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Hey Migs,

I stumbled on your blog a few minutes ago and read some of the stories. Seems like everybody’s really nice and all. Anyways, I’m J and i was kinda wanting to talk about stuff. I’m seeing someone now but somehow I always end up watching a movie alone or spending the more the usual “me time” at the mall. He’s almost always busy and truth be told, I’ve given up on trying to spend my extra time looking for ways to see him. Yeah, the relationship is dying, dead to be exact (it has been for a long time) and I know we ought to move on. But how do i do that? I don’t have a lot of friends that i can talk to about this and i dont want to spend my days sulking at the corner while everybody else is happy and all very well to do.

Help.

– J

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Hello MGG! I really like your blog, especially the stories shared by other PLUs. I’d like to share my story as well. Please leave some comments or advice please. :)

I’m Vince (not my real name), ngayon i’m on my third year sa civil engineering, in one of the big 4 universities in the country. I’m a discreet bisexual, I like girls, but I like boys as well. So June of last year, namili na kami ng bagong sections para sa junior year namin. And since majoring year na, mas focused na sa civil eng’g yung courses and may mga bago nanaman akong naging classmates. So after encoding of sections, uso yung sasali ka sa groups ng section mo, and yun na nga, I ended up in the first section and nakita ko sa facebook group yung mga bago naming kaklase.
There is this one guy who captured my attention. He’s cute sa DP niya, medyo naging crush at first sight ko siya. Let’s call him Chris. I stalked his profile right away kaso protected yung profile dahil hindi pa kami friends. I thought about sending a friend request kaso nahiya ako and baka mag-mukha akong feeling close. Kaya inantay ko na lang yung first day, para maconfirm kung cute nga ba siya sa personal (ang landi).
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First day of classes came and nagcheck na ng attendance ang first period professor namin. Unfortunately, absent siya. Pumasok siya after 1 week, and medyo di ko siya gaanong napapansin kasi I have my own set friends, and he has his own. Fast forward to August, merong event yung civil engineering department, and bawat sections kelangan mag perform sa program na iyon. 2 weeks of practice, pareho kaming kasali sa dancers, and there dun na kami nagsimula mag-usap, small chats lang naman. Inaasar siya sa isa naming classmate, kasi balita na crush daw siya non, and pati ako actually iniissue din dun sa girl. Pareho lang kaming naaasar na natatawa sa mga iniissue samin, because to tell you the truth, nakakainis yung babae and napaka epal.
Late part na ng sem ko siya talaga naging kaclose and eventually naging part na siya ng barkada ko. Fast forward again to this sem, dito na kami naging super as in super close. And sa totoo lang crush na crush ko na talaga siya. 

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Dear Migs,

This happened 10 years ago with a good friend of mine. By the way, I’m gay, but very discreet. Nobody would really suspect that I am one, probably because of my height (6’1?) and heavy built. I used to play basketball in highschool (a very good player – a member of the varsity team) and a fratman in college… to cut it short, wala talagang may alam na “closet” guy ako, not even my family and friends.

One Sunday night, we went to a bar to celebrate my friend’s birthday. We were 4 then, all guys. After that, the celebrant asked us if we wanted to go to a massage parlor. Since we were all tipsy and horny (alcohol’s effect), we all agreed. We went to Rolex in Quezon Avenue, a massage venue that offers Thai massage or simply body massage. To cut it short again, I ended up having my cock blown by the masseuse and it was really awesome. I waited for my other friends in the lounge area after, and when I saw all their faces when they went out, it seemed that everyone was satisfied.

The following day, I had a call from one of my friends I was with the previous night.

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Hi, Migs.

I have never been in a relationship and very poor in reading gesture/body language especially of that a man. Im 29 yrs old and I would say I am a discreet bisexual for sometime i get attracted to women but most of the time I get attracted to men.

My problem is, there’s this guy in the office which I find interesting. He’s a new hire like me and we’re on the same floor but we belong to different teams. He’s tall, handsome and has this “nice guy look” so whenever he passes by in my workstation I cant help but look at him. Our first conversation was during our new hire orientation where we had small talks. So whenever we see each other, we smile and nod to one another.

What confuses me is that whenever I stare at him at far, I see that somehow he’s looking at me too for we are ending up having an eye contact. Then, he’ll suddenly direct his eyes to somewhere. This eye to eye contact happens every now and then. One time, I went to the CR to brush my teeth and saw him almost done brushing his teeth. We did not talk but we nod and smile to one another like we always do. As he exits the CR, I stare at him and saw him looking at me too so we had an eye to eye again. This happened more than once and since I find it unusual to a man to do that, I observed other man if they’ll do the same as they exit door, none of them did the same thing. This eye to eye contact also happens in the pantry.

I added him in FB but it’s been a week and he has not accepted my friend request. Despite of that frequent eye to eye contact, still he smiles and nods whenever our paths cross.

Nahihiya tuloy ako for I feel he knows that I always look at him since lagi nya akong nahuhuli nakatingin sa kanya.

Please help me interpret his gestures towards me. Thank you.

best regards,
Ray

– o –

Dear Ray,

Invite him for coffee, invite him for lunch, invite him for anything. Do something more than just looking, and imagining.

Life is short, teh, sa kaka-interpret mo, next thing you know it, drift wood ka na. So go lang ng go.

Migs

enchong_vic5Dear Migs,

Good day bud!

It never came to my mind that I’ll end up with this thing–writing to someone I don’t even know just to ask for a favor. I guess I’m too desperate now. Medyo di na kasi kinakaya e. Well I found your blog just a few moments ago. Instantly, I felt this urge to write this.

First things first. I’m Julijo. 23. Grad student. I was straight until December last year.

I have a friend I met during my college days. We had the same course but he’s in a higher batch. We didn’t become friends in an instant. It was along, excruciating process. We had different views back then. We were ‘enemies’ of some sort. We used to be on an unofficial cold war. But things turn out different until one day, we became best of friends. In the midst of our common friends, we know something’s different about about our friendship.

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Hi kuya migs,

I’m 18 years old and a college student, never been in a relationship.
It’s like I always prefer to be alone talk to myself, introspect, than to sit with my friends or classmates and have some chitchats, because I know to myself that I have nothing to say senseful or I’m poor on establishing a discourse that makes our subject retorika unuseful to me. Though my friends knows a fraction of the way I behave, some of my classmates always thought of Me like “mahinhin”, that’s makes my moves and actions be bounded by that thought and makes Me now use to it like its native to Me. I have a classmate, my crush, and its difficult to Me to conversate with Him, sit with Him and befriend Him, its like nahihiya ako, cause I have this mind-set “what if my friends and classmates might know that I have an eye on Him with His baby scent, towering height, fair skin, enough physique, and His stareful smile” .

Actually My main problem is that, its difficult for Me to socialize, interact, conversate, discourse and mingle to My classmates or to others . Wherein the fact is that I have a lot of ideas and topics to be shared and discussed. Its like I dont know how to bond with them. Like when attempting to start a conversation, I always feel an atmosp of awkwardness. I know it’s really weird but true. Like there’s something wrong with Me?
Talking to yourself or introspection oftenly than talking to others still normal?

I’am surely gay, not a cross-dresser, I seldom moves-of-mermaid, but I can’t deny that there’s still a man on Me.

Thanks,
Luis

* * *

Dear Luis,

Thanks for your very honest email. A lot of people, not just among People Like Us, have the same insecurities and difficulties, so don’t think that you’re the only one with this issue. It’s actually very common. Truth to tell, I was once like you. My friends might get shocked reading this because most of them know only the bubbly conversationalist that I am now. Little do they know that once upon a time I was an insecure piece of wallflower.

What helped me was when I gradually shifted my focus from my internalized inadequacy to just enjoying another person’s company. I started small, with a friend, hindi muna big groups. Until, with practice, I am able to engage different kinds of people, then bigger groups, etc. You see, in talking to people, you really don’t need to discourse or have something important to say. It’s just conversation! It thrills me to interact with people. Now I do, but it was never like this from the start.

So go ahead, trust and open up. Give your attention to others, less focus on yourself, this might help you too.

And oh, regarding that boy, when you feel like it, just have a little chit-chat with him. You’ll never know what the generous universe is up its sleeves. Malay mo, dabah?

Smile, world peace!

Hugs,
Migs

Hi Migs,

Just want to share with you a horror story that happened to me last Saturday in Shangrila Plaza. Wala kasi akong mapagwentuhan and I don’t want this experience to be put to waste.

There was this guy whom I had eye contact with while strolling in the mall. He seemed nice, nagsmile back sya sa akin and introduced himself as Jojo. Ang sabi nya, may kameet daw sya dapat from Cavite but hindi daw sumipot. Everything was fast paced and wala na kaming patumpik tumpik pa – malapit lang daw ang place nya and he wanted to do a quickie with me. I must admit that he’s good looking and maganda talaga ang katawan and wala naman akong plans that day so sumama na ako. Along the way, kinwento nya sa akin na he’s working in a call center and that he’s 25 yrs old. He then asked me if I was top or bottom, sya daw kasi versatile.

Akala ko we were going to his dorm or apartment but I was surprised that he brought me to a motel near Starmall sa may Shaw. I was also surprised na meron syang discount card – naisip ko baka gawain nya talaga ‘to. When we entered the room, ‘di ko maintindihan kung bakit parang may binibilin sya sa room boy and he didn’t want me to hear it. Then ang sabi nya, hati daw kami sa bayad sa room.

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Hi Migs,

I have been an avid reader of your blog since last year. Since then, I always look forward to reading your postings and letters from your avid readers.

Let me tell you something about myself. Im Joey, 27 years old, working as an engineer in Saudi. I recently read the letter “Engineer in the Closet” sent by one of ur avid readers, this prompted me to share my story. The problem with my situation is, Im married.

I have been working in Saudi for the past two years. When I left for Saudi, I heard a lot of stories of how most Pinoys get molested their because of their looks. My friends would tell me magpatubo ako ng balbas para di ka ma-rape dun. But I am a very clean cut guy, I hate beards and goatees. Parati naka trim ang facial hairs ko so Im not used to letting them grow long.

Work was hard for the first two weeks, namiss ko ang asawa ko. Nakaka home sick! Tapos sa work, since ako ang bago, ako ang utusan parati. People are rude, especially the Arabs (no offense meant sa mga Arabo) Uutusan ka nila as if mas mababa ang tingin nila sayo!

After two weeks, I noticed things suddenly changed. Biglang ang bait na nila sa akin, parang di na ako gaanong inuutus utusan. I starting to feel at home, and mas nakakawork na ako ng maayos. The arabs started to invite me to go out after work. Ang hindi ko alam, may pinaplano na pala sila sa akin.

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hello migs.

i am ian, 30 years old, a professional in the medical field. i just want to share you my story about this guy that i love. im so confused kasi and hurt with what happened but still he has that special place in my heart.

i met ariel (not his real name of course) at a spa along timog. i was the first one to notice him but i was invisible to him that time. he was with his friend that i thought was his boyfriend. his friend took notice of me and flirted. at the dining room, while i was eating, ariel is about to go down the stairs. i stared at him. then as i was about to enter the massage room, he followed me and gave me his number only to find out he wanted to have threesome. and because i like him, i accepted the proposal.

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Hi Migs, I’ve been secretly reading your blog for quite sometime now and i really like its concept. Am a closeted yuppie with tons of questions about my sexuality but information that specifically targets them is elusive until i found out about your blog and advocacy. I know i have always been like this ever since but longtime shunned the idea. Coming from a paternalistic fambly, having studied at a hypermasculine school and now working at a homophobic industry (engineering), nurturing my homo tendencies is the least of my priority. But i guess things like these just manifest outwardly even without us noticing them. Thats why i felt the need to share my long kept secret/fetish/habit. Am convinced this became my outlet, a vent from my very disempowered self. so here’s my story:

First manifestation happened during after a debut of a highschool batchmate of mine. Technically, it would hve been HS batch’s pseudo reunion since almost everybody from my class attended. Apparently, the after party included drinking sprees and torrents of catching up and boasting off of our respective universities. Because we wanted to extend our kwentuhan in a more comfy, less crowded and less smoky place, my barkada and i decided to stay over night at a friend’s nearby house. E my specific barkada from our batch was made up of mostly gays and gals. I was surprised when cute straight distant friend (ill call him Mike, though not his real name) agreed to come with us. Close din naman namin sya but we rarely had barkada moments wd him. Mebbe masaya kasi kausap gays, humor at its finest and besides minsan lang naman to see one another, kaya he agreed. So there, laugh trip night talaga. We shared lots of stories from college first day funk to libog stories. Since nasa isang kwarto lang kami lahat, we all decided to sleep on the floor na lang tabi tabi. I liked sleeping beside the wall kaya i took the farthest place. Sobrang pagod ko, i immediately went to sleep while nagkkwentuhan pa the others.

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