad in my teen years when there was yet no internet and trying to discover what it was to be gay, we had the dark cinemas of recto and quiapo like pearl and ginto, ali mall, sandra’s along recto, joy, blue cafe, cocobanana (i was 13 years old when i actually got dragged to it by a disco-hopping older cousin and i got to dance with the american-indian of the Village People), ugarte field (which was manila’s response to central park, new york), the bakahan at the ccp grounds, adam’s apple, cloud nine, quezon circle, maharlika(?) in caloocan, blue palm etc…

it brought back some memories of people i met through these brief encounters, the crazy moments that would either make me laugh or sad when i remember them. i remember the time when i met a then fledgling provincial politician in one of these dalliances. we discovered each other in a biblical sense and years later he’ll be on tv sitting as a young member of an institution beside the highest office of our country. i have shared secrets with some people who in their public lives can never reveal that they have or are still indulging in such activities – priests, executives, lawyers, fathers, professors, actors. but one person still stood out amongst these brief “encounters”. he was, like dencio, a young man full of the ways of the world named eric.

i met eric in the u-belt area one hot late afternoon, in a grimy double-feature cinema. i was 21 back then. i saw him slumped in the dark, “servicing” a faceless man. he looked up and smiled. after he was through with his companion, he stood up and sat beside me. he introduced himself, in the dark, as if he’s doing it in a party. we fell into conversation while several other faceless men would, one after the other, sit beside him. i found out that he’s a male prostitute selling his “services” inside that cinema and these faceless men are his ‘customers’. we talked further until he had to excuse himself to do his ‘job’. i stood up to leave, but he grabbed my hand and asked me to wait for him outside. i obliged.

we met outside after a few minutes and in the fading light of the day i saw that he was a young man like me and he was in his school uniform – white shirt and green pants. we went to sandra’s. we talked. shared a couple of bottles of coke and i listened to his story. Animatedly, he talked about himself. i found out that he had a pattern of sexual abuse when he was a child. i vividly remember his story of being repeatedly molested by his uncle and older cousins – a pattern which began when he was 9. he narrated how at 15 he learned how ‘to turn tricks’ with men (prostitute) so he could buy his first nike. he also told me of how he avoided spending a night in jail after a police raid by providing service to the arresting officer. there were other stories he regaled me with through the years that he was exploring and in one statement he summed up himself, “I am a sex addict.” That statement of his drilled into my brain.

we kept on talking until late at night and parted ways. we exchanged numbers and in the next few weeks, we talked for hours on the phone. We talked about everything. We talked of his family, my family; the people he knew and the people I know; we talked of everything we can think of. I even remember him telling about his family tree! until one day, he stopped calling. i called back at his number and a lady answered saying that he’s already left.

a few years passed and every now and then i would remember bits of our long conversations on the phone and i would wonder how and what eric was doing. in that brief moment i met him, i knew he became a friend.

sometime in 1995, i was volunteering for the world youth day for the pope’s arrival in our country. i have met some doctor volunteers and become good friends with them. one of them was doing his residency in a government hospital. we were in a prayer group and i would fetch him (back when i used to drive) so we can go together to the once-a-week meetings.

one night, he asked me to come up while he was finishing a round in one of the wards. i went up and saw him at the end of a long hallway talking to a nurse. i walked slowly and was reading the names tacked on the doors of the wards. as i passed by an open door of one ward with a lone strip of paper on it with one name, I stopped dead in my tracks. Written there was a familiar name. The door was slightly open and I quietly peeked in. Propped up on the bed was the familiar face of my long lost friend – Eric. I said hello. He turned his face and I saw the same familiar smile flash across it. “Kamusta ka na? Nandito ka pala tsong?” was what I greeted his smile with.

I remember he didn’t answer, he just sat there on the bed smiling at me and there was an awkward silence. I told him that I was there to pick up a friend. He just nodded. i looked out and saw my friend still talking to the nurse. I hastily told Eric that I will come back again and visit him.

On the drive towards the prayer meeting I asked my companion what ward it was that Eric was in. What he told me sent a cold shiver up my body. It was the new ward for Aids patients. He was the lone occupant that night.

For several days I grappled with the thought that I know someone with that disease. I fought within me whether to see him again or not. Perhaps it’s my own prejudices or it was my own fear of facing someone who has that sword hanging upon him. At 25, I had to face someone with aids.

I delayed for a few days from going to the hospital and arranging to visit him. Almost a week passed when I decided to call and asked for him. He has already moved out the day before I called. I never had the chance to see him again.

After hearing Dencio talk, it reminded me of Eric’s bravado with the ways of the world, how the latter nonchalantly talked of his adventures, his abused past and the admonition of his own addiction. I wonder if Eric is still out there or if he has become a number in a long and growing list of statistics. Wherever he is, I only wish my friend Godspeed. And only if I can talk to him again, perhaps this time, I can ask him… why.

to Dencio, whoever you are, thank you too for putting your worldly insights into something that the moral majority will always and consistently deny. God speed.

- Palma

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Last December, the whole country got to know Wanggo Gallaga, son of director Peque Gallaga, when he admitted on national television that he has HIV. Most viewers were confused: how can a healthy-looking, professional, young man be infected with the dreaded virus. In the minds of many Filipinos, Wanggo does not fit the mold of someone with HIV or AIDS.

More than a decade ago, statistics show that most Filipinos with HIV or AIDS are either sex workers or OFWs. Now, according to the Department of Health, infected patients are getting younger and younger. Last year, more than 60% are between the ages of 20 and 29. Most are males, infected through sexual intercourse with the same sex. Are they the new face of HIV and AIDS in the Philippines ?

In his interviews, Wanggo says that the main reason why he came out is to help educate Filipinos about the virus. Having HIV or AIDS is no longer the death sentence it was a before. With medication and a proper lifestyle, people with HIV and AIDS can live normal lives. He also stressed the importance of getting tested for the virus.

In the US , experts are continually researching for the cure and finding ways to improve the lives of people living with the virus.

Learn more about HIV and AIDS on World View this April 12, after Ful Haus. Hosted by Vicky Morales.

(PR from a GMA contact)

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Recently dubbed “the closest thing to a living saint” by the Australian media, Louise L. Hay is also known as one of the founders of the self-help movement. Her first book, Heal Your Body, was published in 1976, long before it was fashionable to discuss the connection between the mind and body. Revised and expanded in 1988, this best-selling book introduced Louise’s concepts to people in 33 different countries and has been translated into 25 languages throughout the world.

Through Louise’s healing techniques and positive philosophy, millions have learned how to create more of what they want in their lives, including more wellness in their bodies, minds, and spirits. Her own personal philosophy was forged from her tormented upbringing. Her childhood was unstable and impoverished, and her teen years were marked by abuse. Louise ran away from home and ended up in New York City, where she became a model and married a prosperous businessman. Although it appeared that her life had turned around, it was not until the marriage ended 14 years later that her healing really began. [source]

Hay moved to Los Angeles around 1980 and began seeing private clients for spiritual counseling. “I had several gay men in my practice,” Hay told me. “One day, one of them called me up and said, ‘Louise, do you think you could start a group for gay men with AIDS?’ A few men came for dinner one night, and I said: ‘I have no idea what we’re doing, but I know what we’re not going to do. We’re not going to play ‘Ain’t it awful.’ So we talked and did affirmations and ended with a song. The next day, one of them called me and said, ‘Last night was the first time I slept in three weeks.’ The next week we had 90 men, and soon someone gave us a space in a gym in West Hollywood. For two years we met, but we outgrew the gymnasium in a month and a half.” The city of West Hollywood gave the Hay Rides, as they were soon known, a bigger space. “Soon we had 850 people every Wednesday night. We had mothers who came, and whenever a mother came we gave them a standing ovation, because so many mothers weren’t speaking to their sons.” Her eyes teared up noticeably. “The fathers almost never came — they couldn’t forgive.” Hay often presided at the men’s funerals. “Who else was going to do it?” she asked me. “Religions wouldn’t touch them.” [Source]

Louise is a truly remarkable woman. Listen to her here, a snippet from a recording of her powerful affirmations. In this particular snippet she talks about accepting and embracing our sexuality, being at peace with it. Go, listen (4 minutes only).

Download the MP3 here (right click and save) 1.8 MB

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I read the following article by Cholo Hidalgo Laurel at Brian Gorrell’s blog, and I was deeply struck. In the early part of his article he says, “Twelve years of tiptoeing around people’s egos, witnessing the most evil power plays known to man, often compromising standards and never really feeling creatively fulfilled was just eating my soul up. Ergo, This happy man was not a very contented man. This man wanted to start doing things that meant something.” As I read through it, I felt so drawn to his passion to live a relevant, significant life, something much larger than himself. I so admire this kind of courage and high-mindedness. (more…)

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If there’s one thing this past week that made me stop and think, ponder and reflect, it was Charlie’s letter.

I’m Charlie, turning 27 in a couple of months. I’d like to share my story with your readers… I found out about my condition (…) last year. I’m HIV positive.

His was the third I received this August, talking about being HIV-positive. His letter simply rendered me without anything to say, at least temporarily. I didn’t know how to react. It was overwhelming. I thought, if I fire off sweet, encouraging words, will that really help? Will that really make Charlie feel better about his condition? If I start playing the role of a cold jaundiced preacher, lecturing on lessons learned from Charlie’s experience and perhaps advocate “safe sex” till the cows come home, will it really make a difference? I don’t know.
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Hi Migs,

I’m Charlie, turning 27 in a couple of months. I’ve been visiting your site regularly to read on stuffs that I could relate to. I’m also fond of writing, more so when I’m having mood swings. I’d like to share my story with your readers not to gain sympathy or for people to pity me but to have someone I can openly have a conversation with. I found out about my condition when I underwent a routine medical checkup in Singapore for a possible employment last year.

I’m HIV positive.
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