Manila Gay Guy

Because you are human… just because of the simple fact that you are human, you find yourself heir to an inherent unsatisfactoriness in life which simply will not go away. You can suppress it from your awareness for a time. You can distract yourself for hours on end, but it always comes back–usually when you least expect it. All of a sudden, seemingly out of the blue, you sit up, take stock, and realize your actual situation in life.

There you are, and you suddenly realize that you are spending your whole life just barely getting by. You keep up a good front. You manage to make ends meet somehow and look OK from the outside. But those periods of desperation, those times when you feel everything caving in on you, you keep those to yourself. You are a mess. And you know it. But you hide it beautifully. Meanwhile, way down under all that you just know there has got be some other way to live, some better way to look at the world, some way to touch life more fully. You click into it by chance now and then. You get a good job. You fall in love. You win the game. and for a while, things are different. Life takes on a richness and clarity that makes all the bad times and humdrum fade away. The whole texture of your experience changes and you say to yourself, “OK, now I’ve made it; now I will be happy”. But then that fades, too, like smoke in the wind. You are left with just a memory. That and a vague awareness that something is wrong. [Source]

Do you resonate with this? What do you think? How do you cope?

Like

Unlike

Yes, you read that right! Gay guys with girlfriends. I mean, real girlfriends (oo, syota, as in.)

We have 2 main guests in this fabcast, both certified “men who have sex with men” (oo, sige, bakla na kung bakla) but… they are involved in heterosexual relationships. Get your knuckles crackin’ and listen to this hilarious, riotous podcast (we have a noisy peanut gallery, first time in a fabcast!)

LISTEN – this is PART 1 (23 mins 35 sec):

Download this fabcast (right click and save – 21.6 MB)

Credits: Podcast production by Mcvie. Music credits – “Mahirap Talaga Magmahal Ng Syota Ng Iba” by the APO Hiking Society; and “Another Girl” by The Beatles; and “Girls & Boys” by Blur.

Like

Unlike

The Fabcasters spend some time to chika with “Allan” a bikini open veteran. Gibbs, McVie, Tony, CC, Kiko, and yours truly chat with him and endeavor to find out what goes on in the mind of someone whose glistening lean body we know so well. Warning: most of us were tipsy during this fabcast recording, so riot talaga. Sa mga sensitive, skip this fabcast. Otherwise, go.

Listen: (26 mins 46 sec)

Download this Fabcast (right click and save – 24.6 MB)

(Note: Photo above is NOT Allan.)

Like

Unlike

Has someone wronged you in a major way? Has it been very difficult to move on from that hurt? Watch.

Like

Unlike

hi migs,

just one of your silent reader, who’s now asking for another perspective.

call me mark, turned 33 years old this year, pretty much succesful and self-made. been in a relationship for 10 years with a guy who is 10 years my senior. we met when i was 23, got together and have made a life for ourselves. it wasn’t a perfect life, we’ve had our ups and downs and our share of heartaches and joys. ive always felt that my life with him was ok, God-sent and God-willing; I know I wouldnt be where i am right now without his support and his love.

In the course of the relationship, I had unconciously/subconciously gave up my friends; especially my single friends and the late-night lifestyle. instead, i embraced my partner’s preferred life and friends. At the time it seemed perfect.

Lately however, i saw some friends on facebook, browsed their pages and somehow i felt that these friends had the life, which to my mind, I would have had (or even I should have had) had I not embraced his life and lifestyle. dreaded what-ifs are starting to show in my head.

It’s not that I resent the choice I made to be with him and embrace the life we have. NOT AT ALL.
Resent is such a strong word for something that I know I had a hand in as well. Its just my mind wandering and wondering–what ifs? and what should i do now? do i insist on re-treading a different lifestyle? or do i stick with what i have and what has worked? mind you, i dont intend on giving the relationship up, only that I take on new friends of my own and breaking away from our couple-dom. and so where do i begin?

honestly, i dont even know if i have a question, but i guess i just need an outsider’s point of view, and another perspective.

thanks
mark

Hello Mark,

You are very blessed. I say that not only because you have a wonderful relationship with your partner of 10 years, but also because you are going through one of the most exciting times of your life. Your age, and the questions that are now floating in your mind strongly suggest that you are in a life transition. Some people call it midlife, as you yourself suggested, but I prefer to call it a life transition.

Mark, keep in mind that life transitions like yours are normal. This means that there is no need to panic, and I assure you, there is nothing wrong with you or with the questions you have been thinking about. This is precisely the time when, because of your years, you have already lived quite a full life, and have achieved certain things, that other parts of your life previously on the sidelines start to make themselves felt, front and center. While this is understandably quite unnerving at first, I assure you, it is very natural.

Your what ifs, what should i do now, and other similar inquiries are part of life’s natural course; you may think of them as invitations to live a fuller life, one that is lived with more self-awareness, and if you so choose, a journey to self-actualization. What I’m saying is, huwag kang mabahala.

You are blessed, and I say this again because it seems to me that you have been given a chance to be more conscious about your life transition. Some people, for whatever reason, go through transitions without them knowing it. They think that asking questions like yours is inappropriate, or even insane, and because of that, they fail to honor the natural course of things, leading to perhaps, not being able to reap the benefits of the phase. But you are blessed because you are going through your transition with a lot of self-awareness. You know that while you are asking these questions, there are certain things you value that will not change — your love for your partner, and your loyalty to the relationship you have nurtured these past 10 years.

Having said all of that — and because you asked “where do I begin?” — I would add that this is a time for a lot of internal work. By this term “internal work” I mean those things you imagine when I say the following words: reflection, prayer, retreat, pondering, silence, rethinking, reinvention, metamorphosis. Do it in whatever way you want to do it. Let the questions you ask help you dive deep into yourself in a more powerful way, to reevaluate your values, then figure out what you want to hold on to and let go of, what you then want to take on, and then move on. All these need a lot of internal work, and yes, a lot of energy. Think of it like the caterpillar’s cocooning phase. It’s that “dark period” when the caterpillar spins a pupa around itself, immobilizes itself, so that it can transform and metamorphose into something so different, yet ironically essentially the same organism.

During this cocooning phase, I suggest for you to be very open to your partner. Intensify your communication with him, in quantity and quality. He is your partner in whatever phase in your life. Tell him about what is happening to you. He can be a very big help.

Your question about taking on new friends is quite simple. Go, have fun and mingle, and take on new friends. But I suggest before venturing out, be clear on your intentions, and be clear on what you want to achieve. Is it to escape? (And, if so, escape what?) Or is it to experience things you miss given your current set of friends? Whatever your intentions are, that’s fine, as long as you have given enough thought to it and are clear.

Lastly, let me address one emotion that may be lurking in you now, or just around the corner, just because transitions naturally evoke this particular emotion: FEAR. I’ll address it with the following words, written by a good friend, as I think it captures the essence of what I want to convey to you:

… Fear is a cycle, a natural human instinct that prepares us and propels us into greatness. When we overcome our fears (and) arrive on the other side – only greatness can happen – really. Only greatness, because we have taken them on, dealt with them as best we could and regardless of how it turned out, we arrived on the other side much more knowledgeable than we ever were when we started.

What a wonderful gift from God – this FEAR.

It compels us to be present; to be our best; to show up; and to pay attention.

It has so much in common with LOVE – 4 letters, two vowels/two consonants, intermingled with emotion, the basic drivers of everything we do, and both are just so amazingly rewarding when we allow ourselves to experience them and live our lives through them.

Really.

You are blessed, Mark. I wish you all the best!

With love,

Like

Unlike

Mike and Mark are twins. Both are good looking, and share almost all God-given gifts and talents (okay, okay, including a decent-sized, e.g. 7-in, man-meat). Both behave very straight (meaning, butch), both very manly. Assume all things between them are equal, except for one thing: Mike is 100% straight (meaning, he only falls in love with real women), and Mark is 100% gay (meaning, he only falls in love with men, straight or otherwise).

Given the chance to have sex with one, and ONLY ONE of them, who would you choose? Mike (straight) or Mark (gay)?

Comment in your answers! (For your vote to be counted, it should be categorical — either Mike or Mark — and not “both” – huwag gahaman, beki!) Feel free to explain your answer. Go!

Like

Unlike

Desmond Tutu, the former Archbishop of Cape Town and a Nobel Peace Price winner, has lent his name to the fight against homophobia in Africa and around the world. The prominent South African says homophobia is a “crime against humanity” and “every bit unjust” as apartheid.

“We struggled against apartheid in South Africa, supported by people the world over, because black people were being blamed and made to suffer for something we could do nothing about; our very skins, wrote the prominent Church leader. “It is the same with sexual orientation. It is a given,” he added.

Mr. Tutu says he could not have fought against the discrimination of apartheid and not also fight against the discrimination which homosexuals endure. “And I am proud that in South Africa, when we won the chance to build our own new constitution, the human rights of all have been explicitly enshrined in our laws,” he said, adding that he hoped this soon would also be the case in other countries.

“A parent who brings up a child to be a racist damages that child, damages the community in which they live, damages our hopes for a better world. A parent who teaches a child that there is only one sexual orientation and that anything else is evil denies our humanity and their own too,” Mr Tutu concludes.

[Source]

Like

Unlike

From the New York Times:

The notion that gay men can’t or don’t refrain from hitting on straight friends is, to many, the biggest stereotype of all. It’s simply not true, say most of the men in gay-straight friendships interviewed for this article.

Ritch C. Savin-Williams, a professor of developmental psychology at Cornell University, recently completed a survey of 160 men, straight and gay, and found that gay men provided valuable social insights to straight men.

“The idea is that a gay friend will be more in tune to women and more likely to have female friends,” Professor Savin-Williams said. “And it’s a stereotype, but straight men also feel they can talk to gay men about fashion and ask them if they’re looking O.K.”

Bryan Miller, 37, a director at a financial software firm in New York who has had several gay roommates, echoed that view. “A gay man’s advice on women is the only advice you can take to the bank,” he said. “They’re guys, but they’re not in competition with you.”

Some gay men tend to avoid relationships with straight men, too. Eric Perry, a gay graphic designer in New York, said he had no close straight friends. “I don’t know what’s going on in their heads, and I don’t think they know what’s going on in mine,” he said. “I’m afraid if I have a conversation with them they’ll think I’m hitting on them, so I just kind of avoid it.”

Mr. Perry admitted the situation wasn’t ideal. “There are a lot of straight guys on this planet,” he said. “I should probably learn how to talk to them.”

Amen.

Like

Unlike

How are you and your dad? Or perhaps, you and your mom? Watch.

Credits: Constantin Pilavios

Like

Unlike

I was having lunch with a female colleague last week, and we came to the topic of why she — at 30 — is yet to be hitched. She said something like:

Andami na kasing bakla ngayon. Kasi naman, nag-iisip na ngayon ang mga lalake. At dahil nag-iisip sila, at alam nilang nagiging accepted na ngayon ang mga bading sa society, eh nagpapaka-bading na sila. Yan ang hirap kapag pinababayaan mong mag-isip ang mga lalake. Dapat di sila pinag-iisip.

I almost fell off my chair when I heard this. (Almost, because we were sitting on the floor, Japanese-style, in a Japanese resto.) What a novel idea. Isisi ba ang pagdami ng bading sa pag-iisip ng mga lalake? Pero come to think of it, may point ang hitad.

More and more men are beginning to question their true sexuality. Unlike in years past, I would say people in general, and men in particular, have felt being given permission to rethink what they really want for themselves, disregarding (though not totally) what society would say. A sort of silent liberation from the shackles of the world’s societal expectations. So, continuing on with my lunchmate’s argument, when allowed to think, men go off and do what they really want. And sometimes, what they really want is to be gay.

Nakakatawa pero hindi ba totoo naman? Dumadami ang bading kasi mas nabibigyan ng puwang ang mga lalakeng mag-isip nang para sa sarili nila. Isipin mo na lang noong panahon nila Jose Rizal, siguro napakarami ang mga klosetang bading na di man lang nagkaroon ng chance maging totoo sa sarili nila. Andaming untapped potential energy, na kung sana’y naipon eh mas malakas pa sa nuclear bomb ang pagsabog. Tiyak blasted away ang mga Padre Damaso at sanlaksang Guardia Civil noong mga panahong iyon.

In this modern world, dahil na rin sa teknolohiya at internet, mas marami na ang (kahit na patago) nabibigyan ng chance i-express ang kanilang tunay na sexual preference. Sa ganang akin, hindi naman kailangan talagang mag-out sa buong mundo ang bawat bading. Kanya-kanyang sitwasyon yan, at kanya-kanyang diskarte (kaya dapat walang basagan ng trip, di ba?). Pero kakambyo rin ako sa pagsasabing ang mas importante ay hindi ang external announcement regarding one’s sexual preference. What is much more important is the internal acceptance of one’s self. Dito talaga sa tinatawag na self ang energy source. You bottle it up, and it becomes so difficult to tap and thus use productively. Deny it of its natural need to be expressed, then it manifests in some other, perhaps uncontrollable, unwanted way.

Masaya ako, realizing that my blog, this blog, has in some ways been instrumental in facilitating the expression of homosexuality among some gay men. Kesyo patago or out-na-out, regardless of age, social strata, physical appearance, height, weight, dimension, and complexion, many of our fellow gay men have found some way to connect to their real inner selves, as well as to many other kindred souls through MGG the blog. I know of some experiences of “great awakening” among my readers, and when I learn about their experiences (through emails they send me), I can only feel so blessed to have been given this golden opportunity to be the Manila Gay Guy. Such sweet responsibility.

So, tama ba si lunchmate sa kanyang mga kuru-kuro ukol sa sanhi ng pagdami ng bading, and may I add, sa paglaganap ng gay consciousness and preference? I would say yes, at sana nga ito ay dahil sa mas masusing pag-iisip ng mga kauri natin. Mas maganda naman talagang mabuhay na may choice, lalo na kung ang choice na ito ay pinag-isipan nang mabuti imbis na inihain lamang ng lipunan.

At sa inyo, aking dear readers, what do I ask of you? I ask you to be a little bit less judgmental, and a little bit more compassionate, especially sa ating mga kapatid na bading (o pinagsususpetsahang bading). The world is cruel enough, let’s not add to it. Instead, fill it with a little bit more love through more understanding, and more compassion especially to our brethren who share a similar life journey. Iba’t iba nga tayo ng uri ng pagkabading, pero in the end, all of us need a companion with compassion.

Concretely, what can you do? Appreciate your gay friends more, express your gratitude outwardly, it’s always good to hear when one is appreciated. For those whom we think are gay but are confused, give them some space, perhaps that’s what they need to let more oxygen flow into their brains, and thus make the right decision for themselves. And for those of you who are in the closet, push yourselves more to respect and applaud our out-and-about gay brothers or sisterettes. They are, after all, courageous souls whose flames burn bright, and whose light may just as well guide our own, maybe different, life path.

And so as I always say, World Peace! Be well my friends.

Like

Unlike